25. Amelia
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
amelia
Two orgasms and five hours of writing later, Judd and I arrive at the library just as the dogs are getting there. I almost didn’t let Judd leave the house when he put that damn baseball hat on backwards. My vagina was screaming at me for one more round and I almost gave in. But the library needs us, so she can just wait until we get home later.
We make quick work of unloading and pottying the dogs, drying them all off the best we can with towels. The break in the weather was short-lived, and the rain is back in full force. But I can’t seem to bring myself to care because the last four days have been some of the best days I’ve had in a long, long time. And I know it’s because of Judd.
I’ve never been with someone who makes my soul feel alive and my heart at peace the way he does. The feelings I’m having both scare me and settle me all at once. Maybe, just maybe, Judd was right all along, and I’ve found my missing piece.
As if Judd knows I’m thinking about him, he looks up from where he’s currently sitting with Ruby and gives me a wink before going back to giving Ruby belly rubs.
“That boy is smitten with you,” Gladys says beside me, making me jump.
I bring my hand to my chest to slow the thundering of my heart. “Jesus, Gladys, you scared me.”
“Sorry, hun, I said your name.” She looks from me to Judd, and back to me. “Must have been distracted,” she teases, giving me a wink.
I feel the result of my embarrassment climb up my neck and heat my cheeks.
Gladys waves her hand dismissively. “Don’t be embarrassed, Millie. Young love is a beautiful thing.”
I open my mouth to protest but my spit goes down the wrong tube and I end up choking. After a few minutes of coughing and a cup of water that Gladys brings me, my coughing spell finally fades enough for me to speak. “We just started dating, Gladys. We’re not in love.”
Gladys places a hand on my shoulder. “Millie, can I tell you something my mother told me when I was dating my Peter?”
I nod. “Of course,” I tell her, patting her hand. Peter is Gladys’ late husband. He died about a year after my program started. He was ten years older than Gladys, which wasn’t as big of a deal as it can be nowadays. He was the sweetest man on earth and always brought Gladys fresh flowers every week and came to the library to volunteer when he could. When Peter was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and knew he didn’t have long, he asked me to help him set something up to make sure she still received her flowers every week after he was gone.
So, I did. I just never told either of them that I had the flower shop charge my account and I never will. She asked me once how Peter was able to do it because she didn’t see the charges coming out of their account. I shrugged and told her some things are just better left a mystery. Gladys lights up every time a new bouquet arrives. She brings the bouquets from the previous week to the library to share with us and says it’s like a part of Peter is still able to visit the library.
“I had only gone on a few dates with Peter when I started feeling something for him. I thought it was just because the relationship was still new and exciting and would wear off over time.” She pauses. “Do you mind if we sit down, honey? My hip is acting up now that the rain is back.”
“Not at all Gladys.”
We sit down on the couch nearest to us and she continues on. “Well anyway, my mother overheard me talking to Irene one day about it and she told us both that love knows no time, it can be fast, or it can be slow, but the length of time won’t matter if it’s the right person.”
I glance over at Judd, who’s taking pictures of Ruby. She’s on her back, paws up in the air, with her tongue hanging out. Seeing Ruby, who has always been afraid of men, be this relaxed with Judd and hearing Gladys give me advice from her mother, sends my walls around my heart crumbling down.
I look back at Gladys, who’s watching me with a knowing smile. “I hope it helps my, sweet girl.” She gives the hand in my lap a final pat and gets up from the couch, going over to Irene to help her set out the snack table.
Judd looks at me again and gets up and walks over to me with Ruby, sitting in the seat Gladys just vacated. “Everything okay, Shortcake?”
Giving myself a mental shake, I smile at him. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Gladys was just asking if I was feeling better. My migraines can hang on for days sometimes.”
Not a complete lie, they do, but he doesn’t need to know that’s not what we were talking about. I need a minute to wrap my head around it first.
“Are you nervous about Jules interviewing you? You look a little flushed.”
“No, I’m fine. I love talking about my program. I just hope between your foundation and the article, it’ll help give the program the audience it needs to help us expand.”
Judd grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “I have no doubt in my mind that it will, Mills.”
He leans forward to give me a kiss when the door to the library opens suddenly, causing us to both look over our shoulders.
“Judd Davis! It’s been too long!” a beautiful woman with long, straight glossy brunette hair says from the entrance, making all the dogs’ heads pop up from their beds. Her long legs eat up the distance between the door and where we’re seated on the couch. Judd gets to his feet, pulling me up with him just as the woman, who I’m assuming is Julie the reporter, reaches us.
“Julie, so good to see you again,” Judd says, holding out his hand for a shake while still holding onto mine in his other.
