Chapter 15
I only freeze for a moment before I’m kissing him back. His lips are pillow-soft, melding perfectly to mine. He slides his tongue across my lower lip and I open, giving him access to explore me. My very first kiss and it’s setting my soul on fire.
Ethan pulls me more firmly against him and I raise my arms to wrap around his neck. His hand moves down to the small of my back, almost gripping my ass to pull me as close as I can get. I feel his dick, hard and pressing against my belly.
No matter how much I thought about kissing Ethan, it was never this good. Nothing has ever felt this good. His hands on me, his dick hard for me, his tongue moving languidly over mine. Not even my wildest fantasies could have prepared me for how combustible I feel.
I let the kiss go on, moving my mouth and tongue over his…
…then I snap out of it.
Eyes flying open, I snatch my lips from his and stumble back until I land on the bed. I raise my hand to my lips, then look at him, eyes wide with fear. “I’m sorry,” I murmur.
He walks over and kneels in front of me. “Why? I kissed you .”
I sigh, tears brimming my eyes. “Yeah, because I made you feel bad about it when we were at the pier.”
Ethan gives me a small, sad smile. “Creep,” he says quietly. I relax hearing the nickname. "You think you made me feel bad about not kissing you? You think I haven’t wanted to kiss you all this time?”
I stop breathing. That can’t be right. He wanted to kiss me? Since when?
Ethan takes my hands in his. “I thought I was obvious. I haven’t been able to be around you and not touch you for weeks.
I've been kissing your forehead and cheek for weeks. I’ve wanted you around me every day for weeks .
” He kisses the back of my hands while I stare at him wide-eyed.
“I’ve wanted you, creep. I just didn’t know how to tell you.
I also didn’t want you to associate our first kiss with sadness.
That’s why I didn’t kiss you at the pier.
“But I shouldn’t have hesitated. You needed it. You needed me. I’m trying to make up for it now.” He kisses my hands again and gazes up at me with those beautiful brown eyes.
I stammer, not knowing where to start. “But…you’re…Ethan, you’re not gay.”
He shrugs and says, “I know. But I’m not straight either.”
Shaking my head, I try to wrap my mind around this entire conversation. “What? What do you mean?”
Ethan gets off the floor and sits beside me, pulling me to his side. “I think I’m bi or pan. I’ve been doing research and still haven’t figured it out. But I like you. So that means I’m not straight.”
“When did you figure this out?”
Ethan takes his time answering the question. I don’t rush him. This is a big deal, coming out to someone. I remember my experience.
I told Crystal first. My heart in my throat, I croaked out that I thought I was gay, and she didn’t waste time giving me a hug, telling me she didn’t see me any differently and that I would always be her best friend.
That was all I needed to hear to shore up the courage to tell my parents, though that didn’t go as well.
Smiling, Ethan looks over at me and says, “When you followed me outside.”
“What?”
He laughs and pulls me to him, kissing my forehead, and I melt.
“Doesn’t matter, creep. Just know that you didn’t make me feel bad from asking me to kiss you.
I felt bad about not kissing you because I wanted to, but I was too afraid.
I’m not anymore.” He leans back slightly so he can look me in the eye. “Is that a good enough answer?”
Nodding quickly, I move back into him, resting against his chest.
I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “What now?” I ask softly.
“Nothing now,” he shrugs. “Nothing changes. Well, except you’re my boyfriend for real.” He answers, then adds, “Right?”
I nod again, burrowing more into his side. Ethan raises his arm until I’m comfortable, then tucks me in, kissing the top of my head.
Softly, I murmur, “If you’ve wanted me since I followed you outside, you could have just asked me to be your boyfriend instead of faking it, you weirdo.”
He laughs lightly then murmurs, “I could have. But would you have believed I was serious?"
Not at all.
“You’re right,” I whisper.
“I’m sorry I was a coward and didn’t tell you how I felt, though,” he says somberly. “I hid behind being your friend because I didn’t want you to think I assumed you wanted to be with me just because you’re gay.”
“I don’t think that,” I tell him. I don’t. Not now, anyway. But I might have if he’d come right out and said he wanted to date me. “After the party, when I walked you home, you didn’t want to…”
He leans up and meets my eyes, an incredulous expression on his face. “No. I would never do that to you. I really wanted to get to know you. That’s it.” He bends down and kisses me again. Until I’m breathless and panting against his lips. “When I did get through your wall, I knew I wanted more.”
After I catch my breath, I cover my face. He pulls my hands down and kisses my cheek. “Don’t hide from me, creep. What are you thinking?”
Tentatively, I place my arms around his middle and lean more into him. “This is…surreal. Like, why me? I’m so…plain. I’m not very interesting. I’m not rich. I’m not…much. I’m just Jakoby.”
