Chapter 9
Lilliana woke up feeling dispirited and disoriented, realizing she had not only interrupted her luxurious bath but she had also done it for nothing.
She had spent another night sleeping alone. She knew she needed to have a proper discussion with Kayden about their marriage, but she had no idea how to bring it up.
After breakfast, which she had in the breakfast hall in the hope of seeing Kayden, she found herself at a dead end.
Kayden had not come into the hall until she finished breakfast. As she left the hall, he brushed past her and then paused, his lips parted.
She looked up at him, lashes fluttering, butterflies in her belly.
“Good morning,” he said in his rumbling baritone.
She suppressed a shiver, taking a deep breath and nodding shakily. “G-Good morning.”
“Did ye sleep well?” He dipped his head to meet her eyes.
For a moment, she was at a loss for words, so surprised was she by his consideration. “I… slept well.”
He hesitated another moment, as if he wanted to say something else, but then he walked away.
She watched him go, his graceful gait capturing her attention before she realized that she was rooted to the spot and gawping after her husband like the basest chawbacon. With an embarrassed start, she hurried away, opting to go outside rather than return to her rooms.
She turned as she saw an old man slowly making his way towards her. Recognizing him, she relaxed, beaming in welcome. “Good morning, Fergus.”
His face twisted into a grimace. “Mornin’ to ye, Me Lady. Would ye like to walk in the garden with me? I have some herbs ye might like to use for yer brews.”
Lilliana nodded eagerly. “Yes, I would, thank you very much. It is kind of you to think of me.”
Fergus just grunted and began to make his way down the cobblestone path.
They walked silently, passing milkmaids swinging pails full of milk, and a line of grooms walking the horses before disappearing into the mist. Lilliana was thankful for Fergus’s company because she was sure she would get lost if she tried to find the herb garden on her own.
“The mist gets so thick here,” she noted, burrowing deeper into her cloak.
“Aye,” Fergus said absently, limping along at quite a fast pace.
She wanted to ask what had happened to his leg and what he was using for it, but did not want to be too forward. Instead, she asked about the village and how the ill were faring.
“They could use the help if ye are willing.”
She nodded. “I see. Could you tell me what ails them?”
He shook his head and sighed. “We have been plagued by redcoats in the last two years. They come and take all the best produce, calling it taxes or some such. The crofters havenae been eating well as a result. The Laird tries his best, but he cannae feed everyone well on just what the castle produces.”
Lilliana frowned. “So, they are starving?” she asked in horror.
Fergus shrugged. “Nae saying starving, but their bellies sure as Hades havenae been filled in a long time. We share what we can, but of course, they’re weakened. And this summer…” He sighed, looking up at the mist. “It’s colder than usual. And rainy. The rats havenae had anywhere to go either.”
Lilliana’s eyes grew wide. “They have been biting the villagers.”
“I think so, aye,” Fergus replied. “It is an impossible situation.”
Lilliana mentally tallied the herbs she had on hand. She had some angelica root in her bags as well as peppercorn. “Do you have any rosemary, mint, or garlic in the gardens?”
Fergus’s eyes shone with approval. “We do. Ye would have seen them in the gardens if ye looked.”
Lilliana swallowed hard. “I am sorry. I suppose I wasnae paying attention.”
“Daenae fash, I will take ye there now. Ye want to make up a concoction for the sick villagers?”
“Well, I do not know what could cure the illness, but these might help them strengthen their bodies.”
Fergus nodded slowly. “Aye, they just might.” He sighed and shook his head. “So much tragedy brought to us by those damned redcoats. Ye must nae hold it against Kayden if he’s reluctant to trust ye.”
Lilliana looked up at him with interest. “I suppose I can see that. Causing the villagers to starve by taking their supplies is inexcusable.”
Fergus snorted. “It is the nature of battle. The strong always seek to subjugate those who are weaker.”
“Does not mean it’s right.”
“Nay, it doesnae mean that.”
They walked in silence for a while before Lilliana realized that the gardens were just ahead of them.
“It isnae just the village, ye ken,” Fergus added suddenly.
Lilliana looked at him quizzically. “What is not just the village?”
“The reason the Laird is a bit distant with ye.”
She arched an eyebrow. “What other reason is there? Is he not on good terms with my father?”
“Aye, that he is. Yer faither helped the Laird with a matter involving redcoats, and they saw how they could assist each other. But the reason Kayden needed help is related to his sister. The redcoats killed her, and he wished to recover her body.”
