Chapter 1 #2
As usual, he’s not listening. What I’m saying and feeling doesn’t matter to him.
‘I need to go.’ I race over to the small suitcase that has the clothes and shoes I wore to the church this morning. I gather up my makeup and hair tools and toss them in the suitcase.
Harry knocks on the door. ‘Cam! You better get out here! Dad’s coming down the hall and he looks pissed. ’
I look back and see Cam going out to the hall. ‘Dad, we just need a few minutes.’
‘People are waiting!’ his dad yells. ‘Do you know how this looks?’
‘You handle shit like this for a living,’ Cam says. ‘Can’t you just go make an announcement until I work this out?’
Cam’s parents own a crisis management firm.
They’re both lawyers for high-profile clients like musicians and professional athletes who do things that get them in trouble.
Before those indiscretions hit the press, Blair and Spencer Cartwright sweep in and make them disappear.
It’s why they’re paid such exorbitant fees that allow them to buy sailboats and vacation homes and pay for a wedding that cost $300,000.
‘What the hell is Kate’s problem?’ Spencer, Cam’s father, asks. ‘Is she sick?’
‘It’s just nerves,’ Cam says. ‘I’ll talk to her.’
‘Fine,’ Spencer says with a huff. ‘I’ll see what I can do, but hurry up! The longer this continues, the worse it looks.’
Cam comes back into the room. ‘Dad’s going to stall for us.’
‘I’m not going back out there.’ I zip up my suitcase and grab my purse, then walk over to Cam. ‘I need to go.’
‘You’re not seriously leaving,’ he says, glancing down at my suitcase. ‘Kate, this is insane! We’re getting married!’
I shake my head. ‘I can’t do it. I’m sorry.’
‘So what are you doing to do? Go back to my apartment? You expect me to live with you after this?’
‘We don’t live together. I live here and you live in DC.’
‘That’s only temporary. It’s for my job.’
‘It’s been over a year. You kept promising me you’d move back, but you’re still there. ’
He grips my shoulder and leans down to me. ‘I’m doing this for our future. You think it’s easy to get into politics? The only way I’ll be a senator someday is by doing what I’m doing now. Working in DC. Learning the system. Meeting the right people.’
‘But why did you have to do it alone? Why didn’t you let me move there with you? Why did you insist I stay here?’
‘I’m not getting into this.’ He backs away. ‘It isn’t the time. We need to get back to the ceremony.’
‘I’m not going back. And I’ll move out of your apartment. I’ll find my own place, or .?.?.’ I pause, dreading the idea of what I’m about to say. ‘Or maybe I’ll move back with my parents.’
My dad knocks on the door. ‘Kate, what’s going on? Can we come in?’
‘Just a minute.’ I turn to Cam. ‘Can I have your keys?’
‘My what?’ he asks, giving me a confused look.
‘Your keys. My parents drove me here. I don’t have my car.’
‘Your parents can drive you.’
‘I’m not going home with them. I need to get out of here. Out of Chicago. I need to get away.’
‘And where exactly are you planning to go?’
‘I don’t know. I just know I can’t stay here. Cam, please, I’m begging you, give me your keys so I can get out of here and not have to deal with everyone right now.’
He pauses a moment, then sighs as he reaches in his pocket. ‘It needs to be back at my place by tomorrow.’ He offers me the keys but then clamps his hand around them. ‘No eating in the car, and no drinks.’
‘Yes, I know. ’
Cam loves his car. He keeps it in perfect condition. If he sees even the tiniest scratch, he takes it in to be fixed.
I open the door and see my parents standing there with my sister behind them.
‘I’m leaving,’ I tell them.
‘Kate, let’s talk about this,’ my mom says.
‘There’s nothing to talk about. I’m not getting married. I need to get out of here.’
My dad sighs. ‘The car’s out back.’
‘I’m not going home with you. I’m taking Cam’s car and going up north.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ my dad scoffs. ‘Give me your bag and we’ll take you home.’
‘Dad, I’m not going with you. I’m not a child. If I want to get away for awhile to think, I don’t need your permission.’ I go around him to the hall and head to the door.
‘Kate, get back here!’ my dad yells.
‘Let her go,’ Cam says. ‘Maybe once she leaves, she’ll realize she made a huge mistake.’
Those are the last words I hear before leaving the church.
A mistake. They think walking out on my wedding was a mistake, when the real mistake was staying with a guy I didn’t really love. If I tried to explain that to my family, they’d never understand. I just tried to explain it to Cam and he acted like I was crazy.
Maybe I am crazy, but I feel better. My stomach isn’t in knots and my heart’s calmed down.
Hiking my dress up to my ankles, I run down the snow-dusted sidewalk that leads to the parking lot, hoping I don’t trip in these heels.
I see Cam’s black Mercedes in the first row.
It’s angled across two spots to make sure nobody parks close enough to ding his precious car.
He parks like that all the time and I’ve always hated it, along with the dirty looks people give us for parking that way.
When I reach the car, I toss my suitcase in the trunk and yank the train off my dress. I’m sure I tore it, but it’s not like I’ll wear it again. As I get into the car, I have to stuff the huge skirt of my dress around me, then yank it up so my shoes are exposed enough to touch the gas pedal.
I start the car and take off, having no idea where I’m going.
It doesn’t matter. I just needed to get out of there, away from all the people who would tell me it’ll all work out, that Cam and I will get back together, that we’re perfect for each other.
It’s all lies, but they’d never understand that.
