Chapter 26 #2
“My pleasure.” I leaned back and kicked up my feet, feeling calmer than I had all day, even if there was no reason for it. I just loved hearing her voice. “Tell me about your night.” I took a deep breath to prepare myself. “How was it?”
“I got home a little while ago. It was nice to see them. It was my first time since the wedding.”
I tugged at my hair. “Where did you guys go?”
“To Bianco’s. Nice Italian restaurant.”
It killed me not to ask her about the Adam guy. I’d hoped she would offer that info, but maybe she didn’t want to upset me.
“Who was watching Nicholas?” I asked.
“My parents. I try not to impose on them too much, but they’re always happy to come hang out with him when I need it. They just left.”
“That’s nice of them. You have a good relationship with your folks, right?”
“Yep. I’m lucky.”
Curiosity consumed me.
Don’t say it.
Don’t say it.
“How was Adam?” I could taste the bitterness on my tongue.
You’re fucking pathetic, Tate.
She was quiet a moment. “How did you know about that?”
“Taylor told me. He said he’d invited a friend he thought would be good for you.”
She exhaled. “Well, I didn’t know he was going to be there.”
“I know. Taylor said he was surprising you.”
“I wish he hadn’t done that.”
“I suspected you might not be thrilled about it…not because of the dude, but just because no one wants to be surprised with a date,” I added.
“It wasn’t a date.”
“Right.” I dug for a little more info. “Are you not…interested in dating?”
“It’s been a very long time, as I’ve told you. And I just…” Her words trailed off.
“What?”
“It has to be the right person. It takes a lot for me to leave Nicholas and go out, let alone give a piece of myself to someone when I still feel like I don’t have much to give. But I need to force myself to get out there more.”
Now I wished I hadn’t asked. That thought made me miserable. I tightened my fist. “Taylor seems to think this Adam guy is perfect for you.”
“Yeah, well, Taylor doesn’t really know what I need right now, even if he means well.”
“What do you need?” I asked in a low voice.
After a pause, she answered matter-of-factly. “The same thing I needed the night I met you.”
My eyes widened. This was the Blair I’d known four years ago—no-holds-barred, unbridled honesty. It was my first taste of the old Blair since we’d reconnected.
My face burned. “You need no-strings sex?”
“What I don’t need is someone who needs something from me. I don’t have anything left to give. And I won’t pretend I do.”
“But despite that…you have a physical need,” I prodded, ready to tear my hair out.
“I’m still human, so yeah. But I’m not about to go on some hookup app at this point in my life. I have to look out for myself more than ever. So, it’s a conundrum. Nicholas and I… We have our cocoon. It feels safe, and I’m not ready to venture outside of it.”
I want to be in that cocoon.
But I can’t.
I fucking can’t.
I attempted to change the subject, more for my sake than hers.
“What do your parents know about Nicholas’s father?”
“They know as much as Taylor does—that I met an older man named Tate on the trip, that we agreed to remain relatively anonymous when we parted ways, and that I lost my only way of contacting him when my phone was taken. They know I tried to find you and everything.”
I shut my eyes. “They must hate me for messing with your life.”
“Any animosity they might’ve had toward you disappeared the day they met their grandson. Nicholas has that effect on people. No one questions how he got here anymore.”
I smiled. I wanted my mom to know she had another grandson. “I want to ask you something.”
“What?”
“How would you feel if I told one person what was going on?”
“Why would you want to do that?” she asked, a hint of alarm in her voice.
“Because I’d really like her take, and she’s the only person I can trust.”
“Your mom?”
“Yeah. But I won’t say anything if you’re not okay with it. It’s your call.”
“Well, if you tell your mother, can I tell mine?”
“Of course. But won’t she want to kill me?”
“Kill you for what? Like I said, they know how I met you. And it’s not like we ended up in this situation intentionally. Once I found out I was pregnant, I had nothing to hide. I told my parents as much as I knew. They just don’t know I’ve discovered you’re Taylor’s father.”
“Fuck.” I blew out a long breath. “All right. Well, yeah, I mean, if I tell my mother, you should be able to tell yours, as long as you can trust her not to say anything.”
“I trust her with my life.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “Same with my mother.”
She laughed a little. “Let me know if your mother has any brilliant ideas about how we can handle this.”
“Right? I’m desperate for that.”
“You won’t tell the woman you’re seeing?” she asked.
Ugh. I grimaced. “About that…”
“What?”
“I ended things with Leah earlier today.”
“You did?”
“I needed to free up my head emotionally, and she needed more than I could give her right now. I need to be alone for a while. That’s what’s best.”
Blair went quiet on the line. I could only imagine what she was thinking.
“Are you still there?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “I just…wasn’t expecting that.”
“Does it make you nervous or something?”
“No, of course not. Why would it make me nervous?”
“I don’t know. But you shouldn’t worry. My decision to break up with Leah was independent of our situation. I don’t intend to cross the line with you, Blair. That would only complicate things more.”
“I wasn’t implying that you broke up with her because of me. I just said I wasn’t expecting it,” she said defensively.