Lilliana gasped. “I did not know that.”
Fergus nodded. “Aye, well…”
“Did… Did he get her body back and bury it?” she asked quietly.
He shook his head slowly. “She couldnae be found.”
Lilliana took a deep breath, a hand on her chest. She did not know what she could possibly say to that.
She returned to her rooms later in the afternoon, after a detour to the kitchens for a bowl of broth and some bread. Gardening was hungry work.
She found Rua loitering near her door and bent down to rub his flank.
“Hail and well met, young hound. Where is your master?” she murmured into his ear.
He gave a bark that seemed to say, I have nay idea. Ma’am, and she laughed softly.
“Alright then. I am tired, and I need to sit down.” She straightened up. “You’re welcome to join me.”
To her surprise, the dog trotted into the room after her as if he understood her perfectly.
She gave a small laugh as she crossed over to sit on the chaise lounge. Bramble was lying asleep on the bed, but when she saw the dog, her hackles rose, hair standing on end. She gave a loud purr and scrambled up into the shelves, crouching between the books and watching Rua warily.
“Oh, he would not hurt you. Would you, Rua? You would not hurt my cat,” Lilliana said to the dog as she scratched under his chin.
She heard a deep chuckle and started, looking behind her to find that the connecting door was open and Kayden was leaning against it.
“Ye ken, that dog hasnae taken to anyone else since me braither died. Rua used to belong to him.” The light in his eyes dimmed.
Lilliana’s eyes softened. “I am sorry for your loss,” she said.
Kayden nodded, surprising her further by coming closer. “It was some time ago. Fifteen years,” he huffed. “Rua doesnae look as old as he is.”
Lilliana looked down at the dog, whose tongue was lolling out. “I am sure you are grateful for that.”
Kayden took a seat beside her with a sigh. He nodded slowly. “I daenae like to think about it.”
“I expect, after all this time, you do not have many mementos from your brother. Were you close?”
Kayden smiled wistfully. “He was me older braither,” he said simply, as if it explained everything.
Lilliana knew that it did. The image of her own sisters flashed through her mind. She wondered what she would do if she ever lost Cecily or Jane. The pain would be unimaginable.
“Your father and brother, they died together?”
“Aye. A skirmish on the border. Me faither didnae want the raiders to advance anywhere close to the castle, so he marshaled his troops and went forward to meet them. I wanted to go as well, but someone needed to stay behind in case…”
Lilliana nodded in understanding.
“They died holding the line, making sure their men could escape.”
She watched his eyes, seeing the pain and loss in them. Her fingers itched to reach out and touch him, offer him some comfort. But she was afraid of his rejection.
“They were brave men. You should be proud,” she said instead.
“Oh, I am proud.” He met her eyes and smiled. “But I would rather have them here.”
She nodded in understanding, fingers twitching with the urge to touch him. “What of your mother?”
He shrugged with seeming nonchalance, though she was sure it was nothing but a front. “She died soon after of a broken heart.”
Her hand went to her bosom. She felt his pain as if it were her own. However long ago it had happened, one never forgot the death of one’s mother.
“And then your sister was killed by English soldiers,” she said bleakly.
He gave her a sharp look. “Aye.”
“The old healer told me. I hope you do not mind.” She frowned at him in concern.
He looked away from her. “It is too late to mind.” He sighed, his shoulders dropping. “But I daenae wish to speak of it with ye anymore.”
Lilliana hunched in on herself, turning away slightly. “I understand. I suppose it is none of my business.”
He cut her a sidelong glance. “Nay, it isnae, but ye do have the right to ask.”
She nodded slowly, pursing her lips. She could not help feeling hurt by his rebuff, even though she could understand it. She could feel his eyes on her and braced herself for more hostility. To her surprise, it did not come. He merely sighed, shook his head, and rose to his feet.
He bowed low. “I will bid ye goodnight, Me Lady.”
She nodded. “Good night, then.”
She watched wistfully as he left the room. They always seemed to make some progress and then erase it at the same time. It was disorienting and confusing. It took everything in her not to get up, march into his chambers, and look him in the eye.
If only I knew what I would say or do if I did so
Lilliana woke up early the next day, not sparing a glance at the connecting door before going down to the breakfast hall.
“I understood that perhaps he feels a certain amount of hostility towards the British Army for their treatment of Sorcha, but that has nothing to do with me,” she murmured softly as she passed the portraits hanging on the corridor wall.