“Judd, a handshake? Really? Give me a hug, I haven’t seen you in what? A year?” she gushes in a voice I’ve quickly decided compares to nails on a chalkboard. Without waiting for Judd’s response, she pulls him forward in an embrace. Giving him no choice but to let go of my hand to return the gesture. She’s tall for a woman, probably 5’10” or 5’11”, so she can easily see over Judd’s shoulders while she’s hugging him.
When she spots me, she gives me a wide smile and steps out of Judd’s arms and comes over to me, offering me her hand. “You must be Amelia. I’m Julie, the lucky journalist chosen to write this piece for the Oregon Times.” She gives my outstretched hand a shake before backing up a step and clasping Judd’s arm with both of hers. “When I heard Judd was forming a foundation to provide kids access to literacy programs, I begged my boss to let me cover it.” She grins up at him. “I’ve interviewed him a few times before and we just seemed to hit it off,” she says, giving him a wink.
Judd clears his throat and steps out of her embrace, moving to my side and wrapping his arm around my shoulder. My body can’t seem to relax since this human hurricane rolled in, so I stand stiffly under his embrace.
Bruno lets out a soft whine, sensing my discomfort, and I can feel Judd’s gaze bore into my head. “Mills,” he starts, but I cut him off.
“Really nice to meet you, Julie. I’m glad my program will be getting exposure, hopefully enough to help us expand,” I tell her, fighting off the sudden wave of anxiety that is building. “Should we start the interview? That way, we can hopefully get through most of the questions before the kids get here and you can focus on the parents and kids.”
She looks between me and Judd, her wide smile never leaving her face. “Of course. Take a seat wherever you’re comfortable and we can begin. Do you mind if I use the recording app on my phone? I like to focus on the conversation and listen to it while I’m writing up my articles.”
I shake my head, feeling the muscles in my neck tighten from the tension. “No, go ahead.”
Get a fucking grip, Millie. Judd’s allowed to have a past. YOU have a past. Put your big girl panties on and get a grip.
Julie sets her recorder up on her phone and gets a paper out with a short list of questions printed on it.
“Okay, I’m going to ask the first question and let the conversation flow naturally and work the other questions into the conversation. Sound good?”
“Sure, whatever you think is best,” I tell her, hoping this goes by quickly because I can already feel my tension headache starting.
“Great. First question. What gave you the idea of pairing dogs from the shelter with children who struggle to read? It’s not exactly a common concept.”
“Well, as you can see, I have a service dog,” I start, gesturing to Bruno, whose head is on my lap. “He’s trained to signal me by bumping me with his nose if he senses an increase in my anxiety. By doing that, he can usually distract me, enough to take my mind out of the spiral it’s in. A lot of the kids in my program don’t always have problems with reading. They have a problem with self-esteem. Just providing a child a safe space to stutter through words or get some pronunciations wrong and not having to worry about being made fun of by their peers helps boost their self-esteem. Dogs are great listeners, and they give unconditional love. It’s been proven being around dogs can help increase our natural dopamine and oxytocin levels, or the ‘feel good’ chemicals in our brain.”
“Fascinating,” Julie replies, jotting down some notes on her paper. “But why shelter dogs? Don’t they usually come from unknown backgrounds? What makes a dog deemed safe to be in the program?”
“That’s where most of the expense of my program comes from. These dogs are thoroughly vetted and tested for their behaviors towards people, specifically children.” I point to Ruby, who’s asleep at Judd’s feet. “Ruby is great with kids, actually prefers them over adults, but is the most shy with men. It took Jeremy, the lead handler from the shelter, months to get Ruby to come up to him without her cowering.” I look up at Judd, who’s looking down sadly at Ruby. “She actually wasn’t a candidate for a while because we didn’t think she would respond well to kids. If she feared adults, mainly men, that much, we figured she wouldn’t tolerate children. But a kid walked by her kennel one day and instead of staying near the back like she usually does, she bolted forward and stuck her nose between the chain link. Jeremy saw it and told me about it and I immediately asked for her to at least be put through the testing to see if she had a chance.”
The more I talk about my program, the more I feel my body relax. Maybe this isn’t so bad after all.
“That’s absolutely amazing. So she’s better now?” Julie gestures to Judd. “I mean, she’s sleeping on Judd’s feet.”
“No, Judd’s the only man she seems to take to. She still tucks her tail when Jeremy walks up to her, even though he’s been handling her for months. Ruby’s been in our program the longest. All the other dogs that came through with Ruby have been adopted. Mainly by the families of kids who were previously in RUFF.”
Julie’s polite smile turns appreciative at my boyfriend. “Judd seems to have that effect on women, both two and four legged.”
