Chapter 9 #2
Oh dear, now I have sunk to a new low—talking to myself. This man is driving me mad.
She had lain awake long into the night, thinking about it. It still hurt, but there was nothing she could do about it. She had decided that she would fulfill her duties as the Laird’s wife as best as she could.
What is the alternative?
There were still a few people breaking their fast when she stepped into the hall, and some of them nodded to her in greeting. One or two of the women curtsied as they passed her on their way out.
She nodded and smiled at them, feeling like an imposter. “Good morning,” she murmured as she walked past.
A few people returned her greeting, although it felt awkward. These people viewed her as Kayden’s wife, as was the respectful thing to do, but she was not really that at all. She was a symbol of the English Crown. A reminder of the damage the redcoats had done to this clan.
She knew how servants talked, and the maids who came in every morning to tidy their chambers and replenish the fire and water must have noticed that both beds were occupied.
Betsy had been very circumspect in not asking questions, which Lilliana appreciated, but there had been no reason to change her sheets due to stains, and she knew that the maids, at least, were aware of that.
She knew she was supposed to bleed once the marriage was…
consummated. Betsy had dropped that nugget when she told Lilliana about the Lord Delamere scandal that had spread from servant quarter to servant quarter.
His new bride did not bleed, and it was causing quite the kerfuffle between the Delameres and the bride’s family. The word ‘disgraced’ had been used.
It had filled Lilliana with worry, as she was not sure from where exactly she was supposed to bleed. She did know that it was after they shared a bed and had to conclude that the bleeding would have something to do with that.
She had asked if it had to do with her courses, but Betsy had just laughed and shaken her head.
Am I causing a scandal right now, I wonder?
She sank into her chair dispiritedly, shoulders hunched. It was not just that her marriage was one of convenience. It was that by forbidding her to assist where she could, Kayden had essentially rendered her useless. She felt superfluous to requirements at every turn.
Looking around at the maidens still sitting in the breakfast hall, she wondered which one of them was sharing the Laird’s bed instead of her. Her father had had a mistress for many years, so she was aware of the practice.
She looked down at her bowl of porridge, picking up the spoon and taking a bite. She made a face, since she never liked the thick, lumpy slop, but she tried to swallow a few more spoonfuls anyway.
“Would ye prefer something else?”
She jumped, looking up just in time to see Kayden slide into the bench beside her.
Her eyebrows rose. “I beg your pardon?”
“Ye daenae seem to like porridge. Would ye like something else? Poached eggs, perhaps?” He smirked at her.
Lilliana gasped, at a loss for words. She looked down at her porridge, deciding to trust that Kayden was acting with good intentions. “It is fine, thank you.”
He made a non-committal sound before turning to speak to someone on his other side.
Lilliana continued to take small spoonfuls of her porridge and tried to slow her racing heart.
Moira came in and sat on her other side. “It seems a gloomy morning. Does the porridge nae suit?”
Lilliana swallowed hard, wondering why everyone was asking her the same question. “The porridge is fine.”
The housekeeper frowned. “Cameron can make something else for ye if ye like. Ye just need to tell me whenever ye are ready.”
Lilliana tried to smile. “It is fine. Thank you.”
Moira expelled a breath, her brow furrowing. She did not speak again for some time as Lilliana made more of an effort to look like she was enjoying her food. She did not want anyone else to ask if there was something wrong with her meal or think she was trying to be rude by scorning it.
“Ye can visit the village after yer meal if ye still want to. I have supplies that need be delivered down there. I will have the girls pack yer basket of simples, shall I?” Moira peered at her closely, still looking concerned.
Lilliana’s head snapped to Kayden. She noticed the flicker in his eyes, but he gave nothing away. In fact, he was so stoic that she thought he had not heard Moira’s suggestion at all.
“Is this truly allowed now?” she asked, after forcing down the porridge in her mouth.
Kayden turned only slightly, his eyes meeting hers. “Moira would nae contradict me so carelessly unless I had allowed her to do as much.”
“So, I may go to the village now? Truly?” she repeated as he lifted his spoon to his mouth and took a bite.
She waited patiently as he contemplated his own porridge. She needed to hear the words directly from his mouth.
“Aye,” was all he said, before shoveling another bite into his mouth.
Lilliana twisted around to face Moira once more, nodding vigorously. “Yes, please.”
“Well then, that’s settled. Ye can take that maid of yers and a groom who will show ye the way.”
Lilliana gave her a tremulous smile. “Thank you.”
“Ach.” The housekeeper waved her hand dismissively. “We will get ye all set up and ready to go after ye have changed, Me Lady.”
She turned and walked towards the kitchens, pointing at a maid and chastising her for something.
“Moira sees ye as a sad puppy moping around all the time, and she wishes to put a smile on yer face,” Kayden said in a hushed tone.
Lilliana turned to face him again.
“I daenae blame her. With those doe eyes of yers, anyone would be tempted to give in to ye. But it isnae safe. Just remember that ye are a sassenach, but ye are also me wife. So, yer origins daenae mean the redcoats willnae hurt ye. And ye wish to strut around with just yer maid for company, who doesnae ken the land?”
He was too close for her to risk looking him right in the eye. She feared she might do something silly if she did. She could not help the warmth that his words evoked.
Anyone would be tempted to give in to my doe eyes?
A blush suffused her face at the thought.
“Well, you could send one of your men with me. Or just come yourself…”
He sighed. “Ye are a stubborn lassie, are ye nae?” He sounded resigned rather than angry.
Lilliana could not help but smile. “So, does that mean you will escort me?”
Kayden sighed again. “I didnae say that, but it wouldnae look good if I lost ye so soon. I might send a man ahead to make sure ye are safe. He shouldnae get in the way. All ye are doing is delivering supplies, ye hear?”
“Yes!”
Jumping to her feet, Lilliana hurried off to her rooms, eager to change into something more suitable, collect Betsy, and be on her way before he changed his mind. Her mood was much improved.