Chapter 31
‘Well,’ Evan said, raising his glass and clinking it against Mac’s, ‘here’s to new beginnings and happy endings. I couldn’t be more pleased for you.’
They were sitting in the light, spacious restaurant at Captain Taylor’s Hotel on the promenade at Millensea.
Large bay windows ran the full length of the room, providing enviable views out to sea.
On a day like today – the last day of March – where the sky was cloudless and the sun shone, even a slightly run-down little seaside town like this looked beautiful.
It was Tuesday lunchtime, and Evan had an hour before returning to work, so they’d taken the opportunity to meet up for a tasty meal of fish and chips, washed down with alcohol-free beer.
It had been Mac’s suggestion to meet. He wanted to tell Evan about his plans for the future and ask him what he thought of them.
He’d had no intention of telling him how things had moved on with Alison, but somehow he couldn’t contain his happiness, and he’d given his new, but already dear friend a very discreet version of events.
‘It seems to me,’ Evan said, ‘that things are finally coming right for you. Your mother would be delighted. She always said that Kelsea Sands would be the place you’d find your happiness.
She kept telling me so. “If I can just get him to come home, Evan,” she’d say, “I just know everything would be all right then.” Leaving Watersmeet to you was never just about the animals, you know.
She wanted you to have a home where you could live the sort of life you deserved.
’ He looked up at the ceiling and raised his glass again.
‘Well played, Sheila, my dear. Well played.’
Mac thought Evan was getting slightly carried away. ‘It’s not as cut and dried as all that, is it?’ he said.
‘I don’t see why not,’ Evan said comfortably. ‘Sounds to me like you’ve got great plans for Watersmeet, of which I heartily approve, and I’m sure your mother would, too. And you’ve clearly got the girl. What more do you need?’
‘My children, for a start,’ Mac reminded him. ‘I’ve written to them, care of Lynne and Terry’s address, but there’s no guarantee they’ll reply. Lynne and Terry might not even pass the letters on.’
‘What’s for you won’t go by you,’ Evan said.
‘You’ve told me you’ll be persistent, and persistence pays off.
Water cuts through rock, not because it’s stronger but because it keeps on going, wearing the rock away through time.
All those vast valleys and gorges cut out by water!
’ He gave him a resigned look. ‘You only have to look at our vanishing shoreline to know that. Persistence, Mac. That’s what it takes. ’
‘Maybe,’ Mac said doubtfully. ‘But then there’s Alison.’
Evan sighed. ‘You really know how to kill a mood, don’t you? What more do you want from her? Is it the L word?’ He nodded. ‘If you want my advice, you need to say it to her first. Women like that sort of thing. Once she’s sure you love her, she’ll be happy to say it back, you wait and see.’
‘How can I tell her I love her?’ Mac demanded. ‘Don’t you think there’s something more pressing I should tell her first?’
Evan looked confused. ‘There is? Like what?’
As Mac stared at him, his expression changed. ‘Oh! Yes, I see what you mean. Well, I suppose you have a point,’ he said, almost reluctantly. ‘I mean, she probably does have to know, doesn’t she? Well…’
‘Yes,’ Mac said firmly. ‘She does. I can’t build a future with Alison on anything less than complete honesty. There’s been way too much deceit and lying in my past, and I can’t start a new life without coming clean about my old one.’
‘Fair play,’ Evan said. He gulped some of his beer and pulled a face. ‘It’s not the same, is it? What I wouldn’t give for a pint of Guinness right now, but I have house calls later and I can’t exactly go on the bus. What can you do?’ He sighed regretfully. ‘So, when are you going to tell her?’
‘I don’t know,’ Mac admitted. ‘I’m terrified. I have no idea how she’s going to take it, and I can’t help thinking I should have come clean before we – you know.’
‘But if you had, you might never have – you know.’
‘Thanks for that,’ Mac said, aghast. ‘So you do think she’ll break up with me after she knows the truth?’
Evan threw up his hands. ‘It was a joke! Just a joke. If you’re honest with her and explain what was going on at the time, and how you felt, and why you did what you did, I’m sure she’ll understand. Your mother did.’
