Last Summer
LAST SUMMER
JANE
“Why haven’t you held it against Nikolai too, though?” Walker says, and as much as I love my brother, I really wish he would shut the hell up right now.
Everyone at the table freezes as Walker and Reid glare at each other with a vitriol that makes me nauseous.
“Walker,” I mumble, scolding him before I look over at Nikolai and my stomach sinks as he slumps in his chair.
This dinner was mine and Scar’s idea. One last shot to try to get the four guys on the same page before any formal breakup announcements are made. Things had been going well, until Reid and Hayden started getting into it. Carter tries to placate her boyfriend, but Hayden and Reid have it coming for a long time.
Now though, Walker has decided to jump into the mix.
“Why haven’t I held what against Nikolai?” Reid says cooly, his words sharp as the knife resting against his dinner plate. He cocks his head to the side, an excited glint in his eye at the challenge Walker is giving him.
“Both Hayden and Nikolai called the hiatus and took their space from us. I didn’t hear from Nikolai for just as long as I didn’t hear from Hayden. And I know when we all got back on tour, even Nikolai said he didn’t see you much over the break. So I’m wondering why you’re holding Hayden to a different standard.”
Reid leans his elbows on the table, and I subtly push my chair back from the table, caught in the middle of the two powerful men on either side of me.
“You don’t know shit,” he says, words dripping with hostility.
“I think you’re a hypocrite and don’t want to own up to it,” Walker shoots back, and I glance around him at Scar, seated on his other side. She’s watching Reid with thinly veiled disdain, while she white-knuckles Walker’s leg under the table.
“It bothers you, doesn’t it? Not being in the know of everything. Not being the center of the four of us anymore. It drives you fucking mad not being the one that everyone looks to for every answer anymore, doesn’t it?”
I kick Reid’s shin, but he doesn't even flinch at the sharp toe of my heel.
“It’s just like you to turn this shit back around on me. I want to know why?—”
“It’s none of your fucking business,” Reid snaps.
Nikolai’s chin is tucked into his chest as he mindlessly spins his wine glass around. He’s shutting down. He thinks it’s his fault.
“It is my business when this shit is affecting all of us!”
“James.” I slice my hand through the air between them, then glare at my brother. “Drop it.”
Surprise flashes across his face, followed by hurt, and I wish I could explain. We always have each other's backs, and he knows I don’t agree with what Reid has done to Scar and how he has treated his friends lately.
But I will never betray Nikolai’s trust. Not when it comes to what happened last year.
“What are you—” Walker starts.
“I said, drop it.” My tone brokers no arguments, and he knows it. Huffing, he sits back in his chair and throws back the last of his beer.
Hayden’s quiet and calculating gaze scans my face, then jumps to Reid, then finally over to Nikolai, whose skin has turned pale and lost the usual glow. He appears confused, like he’s looking at puzzle pieces with no picture of how they fit.
I purse my lips, taking a sip of wine. If he wants answers, that’s up to Nikolai to share with him.
They may be best friends, but Reid and I were the ones to witness that devastating night.
The water burns my skin, but I welcome it. Nikolai’s dishwasher is in perfect order, but I prefer to hand-wash tonight. It’s meditative and after how quickly that dinner went up in flames, I could use a task to keep my mind and hands busy.
Shortly after I cut Walker off, he and Scar left, followed quickly by Hayden and Carter. Reid stormed outside and sat by the pool, staring into the depths with his head hung low.
Nikolai tried to help me clear the table, but I shooed him away. He looks unsteady on his feet, and I told him to go take a breather.
I’m only halfway through the pile of dishes when a warm body steps up to my right. But the scent is spicier, muskier than what I was expecting.
“You’d think with a law degree you’d know how to operate a dishwasher.” Reid’s voice is monotone as he picks up a towel and dries off a freshly cleaned serving platter.
“You’d think after you just pissed off half of your friends, you’d be a little nicer to the one still standing here,” I shoot back, not looking up from the soapy depths of the sink as I scrub at a baking sheet.
He chuckles darkly and mutters, “Touché.”
We work in silence; me washing and him drying. Only the sound of running water and clink of dishes as he stacks them fill the spacious kitchen. The room darkens as the sun finishes its descent in the sky.
“That could’ve gone better,” Nikolai says, walking down the stairs and across the living room to where Reid and I work. “Guess we don’t have to tell Arun to pause that breakup draft.” He flips a switch and lights flood from underneath the cabinets, bathing the room in a soft glow.
His shoulders are pushed back as he comes to stand by the island and watches the two of us with a contemplative expression.
“Guess not,” Reid mutters, stacking a plate with more force than necessary.
“Watch the dishes, man,” Nikolai scolds.
“Not like you can’t afford new ones. And I don’t see you helping.”
