Chapter 16 #2
“I’m not the one for you, Dylan,” I said softly, reaching out to briefly touch his cheek.
I tried to give him the same gift of honesty that he’d given me.
“You know why? Because we’d lead each other in crazy tangents.
Each of us needs a stability point, or else we’d wander from project to project, without something anchoring us home. ”
He seemed to agree. “I really respect you. You’ve got courage to do big things.”
“So do you.” I smiled. “You dreamed of med school. You changed my life.”
We stood there hugging, Rosie fast asleep in her carrier on the floor.
“Can I ask you something that’s been on my mind?” I got up the courage to ask.
“Of course.”
“We married young, and we’ve both agreed in the past that we were the kind of people who might get easily swept away.” I halted, unsure if I should continue. “Do you think…do you think that’s a flaw of mine?”
I braced myself, because I knew he’d be honest. I had to hear the truth so that I wouldn’t keep making the same mistakes.
He chuckled.
“What’s so funny?” I asked with righteous outrage. “It took a lot for me to ask that!”
“Don’t be so rough on yourself,” he said with a big grin. “I mean, you didn’t marry that Tyler guy, right? That’s why we’re here, to learn from our mistakes. Everybody makes them. You’re one hell of an amazing woman, Ani Green.”
“Well, you’re an amazing guy,” I said back.
He deserved someone good and kind—but that someone was definitely not me.
I felt oddly relieved as I picked up Rosie’s carrier.
I hope I’d learned from my past. I didn’t want to start another relationship without asking the tough questions, having the tough conversations.
I kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for that.”
“I have that effect on people.”
“Maybe we’ll take you up on that baby massage,” I said.
“You wouldn’t be sorry,” he said, then added,“I love you, Ani.”
“I love you too.” I gave him a hug. “Don’t do anything bad to my patients, okay?” I paused. “Or to Pen,” I added with a smile.
Adam
Ani and I had arrived home after work the next Friday, only to be immediately shooed out by both of our mothers. That was how we ended up having drinks on the grand patio of The Centurion, a grand old hotel downtown that overlooked Lake Bellevue.
The moms, as we called them, told us not to show our faces until checkout tomorrow. The reservation was made. They’d even packed us a bag. We’d been given the gift of eighteen precious hours of freedom.
I’m not going to lie. I wanted to spend every single one of them in bed with Ani. But I figured it would be polite to at least eat first.
“The sunset is spectacular,” Ani said. I agreed. After all, this was the famous bluff with all the oaks, the famous view after which our beautiful little town was named. It came complete with beautiful Lake Eleanor, over which the sun was now setting in hues of fiery golds and pinks.
“Stunning,” I said.
“You’re staring at me,” she said, frowning. “Why?”
“Because I have the best view.”
She laughed and declared me full of it as I reached over and took her hands in mine. “What would you like to do with all this precious free time we have?” I certainly had a few suggestions if she didn’t.
She smiled as she took a peek at her phone. “There’s outdoor music tonight, kayaking, paddle boarding, biking…you call it.” She scrolled through the hotel website. But then she swiped off the website and began to send a text.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, noticing her look of concern.
She glanced up briefly, then kept typing. “I can’t remember if I told our moms where the prescription diaper rash medicine was. I picked it up from the pharmacy at lunchtime, and I think I put it on the counter near the fruit bowl.”
“I think I remember seeing a white bag there.”
“Okay, thanks.” She set down the phone and gave me a weak smile. “I feel like I should have told them a million things. But anyway, while we’re sitting here, I thought we could have a little discussion about things we haven’t had the time to talk about yet.”
Whoa. A discussion? Now? Couldn’t we do that under the covers? Instead, I asked, “Such as?”
“Like, I don’t know your favorite color. Your favorite drink. Your favorite book.”
She looked genuinely worried about this gap in knowledge, so I said, “Blue, Moby Dick, milk.”
She looked fake-shocked. “Moby Dick? Really? I’m not sure I can date you now.”
Okay, she’d chosen to discuss books over my love of milk. That was okay, because I loved books too. “Moby Dick all about the destructive power of obsession, the untamable power of nature, the conflict between humanity and nature, the limits of human knowledge…shall I go on?”
She held up her hands. “I’m good,” she said with a laugh.
“Can I guess yours?” I regarded her thoughtfully, tapping my fingers on the wrought iron patio table.
