4. Maksen
4
MAKSEN
I t hurt me that I had to push her away when she wanted to take care of me. I knew she saw everything by the way her chest was caved in, while her gaze didn’t know where to look first.
She didn’t even raise her eyes to mine as she always did. She just kept staring at my injured leg, with her neck bent forward and her voice breaking with every word she spoke.
It fucking hurt me to tell her to leave. And the moment she finally made eye contact with me, I saw the tears filling her eyes and I knew I fucked it all up.
But I didn’t need her at that moment.
I didn’t need anyone. But I wanted her.
Yet the thickness I felt in my throat made me realize that the guilt grew inside my limbs for the first time in my life.
I’ve always tried to be soft with Annalise and not make her feel the coldness that was so characteristic of me. In fact, I didn’t even try. It came naturally whenever I was around her.
She always made me feel comfortable enough to let down my guard and just be me for a moment. She didn’t look at me as if I was the most feared murderer in the dark world. She looked at me and saw her childhood best friend, and she loved me for that.
She loved me as her best friend.
And I loved her the same way — or at least, that’s what I tried telling myself.
Lukyan’s snoring took me out of my mind and my jaw tightened. He was sleeping since we hopped up on the plane, as if we weren’t on our way to sell the girls. But I knew he didn’t care about their souls, nor that they were children .
My breath began to get heavier as I clenched my fists, just thinking about how I couldn’t save any of the poor souls from tonight. My muscles tensed at the need to shout at and destroy every single person who created the Nochnoy Tuman ? * organization.
But then, a dark thought crept into my mind, reminding me that the person who built this organization from scratch was actually dead — and that person was my father .
Lukyan used to tell me how much my father loved his business and how unscrupulous he was when it came to fame in the dark world and money. He taught me how to be the man my father would’ve wanted me to be and I listened to him until I realized that wasn’t who I was. I just had to continue this legacy because it was all I had.
Or at least, I had to pretend that I was keeping the business alive while I alone had founded my own secret organization to save these children.
I tried to save the girls from tonight, but Lukyan managed to destroy my plans and not release them out of his sight.
He didn’t know that I was creating my own plan to get those children out every time he assigned me to these missions. He just knew that I sold them to other influential men from Europe.
The thought of seeing those little girls in a few minutes, crying for help and being taken by the most gruesome men out there left me with a lingering feeling of crawling flesh.
I had to be strong enough to not let this affect me, but it did. I could kill anyone on this earth who’d done such things to children. Seeing those young souls getting destroyed by men who not only didn’t give a shit about them, but who took advantage in the most unimaginable ways ignited a fire inside me — a fire I knew I couldn’t put out until I would kill all the people who loved to hurt children.
“Son,” his voice took me out of my thoughts instantly.
I raised my gaze at him, keeping an unbothered facial expression on. I didn’t say anything, I just kept looking at his face, hoping he would continue speaking because I didn’t want to show any interest in what he had to say.
He blew out a noisy breath and cleared his throat before he started talking. “We need to sell them all at the highest price.”
We were both playing a game of make pretend, as he seemed to entirely forget the way he put a bullet in my leg, and I played along, at least until I found a better way to piss him off.
“You know we’ll do it no matter what.”
“I know. I trust you on this,” he said, pinning me with his eyes. “And I don’t want you to betray me ever again.”
“I didn’t betray you.”
My muscles quivered and the heat was flushing through my body like a fucking tsunami. He was testing my patience really badly.
He snorted, a wide grin showing on his face now. “You betrayed me since you started to have feelings for Annalise, Maksen. You didn’t think I was blind all this time, did you?”
“I don’t feel anything for her,” I answered with a slow tone of voice. “We’re best friends and that’s all. We grew together and we care for each other.”
He looked at me attentively and I knew he didn’t believe me by the way his eyes narrowed.
“I wanted to wait for this moment, but this seems like the right time to do it,” he spoke, pulling in a deep breath.
I noticed a gleam in his eyes and by the way his lips curved into a mischievous grin, I knew he had something in his mind. I knew him better than anyone.
“Prove it to me that you don’t feel anything for Annalise.” He slightly raised up from his seat to emphasize each word he spoke.
“Tell me how and I’ll gladly do it.”
The motherfucker had the audacity to make me prove something to him for the first time in my life. I was a man of honor and he disappointed me that he didn’t believe me. Well, he shouldn’t have believed me though because I lied. My heart has beaten for Annalise ever since I could remember.
“You’re going to marry Katya in six months when she’ll turn eighteen years old.”
I tried to keep a neutral expression on my face, but the sudden feeling of heaviness that grew in my core made me want to open the door of the helicopter and jump out of it.
“I’m not going to marry her,” I said between gritted teeth as I felt the anger growing even more inside my body.
His eyes squinted and were lit with a twinkle of mischief. “As much as you and I both know, what I say, you follow. That’s the vow you made all those years ago when I decided to get you out of that fire and make you into a man your father would’ve been proud of.” He snorted as he kept his eyes on mine.
“I’m not going to marry her.”
I spat every word as I felt the raging anger hitting on each of my nerves. I felt like a mine ready to explode at any moment, yet I had enough control of myself to keep a straight face as I scrutinized Lukyan.
“You owe me your life, son. Unless, you want me to end it just as easy as how I saved it?”
I had to play his game, just as I always did. Obeying his orders offered him the satisfaction that he had control over me and my life, so I had to make him believe that he still had me around his finger.
It could’ve been so easy to get up from my seat and break his neck, but what would’ve followed was me losing the fight for the life I truly wanted. I wanted to kill him, but I had to do it when he would’ve least expected it.
But until then, I had to calm myself down and pretend to be the same Maksen that wouldn’t ever have questioned his demands.
I wasn’t going to do anything that would upset him, because I knew he had the power to take me away from Annalise. And I would rather live a miserable life if that meant having her close to me.
I had to accept the marriage and think of a way to work it out. It was Katya who we were talking about, so it should’ve been easy to manipulate her.
I had to beat him with his own rules and he wasn’t going to be happy about it.
“I’ll marry her.”
Fuck this.
* ? From Russian, “Nochnoy Tuman" means "Night Fog" in English.