15
Theo was lying on my bed on his stomach, my pillow under his chest to prop him up as he held his phone in both hands, scrolling through it.
I was doing some last-minute homework before I officially started my vacation.
Everyone else at Midway University had been relaxing since the following Friday afternoon.
Most had even left campus to go home for Thanksgiving already.
However, I’d opted to stay through the weekend so that I could have uninterrupted study and homework time before enjoying a few days away from school.
Driving home only took a few hours, so I didn’t have to catch flights and travel great distances like a lot of my fellow students.
Though I had only seen Collin a few times in the weeks since Halloween, my intel told me that he’d caught a flight home for the week.
He was already gone for Thanksgiving and wasn’t planning to return until the Sunday after.
It pained me to realize how relieved I was to know that he’d be gone and wouldn’t be able to pop in and anger me for the few days I took before going home.
At one time, Collin was my constant at Midway, a friend to keep me sane when things were difficult with school.
Now, he was simply another stressor I hoped to slough after my junior year.
“I don’t get it,”
Theo said casually. “People are still watching our Halloween video and liking it.”
I smiled.
“It’s like they can’t get enough of it,”
he added. “It has over four million views and four-hundred thousand likes.”
“I don’t even know, like, forty people,” I said.
Theo laughed. “The only video competing with it is Arthur’s.”
After the Halloween bonfire—which had ended early because a bunch of frat boys decided to try and leap over parts of the fire barefoot—Theo had edited the video we’d created. Over the sounds of Wild Sex by Oingo Boingo, Peepers’ viewers were treated to the picture of me in my costume, then Theo in his costume, several pictures we’d had taken during the bonfire together, and then the dance we’d done outside Midway Roasters. Against all of his doubts, Peepers’ members completely got the movie reference, and adored the video we’d made. Many of the commentors were talking not just about how much they loved the video, but about now having to watch the movie. Some were talking about starting a petition to have Sixteen Candles shown as the next free movie in the auditorium. I cringed, thinking about how some students would only point out how problematic the movie could be if a viewing was approved. Several commented about texting their parents to talk about it since it was “their generation.”
While I was glad Theo’s views were soaring and everyone was being kind to him on Peepers and around campus, it made me nervous. His followers also having something to connect with that we’d created was nice as well, but that didn’t help my anxiety. People began stopping me on campus to talk about the video. Peepers accounts were following me in record numbers, though I literally had not posted a single video of my own. Of course, I felt compelled to put my picture and bio info on my account so that people who truly wanted to follow me found the correct account and not a bot. However, I wasn’t entirely happy about it.
Telling Theo I didn’t even know forty people wasn’t simply a statement of fact, it was also an unuttered wish to not know more than forty people. Living quietly and without having millions of eyes on me was ideal. Knowing that so many people were now aware of my existence made me uneasy. In my opinion, no one was mature or wise enough to live their life under such scrutiny. It made me wish that we actually were in Sixteen Candles. You know, the eighties, when no one had camera phones, social media, and knowing only forty people was actually a big deal.
“You okay?”
Theo asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Huh?”
I turned in my desk chair to look at him.
“You look pale. A little green,”
Theo said, turning on his side and propping his head up with one hand.
I shook my head. “Just thinking about the video. It’s a lot.”
Theo frowned. “I can take it down if you want?”
Sighing, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I opened Peepers and pulled the video up via the tag that showed up on my account. It played as I scrolled through the comments.
This is soooooo cute! I wish I thought of doing this!
O.M.G! I haven’t seen that movie in forever! My mom luuuuuuuuuuvs it!
Is that your new boyfriend??
Leave him alone.
I hope this one works out. Lulz.
I guess you’re not getting back together with Ben? :-(
Get over it. Jayzus.
The movies are back!
Is that a friend? Or a new boyfriend? Hmmmmmm…
UNHhhh. Two cute guys! I’ll be alone 4ever!
I love love!
Ben could NEVER!
Stop being stoopid. Him and Ben broke up. Get over it. Stop bringing it up.
I’m so glad you’re doing better and posting more, Theo! We missed you!
