Chapter 26
TATE
My heart raced as I logged into the portal four days after I’d taken the DNA paternity test. Not sure why I was so nervous. I knew what it was going to say. I’d have bet my life on it.
I clicked into the report, and the words appeared in bold, clear as day:
I closed my eyes and laughed almost deliriously. Taking a test to confirm this seemed comical. But now any shred of doubt had been removed.
My complete and utter love for that boy washed over me, chased by a desire to make up for lost time so he never remembered me not being his dad. There was only one thing in my life equally as urgent: protecting my relationship with my older son.
Speaking of Taylor, I’d been getting ready to pay him a visit when I got the email about the results. Now I was officially late to his house.
I got into my car and raced three miles to the condo Taylor had recently rented with his new wife. They’d just returned from their honeymoon a few days ago.
Taylor was outside washing his car when I arrived.
“Hey, dude,” I said.
“Hey.” He grinned and put the hose down.
“How’s it going?” I smacked his shoulder.
“Good. Tons of shit to do since we got back. You know how it is when you go away. You gotta pay for it when you come home.”
“How was Aruba?”
He shook his head, a dreamy look on his face. “So freaking nice, man. You should go sometime.”
I grinned. “Bet you didn’t want to come back.”
“I sure as heck didn’t.” He laughed. He used his hand as a visor as he looked up at me. “How are things with you?”
“Good.” I let out a long breath, feeling guilty already.
“Things still going well with Leah?” he asked.
My stomach tightened. I didn’t know how to break it to him.
Taylor had been happy that I was in a relationship because it brought some stability to my life.
I assumed that made him feel like I was more prepared to be the kind of dad he’d always wanted—a father less likely to fuck up again and move away.
But I had to be honest with him where I could, since I was still hiding so much.
“I don’t know if things are going to work out with her,” I admitted.
His eyes widened. “Seriously?”
I nodded. “I know that sucks to hear, because you like her.”
His face changed. “It’s not that. I just feel like you deserve to be happy. I mean, no offense, but you’re forty years old. You’re not getting any younger.”
“Thanks for the reminder.”
“Although, some of my friends who saw you at the wedding thought you were, like, early thirties.” He rolled his eyes. “One of them said you were hot.”
I knew which friend hadn’t made that comment. I cringed. “Sorry about that.”
“It kind of made me want to vomit.” Taylor chuckled.
I cringed again. You have no idea, my poor son.
“It was cool that so many of my friends got to finally meet you, though.”
I gulped, feeling beads of sweat on my forehead. “Yeah. It was great to meet them, too.” I cleared my throat, eager to change the subject. “What time does Juliana get home?”
“Right around five. And then we’re going out to dinner with my friend Blair. You met her at the wedding, too.”
My pulse raced. “Right.” I nodded. “I do remember her.”
“Blair’s one of my best friends. I tried to set her up with my friend Adam that night, but she wasn’t feeling well at the wedding. She didn’t seem too into him. But he liked her, so I’m inviting him to come along, see if maybe there’s a spark tonight now that she’s feeling better.”
“I see.” I swallowed. “Does she know he’s going?”
“No.” He shook his head. “She’s probably not gonna be very happy about the surprise, but I think he’d be good for her if she took the time to get to know him.
” He paused. “She has a three-year-old son, Nicholas. And Adam’s good with kids.
He’s got a ton of nieces and nephews and didn’t seem turned off by the fact that she had a child when I told him. ”
My chest constricted. I sucked in some air, trying to be inconspicuous. “That’s kind of you to look out for her.” I paused, cognizant of the fact that I might’ve been showing too much interest. “Seems like she’s important to you. How did you and she meet?”
“We went to Camp Mystic together and then were counselors there, too, for a few summers in a row. Remember how I used to go there every year?”
I nodded. “Of course, I do. Yeah.”
“Well, she and I talked a lot during those years. I was struggling with stuff. And she always seemed to make things better.”
Stuff. Mostly issues having to do with me, I presumed. “And you never liked her as more than a friend?” I couldn’t help but ask, because, well, I needed to know just how badly I’d be hurting him.
He shrugged. “She had this boyfriend, Daniel, for a while, and then I met Juliana. She was very loyal to him, even though he ended up doing her dirty.” He paused.
“I did sort of like her that way for a while in the beginning. She probably doesn’t realize that.