“Your favorite color is that bright pink you always dress Rosie in. You love Pride and Prejudice, and as a girl, you used to stay up reading under the covers with a flashlight—and you could never limit yourself to one favorite book. And your favorite drink is…coffee.”
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “How did you know all of that?”
“Your mom might have told me the covers thing,” I confessed. Rather than look impressed or give me an eye roll or two, her gaze kept straying back to her phone.
“Ani,” I said to get her to look up. “What are you worried about this time?”
“Do you think she’s crying? You know that early evenings are her worst time. Do you think she notices that I’m gone? I forgot to take her laundry out of the dryer. What if she poops all over the place and there aren’t any sleepers left?”
I reached across the table and covered her hand with mine. “All I know is that we survived, so our mothers could probably handle a baby for one evening.”
“I’m sorry.” She pulled away her hand. “I didn’t think I’d be so stressed out. I was even wishing for that monitor app you can put on your phone so that you can actually see your baby from wherever you are.”
A hard no. “If this is too much, we can leave after dinner.” Her eyes teared up. “Hey, if you’re that worried, we can leave right now.” But I would really hate that.
“Do you mean that?” She swiped at her eyes.
“No, but I thought it sounded good.” When she reached for a tissue from her purse, I got worried. “Wait—are you crying? If you’re crying, let’s just leave right now. Time away isn’t worth it if you’re stressed.”
"It’s not the worry.” She shook her head as she blew her nose. “I’m thinking how kind you always are, even though I’m ruining our time away.” She squeezed my hand hard. “I may not know your favorite food, but I know what’s in your heart. And…you’re wonderful.”
“Pizza, hands down, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner,” I said to distract her. “Now you know everything important about me. And you’re not ruining anything.” I paused. “Wonderful, huh? Undeserved. But you should also know that I think you’re pretty wonderful too.”
“Did Liv want you to date?” Ani asked without preamble. Wow, she was really getting everything off her mind, wasn’t she? Did time off always do that to her? I sure hoped not.
I had to admit, her question threw me a little. But I remembered something that suddenly made me smile. “Actually, Liv told me once that I could never date anyone after she was gone. She even said that she was the only woman I was ever allowed to love.”
Ani looked solemn. “I get it. I would never want to give you up either.”
“Also undeserved but thank you. And if seeing how Dylan looks at you is any indication of my jealousy, I get it too.” I sighed. “Liv said that partly in jest, but I understood what she was feeling. It was hard, you know? Knowing she was going to die.” I shrugged and met Ani’s gaze.
“Do you think Liv would like me?” She was still holding my hand in a vice grip.
“I know she would,” I said softly. “She always admired people who weren’t afraid to do big things. She was a teacher, and she did everything she could for her students.” Since we were talking openly like this, I thought of something I wanted to ask her.
“Since we’re telling all about ourselves, you never told me how you left things with Tyler? I’ve been wondering.”
“We handled all the financial transactions from the wedding, but he won’t speak to me about anything other than business.
” She lifted her shoulders in a sad shrug.
“I feel that I need to apologize for the blindside, you know? At first, I felt justified, but now…Now I see the huge embarrassment calling off the wedding must have caused him.” She folded her hands together.
“I’ve called him, but he never picks up. I’ve left him a handful of voicemails.”
“Maybe he just needs some time.”
She nodded. “I’m not going to give up.”
“It’s good to put things to rest.”
“Okay, well, I have one last thing.”
“Hit me.” I’d been hoping all this talking might be a form of foreplay, but now I wasn’t so sure. But it was still nice. And I got the sense that maybe Ani hadn’t done enough of it—talking, that is—with Tyler.
She took a big breath and continued. “My mom used to say I was too much. Sort of like, ‘Oh, Ani. You’re too much.’ I know she mostly said it when I was a teenager, usually when I was creating some big scheme, but it stuck with me. It sometimes leaves me wondering if I’m too much for…anybody.”
“You’re not too much for me.”
That got me the slightest smile, but maybe she didn’t really believe me because she kept talking.
“People are raising their eyebrows at us. A friend of my mom’s asked her about what we were doing in the grocery store. Apparently, we’re the subject of gossip. How do you feel about that? I mean, we haven’t really dated. Nothing is normal. We’re both exhausted. Our ‘arrangement’ is unusual.”