Chapter Two
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SEVERAL DAYS HAD PASSED, and Nic still didn’t know what to think of the mate situation. He’d seen Tamsin regularly since then, since Tamsin was the one to bring him food, and so far, his mate had been smiling and looking almost happy.
Tamsin didn’t seem to have a problem with what Nic was.
He definitely didn’t seem to have a problem with what Nic had done.
Every time Nic brought it up to try to convince him to leave him alone, Tamsin found an excuse.
First, it was how young Nic was, then that Nic had decided to help the village instead of fighting them.
He’d betrayed Parrish and had put himself in danger for them.
Nic couldn’t deny that. If he hadn’t been caught and imprisoned, he would have been dead right now. Parrish wouldn’t have allowed him to walk around after betraying him. He might still die, but something told him that he wouldn’t.
Tamsin wouldn’t allow that to happen. It didn’t matter how many times Nic told him that he should let it go and ignore their bond. He knew that Tamsin wouldn’t.
He wouldn’t, either, if he felt it would be good for Tamsin.
Nothing good could come out of their bond, though.
If people found out, they’d push Tamsin to take a step back, just like Nic was.
They’d tell him he deserved better, and they’d be right.
The clan leaders would probably tell Tamsin that they couldn’t allow a relationship between them.
Not that Nic wanted a relationship. It was the worst thing he could think of, considering the circumstances and the place he was in.
Had Tamsin talked to anyone about their bond? Had he told the clan leaders? Had he told his friends? Or was he keeping all of that a secret because he didn’t know how to announce that Fate had paired him with a Kudlak who’d almost caused the village and the clan to be decimated?
Nic squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his head harder into the pillow.
He needed to go to sleep. He wished he could, but every time he closed his eyes, he started thinking in circles.
The more he tried not to think about Tamsin, the more he thought about him, and when he didn’t, his focus went back to Parrish.
The man really was a monster. Nic had never killed anyone, but the same couldn’t be said about Parrish. He’d been killing for decades, and he didn’t show any signs that he’d stop anytime soon. If anything, now that he knew where Rowan and his clan were, he wanted to kill them more than ever.
And Nic had almost helped him do that.
Nic remembered his parents. He hadn’t seen them in years, but suddenly, his mother was in front of him.
He reached out for her, feeling like a little kid again, but she couldn’t see him because she had her back to him.
She was standing in the kitchen of the house where Nic had grown up, doing something at the sink.
Nic took a step forward, but before he could throw himself at her legs like he used to do when he was a child, she turned.
Nic’s smile vanished when he saw the blood dripping from the wound on her neck.
Her eyes were open, her gaze vacant, but she still reached for Nic.
He sucked in a breath and took a step back.
He bumped against something, and he turned, needing to leave, only to find himself in front of his father.
His father, whose arm looked like it had been ripped off.
He was carrying it in his remaining hand, his mouth open on what had to be a scream.
Nic couldn’t hear it over the sound of his own scream, though.
“Nic!” someone said. At the same time, something squeezed Nic’s shoulder hard. He yelled and sat up, frantically looking around. Tamsin stood next to his bed, his hands raised, a frown on his face.
“I think you were having a nightmare,” he said gently.
Nic felt like he still was. It took him a second to remember where he was and why. He wasn’t back in the home where he’d grown up. He hadn’t been back there since he was six. He wasn’t even sure he’d be able to find the house again, even if he tried.
And God, he wanted to try. He wanted his parents back. He wanted to go home.
He didn’t have a home anymore. He hadn’t had one in years.
“I’m fine,” he croaked.
Tamsin arched a brow. “You’re not, and that’s okay. I’m not going to ask for details about whatever you were dreaming about. We all have nightmares, and they’re very personal.”
Nic laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “Your nightmares are because of people like me.”
Tamsin cocked his head. “Aren’t your nightmares the same?”
Nic supposed he was right, in a way. His parents had been killed by Krnisks, who, just like Kudlaks, could be ruthless when it came to the fight between their two species.
