Chapter 15
fifteen
DANTE
The last thing I want to do is head down to the clinic and let another Vyastil touch me.
Revulsion washes through me as I think about what I have to do, and I’m not sure I’m going to get through this without losing it.
It’s a good thing that I’ll be strapped down because with my hands free, I might do something that would get me arrested.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to help it. This feeling in me is almost animalistic, and I don’t know how I can make it stop.
For the first time, I feel loathing toward these compulsory donations.
I will never understand the bigoted hate toward the Vyastil, but right now, I see their point.
There should be a way to opt out—at least, a better way than the flimsy reasons the clinic allows.
The reasons they usually ignore.
I think about getting coffee or breakfast on the way, but my stomach gives me a violent warning that if I try to consume anything, I’ll regret it. I breathe through a wave of nausea and step outside the gym, my attention on my phone as I order a car, only I immediately smack into my brother.
He lets out a noise of surprise as he steadies me, hands on my shoulders, gaze searching my face. ‘You okay?’
I nod. ‘You? You done working out already?’
He nods, then bites his lip. ‘Your friend in there. Zane,’ he spells slowly.
‘Everest’s friend,’ I correct.
Luca makes an understanding, peh-peh motion with his lips. ‘You know him very well?’
‘No. Why? Did he say something rude?’
‘He was asking me a lot of questions about the Vyastil we know,’ he tells me. ‘About Cielo.’
I immediately bristle. ‘What did you tell him?’
‘Nothing. But he was persistent. It was weird. It made me worried he might be up to something.’
Possible, but Quilliyn said Zane was complicated, so maybe that’s just how he comes off. God knows there are people who think I’m a raging weirdo, and not because I wear mesh crop tops and have pink hair. ‘I’m sure it’s nothing.’
He doesn’t look convinced.
‘He’s Everest’s best friend,’ I remind him. ‘Trust me, Everest wouldn’t be friends with a guy if he’s actually a creep.’
Luca sighs, then he gives me a slow up and down look and shakes his head. His Deaf eyes have always been too good at reading me. ‘What’s wrong? You’re more tense than usual.’
I take a deep breath. There’s no point in trying to lie to him a second time. ‘I have to go to the clinic.’
He looks confused as to why that would upset me. He never did have to serve at the clinic. Deaf Gain, he’d signed while laughing in my face. But he was always supportive whenever I talked about it, and I never minded before now.
Frankly, I never minded clinic sessions before this. The Vyastil are a little impersonal, but the orgasms are an amazing stress release, and if I’d never met Cielo, I’d probably be looking forward to it.
But it’s different now.
‘What’s wrong with the clinic. You used to enjoy.’ He looks a little exhausted, and there’s something else swimming in his gaze. Something that tells me Vegas wasn’t a normal expo trip.
But I don’t have it in me to ask right now.
‘I know but…’ my hands hesitate in the air before I finish, ‘I really don’t want to go this time.’
He makes another noise, one of concern. ‘Something happened?’
Something definitely happened. I went and fell for the monster currently sleeping in my bed. I take a breath and step back, shrugging. ‘It’s just…never mind. It’s nothing.’
His brows fly up as he suddenly gets it. ‘Cielo,’ he signs, using the sign name he’d given him. A C tapped near his chin. Sweet, he’d told me.
My shoulders sag. I have no poker face, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to hide it from my brother. ‘I like him.’
He snorts. ‘I know.’
‘You don’t understand. I like him.’ I emphasize what I mean with both my expression and my hands, and he rolls his eyes.
‘I know,’ he repeats, tapping the side of his head a little harder. ‘Can you tell them you can’t do it?’
I shake my head. ‘They’ll ask for relationship documentation, and I think part of Cielo’s punishment is that he’s not allowed to have anything personal with humans. He won’t even take my cum.’
Luca pulls a face. ‘Why not. It’s free. You offer it.’
‘His punishment,’ I repeat. ‘No cum. No humans.’
‘That’s bullshit.’
I can’t help a small laugh. ‘Yeah. And I don’t think anyone will notice or care, but he seems terrified to break the rules again. Not that I blame him. You saw what he looked like when they were finished with him.’
Luca’s face darkens, and he gives a stiff nod.
‘I can’t tell the clinic I want to be with him because he might get arrested or whatever. And I have no other excuses to get out of it.’
‘Lie. Pretend Deaf,’ he suggests. ‘They’ll fire you like they did me.’
‘I should have tried that years ago,’ I tell him. I didn’t expect Luca to have any real advice for me, but it did feel nice to unload some of this. And to confess my feelings to someone. I want to tell Cielo exactly how I feel about him, but I know that won’t go well.
