Chapter Thirty-Three
EMERSON TRIED TO concentrate on what Ginger was saying, but her excitement over starting a business was obliterated by the heartache consuming her. She probably should have rescheduled with Ginger like she had with Elliott for the bake-off, but she hadn’t wanted to cancel at the last minute after Ginger had been so good to her. Now she was regretting that decision. It had been two hours since Baz had stormed off, and she still felt like she’d been stabbed in the chest. She stared absently at the list Ginger was going over, the words blurring together, her conversation with Marco and her argument with Baz blaring on repeat in her mind.
“Honey?” Ginger touched her arm.
“I’m sorry. I missed what you were saying.”
“I was asking if you’d rather do this another time. You seem sidetracked.”
She sat back, fidgeting with the hem of her shorts. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Do you want to talk about whatever is on your mind?”
They were sitting on the couch in Ginger’s living room. She looked at Brennan, lying on a blanket beneath an activity center. One of the many toys Ginger and Conroy had for their grandbabies. A pang of longing moved through her. She could really use her mother right about now. Tears threatened, and when she glanced at Ginger, her heartache broke free. “Brennan’s father”—Baz’s seething voice ran through her mind—“his birth father, showed up this morning.” She told Ginger what had gone down.
“Oh, goodness. Honey, are you okay?”
She shrugged, her eyes tearing up. “I’ve spent the last few hours wishing I could have a do-over. One minute I’m pissed at Marco for showing up, and the next I’m thankful, because now Brennan won’t feel abandoned by his birth father. And then I’m angry at Baz for getting so mad, because he should want what’s best for Brennan, too. Then the stupid girl in me is so freaking thankful that he cares about us enough to protect us. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, and I’m sure I handled it all wrong, and it freaking hurts so bad. I keep seeing the hurt and anger in Baz’s eyes, and I hate that I did that to him.” She swiped at her eyes. “And I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. This isn’t a fair position to put you in. It’s not like you can give me an objective opinion.”
“You’d be surprised at how much easier it gets to be objective as your children get older and get into trouble or break the heart of some unsuspecting person. Unfortunately, mothers are not immune to the things our children do even if we’d like to turn a blind eye to it. It sounds like Baz got a little hot under the collar, and I’m sure you’re not used to seeing that.”
“A little? He didn’t even give Marco a chance to talk. I thought Baz was going to hit him.”
“If Marco had pushed the right buttons, he might have. He’s a Wicked, honey. They’re like dominant male lions protecting their pride. They patrol, mark, and guard their territory, and that is in their blood, and has been for generations.”
She thought about how Baz was always looking out for them and how he’d marked her that morning.
“I’m not excusing his behavior,” Ginger said. “But I’m not altogether against it, either. And in my opinion, you’re not a stupid girl for liking how it feels to have Baz protect you and Brennan. Especially after what you’ve been through. Baz is exactly like his father. Ninety-nine percent of the time they have an innate ability to remain calm in any situation. But that one percent?” She blew out a breath.
“What do you mean?”
“I won’t sugarcoat this, because you should know what the man you’re with is capable of. The first time I saw Conroy lose his shit was a thousand times worse than what you described, and I definitely had second thoughts about being with a man who was capable of what I saw him do.”
“That sounds bad. What happened?”
“He saved a young girl who had gotten herself into a very bad situation that she may not have made it out of.”
“What did he do?”
Ginger’s brows knitted. “Let’s just say, by the time Conroy was done with the pitiful excuse of a man who had hurt her, the piece of trash was no longer capable of hurting anyone ever again.”
“Holy cow.”
“It was shocking to me, too, and Con didn’t come out the other side emotionally unscathed. They never do. They carry the weight of every wrong they do to help others. But if he’d let that man walk away, the guy would have continued hurting other girls. And if he’d simply called the cops, he might have gotten off with a slap on the wrist. Conroy stopped the cycle in the only way he could be sure would do it in the moment, and then he called the police. Right or wrong, our family, and the rest of the Dark Knights families, will not stand for abuse of any kind. Which is why you can rest assured that Baz would never raise a hand to you or Brennan.”
“I know he would never hurt us like that.” She’d spent her life avoiding unsafe situations, and before having Brennan, or meeting Baz and Ginger and the rest of their family, she would never have thought she’d condone violence. But after listening to Ginger, she realized she’d been lying to herself. If someone like Conroy or Baz could have protected her parents, she would have cheered them on and handed them whatever weapon they needed.