Seconded!
Thirded!
Fourthed!
I love you, Theo!
The banner for my notifications told me I had ninety-nine, which was followed by a plus sign. I closed Peepers, locked my phone, and laid it on my desk.
“No,”
I said resolutely. “It’s working out well for you. People will move on when you post another super cute animal video or a really good student interview.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure,”
I replied. “But if your followers are mostly college students, a lot of them need to learn to spell and use punctuation.”
Laughing, Theo said, “I don’t think correcting grammar in the comments is going to make people like me more, man.”
“Fair.”
Turning back to my desk, I began putting my things away, getting organized before abandoning my studies for the rest of the week. Theo stayed on my bed with his head propped up, watching me as I worked. The scrutiny of Theo watching me so closely was unnerving enough that I didn’t have to wonder why the Peepers video bothered me so much. Being under anyone’s eye, being observed closely, was not something to which I aspired.
I’d never understood my generation’s desire for fame or internet virality. Having millions of people simultaneously adore, hate, covet my life, and want to dissect everything I did was not natural. Human beings were not psychologically designed to endure such scrutiny. Being able to get out of bed, shower, and do the bare minimum needed to survive was enough to ask. Doing it while being loudly critiqued by others was overwhelming.
Am I brushing my teeth wrong? Is this the wrong soap to use? What do you mean drinking tap water is bad for me? My shoes aren’t cool enough? My hair looks dull? Have I considered a cleanse? You don’t get enough sun. Your shirt is too tight. It’s too baggy. You’re patronage of that company enables genocide. Did you know that company you just bought a product from donated to the wrong political party? Your carbon footprint must be through the roof!
I shivered.
“You’re looking paler and greener.”
Theo chuckled.
“How do you do it?”
I asked quietly, folding my hands in my lap and looking down at my desktop as if it were the most interesting thing. “Knowing so many people are aware of you and watch you every chance they get?”
Theo sighed and rolled to swing his legs over the side of the bed to sit up.
“The online part’s easier,”
he said. “I just don’t look at the comments or tags and stuff. The in real life stuff is harder.”
“Yeah,”
I said. “That’s the part I’m talking about.”
“Hard to ignore it when it grabs your arm in the coffee shop and starts talking to you, huh?”
I smiled sheepishly. “A girl in Midway Roasters told me I better not break your heart.”
Theo laughed.
“I didn’t even know what to say to that,”
I said. “I think I mumbled, like, it was a Halloween costume video.”
“I’m sorry,”
Theo said. “I didn’t really think it through when I begged you to do the video. It’s been so long since one of my videos went viral—thanks to the whole Ben situation—that I forgot how wild people can be.”
“What should I tell people?”
I turned in my chair to face him. “When they say weird shit like that? I don’t want to ruin what you’re rebuilding, but…it’s a lot.”
Theo shrugged. “You can say whatever you want. You’re the Communications major.”
I laughed. “I haven’t really taken a ‘So People Think You’re Famous Now’ class or anything. I’m not really sure what I can say that won’t come off as rude or dismissive.”
Theo examined me for a moment.
“What do you want to say?”
he asked. “When people tell you not to break my heart? What’s your instinct there?”
I sighed. “I just want to laugh with them and say, ‘yeah, we just thought it would be a cool costume idea for friends and Theo thought you guys would enjoy the video.’ But I’m not sure if that will work.”
“I mean,”
Theo looked down at his feet, “if that’s what you want to say, there’s no reason you shouldn’t.”
“True,”
I said. “I’m just worried that some of your followers are too deranged to accept that answer. Like, they want everything to be more than it is. It can’t just be a fun video that we made for our amusement and their viewing pleasure.”
He grinned, but he didn’t look up.
“Anyway,”
I said, waving my hand through the air as if clearing a stench, “I’ll get over it. So will they. Just post some cool animal videos soon. Or something.”
Chuckling, Theo sat back, propping himself up with his hands behind him on the bed.
“Getting ready for Thanksgiving with the family is more important anyway,”
I said. “I haven’t even packed yet.”