“Your smile.” Ethan scoots us higher on the bed, our backs to the headboard.
I look over at him with a raised eyebrow.
“We were at a party once and I saw you talking to Crystal. She must have said something funny because you smiled really wide and your face…man, you looked so happy and kinda vulnerable. When you came outside to check on me, I knew that was my chance to try to get to know you. The more time I spent around you, the more I liked you. And, I don’t know,” he shrugs, making my head rise and fall on his shoulder, “I felt like you needed someone to protect you.”
“Maybe I do,” I say quietly.
When I needed him, Ethan has been there for me.
Even if it’s just his company. He’s been nothing but kind to me.
He’d stood up for me, wanting to say something to Tim about how he'd treated me, claimed me when Kenneth talked shit to my face, comforted me when my mom’s words and actions got to be too much, and took me to get some privacy when it did.
In the weeks we’ve known each other, he’s been my protector in more ways than one.
“There’s more,” he adds, “but I’ll tell you some other time. I’m not ready just yet.”
I nod.
“What do you need?” I ask him. While Ethan is popular and kind and everyone knows him, he doesn't seem like he’s truly happy.
“A friend,” he answers simply.
“Okay.” I wrap my arms around him again and he pulls me to him. We sit like this for a while. It’s very comfortable. I’ve never felt this level of comfort with anyone. I feel appreciated. I feel seen. I feel important.
“Koby?” Ethan says my name. When he doesn’t call me ‘creep’, I know he’s serious. I take a deep breath and hum my acknowledgement. “What happened this time? What did she do?”
Dammit. I don’t want to talk about it. Not right now. I’m still too raw and in disbelief.
“Can I talk about it some other time?” I dig my hands more into his side, my fingers clutching at him for dear life. “I just…can’t. Not right now. Please?” I know I don’t have to beg. If I ask for time, Ethan will give it to me, no questions asked.
“Of course.” He kisses my forehead, then untangles from my arms. “Come on, let me feed you, boyfriend .” The way he emphasizes that makes me grin and I place my hand in the one he has outstretched. He pulls me close to him and frames my face in his large hands. He bends down to kiss me softly.
When he pulls away, I sigh gently, blinking my eyes open slowly, not realizing I closed them. He looks about as breathless as I feel. He rubs his thumb over my lower lip, making a shudder run up my spine. He plants another soft but chaste kiss on my lips, and I melt into him, wanting more.
Smiling, he grabs my hand and leads me out of the room and into the kitchen, where he goes to a drawer and pulls out a menu. Chinese this time. I can’t remember the last time I had Chinese food.
“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” I tell him, not wanting to be a burden or waste money on anything extra.
“You wanna eat spicy food?” he asks with his eyebrow raised.
Damn him.
I told him weeks ago I hate spicy foods. I don’t think there’s a point. To me, there’s no reason to dump a bunch of hot sauce and use a bunch of peppers on food. It doesn’t enhance the taste; it masks it.
“No, thank you,” I say.
He laughs at me and hands me the menu. “Then pick something. I’m getting Hunan spicy beef. I’d hate for you not to eat.”
Shaking my head again, I pick shrimp fried rice and he places the order.
While we’re waiting, I try to find a movie for us to watch. I make sure I actually pay attention to what I select.
I settle on an old movie that I’ve seen dozens of times. Ethan doesn’t mind, so we sit in the living room, me on the couch and Ethan on the floor leaning into my leg, his head on my knee. My heart flutters at the simple display of intimacy. Something I’ve never felt before.
After twenty or so minutes, the doorbell rings. Ethan gets up to grab the food and I take a seat on the floor, moving closer to the coffee table. I’ve never felt comfortable eating on his couch. It looks expensive and I would hate to spill anything on it.
Ethan puts the food on the table and sits on the floor beside me.
He pulls containers out and slides mine in front of me, along with a fork he grabbed from the kitchen.
He drags his food closer and opens it up, inhaling the spicy fragrance obnoxiously.
I wrinkle my nose, making him laugh. He picks up his fork to spear food onto it, but I grab his hand.
When he looks at me, I duck my head, but don’t let his hand go.
“What’s going on, creep?”
“Can I…,” my voice catches, so I clear my throat and try again. “Can I kiss you before you eat that?”
He smiles widely then laughs. “Yeah, you can. Come here.”
I scoot over to him and press my lips to his, and he opens me up with his tongue, dragging it over mine slowly and thoroughly. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of kissing him.
When I’ve gotten my fill of his mouth, I scoot away and pick up my fork to eat my food.
It’s really hard to chew with a wide smile on my face.