I’ll have to be patient.
‘I need to go,’ I tell Luca. ‘I’m going to be late.’
Luca squeezes my shoulder. ‘Let me drive you.’
‘No thanks. I already ordered a car. Dinner tonight. You can tell me what happened in Vegas.’ He’s been acting cagey since he got back, and for once, I’d rather grill him on his feelings instead of being under his irritating and all-knowing gaze.
He meets my eyes, and he looks…angry. ‘Maybe.’
Luca’s normally the kind of person who will tell anyone anything. He never holds back. So a maybe is a big deal. A maybe means some serious shit might have gone down.
I wave at him as he starts to move past me toward his car, and he stops. ‘Are you okay?’ I ask.
He lifts his hands, drops them, opens his mouth, then closes it. After what feels like forever, he shrugs. ‘Will. Will.’
I suppose that’s the best I’m going to get out of him now. ‘Get some sleep. If you need me, I’ll be at the shop later. I’m opening today at noon.’
He nods, then gives me a quick wave before fully turning away, cutting me off. Part of me wants to chase after him, but as much as I can’t afford the fine for not showing up, I also can’t afford the fine if I’m late.
My car is waiting for me—a looming thing on the curb, ready to take me to the appointment that might break me. My fingers shake as I open the back door and settle into the seat, and dread fills my veins as we begin the slow drive over to the clinic.
It’s all I can do not to throw up on my shoes as I make my way inside.
It looks exactly like the last time I was here for an appointment. The cum zombies are standing near the door in their usual lines, and the parking lot is empty save for whoever’s there for their appointment.
The receptionist at the desk gives me a bored look when I approach, dropping her phone with a heavy sigh as she asks for my name.
“Dante Barducci. Listen, I’m not feeling—”
“You can go right through,” she says, cutting me off. “Room five.”
Fuck. I close my eyes for a long second, then turn and head through the door. It gives a loud click just before I reach for the handle. I’ve been doing this long enough, I know the drill.
Room five is cool but not cold, and the chair is waiting for me. The gown is on the table in the plastic bag, and as I pick it up, I hear the faint sound of the portal being used. It’s just down the hall from where this room is, and a strange sensation moves up my spine.
I’ve thought about what it would be like, of course. I’ve always wondered what Erethar is like. I’ve always wondered if humans would ever be allowed to travel there freely. I thought maybe once the Vyastil established trust with the humans, we’d be invited.
Now, after seeing what happened with Everest, Rathyn, and Cielo, I very much doubt that will happen. And maybe that’s a good thing.
Knowing what they’re capable of doing to an innocent monster like Cielo makes me not want to go there. If Cielo were allowed to return, I’d tag along. I want to see his village. His family. Where he grew up. The places and things that bring him comfort.
But I wouldn’t go on my own, and I do not want to do the monsters who hurt him any favors.
Bowing my head, I strip down, then ease myself into the chair. It’s cold, and my stomach gives a lurch as I prepare myself for what’s going to happen.
Fuck, how am I going to let another Vyastil touch me? How am I going to let one drink my cum when Cielo is taking my scraps?
It feels like cheating.
No. It feels like something worse.
Fuck it. No. I’m not doing this.
I’m about to jump up and run, my mind whirling with how I can mortgage the shop for any fines accrued. But just then, the little buzzer sounds and the straps clamp down on my wrists and ankles.
Panic hits me like a freight train, and my breath starts heaving in my chest. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I can’t do this.
Not to myself. Not to Cielo.
I want him and only him.
“Help,” I whisper. It’s not enough. No one is going to hear that. I’m going to have to tell the Vyastil to his face that I can’t let him touch me, and fuck knows how that’s going to go.
The door opens, and I tense, preparing myself for the worst, when I glance over, and I don’t see blue skin or a long tail. No. I see a tired-looking nurse with her hair in a long braid down her back, wearing scrubs that have piglets all over them.
“Dante…” She’s squinting at her tablet, “Barducci?” She murders the pronunciation, but it doesn’t matter.
“That’s…that’s me. What’s going on?”
“Your session has been cancelled.”
I don’t believe her. Not even when she taps her tablet screen and the bonds unclasp. My feet fall to the floor, my legs wobbling as I blink at her.
“Do you need assistance?” she asks blandly.
I blink again, then force my tongue to move. “No. But, uh…why…?”
She doesn’t answer that question. “You can leave the gown on the table. Is there anything else I can help you with?”