I always thought the world of her, but in retrospect, it’s better that we remained friends. ”
My stomach sank. “What does Juliana make of Blair?”
“You mean, is she jealous?”
“Well, yeah. A male-female friendship like the one you have seems rare.”
“She was a little suspect of me having a female best friend at first. I can’t blame her. But she and Blair get along well now. Over the years, she’s seen the kind of friendship we have.”
“That’s good.”
“Anyway…” he said. “I gotta start getting ready to go out tonight. You want to take a look at the car?”
“Yeah, of course.” I gestured for him to lead the way.
My mind whirled as he popped the hood and I helped him change his spark plugs.
Am I making a mistake by waiting to tell him?
Maybe getting closer to him will only make it more of a betrayal.
Who’s watching Nicholas while Blair goes out with them tonight?
Would Blair actually like this Adam guy?
How will I handle it when she inevitably gets a boyfriend?
It was a wonder I could focus at all on the task before me.
After we finished the plugs, I closed the hood and turned to Taylor. “Well, that’ll do it. Have fun tonight.”
“I will. Thanks again for stopping by. I appreciate it.” He paused. “Maybe you can work on teaching me how to fix these things myself so I don’t have to keep bugging you.”
My heart filled with pride. “I’d love to. You just let me know when you have time for some lessons.”
“I guess that can be a perk of having you close by again, huh?”
“And to think I thought you’d be annoyed to have me back in town.” I winked.
“Bye, Dad.” He gave me a quick hug, which I tried not to prolong, though I wanted to.
“Bye.” I turned and headed back to my car, still smiling, but also swallowing past a lump in my throat.
Taylor didn’t call me Dad all that often, and when he did, it made me emotional—especially now. I was desperate not to return to the way things had been with him in years past.
Guilt hung over me the entire ride home, and it worsened when I pulled up and saw Leah waiting in front of my place. Yet another person I was about to let down. But the situation with her I could control.
“Hey,” I said as I exited my car.
She smiled. “I just stopped by and knocked before I realized you weren’t home. I came by to see if you were interested in grabbing dinner.”
Between confirming I was Nicholas’s dad, having to lie to Taylor today, and my lingering jealousy over Blair’s setup tonight, I had no energy to attempt to give this woman what she deserved.
I couldn’t spend another second pretending everything was normal.
I needed to let her go. I’d been dreading this, but it had to be done.
“Actually, Leah… Do you think we could go inside and talk?”
Her expression dimmed.
She knows.
How could she not with the way I’d been acting lately?
As she followed me inside, I wished this was the toughest talk I’d have to have this year. But it was only the tip of the iceberg.
***
After the devastation of breaking Leah’s heart and ending our relationship, I sat in my living room, staring at the wall for most of the evening. Always one to sense when I was down, my German shepherd, Khloe, stayed right by my side.
“Girlie, I wish you could talk because I’m holding a secret right now that’s killing me.”
She rested her head on my shoulder.
I rubbed between her ears. “I don’t know if you’ve ever been around kids. I know you’re gonna be a sweet girl around Nicholas, though. We need to make sure of it. He needs to fall in love with you, just like I did.”
Khloe closed her eyes.
“I know you get excited with new people, but we don’t want to scare him away.” I smiled. “He’s technically your brother.”
I paused for a moment, realizing how nuts I sounded.
I needed to talk to someone other than Khloe about this before it drove me insane.
Someone trustworthy. I wondered how Blair would feel if I told my mother what was going on.
Mom was the only person I’d trust with this secret, and I could use her advice about how to handle things with Taylor.
She’d been close to him for years, and in many ways, she knew him better than I did.
I realized I’d been dozing on the couch when my phone rang at almost eleven PM. It was Blair. I picked up right away, panic rising. “Blair, is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Everything is fine. I’m sorry if I worried you.”
“I wasn’t expecting to hear from you tonight, that’s all.”
“Oh? Why is that?”
I hesitated. “Taylor told me you guys were going out.”
“He did?”
“Yeah. I went by his house earlier to help him fix his car. He mentioned that he and Juliana were having dinner with you tonight. I was planning to call you to talk about the DNA results, but I figured I’d catch up with you tomorrow morning. I’m happy you called, though.”
“You obviously saw that Nicholas is yours.”
I had to laugh. “I saw that he was mine the moment I looked at his face, Blair.”
“Yeah.” She chuckled. “Thank you for taking the test anyway. It’s important to me that you have confirmation.”