Theo pulled his legs up to sit cross-legged on the bed and folded his hands in his lap as I stood from my desk and sauntered over to the closet. Inside, I located my empty duffel bag and yanked it out, shaking it to fluff it out. Considering all of the clothes in my closet, I wondered if I really needed to take much for a few days with my family over Thanksgiving. There were still plenty of clothes in my closet at home, and most of what I wore around campus was sweats, basketball shorts, t-shirts, and sweaters.
Being back home, on the farm, I’d probably need to bust out the jeans and work shirts I wore when helping Dad around the place. For the actual day of Thanksgiving, Mom would expect us all to dress nicer than usual, so something in my closet at home was probably best. A few things to knockaround in when laying around the house and a couple pairs of pajamas, underwear, and socks would probably get me through the visit. Those things, along with my toiletries would be all that I would need.
“It shouldn’t take long,”
I said, examining my closet. “I don’t need much.”
“You’re only going three hours away,”
Theo said. “Worst case scenario, you have to drive back here for something you forgot.”
“True,”
I chuckled. “It’s not like I’m going to be across the world. And if I forget something, I can go to the Dollar General or just do without for a few days.”
I walked over and set my duffel bag on the bed next to Theo and propped it open, making it ready to accept the few clothes I decided to pack.
“Have you packed yet?”
I asked Theo. “When do you leave?”
He shrugged. “I’m sticking around here for Thanksgiving. The dining hall is serving open-face turkey sandwiches for Thanksgiving, so that should be yummy.”
Laughing, I grabbed a few t-shirts and basketball shorts from my closet.
“You’re not going home?”
I asked, frowning at him as I stuffed the clothes in my bag.
“Nah,”
he said, sitting back on my bed. “Mom and Dad are going to be with my sister’s family. I don’t want to go there, and if they won’t be home, there’s no point in going there, either.”
“You don’t want to hang out with your sister’s family?”
“She has two kids who are nightmares,”
he said. “And my brother-in-law’s family are all Republicans, so…”
I cringed.
“But New York is kind of cool,”
I shrugged. “See the city and—”
“My sister’s family is in upstate New York,”
Theo clarified.
“Oof,” I said.
“Yeah.”
Grabbing a few pairs of underwear from my supply of clothes and a few pairs of socks, I added them to the bundle in my bag. Theo held the flaps open as I stuffed my things inside. Not going home had never even crossed my mind as Thanksgiving approached. Like clockwork, every summer, vacation, and long holiday, I went home to see my family. Not seeing my mother, father, and siblings whenever I had the chance made my heart ache. Thinking about someone not only uninterested in going home for the holidays, but actually forcefully against it, was a foreign concept.
Growing up on a farm in rural Iowa hadn’t been ideal for my little gay self, but that hadn’t been my family’s fault. Even though the outside world could be cruel at times, no one in my family had ever made me feel like I didn’t belong or that they didn’t love me. Helping my dad around the place before and after school, on weekends, and every chance I could go home during college, was one of the things I looked forward to most.
The thought of eating open-face turkey sandwiches in a cavernous room that smelled of disinfectant and hot dog water on a major holiday made me cringe. If I were to consider the quality of food during a regular day in the dining hall, I could only imagine how underwhelming their Thanksgiving offerings would be. No one should spend a holiday like that.
“Well,”
I said, turning to Theo, “pack a bag. You can come to my house.”
He laughed and sat back further in the bed, ignoring me.
“I’m serious,”
I said, reaching down to grab his knee and shake his leg. “Get packed. I’m leaving at seven tomorrow morning and I wait for no man. So, get your shit together.”
Theo cocked his head to the side, rolling it against the beige cinderblock.
“You’re serious?”
he asked as one eyebrow rose slightly.
“Yeah.”
I shrugged. “Why not? It’s not as fancy as upstate New York, but it’s not bad.”
Theo chuckled. “Nah. I don’t think your parents would appreciate a stranger imposing on them at Thanksgiving.”
“I don’t know,”
I said. “They’re pretty strange. Wait until you meet ‘em.”
