Chapter Thirty-Five
A COOL EVENING breeze swept off the water as Emerson and Baz came to the end of a gray and weathered rickety old picket fence that was half-buried in sand and covered in tangles of shrubbery, spiny branches reaching and curling between the slats like arthritic fingers. Sticking up in the overgrown greenery were pieces of what looked like an old foundation.
“This is good.” Baz set down Brennan’s car seat carrier and the bag he was carrying and covered Brennan with a blanket.
Emerson took in the narrow rocky beach and cliff-like dunes on either side of the dip in the land where they stood. There couldn’t be more than fifteen feet between the water and the fence. “This was Ashley’s favorite beach?”
“Yeah.”
“There’s not much beach. Has it always been like this?”
“The beach wasn’t quite so narrow, but it wasn’t much different. That’s what Ash liked about it. We used to ride our bicycles out here and stay for hours. There were rarely any other people here. I can still see her little face, smiling up at the sun as she danced on her toes in the water, waving me over. ‘Come on, Spaz,’ she’d holler.” He laughed. “I’d run over and pick her up, and she was a tiny thing even at nine years old. She’d flail and laugh as I’d drop her in deeper water. She was a great swimmer, and she’d chase after me. I always let her catch up. She’d jump on my back, and I’d fall into the water yelling, ‘Man down.’ She loved it.”
“I can see that you did, too. Did your whole family come here?”
“Sometimes she’d convince my parents and brothers, but it was usually just us. There were lots of times as I got older, when she’d beg me to go, and I didn’t.” Sadness rose in his eyes. “If I could do it over again…” He scrubbed a hand down his face, breathing deeply.
Emerson put her arms around him, teary eyed, and kissed his chest. “She knew you loved her.”
“Yes, she definitely did.” He pressed his lips to hers, his gaze softening. “We should get started, so Brennan doesn’t get chilly. I know you never got to say goodbye to your parents, and I thought you might want to tonight. It might help give you closure, like it did for me. The first time I did this, it was my way of saying goodbye to Ashley, and in the years since, it’s become my way of letting her know she’s still in my heart. No pressure.”
Emotions clogged her throat. “I’d like to do that.”
“Good. Do you want to go first?” he offered.
She shook her head.
He drew in a deep breath and closed his eyes, bowing his head for a beat, his chest rising with his inhalation. The muscles in his jaw bunched with his clenching teeth. When he opened his eyes, he gazed up at the sky and said, “Hi, Pest. Hope you’re not getting into too much trouble up there.” His voice was deep and low, thick with emotion. “It’s been a pretty great year. I wish you could’ve been here to share it with us, but I know you’re watching, calling us dumbasses for the stupid things we do and laughing at our jokes.” Tears dripped from his eyes. “I finally planned our trip. I leave in a few days for the Gili Islands in Indonesia. They have a cat clinic, and there are no dogs allowed on the island, so the cats have taken over. I figure while I’m there I’ll try to build some cat condos and find some paint to make them pretty.”
Emerson swiped at her tears, even more grateful that she’d told him not to cancel his trip.
“I told you Gunner and Sid got married last summer, and you know about Tank and Leah and the kids. They’re all doing great. You’d be proud of Dwayne the Pain. He’s crazy in love with Sid, and saving animals every day. And Tank continues to watch out for all of us and shower Leah and the kids with love. Junie and Rosie talk about how you’re in heaven with River, and that still brings them comfort. I know I don’t have to ask you to do this, because I’m sure you’re smothering him with them, but please give River extra hugs from all of us.” Tears streamed down his cheeks. “He’ll always be part of our family.”
There was no holding back Emerson’s tears.
“Mom and Dad are doing well. They’re just as in love as ever and keeping busy with the grandkids. They tell everyone about you. The babies will grow up knowing all about their aunt Ash.” He swiped at his tears. “Grandpa Mike is as ornery as ever, asking everyone for sweets, and our cousins are doing well. Marybelle’s getting big. She’s walking, and as cute as can be. Blaine got engaged to Reese last fall, and he hasn’t driven her or Lettie crazy yet. Mads got engaged over the holiday. I told you about Tobias, but you’d love him, and I know you’ll be smiling down on her on her big day. You’d be proud of Bethany. She’s pulled herself together, and she’s still with her family.”
The corner of his lips tipped up. “I know you’re up there tapping your foot, thinking I forgot something, but have a little faith in your big brother. I was saving the best for last.” He turned, his hand outstretched. “Darlin’.”
Emerson took his hand, and she stepped beside him. She was nervous and had the crazy notion of hoping Ashley liked her. But maybe it wasn’t so crazy after all.
“This is Emerson Lockhart, and that’s her son, Brennan, sleeping over there. She ran into my office nine months pregnant, talking a mile a minute, supposedly worried about her dog, Ollie. A few hours later, she just happened to go into labor on my running path. She says she didn’t plan it that way,” he said teasingly, and squeezed her hand. “But we know better, don’t we?”
Emerson laughed.
“I delivered Brennan on the side of the road, and that was the start of the greatest love affair I’ll ever know.”
Fresh tears spilled from Emerson’s eyes.
“You’d love her, Ash. She’s real and wonderful, and she puts up with me. That should tell you a lot about her patience and resilience. I wish you were here to hang out with us, but I know you are in spirit, and you have a big job to do up there, loving River and watching over all of us. I hope you’ll make room for two more. Emerson lost her parents a long time ago. If you haven’t already done so, can you please find them and tell them I’ll take good care of her and Brennan? Thank you. I love you, little sister. Not a day goes by when you’re not taking up half my heart.”
He drew Emerson into his arms, hugging her for a long time. Then he kissed her cheek, and those soulful eyes gazed deeply into hers, silently asking if she wanted to take a turn.