Nic rubbed his face. He was disgustingly sweaty, and his mate was standing there, looking like he wanted to hug him. Nic had to make sure he didn’t.
He didn’t want Tamsin to hug him. If his mate tried, Nic was afraid he’d break and start crying.
He’d already shown enough vulnerabilities since he’d arrived here.
He needed to be careful. He didn’t want to think that Tamsin would use anything he said against him—and even if he did, Nic would deserve it—but he felt raw and vulnerable.
“I just want to help,” Tamsin murmured.
Nic felt the mattress dip and knew that his mate had sat down. He wasn’t touching him, but he was too close, and Nic didn’t know how to deal with that. “You can’t,” he murmured. “There’s nothing you can do to help me. You should let me go.”
“I can’t do that.”
“I’m really sorry you were saddled with a mate like me. You deserve better.”
“How do you know? You don’t know me. You don’t know what I deserve.”
“I know that anyone deserves better than me. Anyone deserves better than a stupid young Kudlak who messed up as badly as I did. I don’t know why Devon is willing to give me a second chance, and I’m grateful for it, but I feel it would be better if your clan leaders finally made a decision about me.
” Nic pulled on the sheets he was lying under, dragging them closer to his body.
“I just want to know what happens next.”
“Well, as far as I’m concerned, Nic, you should wash up and eat something.”
Nic frowned at Tamsin. “You know that’s not what I was saying.”
“I do, but it’s what I’m saying.” Tamsin reached for Nic’s hand and linked their fingers together. Nic stared at them, his breath caught in his lungs.
They were mates. This man was the man Nic was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. He was supposed to be the man who knew Nic best in the entire world, who understood him and would be there for him. Nic was pretty sure that Fate had messed up, but in a way, he was glad for it.
He really shouldn’t be.
He shook his head and untangled their fingers. “The best thing for you would be to go back to your life and try to ignore the fact that you’ve met your mate. You haven’t told anyone, have you?”
“Not yet,” Tamsin said. “But I will.”
“You shouldn’t. If your clan leaders are planning on executing me, let them.
It’s what I deserve. You, on the other hand, deserve someone much better than me.
Hopefully, when I die, Fate will give you another mate.
I’ve heard of that happening a few times.
” Nic hadn’t thought he’d find one mate, let alone more than one.
He’d be glad to be sacrificed if it meant that Tamsin could have someone else, though.
Nic couldn’t be what Tamsin should have, but someone else could—and would.
Nic had ruined his life before it had even started.
He hated himself for that, but at the same time, he knew he hadn’t had a choice.
Still, he had to deal with the consequences of his actions now.
He might lose his mate and his life. He probably would as soon as the clan leaders got what they wanted out of him. Whatever it was, he’d help them.
It was the least he could do.
* * * *
TAMSIN DESPERATELY wanted to help more, but he didn’t know what Nic would allow him to do. Tamsin wanted to hug him, promise him that everything would be all right, but how could he? It wasn’t like Nic would believe him. Tamsin wasn’t sure he believed that, even though he had to.
He couldn’t think of the possibility that Rowan and Clay wouldn’t want Nic to stay.
He didn’t think they would execute him like Nic expected them to, but that didn’t mean they’d welcome him into the clan.
They had with Melissa, but her situation was different.
The fact that she was a Kudlak didn’t matter because she’d never fought against them.
She’d never threatened their clan. She’d always been on their side ever since they’d met her, but the same couldn’t be said for Nic.
That didn’t mean that Tamsin was giving up. He truly believed that them being mates meant things would be easier for Nic. That didn’t mean things would be easy, but Tamsin was hopeful.
Nic wasn’t.
“Why don’t you go take a shower?” Tamsin suggested.
“I’ll change your sheets in the meantime.
” Nic had obviously been having a nightmare when Tamsin had come in.
Tamsin had wanted to help, but he didn’t know how.
He wasn’t even sure he could. He couldn’t blame Nic for keeping him at arm’s length, but it hurt.
They were mates, and they were supposed to support each other.
The problem was that Tamsin didn’t know how to support Nic.