“I can’t go,”
Theo said, shaking his head, though he looked unsure.
“Why not?”
I asked, moving my bag to sit down next to him on the bed. “I think the dining hall will survive if you’re not here to eat their sandwiches.”
“You haven’t even asked your parents,”
Theo said, sitting up. “If you just show up with an extra person in tow—”
“They’ll put another chair at the table on Thanksgiving,”
I said. “Well, we might be relegated to the kids’ table, but you get the idea.”
Theo’s eyes seemed to light up, but he didn’t move.
“I don’t know,”
he said. “It seems rude. Just showing up like that. They don’t even know me.”
Laughing, I stood from the bed and headed back over to my closet to find all of my toiletries.
“They will get to know you,”
I said. “Besides, any friend of mine is a friend of theirs. So, are you going to get your shit and get ready, or are you going to stay here and eat sandwiches in the dining hall alone for the rest of the week?”
“Are you sure?”
Theo asked.
“Positive,”
I said. “But if you ask me one more time, I’ll rescind the invitation.”
Theo gave me a small grin and slowly began easing towards the edge of the bed.
“Will you at least call and let them know you’re bringing me?”
he asked. “Just in case it’s not cool? I don’t want to have to catch a bus back to campus.”
“A bus?”
I scoffed. “Where do you think you are? I’d have to drive you back.”
Theo laughed. “Seriously, Josh. Will you make sure it’s cool?”
“Yes, yes,”
I said, waving him off as I pulled my phone from my pocket. “I’ll text my mom right this very second ya’ big wuss.”
I unlocked my phone and tapped out a quick message to my mom.
Bringing a friend home for Thanksgiving. Cool?
Theo sat on the edge of the bed like a spring ready to pop as he watched my phone. I knew my mom well enough to know that I wouldn’t have to wait long for a response. A text from one of her kids was like a postcard from a beloved friend vacationing in Hawaii. She lived for that shit. I watched as three little dots showed up in the chat box and wiggled around for what seemed like forever.
Dad got three twenty-five-pound turkeys this year and three hams! All for free because of that work he did for Mr. Kellison! Could you believe? Him and Buster are going to smoke two and fry the other. Buster says they’re also going to roast a whole pig this year. If I see him eyeing Berta, I’ll knock his teeth down his throat. Lord help me. We’ve got at least ten pies coming this year thanks to your grandmother and aunties. I’m up to my elbows in bread cubes and cranberries! You’ll be on potato peeling duty this year and I don’t want to hear sass about it.
I smiled down at my phone.
“She said it’s fine,” I said.
“Let me see,”
Theo said, suspicious.
Holding my phone out to him, I watched as Theo’s eyes scanned the screen.
“She didn’t say ‘yes’,” he said.
“Yes, she did,”
I said, turning my phone to frown down at it. “Did you not see all the food she’s talking about?”
“No, she didn’t.”
“Talking about having too much food is her way of saying we have plenty and it’s okay.”
“Oh. Uh, also, who’s Berta?”
“One of my mom’s favorite pigs,”
I explained. “We’ve had her for twelve years. She must think my uncle Buster is thinking Berta has seen better days.”
Theo chuckled nervously.
I shrugged. “Farm life.”
My phone buzzed again and I looked down at the second message from my mom.
Is this that boy from the internet? Evie asked. She says he’s a cutie! Are you boys dating? She sends her love. She got ringworm from out playing with the chickens again. It was all up and down her legs and one on her arm. We’ve treated it and it’s mostly gone, but don’t let her climb all over you too much while you’re here unless she’s got on long britches and sleeves. I’ll just get more anti-fungal cream to send back to school with you in case.
I did not show Theo that message.
“She says my sister saw you on ‘the internet’ and can’t wait to meet you,” I said.
There was really no point in trying to explain my mother to Theo. He’d meet her and figure it all out for himself. Theo smiled and his cheeks looked warm.
“So, go get your things together. We leave in twelve hours!”
Theo started to slide off the bed and then hopped up confidently, his mind made up.
“Okay!”