Her pulse quickened as she nodded and turned to face the water, but she, too, looked up at the sky. Before she even got a word out, fresh tears streaked her cheeks. She didn’t think about what to say, and she worried she’d open her mouth and not be able to speak. But it turned out she didn’t need to think in order to tell them how she felt. “Hi, Mom. Dad. I miss you so much, it hurts. I would give anything for one more hug, to hear your voices one last time. I used to wake up every morning and have to convince myself that I was going to be okay, and there were a lot of days that I wasn’t sure I’d make it. But I did , and that’s because of you. I’m so grateful I had you as parents for as long as I did. There’s so much I want to tell you, but I have a feeling you’ve been guiding me all along. Getting me to the Cape, meeting Baz, giving birth to Brennan on the side of the road where Baz went running. That had to be you.” She reached up and held the heart/ladybug charm. “I miss you every day, and I want you to know that Brennan and I are going to be okay. We have a full, happy life with friends who are like family and the most amazing man, who we love very much.” She looked at Baz and saw tears in his eyes, too. He hugged her against his side. She tipped her face up to the sky again, trying not to lose her voice to the emotions swamping her. “This was going to be my goodbye to you, but it’s not goodbye. One day I’ll see you again. Hopefully not until Brennan is all grown up and I’m too old to remember the alphabet. But whenever that time comes, I know you’ll be waiting for me, and until then we will carry you in our hearts. I love you, and I will make you proud.”
Baz kissed the top of her head. “They’re already proud.”
She threw her arms around him, her tears wetting his shirt. He held her, telling her how much he loved her, how much they loved her, his warm, strong hand moving soothingly up and down her back. She looked up at him, so in love, she was sure the whole world could see it. “Everything you do makes me feel closer to them.”
“It’s not what I do, darlin’. I just make suggestions. Only you can choose whether you should peek over the walls or blast through them. It’s what you do that makes the difference. The risks you take and the things you allow yourself to feel. I’m just lucky enough to be along for the ride.”
“Well, I’m really glad you are.”
“Are you ready for the grand finale?”
“Fireworks?”
“Too scary for pets.”
She thought about it for a minute. “Paper lanterns?”
“Harmful to marine life. I have something better.” He withdrew two enormous plastic bubble wands and big round trays from the bag.
“Bubbles? How fun! I haven’t used bubbles since I was a kid.”
“These are the really big ones. Ash used to love them.”
Brennan started fussing.
“Right on time,” Baz said, turning to get him out of his carrier. “He doesn’t want to miss the fun. Do you, buddy?” He kissed Brennan’s head and crouched to fill their bubble trays.
“I can hold him.”
“I’ve got him. I can multitask.” He filled their trays, and then he handed her a wand. “Ready?”
She nodded, wide eyed, and they pressed their wands into the tray, then waved them high above their heads, leaving paths of enormous shiny bubbles that filled her with joy. Brennan kicked his feet, making happy noises as they made bubbles.
Emerson watched the bubbles float up to the sky, laughing. “This was a great idea. I feel like a kid again, like one chapter is ending, and—”
Baz dropped to one knee, holding Brennan with one hand on his belly and a gorgeous diamond ring in the other. “The next chapter in our love story is just beginning. Emerson, you blew into my office like a tornado, and you became my wind. I know I’m going away, and that scares you, but I’m in this for the long haul. Marry me, darlin’. Let me be the man who writes you love letters and makes all your dreams come true. Let me be the father Brennan deserves. The man who will teach him right from wrong and show him how to treat a woman by loving you wholly and completely.”
He rose to his feet, and her heart was beating so fast, she could barely think, barely see through the blur of tears.
“Baby, from the moment I first saw you with lettuce in your hair and crumbs all over your shirt, you were the most beautifully real person I’d ever seen, and I haven’t stopped thinking about you, or falling for you, since. I love your sass and your strength, and the way you love Brennan and the way you love me. I love the way you blush and the way you claim me when we’re alone.” He looked at Brennan, then back at her. “And I’m pretty sure I’ve loved Little B since the second he slid into my hands, and that love has multiplied a hundred times over. I want it all with you, Em. I want to be yours and Brennan’s family, and when you’re ready, I want to give him brothers and sisters, and help each one, and each other, through their rebellious stages and revel together in the sweet ones.” He stepped closer. “Emerson, my love, will you do me the honor of being my wife? Of letting me support your every whim and endeavor and love you until the end of time?”
“ Yes! ” tumbled out with tears as she threw her arms around him and Brennan and kissed him.
“She said yes, buddy!” He kissed Brennan’s cheek, and Brennan kicked his legs happily. “Ollie’s going to be so happy.”
Emerson laughed as he slid the most gorgeous round halo diamond ring she’d ever seen onto her finger.
“I love you, darlin’, and I want you to move into my place while I’m away so you’ll have family next door and always feel safe.”
“Moving will have to wait.”
“My brothers and cousins are ready to help. We can have you moved in tomorrow, and I made arrangements to have my kitchen inspected so you can start your business there.”
Her heart felt like it was going to explode. “Okay, maybe we don’t have to wait, but I won’t be living there long.”
“What do you mean? I don’t understand. I want you to live there while I’m overseas.”
“I know you do, but I’ve lived a small, safe life long enough. You taught me to embrace a bigger life and to live while I have the chance. We know better than anyone that tomorrows aren’t guaranteed, and I don’t want to waste a second of the time we have together. I don’t want to spend our first holidays apart. I want to be with you today, and all of our tomorrows. Brennan and I are coming with you to Indonesia.”
“What? Baby! That’s fantastic!” He swept one arm around her, lifting her off her feet and spinning them around, earning giggles from Brennan, more laughter from her, and as he set her on her feet, they sealed their vows with a kiss.