Chapter 14 #2
Cielo makes a trilling sound in the back of his throat, but I turn before he can stop me. Moving into the spare room, I hear him speaking with Brody as much as he can. He sounds happy. He sounds better. And it’s not because of me.
Maybe this is for the best, I think as I close the door, embracing the semi-silence. I need to clear this out so Cielo stops sleeping in my bed, curled around me, purring, making me feel like I belong to him.
Maybe this is the first step in distancing myself from him.
Before one of us gets hurt.
Things I hate: sweating at the gym. If I’m going to sweat, I’d rather it be in bed.
Some of the workouts I do make my heart feel like it’s under attack, which is not my favorite pastime.
I know I need to go for the sake of my health, but normally I prefer to deep-clean my house when I need to work out aggression, anxiety, or what is currently the stress I’m having about Cielo and going to the clinic.
And I’m having all the stress about that. So much that I barely sleep. So, an early trip to the gym it is.
I slip out of bed and tiptoe to the bathroom.
I ignore the anxiety as best I can while showering and jerking myself off three times so Cielo will have some extra cum while I’m gone.
I get dressed in my gym clothes and then pack a bag with loose linen pants and a t-shirt with a wide collar.
I don’t bother doing anything with my hair apart from twisting it into a messy bun, and I steal one last glance at a sleeping Cielo.
I want nothing more than to wake him and kiss him goodbye, but that doesn’t seem fair.
We’re both powerless to stop this from happening.
Everest said he was going to try to help, but I haven’t heard a word from him, which probably means he was unsuccessful.
I sigh silently and head for the front door.
Just as I’m exiting my apartment, I see Luca marching toward his car with his gym bag. Shit, I’d almost forgotten he was getting back this morning, and of course that asshole would work off his jet lag lifting weights instead of sleeping all day like a normal person.
I wave at him, but he doesn’t see me, so I raise my voice and give a high-pitched hoot at a decibel I know he can hear. He turns his head up, giving me a curious look, and then rolls his eyes. ‘You’re up early.’
I shrug, moving toward him. ‘Can I get a ride to the gym?’
He looks moderately surprised since I almost never request to go. He usually has to drag me, kicking and screaming, but he shrugs and nods, so I jog over and hop into his car. He gives me another curious look, but he shrugs it off as we make the drive in both figurative and literal silence.
He doesn’t say anything until we’re climbing out of the car. That’s when he knocks on the roof for my attention.
‘Okay. Enough. What’s going on?’
I frown. ‘What? Nothing? Why would something be going on? I’m fine. Everything is great!’
He doesn’t even sign back. He just gives me a look that screams, ‘Bullshit.’
I sigh and drop my forehead to the side of the car for a second, then look up at him.
I should tell him about the clinic, but I don’t want to admit that’s what’s got me all upset, so I go for something else.
‘This whole thing with Cielo is…weird. Different. I’m happy to have him, but I don’t know if I can be good enough for him. ’
Luca’s brows lift in surprise. ‘Not good enough for him? How?’
‘I’m a mess,’ I remind him. ‘I can barely take care of myself—’
He scoffs, cutting me off as he comes around the car and tugs me into a one-armed hug. ‘Anyone hurts you, I hurt them,’ he reminds me. It’s something he’s been telling me since he outgrew me. And, if I’m being honest, even before then.
I elbow him with a grin and step out of his annoyingly strong grasp. ‘Thank you. But it’s not that. I’m just…’
‘Hurting yourself?’
He means being self-deprecating, and yeah. That’s pretty much it. I don’t bother answering. Nothing he says can make my self-esteem better, and he doesn’t exactly know how to find a monster therapist so I can actually and properly offer Cielo help.
So instead, we walk into the gym, and I scan my pass as Luca leans on the counter and gives a flirty wink to the short, dark-haired guy working the computer. Luca has always been great at both speaking with and understanding body language.
It never earns him any meaningful relationships, but he’s never short of hookups, even in a small place like this.
I leave him to his flirting and stop by the water station to fill up my bottle, grabbing one of the free towels that Quilliyn always has sitting around.
That’s when I see the three guys that Cielo has made friends with.
I knew I had recognized them before. They work out with Luca sometimes and have picked up some ASL gym lingo from him.
I want to hate them on principle—they’re the doppelgangers of the assholes who bullied the fuck out of me in high school. But they don’t do more than give me a raised wave and turn back to looking at themselves in the mirror.
I try to dislike them, but I can’t. Not when they’ve been taking very good care of Cielo as he ventures out more on his own. And while I’m slightly terrified of being replaced, I also know that Cielo needs more than just me. He needs a family, just like I have.
I give them the bro-nod before walking over to a treadmill, setting it to a zero incline and a very sedate pace.
I’m not much of a runner. Like I said, I hate sweating, and moving too fast always makes me wheeze like a deflating balloon.
But a brisk walk sounds like just the thing before I have to go to my appointment.
Off to the left, I see a flurry of blue hair and realize it’s Quilliyn. He was the first Vyastil I’d ever really gotten to know. He’d come into the shop a few times when he first arrived in town. His English was stilted back then—almost aristocratic-sounding.
But he’s adapted really well, and he was always kind. He answered my questions and gave me some insight into what the Vyastil were like. I asked him what kind of sex toys they preferred, and he laughed his way out of the store.
A few weeks later, he came back and explained that they didn’t really do sex, although their bodies still craved it. We’ve talked a few times since. Mostly about Vyastil, who are curious about what their bodies might be capable of.
And I’m still working on a few sketches.
I sigh heavily, and my mind moves back to Cielo. I wonder if there is any way for him to deal with his trauma. I never really liked school, but right now, this whole thing has me contemplating applying to the university to get a psych degree so I can help others who were mistreated like him.