“I can’t take away the hurt or confusion you’re feeling over this,” Ginger said gently. “But I can tell you that as Brennan’s mother, you know what’s best for your son. Don’t let anyone, including my son, make you feel otherwise. That said, the hurt you saw in Baz’s eyes means he cares. Deeply. My boys don’t give their hearts away easily, and when they find the one , they’ll stop at nothing to protect them. Unfortunately, that leaves them in a vulnerable position, and that is not something any of them handles well.”
Emerson knew how terrifying it was to feel vulnerable. She’d lived in a constant state of vulnerability for more than a decade, and it was Baz who had made her feel safe and showed her the way out. He’d shown her how to trust, how to love, and how to live again. Her throat constricted. And how did I return those efforts? By doing exactly what Ashley and that girl in college did. She hadn’t trusted he’d support her.
“I need to find Baz. Is there any way to reach them when they’re on the road?”
“They don’t usually—”
The roar of a motorcycle had them both turning to look out the front windows. Emerson’s heart raced, her nerves catching fire as Baz drove past the front windows and turned into the driveway.
“I guess he needed to find you, too,” Ginger said. “Go, honey. I’ll watch Brennan.”
“Thank you. For everything.” She hugged Ginger, then rose on shaky legs and hurried outside.
Baz was climbing off his bike. He took off his helmet, and their eyes connected with an unfamiliar charge, full of sorrow and fear, with a hint of desperation—at least on her end, turning the butterflies in her chest into a swarm of hornets. She hoped she hadn’t hurt him so badly, she and Brennan would lose the best thing that had ever happened to them.
“ Baz ” rushed out as she went to him.
“I’m sorry,” they said in unison.
“I got scared,” she said at the same time he said, “I was scared.”
“This is on me, Em. The thought of anyone taking Brennan away from you, from us , for even one day, tears me apart.”
“Me too . When I opened that door and saw him, my stomach bottomed out. I was terrified he was there to try to take Brennan away, and my claws came out. But you were going off on him, and I couldn’t think straight.”
“I was blinded by the threat of losing Brennan, but I realize now that I was also blinded by the threat of losing you. I fucking love you and Little B so much, it hurts, but I should’ve handled that situation better.”
Her thoughts tripped up, tears springing from her eyes again. “You love us?”
“More than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything. I know it’s fast, and you might not be there yet, and that’s okay. I’ll wait however long it takes, but I need you to know how much you and Brennan mean to me. I’ve wanted to tell you so many times, but I didn’t want to scare you away. I almost told you the night you went through your parents’ boxes, but I wasn’t sure how you’d react, and you were so happy, I didn’t want to ruin that for you. I told Brennan I loved him that night, and I probably shouldn’t have told him first, but I saw his sweet face and it just came out.”
Her heart felt like it might explode. “You told Brennan you loved him?”
“Yes, sorry, babe. My head’s been all over the place lately.”
Nervous laughter escaped. “That just makes me love you more.”
“It does?”
She’d never heard so much relief in two little words. “ Yes. I love you, too, Baz. I didn’t think I was capable of loving anyone, and then Brennan showed up and proved me wrong, and you barreled in behind him like you were always supposed to be there.”
“Because I was. I am . But you were right this morning, Em. The decision to let Brennan’s father into his life is yours and yours alone. I wasn’t expecting to make the decision. I get that I don’t have that right, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be part of it or earn that right in time. I have tried to show you that you and Brennan can count on me, and I realize going off the rails undermined that. I’m sorry I lost it, and I can’t promise not to do it again. But I’m not a total insecure asshole. You have to know I love Little B too much to keep him from his birth father. That boy deserves all the love he can get. But if you don’t trust me enough to talk through important issues and know I’ll support your decisions, then maybe I haven’t tried hard enough to earn that trust.”
“You have .” She didn’t think she had any more tears to cry, but she was wrong. “I do trust you, and I’m really sorry that I didn’t show it in the moment, but I was scared . I had tunnel vision. I felt like I was losing the two people I love most in this world. Brennan to Marco and you because you’re going away—”
“Em—”
“Please let me finish. I know it doesn’t mean we’re breaking up, but I wasn’t exactly thinking rationally. And in the backyard, when you were asking where we fit in, my thoughts were spiraling, because I’ve been letting you do so much and take the lead, and it feels really good to have a partner I trust and not to shoulder the weight of the world alone and to love you and be loved by you.” Tears slipped down her cheeks. “But it was also a reality slap, because you’re not always going to be here, and my walls went up. I had protected myself for so long, it was instinct to gather what was mine and protect our hearts. But the minute you left, I realized I didn’t protect yours, and I am so sorry.”
