Chapter 9 #2
“It hurts,” Aisling cries, getting my attention again, and I quickly turn back to her, trying to control my anger.
She left and had my fucking kid.
Did she know when she left?
Does it even matter? The voice in my heads whispers, she kept her from you for at least five years…
Motherfucker.
“Okay, sweetheart, show me exactly where it hurts,” I murmur, trying to control my emotions, my pure fucking fury, and she points to her right lower side, and I wince.
Fuck.
“Doc, I need you to do an ultrasound. I think it is her appendix,” I admit, gaining both his and Jas’s attention, and she sucks in a sharp, terrified breath as her eyes widen.
My whole body wants to comfort her, to tell her Aisling will be okay, but I can’t, I fucking can’t.
She kept my child from me, my fucking child…
“Why can’t you do it?” Doc questions as he walks over to me, lifting his hand for the nurse to grab the machine.
“Because you can’t work on family!” I growl, and he stops short, looking back at Jas, who looks down.
“Holy…” Doc chokes, and I look back at Aisling, back at my daughter whose tears trail her cheeks, her bottom lip wobbling.
“Okay, sweetheart, my friend here is going to help you,” I whisper, and she lets out a little sob as I gently move her hair out of her face, taking in her features which are so much like my own.
My daughter, my fucking daughter.
Trying to squash the need to kiss her head, I slowly stand straight and back away so Doc can do his job, and I say coldly, “You are the only one I trust with her,” and he nods sharply as he leans down and speaks to her.
When she nods, he leans up and grabs the machine, and I watch the screen while Jas moves to stand beside… fuck, beside our daughter, and holds her hand, pressing her lips against Aisling's head.
I fist my hands and eye the screen before Doc tenses.
“She needs surgery,” I state, seeing what he’s seeing, and I look at Jas just as her eyes widen and she shakes her head.
“No, please, I, please, I can’t lose her,” she says frantically, and I swallow hard at the panic in her eyes.
Fuck.
All my resolve leaves me at her fear, and I quickly round the bed before cupping her soft cheek, getting her to focus on me while my brother orders people about to get an OR ready.
“Her appendix is about to burst, buttercup,” I whisper, her nickname accidentally coming out, and her tears fall.
“I can’t lose her,” she chokes as she grips my coat, and my jaw ticks because fuck, despite the anger I’m feeling, where this woman is concerned, she fucking consumes me.
I pull her into me and hold her to my chest as I lock eyes with Doc, understanding shining in his eyes, realizing why I’ve been the way I have, and I hold her tight to me as I demand, “Take her, Doc,” and Jas tenses before trying to move out of my hold, but I hold her tighter.
I know my girl, she won’t let Doc take her.
He nods again, understanding, and quickly moves Aisling as he talks to her, keeping her distracted.
Jas’ body trembles as she pushes me away. I go to grab her again but pause when she demands, “Go with her.”
“I’m not allowed–” I begin, but she cuts me off and confirms, “but you can watch?”
I sigh but mutter, “Yes, I can watch.”
Her tears fall, and she nods to where Doc has gone and chokes, “Then go, please, Logan, go with our daughter…”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
My stomach tightens as my pulse races.
She’s just confirmed it, she fuck…
Jas shoves me again and demands forcefully, “Go, Logan. I only trust you, please.”
Yet she didn’t trust me enough to come to me with whatever made her run to begin with did she?
I give her a sharp nod and turn, quickly rushing after where Doc has taken my-my…
Fuck.
***
I storm outside the hospital a few hours later, needing a breather, and my body trembles as nausea chokes me.
The surgery was a success. Doc is now informing Jas, and I just, fuck, I needed a minute, I needed air to fucking breathe.
She had my fucking kid and didn’t tell me.
Five years, I’ve missed five years and I…
My eyes burn, unshed tears wanting to fall, and I link my fingers behind my head, trying to take deep breaths.
Why? Why in the fuck did she do this?
Why did she leave?
Did she think I wouldn’t be a good enough father?
Did she not love me?
“Hi Logan,” a voice whispers behind me, and I swear to fuck, Lyndsey has chosen the wrong fucking day to fuck with me, “Have you got a minute?” she asks with a hint of a husk and my anger explodes.
Turning, I glare at the bitch wearing a short ass dress, too short for a woman her age if you’d ask me and I snap, “Have some self fucking respect and stop chasing after a guy twenty years younger than you, and fuck off before I call the cops!” causing her eyes to widen as I storm past the fucking woman and head back inside.
I need my questions answered, and the only way I’m going to have that is by confronting the woman who fucking tore my heart out and kept my kid from me.
I just have to tell myself not to cave in to her pain, to hold her accountable.
“Yeah, easier said than done.”