Chapter 10
Jasmine
I sniffle as I curl up on the chair and watch my daughter as she sleeps off the sedative while Doc stands near the door watching me completely tense.
He’s angry and rightfully so.
He knew I knew who he was when we met, and I kept my mouth shut, just like I'd ensured he believed I’d miscarried but I’d give him his due, he’s kept professional even though it was probably hard for him to do so knowing I kept his brother’s kid from him.
He probably hates me, just like Logan. Again, I can’t really blame them because every decision I’ve made thus far, I’m regretting.
I should have ran to Logan, not from him and now, there is no coming back…
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” I whisper into the quiet, the only sound you can hear is the beeping of my daughter's machine.
She had her appendix removed, right before it burst.
God, how did I not know she had appendicitis?
I feel like a shitty mother right now, like I’m failing at everything and I don’t know how to breathe anymore.
I keep messing up.
“Because of the person who attacked you?” he asks coldly, and I look at him, locking eyes with his judgmental ones.
“My name is Jasmine Williams,” I whisper, and he stands up straighter, recognizing the last name, and I nod and confirm his thoughts, “As in Terry Williams, the now senator who used to work under that slimeball.”
Finding out on the news that Senator Smith had disappeared made my day but seeing my father took over made me want to vomit.
“Fuck,” Doc chokes, and I look back at my daughter.
“I knew I was pregnant,” I admit, “I planned on telling Logan, I mean I was scared but I was going to tell him after a stupid banquet I really didn’t want to go to.”
“Start from the beginning,” Doc commands softly, a softer side coming out as he walks over and takes a seat opposite me, and my chin wobbles as my tears fall.
“I never wanted a relationship,” I choke, “I never wanted to get married because I didn’t believe in love.
I’ve spent my childhood having my life micromanaged by my mother while my father and brother sat back and allowed it to happen.
Whatever she wanted, she got it, even if it meant I was unhappy.
If I disagreed, I spent days, sometimes weeks, locked in the cold, dark basement with only bread and water.
My food, my clothes, my routine, everything was planned by my mother, dammit, I even had a tracker on my car,” I look at Doc and see him tense, “My mother treated me like I was her doll that had to listen to her every word, that I had to do what I was told including who I was supposed to marry. Bruce Nash, my brother's best friend, who tried to rape me when I was fourteen and my father didn’t believe me despite finding me in tears and Bruce grunting in pain because I hit him.”
“Does Logan know about this?” he asks sharply, and I shake my head as I wipe away my tears and look back at my daughter.
“I didn’t want my home life to touch him, to touch us, because I finally found the happiness I was searching for.
” I sniffle, “When I went to college, I managed to convince my dad to allow me to live off campus. The rules were I had to come home every weekend where Bruce would be, and I had to drive their car with the tracker on it,” I whisper, “I didn’t expect to meet Logan, I didn’t expect him to come after me when I turned him down and I certainly didn’t expect to fall in love.
I moved in with him and we bought two labs together, making a life, one I never dreamed of having and I lied every single day to my father, refusing to go home.
I knew I was ready to settle down with Logan, until the stick was positive and I was petrified he would leave me. ”
“Does he have your name tattooed on his skin?” Doc asks, and I look back at him and nod and confirm, “Large down his arm, and I have his on my ribs.”
Doc smiles sadly and murmurs, “Then he claimed you, sweetheart. A brother doesn’t ink his skin unless he sees you as their forever and Logan certainly wouldn’t have moved you into his sanctuary that only his dad has been to.”
“I know,” I admit, “but tell my mind at the time that.”
He smiles, and I sigh, looking back at Aisling.
“I mouthed off to my mother,” I admit, “I was fed up with her pushing Bruce on me, telling everyone I was going to marry him so I informed the biggest mouth in that ballroom that not only was I in love with a brother but I was having his baby and already living with him and god she was mad…” I shake my head, “I knew I had to get outta there before she attacked, I just didn’t expect her to follow me. ”
“Wait, your mother is the one who I scared away?” he confirms tensely, and I look back at him and give him a sad smile.
“She was,” I admit, and his jaw locks as I whisper, “she grabbed my hair and yanked me back, and with the heels I was forced to wear, I lost my balance, and she saw an opening.”
“Fuck me, she was trying to kill your daughter,” he chokes, and I nod.
“I begged the doctors to write that I’d miscarried because I knew within a few hours she’d show up at the hospital like a concerned mother with my father, brother, and his friend in tow,” I mutter.
Doc shakes his head and demands, “Why didn’t you just tell me? You saw my cut, you knew the club could help, why didn’t you tell Lo?”
“I was going to,” I admit with a small cry, “but I had a visitor…”
The door opens, and I suck in breath as Logan walks inside, shutting the door behind him, then leans against it, and my tears fall.
“What visitor, sweetheart, did you have that made you not want to go to Logan and tell him about the pregnancy?” Doc asks, and I lock eyes with Logan, who tilts his head, a cold look on his face that breaks my heart.
He’s never looked at me like that before, but I guess I deserve it, huh?