All of this has made me wonder if Cielo isn’t the only Vyastil here on Earth that has been ripped away from his family, beaten half to death, and then banished from ever returning.
“I know you.”
I startle, so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t realized someone had jumped on the treadmill next to me. Glancing over, I see a vaguely familiar guy with blonde curls and dimples staring at me.
“Um,” I start.
“Sorry. I mean, you’re friends with Everest, right? You have that…ah, shop.”
The ah, shop. I get that a lot from guys in town who want to come in but haven’t been brave enough to embrace the things they’re craving. They see me with my tables at the street market, and they’ve peeked inside the darkened windows. They recognize my pink hair and whole femme look I prefer.
And when they see me out in public, they stammer and stutter and say, “Oh, you’re the guy with the ah, shop.”
I smile at the stranger. “You know Everest?”
“Yeah. He’s my best friend.” He blinks, then flushes. “Sorry. I’m Zane. We haven’t been introduced.” He offers me his fist, and I bump it without losing my footing.
Oh, so this is Zane. I eye him a little. If this guy is Everest’s best friend, he can’t be all bad, right?
“He and I have gotten to know each other quite well lately,” I tell him. “Good dude.”
“Yeah. He was.”
I lift a brow.
“Sorry. I mean, he is. Just…he’s gotten himself into a fucking weird situation with that monster.” He spits the last word, and it crawls up my spine because it sounds like a slur. “He says he’s fine, but I don’t know if I believe him.”
I have no idea what to say. “I mean, Rathyn seems like a good guy.”
“He’s not a guy,” Zane cuts in.
It’s not worth the argument. “I think he treats Everest well. And Everest seems happy.”
“Or is he drunk on monster dick and being manipulated into thinking he’s happy?” Zane hits the button and begins to run faster. “I know they seem all nice and friendly. You talk to Q for five minutes and you think these guys are harmless little puppies.”
I’ve never known a puppy to be harmless. They bite and are impossible to control. But whatever. Semantics.
“But Q’s part of the fucking problem. They’re gaslighting the entire world into thinking that we owe them our bodies. And for what? Drugs? They help now, but I doubt they’ve studied the long-term effects of these supposed medications.”
If he weren’t being so bigoted about it, I might agree with him on some of it. I really don’t think anyone has studied the long-term effects because they haven’t been around all that long. It’s the same as other drugs and treatments, really.
They just…skipped the testing parts.
And considering I’ve taken zitha more than once with zero terrible side effects and it’s alleviated my pain entirely, I’m happy for the exchange. And if it weren’t for Cielo, I’d still be happy to do my part at the clinic.
But Zane isn’t entirely off base. It is an uncomfortable exchange—a requirement wrapped up with a nice bow to look like consent. But it’s not consent when the refusal to participate is prison. It’s like the draft, if being drafted meant weekly blow jobs.
“Sorry,” Zane says after a long beat of uncomfortable silence. “I’m not trying to be a dick. The whole thing just freaks me out, and I’m afraid for Everest. He’s a nice guy, but he went through it when he was a kid. Like…bad. And I’m afraid he’s just into this because he finally feels loved.”
Well. That makes my heart ache uncomfortably. I know about his aunt and uncle, but the tone in Zane’s voice tells me that Everest was holding back when we talked.
“I don’t think that’s a unique experience. We all have that a little,” I tell him. “Even some of the Vyastil.” I close my eyes for a second and picture Cielo, and my stomach twists.
Zane looks at me. “You’re close with some of them?”
I don’t want to give anything away, so I shrug. Before I can come up with some story that’ll make the guy stop staring at me like he’s trying to dig into my brain, Luca appears with a grin and gives a nod to Zane.
“My brother, Luca,” I say, then sign for Luca’s benefit. When Zane looks moderately alarmed, I add, “He’s Deaf.”
‘I know a little sign,’ Zane offers, his signs stiff and a little awkward. ‘Everest and I took a class.’
Luca brightens and begins to sign slowly, so I take that opportunity to slip off the treadmill and let them finish whatever conversation they can have.
Gulping down water as though I’ve broken a sweat—which I haven’t—I pass by the lifting bros once more, then catch a glimpse of Quilliyn, who’s now at the front desk.
He grins as I approach, and he makes a comforting trill when I lay my arms on the desk. “Not to be way too blunt, but that Zane guy…”
Quilliyn’s face twists slightly, and I take that as a confirmation of how I’m feeling.
“He’s kind of…weird, right?”
Quilliyn shoots a look over his shoulder and sighs. “I think he is complicated.” That’s probably a good word for it. “Did he say something unkind?”
I don’t want to answer that. I don’t want to hurt Quilliyn’s feelings. “Not worse than other people have said.”
Quilliyn shoots me a knowing look, then lets out the smallest sigh. It sounds a bit like a hum. “I think there are people worth putting in an effort for. And there are others who are not. I think Zane is worth the patience.”
“Is that why Everest is still his friend? Because the shit he talked about Rathyn—”
Quilliyn laughs and nods. “Yes. I think that must be it. Rathyn is difficult, even for a Vyastil. But Everest is stubborn. And he is good.”
I can’t disagree. I tap the counter and push back. “Alright, if you say so. I should get dressed. I have an appointment before work.”
“Let me know if you wish to discuss more about Vyastil and sex,” Quilliyn calls after me as I walk away.
“You know it,” I call back. “Come by the shop sometime if you feel up for it!” Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Zane shooting a dark look from Quilliyn to me, but I ignore it and wave at my brother. ‘Shower. Leave soon?’
Luca nods and goes back to his run. I’ll probably have to call a ride because he doesn’t look anywhere near done, but that’s fine. I feel a bit better, even if I’ve made zero progress on how I’m feeling about Cielo.