Everyone thinks Cam is the perfect guy for me.
I did too, until I realized the me he was perfect for wasn’t really me.
I’m on the freeway now, heading north. My phone keeps ringing with calls from my parents.
I’m sure they’re calling to try to convince me to change my mind.
I love them, but they’re not great at taking my side on things.
They think they know what’s best for me, and to them, Cam was everything I could ever want.
A guy with money, a great job, and a wealthy family.
Just past the Illinois border as I cross into Wisconsin, the gas light turns on.
I pull off at the next exit and go to a truck stop.
All 16 gas pumps are taken. I notice a car pulling away and race to take its spot.
The place is busy for a Saturday in the middle of January.
This is more like summer vacation season.
When I get out of the car, I notice people staring at me in my wedding dress.
‘Hey!’ a guy yells .
I look over and see a middle-aged guy in a brown parka smiling at me from the next row of pumps.
‘You a runaway bride?’ he asks.
‘It’s a costume,’ I say, not wanting to tell him what happened.
‘For what? It’s not Halloween, is it?’ He laughs.
A woman walks up to him, holding a bag of chips and a bottle of soda. She glances at me, then back at the guy. ‘Leave her alone,’ I hear her say in a hushed tone. ‘She probably has mental issues.’
Mental issues? She thinks I’m crazy? Because I’m wearing a wedding dress?
The gas pump clicks off and I put it back in the holder. I open the trunk of the car, unzip my suitcase, and take out the yoga pants and sweatshirt I wore to the church this morning. As I walk to the gas station, I see people watching me, some of them laughing.
Let them make fun of me. I don’t care. I’ve been humiliated enough today that it doesn’t even matter anymore.
Going to the bathroom, I find it’s closed for maintenance.
‘Great,’ I mutter to myself. I head to the register to pay. ‘Pump seven,’ I say to the cashier. I grab a candy bar from the rack. ‘And I’ll take this.’
The guy points to my dress. ‘What’s that about?’
‘Nothing.’ I take out some cash. I don’t have my credit card because I didn’t bring my wallet to the church. I didn’t bring cash either but Cam always keeps some in the glove compartment for emergencies. ‘What’s the total?’
The guy tells me and I hand him the cash. I only have a few twenties. What am I going to do for money? And where am I going? I should probably give this more thought before I start driving again, but I need to keep moving. I want to get as far away from Chicago as possible.
‘You heading north?’ the cashier asks, giving me my change.
‘Yeah.’ I stuff the change in my pocket.
‘There’s a bad storm coming that way. That’s why everyone’s filling up their tank. You might want to turn around unless you got a car that can handle the snow.’
‘I’ll be fine.’ I hurry out of there and notice the dark clouds and gray sky. It does look like it could snow, but I’ve driven in snow before.
Back at the car, I toss my clothes in the trunk. I’ll have to find another place to change, maybe the next rest stop.
When I’m back on the road, a thought hits me of where I could go.
My grandparents have a cabin up north that they don’t use anymore.
I went there a lot as a kid. It’s nothing fancy, but it’s a place to stay and they keep a key under the welcome mat.
It’s the perfect place to get away for a few days.
Quiet. Secluded. And no cell phone service.
My phone rings. I pick it up and see it’s my mom calling. I should probably answer it or she’ll have the cops out looking for me.
‘Mom, I’m fine,’ I answer.
‘Kate, you need to come home. I know you’re upset, but we can work this out.’
‘There’s nothing to work out and I’m not coming home. I’m on my way to Grandpa’s cabin. I’m going to stay there for a few days.’
‘The cabin? That’s a six-hour drive and a storm’s coming. Turn around and get back here. You can stay with your father and me tonight. You’ll get some rest and by tomorrow, you’ll realize this was all just a case of cold feet.’
‘It’s not cold feet. I don’t love Cam. I’m not sure I ever did. And honestly, I don’t think he loves me either.’
‘Oh, Kate, of course he does. He wouldn’t ask you to marry him if he didn’t.’
‘Mom, he doesn’t even know me, not the real me.’
‘Honey, you’re not making any sense. Just come home and you can take a nice relaxing bath, drink some tea, and get some rest. You’ve been so stressed getting ready for this wedding and I know you haven’t been sleeping. Once you’ve had some rest, you’ll see things differently.’
She’s not listening. She never does. Neither does my dad. They’re like Cam that way. Why am I surrounded by people who don’t listen to me?
‘Mom, I have to go.’ I get my wipers going as big flakes of snow start to fall. ‘I’ll talk to you when I’m back.’
‘But Kate, when are you—’
I end the call, not wanting to argue with her. This is why I had to leave Chicago. I didn’t want to spend the next few days having everyone assure me that Cam and I will work this out. I don’t want to work it out. I don’t love him.
As I continue to drive, the snow gets heavier. The navigation system says there’s an accident up ahead. It directs me off the interstate to a county highway.
‘Shit,’ I mutter as the car swerves on a patch of ice.
I grip the steering wheel and turn the window defrost up to high.
It’s snowing so hard I can no longer see what’s in front of me.
The wind is so strong I can feel it trying to push the car off the road.
I can’t see where I’m going or if anything’s around me.
The car hits another slippery spot and fishtails. I panic and oversteer in my attempt to keep the tires on the road. I feel the car spin, then slide backwards into the ditch.
I thought this day couldn’t possibly get any worse, but here I am, stranded in a ditch in the middle of a blizzard.