“I’m sorry.” I rubbed my temples. “I don’t even know what I’m fucking saying. Today was just…a lot.”
Her tone lightened. “You found out you’re indeed the father, like on some old-school Maury Povich episode, lied to your son’s face, and broke up with your girlfriend in one day. What could possibly be the problem?”
I snorted. “You’re too young to remember The Maury Povich Show.”
“I’ve seen clips on social media about the DNA-test episodes.”
“Unlike me, who’s old enough to have actually watched that show.”
“You’re old, yeah.” She chuckled. “But you look even hotter than you did when we met. Not sure how that’s possible.”
I shook my head and sank deeper into the couch. “I’ve been thinking the same about you.”
“Oh, now you’re a liar?”
My eyes widened. Does she not realize? “Why would I lie about that?”
“When you showed up at my house, I was wearing a dirty T-shirt and had my hair in a messy bun… How could I be hotter than you remember?”
I loved the way she’d looked that day. Her hair was up, showcasing her long, beautiful neck.
I remember wishing I could take a bite out of it.
She also hadn’t been wearing a bra. It had been hard not to stare at her, especially during Nicholas’s bathtime.
I’d spent way too many minutes since then thinking about how damn gorgeous she was.
“You look the same, but even more beautiful,” I told her. “That’s coming from someone who’s looked at the photos of you from the resort often over the past four years.”
“You did?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“Yep. Even though I thought you’d chosen never to contact me again, I still tortured myself with those photos.” I hesitated. Fuck it. “And that letter you left me… That was…”
“When did you read it?”
“Minutes after you left the resort.”
“Minutes? That soon?”
“I was a fucking wreck when you left. I needed something. The letter was all I had.”
“I can’t remember everything I wrote. I just poured out what I was feeling in that moment.”
“Everything you said, I felt the same.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore, though, does it?” she said.
For a few seconds, you could hear a pin drop.
“I don’t know how this is gonna play out, Blair. But I’m gonna be here for that boy. That’s my focus now.” I paused. “Speaking of which, I think I found a place for us to meet.”
“Where?”
“In Western Mass. That’s where you grew up, right?”
“Yes.”
“It’s a couple hours’ drive from here, but the house has a swing set in the back for him.”
“He’ll love that.”
“Will you mind driving that distance?”
“Nicholas is good in the car, so it should be fine. The farther the better, I think.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “I can lease the place for a three-month minimum.”
“That works.”
“Would you be able to meet there this Saturday?” I asked, eager to see them.
Them.
Deep down, I knew this wasn’t just about Nicholas.
“Actually, this Saturday I can’t. My cousin’s thirtieth birthday party is at my aunt’s house on Saturday. Nicholas will be coming with me, since there’ll be kids his age there.”
That was a bummer, but I didn’t have much choice.
“How about the following weekend?” she asked.
“That works for me,” I said, trying not to let my anxiousness show. I’d have cleared my calendar if I’d had any commitments.
I had to remind myself I was invading a life she’d done a damn good job of building on her own. I wanted to be an asset, not a hindrance or an additional responsibility she had to deal with.
“Okay, weekend after next, then,” she said.
“Has Nicholas asked about me since the aquarium?” I braced myself.
“No.”
My shoulders slumped. “I need to tell him my name. But Tate would be stupid, right? Since he might mention me to Taylor?”
“We shouldn’t take the chance. Especially since Taylor knows my baby daddy’s name was Tate. Maybe we just give you a nickname for now.”
“Like?”
“I’ll think of something.”
I chuckled. “That should be interesting.”
“I’d better go. It’s late. Nicholas gets me up pretty early in the mornings.”
“Yeah. Of course. You go. If there’s anything I can do before we meet, please let me know.”
“We’ll be good. But thanks.”
Of course they would. Once again, I reminded myself that Blair had done just fine without me all these years. She didn’t need me to swoop in, trying to be some goddamn superhero who didn’t know his ass from his elbow when it came to kids. I needed to earn my place as a helper. That would take time.
Before I went to bed that night, I pulled up the old photos of Blair I had stashed away in a special album for easy access. But this time, I looked at them in a different light. Never before had I realized she was probably already pregnant with my baby in these images. My body buzzed.
I was deep into staring when my phone buzzed.
Blair: I’ve got it.
Tate: Got what?
Blair: The nickname Nicholas can call you.
Tate: What is it?
Blair: Mr. T.
I had to laugh.
Tate: That’s funny.
Blair: Why is that funny?
Tate: Mr. T?
Blair: I don’t get it.
Tate: The guy from The A-Team?
Blair: The what?
I laughed harder.
Tate: The A-Team. It was a show back in the eighties. And shit, I just realized why the fuck you wouldn’t know what that was. I remember my dad watching reruns when I was younger.
Blair: Correct. I have no idea what you’re talking about. LOL
Tate: I thought that’s why you picked it, but that show was way before your time. Mr. T works, though.
I caught myself smiling like a fool. “I pity the fool.”—Mr. T used to say that.
I needed to go to sleep, because I was clearly delirious.
Blair texted me one last time.
Blair: Goodnight, Mr. Teabag.
Now that was the Blair I remembered.