Nikolai steps between us, rolling up his sleeves, but I push him back with a gentle hand. I cringe when I see the wet handprint left behind. “Sorry.”
He glances down and shrugs. “You never have to apologize for putting your hands on me, LJ.”
I laugh at his familiar playful flirting, happy to see this version of him is back. Not the shell he turned himself into during the dinner.
“Dinner was delicious tonight. Thank you for cooking,” Nikolai says. He grabs a stack of clean and dried dishes and puts them away.
“No problem. Your kitchen is a dream. My one back home is so tiny, I barely have enough room to make cereal.”
“Yet another reason why you should finally just move here.”
I shoot Nikolai a look. He’s been laying it on thick lately, and I have to stop my heart from the extra skip it wants to take at the idea that he wants me close by.
Just friends. He’s saying it as a friend.
We finish up the dishes, and when I go to wipe down the counters, Nikolai takes the rag from me and does it himself. I dry my hands and lean against the counter, watching the muscles in his arms flex as he scrubs. Reid catches me staring and shakes his head.
Once the kitchen is clean, smelling like the lemon dish soap, Nikolai turns to the two of us with a solemn expression.
He rubs the back of his neck and says, “I wanted to thank you guys.”
“You don’t have to—” Reid starts.
“No, I do. I know you were just deflecting the attention off me tonight. Walker’s right. You look like a hypocrite for getting on Hayden’s case about ghosting but not mine. And I don’t want you to feel like you need to take that just because they don’t know.”
Reid slides his hands in his pockets, the picture of indifference. “I don’t mind.”
“I know you don’t. But still, I should’ve just spoken up tonight.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” I say. “Not unless you’re ready to.”
His eyes shine as they look at me. “Well, I just wanted to tell you both how grateful I am for you. Not only tonight, but…”
I glance at Reid, an understanding crossing between the three of us.
“Always got your back, man.” Reid pulls Nikolai in for a slapping hug.
“I should get going,” he says when they break apart. He starts toward the front door when Nikolai stops him.
“Your guitar! Hold on, let me grab it for you.” Nikolai disappears downstairs.
I look at Reid, and he answers my silent question. “He grabbed it for me when we flew back from the last show. I didn’t travel with the band.”
“Why?”
“Everyone was pissing me off.”
I roll my eyes. “Jesus Christ, Reid. You can never make anything easy, can you?”
“It’s not my fault.”
I hold my hands up in mock surrender. “No, of course not.”
“Your brother isn’t some innocent victim, you know.”
“Never said he was. Did I not shut him down tonight?”
Reid opens the front door and leans against the open frame. His presence fills the entire thing and it usually intimidates people.
But I’ve known him since he was a moody teenager. He’s never been able to overshadow me.
He tilts his head to the side in that predatory way of us, and I mirror it back to him. “Why did you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Shut your brother down when we were fighting.”
I scoff. “I did it for him .” I point behind me, where Nikolai disappeared. “Not for you.”
“Why did you do it for him?”
“Because he’s my friend.”
Reid cocks an eyebrow.
“What?”
“Sure it isn’t because you still love him?”
I rear back. “Absolutely not.”
He sniffs out the lie and we both know it. He opens his mouth to call me out but I rush to continue, to deflect, to take a page of his book and throw it back at him. “Just because we haven’t talked about it, doesn’t mean that I agree with what you’ve done to Scar. How you talk to Hayden.”
A muscle tics in his jaw, and he looks away.
“I didn’t shut Walker down for you, Reid. There’s one person we both want to protect, and that’s what I’ll continue to do.”
“Even though he’ll never love you back?”
His words send a bullet straight through my heart, stealing the breath from my lungs. I grip the doorframe.
“Fuck,” he mutters, “I didn’t—It was a kneejerk reaction. It’s been a fucking night?—”
I hold my hand up, cutting him off. “You know you’re going to look around soon and realize you pushed away everyone that gives a shit about you. You’ve done it with my brother, you’ve done it with Hayden, and now, is it my turn?”
He grits his teeth, looking like he wants to lash out again, relishing in the anger that comes easy to him and rise to the challenge because that’s where he finds his comfort. But he glances over my shoulder and seems to rethink it. Without another word, he stalks outside and slams his car door with more force than necessary. He peels out of the driveway and speeds away.
“What was that about?” Nikolai asks, placing a hand at the small of my back. I step away from his touch and put a few feet between us.
He looks wounded at my response to him and that only pisses me off more. He doesn’t get to be the one who looks sad about the way things are. If he wanted the right to touch me, he shouldn’t have taken me for granted.
“Nothing.”
“It didn’t seem like nothing. Did he say something to you?”
I shake my head, exhausted. With a resigned sigh, I say, “Nothing I didn’t already know.”