‘My mother adored me.’
‘Sounds to me like Alison adores you, too.’
‘I wouldn’t go that far,’ Mac said, his eyes widening. ‘It’s very early days. Fragile. It could so easily be broken.’
‘Then, maybe don’t tell her until it’s not so fragile?’ Evan suggested cautiously.
Mac shook his head. ‘It wouldn’t be fair. She deserves the truth. And like I said, I can’t start a new life with this hanging over me.’ He paused, thinking. ‘I’ll invite her round for tea tomorrow night. Tell her everything.’
‘Hmm. You do know tomorrow’s April Fool’s Day?’
‘That ends by lunchtime, doesn’t it? Anyway, it has nothing to do with anything. I need to get this off my chest and then, if she’ll still have me, Alison and I can begin our new life together.’
‘At Watersmeet?’
Mac smiled. He couldn’t help it. Just the thought of Alison sharing his home with him gave him a warm, happy feeling inside. He just had to hope that she understood what had happened. If he lost her now, he didn’t know how he’d ever get over it.
‘It’s such a gamble though,’ he murmured, his heart thudding as he realised what he had to lose.
‘Life is a gamble,’ Evan said kindly. ‘From the minute we’re born we’re battling the odds, aren’t we?
Every decision we make could take us lower or higher than we’ve ever dreamed.
And we keep gambling, flipping over the cards, throwing the dice, making bets on our future.
If you think about it, it’s hardly worth worrying.
The odds are stacked against us from the start, because we all know how the game ends, for each and every one of us.
Maybe it’s the game itself that’s the thrill. Why else would we keep playing it?’
‘And if I lose this throw of the dice?’
‘Then you go off on another path, and you find something else you care enough about to gamble on. You think you won’t, but you will.
We’re all gamblers. We can’t help it. There’s always another game to play, another challenge to face, another risk to take.
We move on, Mac. We move on and we survive.
’ He shrugged. ‘Until we run out of chips and the game’s over. Who knows after that?’
‘This is a cheery conversation,’ Mac said.
‘What I’m trying to say is, if you love her, and it’s quite obvious by the pathetic expression on your face that you do, then you’re going to have to take a chance and tell her the truth.’
‘But you know me,’ Mac said quietly. ‘You know what might happen. What I might do if I’m thrown off balance.’
‘And I’ll be right here to kick you up the backside and get you on an even keel again. But trust me, it won’t. You’ve been down that road before and you know where it leads. You have support systems in place.’
‘Doug’s gone,’ Mac reminded him.
‘Doug was just a tiny part of it. You know where to go, what to do. But I honestly don’t think you’ll need it.
You’re older, stronger, wiser, and you’ve got so much to look forward to.
These plans of yours – wonderful! A house that you love.
Relationships with your sister and your children to focus on and mend.
You can do this, Mac, with or without Alison.
You must believe that. Sooner or later we all have to stand alone. It’s the way of the world.’
‘Bloody hell. I feel like I’m sitting here with Confucius,’ Mac joked. ‘When did you get to be so philosophical?’
‘I’ve watched a lot of Jim Carrey interviews.
’ Evan glanced at his watch. ‘I’ll have to go.
Duty calls.’ He got to his feet, passing Mac enough money to cover the cost of the meal plus a generous tip, despite Mac’s protests.
‘You’re going to be okay, you know, whatever happens.
But I’ll be rooting for you, and I really, genuinely hope that it goes well.
Let me know, won’t you? I shan’t get a wink of sleep until I know you two have booked the church. ’
Mac shook his head, laughing, as Evan headed out. He was lucky to have such a funny, kind and understanding friend. It was more than he deserved.
And Alison? If he lived to be 120, he’d never be able to make up for what he’d done and earn the right to have a woman like her by his side. But maybe Evan was right. Life was a gamble, and sometimes you just got lucky.
And sometimes you had to stop asking if you really deserved that luck and just appreciate it for what it was and enjoy every moment while it lasted.
The rest of his life would begin tomorrow night.
He could only hope the cards would fall in his favour.