Chapter 57
DENALI
DON’T FORGET ME
Our hockey season officially ended, and the Gladiators won the Gulf Coast Cup, shocking the hockey world. We took a consistent losing streak and a group of players who’d been tossed out of the system, and won enough awards to put us on the map.
The success was all I’d dreamed about. There were scouts for pro-teams emailing Sémajuste about where I wanted to go. My future was secured.
Yet I was doing my hardest not to fall apart.
The weeks skipped by me, rushing so fast. I spent every available minute I could with Zariah. We hung out at her parent’s house, I spent my birthday with her family, helped her pack for Atlanta.
I was happy for her but that didn’t change how much I didn’t want her to leave. The date on the calendar loomed closer and closer.
In the first week of May, at four o’clock in the morning, Elijah drove me and Zariah to the airport while their parents followed close behind. I stayed silent while Zariah smacked the back of Elijah’s chair.
“Tell me you’re going to miss me,” she shot out.
“Miss you?” Elijah retorted. “Why the fuck would I miss you? I’m so tired of hanging out with you while you’re writing.
” He raised his voice to a cartoonish high pitch.
“Elijah, if my character wanted to hide a body, what’d be the best way to do it?
Read this—is this stupid? What’s another word for shit? ”
“I don’t know why I ask you anything.”
“I don’t either.”
“Especially vocabulary,” she said. “You thought a dictionary was a dirty book.”
“That was like ten years ago,” he retorted. “Shut up.”
I had to fight to appear comfortable in my seat, I tensed up every time I saw a sign for the airport. I had Zariah’s hand in mine, gently drawing circles across her skin, breathing deeply.
I realized Zariah’s eyes were on me, bloodshot from the early hour. Her smile was soft. “Are you going to keep an eye on him?”
“Elijah? Yeah,” I replied, my voice quiet. “You know I will.”
“Do you realize we’re in a car?” Elijah threw over his shoulder. “There’s a finite amount of space in here—I can hear you.”
“Good.” Zariah squeezed my hand. “Elijah, are you going to keep an eye on Denali?”
I thought she was joking but Elijah shrugged. “You know I will.”
Elijah parked the car, and we made our way inside. Zariah’s parents kept a healthy distance away from me, as usual, but I offered to comp them for the parking anyway. They declined but at least they weren’t avoiding eye contact anymore.
Zariah checked her bags, and it felt so final, my stomach clenched.
“What am I going to do without you?” her mom fretted, yanking her in for a quick hug, kissing her cheeks. “You’re my little girl, what am I supposed to do?”
“I love you too, Mom.” Zariah smiled. Her dad wrapped his arms around them, murmuring. I couldn’t hear what he said, but Zariah nudged him with her head, hugging him back. “Love you too, Dad.”
“Don’t blow up my phone while you’re in Atlanta,” Elijah warned as Zariah strolled up to him. “Only text me when you get cool work benefits like free movie premieres or something.”
“You’re so stupid.” Zariah snorted, throwing her arms around his neck. It didn’t matter what he said or how he tried to play it off. Elijah hugged her back so hard, he lifted her off the ground.
It was time for our goodbye.
Zariah was in my number seven hoodie and a pair of the Gladiator sweatpants Cleo now sold in our shop. Zariah’s long, curly hair was pulled back, and she was sleepy and warm and so beautiful, it made my throat hurt. I forced the smile on my face until it felt painful, just like everything else.
“Hi, baby,” she whispered.
I pulled her into a hug, crushing her to me.
It’d be another two months until I could hug her again.
I could’ve booked a flight before July, but the longer I thought about it, the more I realized the time apart was good.
Zariah needed her space in Atlanta, to focus on her dreams, not me.
I loved her so much, but if I wanted her happy, I couldn’t fly in every weekend to disrupt the life she was creating for herself.
Zariah’s fingers played down my chest, touching the ring. I was supposed to take it off in front of her parents, but I forgot so many times I figured they were used to it by now.
When she spoke again, she had to clear her throat. “I love you. Don’t forget that, okay?”
“Don’t forget me,” I whispered.
“Never. Don’t even think of it.”