Hold the fuck up.
Judd clears his throat and looks at his watch. “The kids will be here soon, so we should probably get through a few more questions before our time is up.”
“Of course,” Julie says with a giggle. She peers down at her paper, then back up at me, slipping her professional smile back into place. “Amelia, you’ve made quite a successful career for yourself as a romance author. What inspired you to help children specifically? You don’t write kid appropriate books.”
I fidget with Bruno’s leash, and he pushes into me further, trying to ease my discomfort. I knew there would be questions about me and what inspired RUFF, it’s just never easy to talk about it.
“I grew up an only child and had a tough time in school making friends. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety when I was a teenager. Reading was my escape and a love I shared with both of my parents.” I pause and take a breath. Judd’s hand covers mine, giving it a quick squeeze, easing the pinch in my chest. “I lost them the day after my 21st birthday.”
“I did read that in an article when I was doing some background on you. I’m so sorry. They were killed by a drunk driver, right?”
I nod, my throat tightening. I feel Judd’s body turn ridged beside me. I know I should have told him sooner, but I don’t like repeating it, so it’s better getting it out now.
I’ll apologize to him later.
“They, uh, were hit head on. Killing them both instantly. The driver walked away with minor injuries. It was his second DUI in four years. He’s currently serving 40 years in prison, with no chance of parole.” My hand starts to tremble and Bruno whines, pushing into me.
“Maybe we should stop for the day? Finish the questions some other time?” Judd suggests.
I scoot closer to him, trying to draw strength from him. “No. I’m okay. I can do this,” I tell him. Julie looks between us with raised eyebrows, shock, then realization crosses her face.
Yeah, lady, he’s mine.
Taking a breath, I continue, just wanting to get this over with. “A while after that, one of my therapists suggested writing down my thoughts. Those thoughts became short stories, then books. One of my professors suggested I enter a contest with my writing. And I won.” I leave out the part where I tried to take my own life. That’s not something I’m ready to disclose to a complete stranger, especially one who would want to write about it. Plus, it’s not fair to Judd to hear about it this way. “I found my love for books again, and when Gladys and Irene approached me to save their children’s program, I jumped in with both feet. Books have always been my safe place and if I can offer that for children who need it, then at least some good will come out of my tragedy.”
“That’s such an inspiring story,” Julie says with sincerity. “And the fact that you’re with Judd after he was charged with the very thing that took your parents?” She shakes her head. “I don’t know if I could do it.”
What?
I leap up from the couch and turn to Judd. His face is in utter despair.
“No,” I whisper. “Tell me it’s not true.”
“Mills,” he says, holding up his hands like I’m a feral animal he’s trying to calm.
“ Don’t fucking call me that,” I bite out, taking a step back.
“Oh my god, you didn’t know.” I hear Julie whisper in the silence.
I look around to see Jeremy, Gladys, and Irene all staring at me with varying levels of shock. I suck it a breath, then another one.
I can’t breathe. No, not now. PLEASE not now.
I take another step back, then another.
“Amelia!” Judd shouts as I turn around and run as fast as I possibly can out the back of the library and out to the parking lot, immediately getting drenched in the downpour. I dig the key out of my pocket and hit the unlock button. I open the front door and command Bruno in. He jumps in and quickly jumps into the back, like he knows I need to be as far away from here as quickly as I can.
“AMELIA!”
I take one last look over my shoulder and see Judd standing at the door. His hands are gripping the frame so tight I can see his knuckles turn white from here.
“Amelia, please let me explain.”
I shake my head and climb into the driver’s seat, letting the tears fall freely down my face. I see Judd start down the steps and I quickly turn the car on and pull out of the parking lot. I watch in my rearview as he runs after my car for a bit before falling back, realizing I’m not stopping.
I drive on auto pilot back to my apartment building. Realizing Judd’s just going to go straight to my apartment. I speed past my building and call Charlie.
The phone’s ring echoes through the car, setting me further on edge.
“Come on, pick up, pick up,” I mutter to myself as I turn my car toward Charlie’s.
“Hey, Millie. What’s up? Aren’t you supposed to be at the library?
“Charlie,” I croak, a sob following.
“Amelia, what’s wrong?”
“Judd, he, he.”
“He what? Oh my god, is he okay? Are you okay? Where are you, Millie?”
Sucking in a breath, I choke out another sob. “I’m, I’m c-c-coming o-o-over,” I manage to get out.
“Are you driving?”
“Y-yes, I’ll be a-at your p-p-place s-soon.”
“God, Millie. Be careful. I’m calling Hazel.”
I nod my head even though she can’t see me. The phone disconnects and I’m left with my racing thoughts in the silence of the car.