Chapter 33
TATE
Today had been a high point right up there with the time I’d spent at the resort with Blair four years ago.
The three of us had hung out from morning till night. We didn’t even leave the house much. Blair and I got up right before Nicholas, and then she made pancakes. We’d tossed a ball around the yard with our son, and as expected, Blair gave me hell for buying him that truck. All in good fun, though.
After that, we went to a local café where Blair and I sipped coffees while watching Nicholas devour a chocolate donut like it was the best thing either of us had ever witnessed.
On the way home, I went to the market and bought all the ingredients to make homemade breaded chicken tenders and cheesy rice, which was apparently one of Nicholas’s favorites. Blair made a big salad for us, too.
And though we were supposed to go our separate ways this evening, I’d convinced Blair to spend one more night here with me. We’d both drive back on Monday morning instead of the original plan of Sunday night. This time with them felt precious.
I’d just put away the last of the dishes and ventured out to the living room.
Blair was cuddled next to Nicholas on the couch in that lazy time after dinner but before his bath.
She’d fallen asleep while Nicholas was tired but awake, petting Khloe who was comfortably situated next to him. My heart felt ready to burst.
My family.
This was my family—the one I’d never known I wanted until it appeared in front of me.
Now I didn’t know how I’d lived without them for so long.
I sat next to Blair and gently kissed her hair.
Resting my arm against the back of the couch behind her, I leaned my head toward hers and closed my eyes for a moment.
I needed to find a way to be with them every day.
Before we’d even separated, I was already dreading the week ahead.
I loved Taylor and didn’t want to hurt him.
But after this weekend, I knew we couldn’t wait to tell him the truth.
If things were tough after doing so, at least I could be with Blair and Nicholas instead of having to hide my love for them.
She blinked her eyes open and looked up at me. “I can’t believe I fell asleep.”
I kissed her on the forehead. “Well, it’s been a big weekend.”
When Nicholas hopped off the couch to play with the train set, I took the opportunity. “What do you think about telling Taylor sooner rather than later?”
Her expression dimmed. “How soon?”
“Like in the next couple of weeks?”
Blair looked down. “I thought you wanted to give it time?”
“I don’t think I can live much longer not seeing you and Nicholas during the week. Waiting to tell him isn’t going to lessen the shock. I think I’ve just been looking for excuses. My mother said the same thing.”
Her head tilted as she thought. “Okay, well, Taylor’s birthday is in a week. So sometime after that. I don’t want to ruin his day.”
“Agreed.” I nodded. “And once we get past telling him, I want you and Nicholas to live with me, either in your house or mine, and ultimately in a bigger and better place than either of those. I want to respect your boundaries, though,” I added, forcing myself to breathe.
“So there’s no pressure. Just letting you know what I would love.
It’ll make it easier for me to watch him while you’re at class or doing your thing, too.
You tell me, though, if that’s not something you want.
” I paused again. “This is your time, Blair. I want you to do all the things you’ve been missing out on because you’ve had to care for Nicholas on your own.
My work schedule is flexible. You’re my priority now, just as much as he is. ”
She smiled. “That sounds like a dream, but I don’t have a desire to spend all that much time away from you. I just got you back.”
My heart felt like it would burst. That was too good to be true.
“Well, I’m cool with making up for lost time together—as long as that’s what you want, baby.
I just don’t want you to feel stuck or pressured.
I want you to want to be with me. We’re still at different stages of life.
I’m still old enough to be your goddamn father. If you ever feel—”
“You’re the only one I want, Tate. Period. Full stop.”
Her words did things to me, things I couldn’t fully act on at the moment.
I glanced over at Nicholas, only to have him come over and hop onto my lap.
He rested his head in the crook of my arm, and I kissed the top of his head.
I was so damn grateful. I closed my eyes and breathed him in. When I opened them, Blair was smiling.
“I love him so much,” I mouthed to her. “And I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she mouthed back.
We went to bed that night feeling so peaceful, so blissfully oblivious to the nightmare that lay ahead the next day.
***
Blair and Nicholas left the house about ten AM on Monday morning, and I stayed behind to clean up and do a load of Nicholas’s laundry so I could fold it and have his clothes ready for next weekend.
A phone call interrupted me just as I was smoothing out a pair of his jeans.
“Blair?” I answered.
Her voice shook. “Tate, we were in an accident.”
My stomach sank. “What? Are you okay?”
“We’re in an ambulance. We were thirty minutes from home, and someone rear-ended us.” She took in a shuddering breath. “Nicholas is unconscious. He’s breathing, but I think maybe he has a concussion.”
“Oh my God.” The jeans fell from my hands.
“He was in his car seat, but his head snapped forward and hit something. I’m so scared.”
The room felt like it was spinning. Running out of the laundry area, I scrambled to locate my keys. “I’m getting in my car right now. What hospital are they taking him to?”
She didn’t immediately answer, and then I heard the muffled sound of her talking to someone.
“Lincoln Memorial,” she finally said.
“Try to breathe, Blair,” I said as I got into my truck. “Everything’s gonna be okay. You have to believe that.”
“I know. I’m just scared.” She exhaled. “Just get here.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. You want me to stay on the phone with you?”
“No. I need to pay attention to what’s happening.”
“Call me back if you need me.”
She sniffled. “Okay.”
My tears fell the moment I hung up with her. I could barely see through them.
I began to pray to a God I hoped was listening. I hadn’t asked Him for much in my life, always fended for myself. But I needed help right now because anything happening to that little boy was unthinkable.
“Please. Please, let my baby be okay. I promise to spend the rest of my life trying to be a good person, a good father.”
I had so much love for him in my heart, and I couldn’t imagine not giving it to him. He didn’t even know he had a dad who loved him.
The drive to the hospital was a blur, and I texted Blair the second I parked to ask where she was.
She told me they were in the pediatric ICU and instructed me to let them know I was his father; otherwise, they wouldn’t let me in.
When I finally made it to the room, the overhead lights practically blinded me. I struggled to see what was happening. Nicholas was surrounded by medical staff, and Blair stood at the head of the bed, looking panicked as I rushed to her side.
But when I looked down at my son, relief washed over me. His eyes were open, though not entirely focused.
“This is his dad,” Blair said to the doctor.
The doctor looked at me. “Nicholas’s vitals are good, and he’s stable. With small kids, there can be a loss of consciousness even in minor accidents. We’re going to keep him overnight for observation. It’s a good thing he was in a car seat.”
“Thank you so much for taking care of him,” I said, reaching for Blair’s hand.
After he left, I pulled in a full breath for the first time since I’d left the house.
I took Blair in my arms. “Are you okay?”
She nodded.
I started to cry in relief. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d sobbed like this. Blair, too, had tears running down her face. We sat at each side of Nicholas’s bed.
“Hi, my boy,” I whispered.
“Hi,” he answered groggily.
I patted his hand. “You’re gonna be okay, little guy.”
He looked into my eyes, just like he had that night in the bathtub.
The weight of what could have happened hit me all over again. “Daddy loves you,” I said. “Daddy loves you so much.”
I looked up at Blair, expecting to gauge her reaction to the words that had unexpectedly come from my mouth. But instead, what I saw was my other son, standing behind Blair in the doorway.