Chapter 32
BLAIR
The moment Tate’s lips touched mine, his taste was my oxygen. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d needed this until it was happening.
“You’ve been waiting for me, haven’t you?” He groaned over my skin.
“Yes…” I murmured, my legs ready to collapse under me. “You ruined me for anyone else. Don’t you know that?”
“I lost my fucking mind tonight.” He tugged on my hair. “I’ve never been so jealous. You’re the only woman who can bring that out in me.” He looked into my eyes. “I don’t care what it fucking takes. I don’t want to lose you, Blair. I can’t live without you.”
I threaded my fingers through his silky mane. “You already have me. You always did. You’re fucking etched into my soul, Tate. I haven’t been able to allow anyone else in.”
“What do you need right now?” he asked.
“I need you inside of me. I need it more than I ever have.”
He stepped back. “I don’t have any protection here. I wasn’t expecting to—”
I ran my fingers through his hair again. “I have an IUD now. Not for birth control, but because I was having some pain. So you can… It’s okay if you—”
“Fuck, yes.” Tate took my mouth again before I could finish that sentence.
The muscles between my legs quivered. I thought I might die if he stopped this. But I knew he wouldn’t. We’d gone past the point of no return.
“I can’t let you go, Blair. I fucking tried.”
“I don’t want you to let me go.”
He unzipped my dress, and it fell to the floor.
He slid his calloused hands down my back.
A shiver ran through me. “I just want to look at you for a minute,” he said.
Tate traced his finger along the curves of my body, circling my nipple, grazing my belly button.
“You’re so damn beautiful.” He knelt and placed a kiss on my stomach.
“I can’t believe this beautiful body carried my child.
I’ll never get over it, Blair. I swear. It’s such a miracle. ”
The heat of his mouth ignited a flame inside me, which was about to erupt into a full-on fire.
He went lower, and without warning, Tate pulled my panties aside and pressed his mouth to my clit.
He gripped my ass and pulled me against his face.
I bent my head back in ecstasy as he devoured me.
His groan vibrated throughout my core, his tongue lapping at my tender flesh.
Raking my fingers through his hair, I closed my eyes, falling further and further into an abyss each second.
When I felt myself almost ready to come, I pulled on his hair.
“You need to stop before I—”
“Fuck,” he murmured, rising to take my mouth in his.
I could taste myself on his tongue. I wrapped my arms around his neck, so hungry for him. He kissed me harder, our breaths erratic, tongues colliding. I couldn’t get him inside of me fast enough.
I knew having sex with Tate was a bit reckless with our son in the next room.
But I was willing to take the risk. I unsnapped my bra, tossing it aside as Tate slipped his shirt over his head.
The hunger in his eyes was the same as I remembered from the first time we’d made love. It was even more intense now.
Tate lifted me and carried me to his bed.
After he put me down, he whipped his belt off and stepped out of his jeans, pushing down his boxer briefs.
The sight of his beautifully hard cock made my mouth water.
He lowered himself over me and let out a deep growl as he pushed inside in one desperate thrust. I was so ready that it didn’t even hurt, though I hadn’t had sex in four years.
“Look at you, soaking wet. You feel so damn good.” He rocked into me. “You’re fucking mine, aren’t you? You’ve been mine this entire time.”
I tugged gently at his lip with my teeth. “From the moment I met you, and every day between then and now.” I dug my nails into his back as he pounded into me. I was desperate for each and every thrust.
Squeezing his ass, I tightened my muscles around his thick cock. I’d nearly forgotten how good it felt to be pinned down and ravaged by this man. And it was even better because there was no barrier this time. “I want to feel you come inside me,” I breathed.
“Now?” He panted.
“Yes,” I begged.
His body shook and jerked forward. “Shit…” He gasped. “Fuck. Oh my…God, I’m…”
Feeling the heat of his load was all it took for me to spasm around his cock. It was the most intense orgasm I’d ever had. I never wanted it to end.
Tate pumped in and out of me slowly, long after he was finished. I loved feeling his hot arousal between my legs, and he lay on top of me for the longest time, our bodies still connected.
After he pulled out, we turned to face each other.
“What now?” I whispered.
“Fuck if I know, baby,” he said, dragging his thumb along my chin. “But things just got a whole lot more complicated.”
I looked into his eyes. “This was inevitable, wasn’t it?”
“Like fucking death and taxes.” He kissed my forehead. “We’ll figure it out together.”
I brushed my finger along his stubble. “My handsome man. I missed you so much.”
Tate smiled. “From the moment we left each other at the resort, I never stopped thinking about you, Blair. I need you to know that. Never stopped hoping that phone would ring. But I never allowed myself to imagine an actual future with you, certainly not a child with you.” He paused.
“I will be eternally grateful for the gift you’ve given me. It is beyond my wildest dreams.”
“I wish we could be together without having to hurt anyone,” I said.