“It’s okay, darlin’. Heat of the moment. I get it.” He drew her into his arms, holding her tight.
“No, it’s not.” She looked up at him. “You are the most important part of our lives, and I want you to be involved with this decision.”
“You know I want that too. We’re both learning how to navigate this, and we’re going to have ups and downs. All relationships do. But don’t ever doubt that I love you. All of you. The fierce mama bear who gathers her cub and protects him with everything she has, the sexy goddess who drives me wild, and the fearful girl who fought so hard to become the incredible woman standing here fighting for us .”
Bowled over with emotion, more tears slid down her cheeks. “I love us.”
“Me too. I’ll never stop trying to be the man you and Brennan deserve, and you don’t have to worry about handling things on your own, because I’m not going anywhere. I’m canceling my trip.”
“What?” She pushed out of his arms, wiping her tears. “ No. I don’t want that. You’ve dreamed of doing this forever.”
“I set up that trip before you and Brennan came into my life. The only reason I’m going is because I promised Ashley, and she’s gone , Emerson. She’ll never know that I didn’t go.”
Oh, my heart! “I love that you would do that for me, but I can’t let you. Ashley may not know, but you will, and you’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t go. You’ll end up resenting me and Brennan, and I’ll end up resenting myself for holding you back from keeping one of the most important promises you’ve ever made.” She put her hand on his chest. “This loyal heart of yours, the way it drives everything you do, is one of the things I love most about you. I don’t ever want that to change, and if you let Ashley down, it will change.”
“Then come with me,” he urged. “We’ll go together. The three of us. It’ll be an adventure.”
Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. Her heart screamed Yes! but when it came to Brennan, her mama brain was driving the train. “I love you even more for wanting us to be there with you, but we can’t go. It’s too much with Brennan. He’s finally on a schedule, and I’m just getting my arms around living this big, beautiful life the three of us have created. I used to be afraid of everything, and you showed me how magical life could be. I don’t want to travel thousands of miles and get scared all over again and mess up how far we’ve come. That wouldn’t be fair to you or Brennan.” She wound her arms around him. “But I love you more than life itself.”
He held her tight. “I’m going to miss you so damn much.”
“Me too, but I know that even if you’re not physically here, you’re always here .” She put her hand over her own heart.
“How about here?” He kissed her lips.
“Always.”
“And here?” He kissed her neck.
“While you’re away, I’ll be thinking about your mouth on a lot of places, but don’t go any lower, because your mom might be watching us out the window.”
He chuckled. “Then I’ll save the best parts for later.”
“I’m holding you to that, but speaking of later, Marco wants to come over to talk after we have dinner with your parents.”
His jaw clenched.
“He’s getting married, and his fiancée, Andrea, will be there, too. They don’t want custody or even a visitation schedule. He just doesn’t want Brennan growing up thinking his birth father didn’t want him. I don’t know what that’ll look like, and I don’t think he does, either, but I’d like to talk about it with you, and I’d really like you to be there with me when I talk with him.”
“Of course I’ll be there. I’m glad he’s stepping up. I don’t want Little B thinking anyone doesn’t want him. But I’m going to have him checked out before he gets a second alone with Brennan.”
“Okay. Thank you. But let’s both try to stay on the rails this time.”
“Your ex, your rules, darlin’.”
“Really?”
“No promises, but I’ll try.”
“In that case, does the whole my-whatever-my-rules thing apply to my bedroom, too?”
He flashed a wolfish grin. “If it involves me on my knees eating my favorite meal, then absolutely.” He threaded his fingers into her hair, drawing her into a kiss so full of heat and hope and a love so pure and true, she wanted to disappear into it. He brushed his lips over hers. “What time are you meeting Elliott?”
“I rescheduled.”
His eyes flamed. “We have the afternoon to ourselves?”
“Sort of. We have Brennan.”
“I think Brennan would love a couple of hours with Granny Gingy. Come on.” He took her hand, walking swiftly toward the house.
“What are we doing?” she asked with a laugh.
“Getting my mom to babysit.” He stopped walking and turned the hottest, most loving gaze on her. “We survived our first tiff, and I finally got to tell you I love you. We’re due some epic makeup sex, which calls for my bedroom, my rules.”
Thrills darted through her. “I like the way you think, Dr. Wicked.”