“A woman,” I whisper, and Logan frowns in confusion.
My body trembles, and I take a deep breath, knowing this is going to absolutely destroy him.
I explain, “She had dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and wore a cut,” Logan's eyes darken with recognition and I choke, “She threw a duffel bag at me full of cash, which I donated to this hospital, and she told me to get out of town, that she already had plans for her son,” I take a deep breath then so Logan doesn’t go after my family who will destroy him, I fib, “and that if my baby survived, she would slit her throat when she was born, so I ran.”
Logan shoves off the door and paces, his hands fisted as he keeps looking at Aisling sleeping, knowing he can’t lose it. I look down as more tears fall, the beeping the only thing echoing in the room, knowing I won’t be welcomed to help calm him down.
“Rocky,” Doc says, gaining my attention, and I lock eyes with his hard ones that damn, even I flinch at the anger as he holds his phone to his ear.
“Tell your wife to get the fuck off club property until further notice,” he snaps, and my eyes widen as I shake my head in denial but Doc ignores me and continues, “I’ll explain once I’ve called church for all brothers, but I want her gone.
Otherwise, never mind me shooting her, your son will! ”
He hangs up, and I flinch as fear overrides me for my daughter.
The woman thinks she didn’t survive, Mama doesn’t know I’m back or of her existence, both will try and kill her, and I can’t have that.
“I’m going to leave you two to it. I need to get my rounds in,” Doc says as he stands up, “She needs to be in for at least a week before being discharged, but she’ll be alright.”
A week…
I nod numbly, trying to squash the fear overtaking, not knowing how I’m supposed to pay for her care, especially knowing my job's insurance is crap, and he gives me a slight smile before turning.
Logan doesn’t look his way, keeping his eyes on me, and I avert my eyes.
“You should have told me,” he grits, and my body trembles.
As I said, I’ve never been on the receiving end of his anger before.
“She’s your mother,” I whisper, and he growls, “And she is my daughter who you kept from me spitefully!”
I flinch at his harsh words.
It wasn’t out of spite, it was to protect her, to protect him.
“I loved you,” I choke, not looking at him, “I loved you that much I refused to come between you and your mama. I broke my own heart and ran to protect our daughter. I didn’t do it out of spite.”
He doesn’t say anything, and my tears fall as I drop my head to my knees as I bring them up, leaning my feet against the edge of the seat, and I try to control the sobs that want to release before electricity floats through me, and Logan gently wraps his hands around my ankles.
“Look at me,” he demands softly, but I shake my head.
I hate that I’ve hurt him, but I thought I was doing the right thing for all of us, for Aisling’s safety and now I’m second guessing myself like I have done for the past six years.
“Buttercup,” he rasps, and I slowly lift my head as I tremble, locking eyes with his.
“I’m pissed,” he whispers, his eyes taking in my features, my bags and tension lines, “You ran from me without a word, you didn’t contact Granny, who was heartbroken.
” I flinch, and he tightens his grip and chokes, “You’ve fucking destroyed me with the choices you made.
Instead of talking to me, asking for my help, you ran, allowing your emotions to take over, and you’ve kept my daughter from me, taking away my chances to watch you grow, to feel her move, and see her be born.
I missed everything, Jas, her first words, the first steps, everything, fuck, I’m a stranger to her all because of your choices, all because you didn’t trust me. ”
“I did trust you,” I instantly protest, “I was trying to protect you.”
“And in doing so, you broke me,” he whispers, and I look away as a sob leaves me.
I thought I was doing the right thing.
“Daddy?” Aisling whispers, and I shake, crying silently as he moves over to our daughter.
I’m failing at everything. My job, my bills, my daughter, Logan, my choices, I’m failing and I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, like it’s suffocating me.
“You know who I am?” Logan asks softly and I look up to see him kneeling by Aisling’s bed, her eyes solely focused on him as she nods and then decides to mention, “Mama has pictures of you and her on the wall in the living room.” Logan tenses while Aisling, completely unaware of what she’s just admitted motions for him to move closer and he does before she whispers, “Would you let me keep a spider if I found one?”
Oh come on…
I silently groan and drop my head, feeling Logan’s eyes on me before I hear him ask, “What does Mama say when you find them?”
I look in time for Aisling, who is still a little groggy, admit, “That they need to be set free outside…”
Logan side-eyes me and mutters, “A lot better than them being squished on the wall,” and my heart flutters at the memory.
I hate spiders, I always have, and Logan always, always, protected me, but that might have been because I kept hitting them with a shoe on the wall.
Logan shakes his head before giving our daughter his whole attention and says, “Your mama is right, they need to be set free, it’s better for them, so they can live their life and move on.”
Aisling pouts, making him chuckle, and I can’t help but look more into his words as complete heartbreak, one I know I deserve, consumes me.
Does that mean he wants to set us free?
Is he moving on?
I look down at my knees and swallow hard as more tears fall.
It’s for the best, right?
This is what I wanted, this is what we both needed to keep us all safe, so it is for the best… It has to be.