“Me, too, sweetheart. Believe me. But I’m done denying how I feel about you, which has nothing to do with you being Nicholas’s mother. This is about you and me—the connection we have that never died. It’s been there all along, even before we found each other again.”
“That’s exactly how I feel.”
My phone chimed, interrupting our moment.
I reached for it on the nightstand, and my stomach dropped. “It’s Taylor,” I whispered.
Tate’s expression grew dark, the light in his eyes fading.
I looked down at it.
Taylor: How did the date with Adam go?
“Shit,” I muttered.
“What does it say?” he asked.
I faced the screen toward him.
“Well, that’s a slap in the face from reality.” Tate exhaled.
I put the phone aside.
“You’re not going to write him back?” he asked.
“Not right away.” I shook my head. “I hate lying.”
“What are you going to tell him?”
“I guess I’m just gonna say I’m not feeling it for Adam the way I should.”
He nodded, and I could tell his mind had gone to a guilty place.
I sighed. “I certainly won’t be telling Taylor I can’t like Adam because I can’t get over his father, no matter how hard I try.”
“I don’t want you to get over me.”
“Is this the part where you tell me you want me under you, not over you?” I teased.
“Well, that too.” He groaned. “Nothing felt worse than when you went out tonight, and I thought there was a chance you could fall for someone else.” He pressed his forehead to mine.
“That was never gonna happen.” We stared into each other’s eyes. “God, I love looking at you. You’re freaking perfect, Tate.”
He ran his fingers through my hair. “I love the way you look at me. I love knowing how much you want me. I love everything about you, Blair.”
He stopped short of saying he loved me, but it was pretty damn close.
“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” I asked.
“We spend the day with our little boy, and we figure out the rest some other time.” Tate reached for his phone. “I want to show you something.”
“Okay…”
“I wasn’t going to show this to you. But after tonight, I want you to read it.”
“What is it?”
“You know how you left me that letter back at the resort…”
I nodded. “Of course.”
“Well, I’ve always regretted not writing you something that day, too. I couldn’t gather my thoughts fast enough to do it before you left, but I did eventually write you back.”
My heart fluttered. “You did?”
His mouth curved into a smile. “I wrote an email to myself, just to get the thoughts out. I would’ve written on paper, but my penmanship sucks. Nicholas probably has better handwriting than I do.” He scrolled through his email. “Anyway, would you want to read it?”
The butterflies in my belly came alive. “Of course.”
He handed me his phone.
Dear Blair,
I don’t know if this message will ever reach you. But I still feel the need to write it.
It’s been one year since I’ve seen your beautiful face in person. One year since I’ve gotten lost inside of you. And one year since you walked out of the resort with my heart.
We had less than a handful of days together, but each and every one of them meant more to me than all of the other days of my life combined.
Every day for a year, I’ve hoped I might hear from you.
I have to believe you have a damn good reason for not contacting me. As each day passes, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may never see or hear from you again.
Though you’re not around physically, I want you to know that I have felt you. I’ve felt you when I’ve looked up at the moon, I’ve felt you on a gentle breeze or a hint of a stranger’s blonde hair. Most of all, I’ve felt you in my dreams, where you make appearances often.
When we left each other, I didn’t have the bandwidth to string words together in a meaningful way.
I chose to spend each and every waking moment with you instead.
Now I have the benefit of hindsight and lots more time to articulate things, and yet, I still struggle to put into words the way you made me feel.
Except to say this: You taught me how to love in a way I didn’t understand before.
While I still long for you every day, you’ve left me a better man, even in your absence. I just wish I could’ve told you how much you meant to me before we went our separate ways.
All this to say, I love you, too, Blair. So much. And I will never forget you.
Love always,
Tate
My eyes watered. “This is beautiful.” I looked at the date that he’d emailed this to himself. It was indeed a year after we’d left each other. I’d made the right decision in following my gut and coming back here tonight.
“When I wrote that message, I never dreamed I’d be in this place with you. I certainly never dreamed you were out there somewhere holding my baby.” His eyes glistened.
I squeezed his hand. “You said there were times you could feel me. I wonder if one of those times was the moment he was born.”
“It’s possible.” He smiled. “You know, tonight when I was giving Nicholas his bath, he looked at me and asked, ‘Who are you?’ I feel like he senses something, even if he doesn’t fully understand.”
“Wow.” I smiled. “I wouldn’t doubt it. A biological bond is a real thing.”
Tate nuzzled my neck. “What time does he normally wake up?”
“He’s a pretty sound sleeper, but he’s usually up by seven AM.”
“I’ll set an alarm for six, so we’re up before him.” He spoke over my lips. “But also, so I can have you again.”
“Wanna take me again now, too?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” he said, flipping me onto my back. I immediately came alive. Tate and I made love again, and that night I slept better than I had in ages, in the arms of the one man who made me feel whole.