Elijah put a hand on my shoulder, and I knew I’d been holding her for too long.
I had to step away, but it hurt too much.
Reluctantly, I released her one finger at a time, pushing myself to let her go.
When we finally separated, Zariah’s smile was breathtaking and bittersweet all at once. I’d never forget that smile.
I watched her go through the winding lines. Zariah was easy to keep track of, her curls swaying with her walk. She turned around at the last possible minute to wave goodbye.
It was a punch to my heart, but I waved too, letting her go.
“Come on.” Elijah clapped me on the back.
My eyes darted to his. “What if Zariah comes back because she forgot something or—?”
“Denali.”
I scanned the crowds for her dark curls, but Zariah was gone. She wouldn’t be coming back today. The hope disappeared and my shoulders sagged. “Yeah. You’re right.”
Elijah hugged his parents again, then directed me to the parking lot.
Neither of us said anything. I was sure my voice would’ve cracked if I tried.
It was now five o’clock in the morning, and we didn’t have practice today.
There were too many moving parts after the championship win, new coaches coming in, new strength trainers, new transfer players—we were granted the morning off.
I should’ve been grateful for extra sleep, but I knew I’d stay awake, tracking Zariah’s flight, texting her. I sent her a message and waited for her response, gazing down at my phone.
Elijah’s car took a sharp right turn, and I glanced out the window, confused. “Where are we going?”
“Your dumb ass isn’t going to sleep.” He shrugged, pulling up to an empty field outside of the barbed wire fence. It was the closest view to the airfield. The planes were lit up from the sharp lights in the early morning.
I shoved out of the car. “We’re going to watch her takeoff?”
“Yep.” Elijah yawned, closing his car’s door behind him. He got up on the hood of the car, folding his arms over his chest. “It’s leaving in an hour.”
Elijah was relaxed but I sat on the edge, watching the planes. Zariah wasn’t onboard yet, her plane wasn’t even at the terminal, but it was the only place I was sure where she’d be.
I rubbed the back of my neck. “I lied to Zariah.”
Elijah seemed unperturbed. “About what?”
“I said I was fine with her leaving—I’m not fine, Elijah,” I admitted. “I don’t want to say goodbye.”
“No offense, Denali, but that was pretty obvious.”
I glanced over my shoulder. “Do you think she knows?”
“Well, she can see and hear, so I’d say so.” He raised his eyebrows. “When’s the last time you looked in a mirror? You look like shit.”
Fuck. “I didn’t want to lie to her, but I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t say it out loud.”
“Zariah knows all of this, man.” His sigh was heavy and he pushed to sit up properly.
“She knows you love her, she knows you had to say goodbye. It’s not a secret, Denali.
” He paused, thinking it over. “I don’t know—maybe that’s not really a lie because you’re making yourself go through with it.
You don’t want to say goodbye but you’re doing it. That’s what Zariah wanted.”
I echoed the question that’d been hounding me for weeks. “Then what happens now?”
“You’re going to be depressed.”
“Fuck,” I muttered.
“But I’ll help you with it.” He shrugged. “That’s what you did for me. I guess it’s kind of our thing now. Sentimental bullshit.”
It meant a lot that Elijah was talking me through this, but I knew if I said that, he’d turn it into a joke.
We both understood it anyway. It didn’t need to be said.
A smile crossed my face before the sharp sounds of a plane’s engine cut through our conversation.
Zariah’s plane approached her terminal and I shifted forward, watching with rapt attention.
It took another forty minutes for the plane to take off, taking her away from me.
“You want to run some drills?” Elijah asked when I couldn’t track the plane in the clouds anymore.
I sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Holy shit, Denali said no to drills.”
I picked up my ring off my chest, running my thumb along the metal. “Do you want to hang out with the guys? Nick’s leaving for Canada soon. It’ll probably be our last breakfast with him before he leaves too.”
I could hear the grin in his voice. “Dude, I’m down.”
Elijah slid off the car to walk in front of my sad, pathetic display on the hood. He held out a hand to help me up.
“Ready to get fucked up?” he asked.
I squeezed the ring between my fingers before letting it go. I smacked my palm against his. “Ready to get freaky with it.”