12. Maksen
12
MAKSEN
T he morning was a slow, lazy, and relaxing one now that Katya and I had agreed to plot together against her father’s crazy plan.
She drank her cocktails while I did my workout and ate my breakfast. She had a weird way of starting her morning, but I wasn’t mad at it as long as she left me alone.
After I showered and put my hair into place, I sat on the bed and grabbed my phone.
The moment I saw Tyler’s message with all the details for installing the surveillance camera application on my phone, my lips curled into a triumphant grin that soon turned into a smile the moment I installed the app and opened it.
Annalise was nowhere to be found, and when I switched to the basement’s library camera, I smiled as I saw her studying.
Her angelic face was framed by her long blonde hair, and the way she was biting her lower lip as she was reading from those enormous books made me want to hop in a plane and fly right back to her.
Too bad there was a day and a few more hours keeping us apart since Seychelles was so far away from New York.
For a moment, I felt bad that I was spying on her without her consent, but I really wanted to see her. I missed her already.
“Do you at least want to go to dinner tonight? It’s really boring just sitting in here and doing nothing,” Katya said as she entered the room.
I rolled my eyes and exited the surveillance camera application, letting my gaze fall on the redhead in front of me. Her green eyes pinned me, waiting for my answer as she was playing with her hair.
“Fine. We’ll have dinner.”
She giggled happily and jumped from one foot to the other, after which she threw herself on the bed and took her phone in her hands. I noticed how fast she started typing and I assumed she was talking with Laura considering how dumb the smile on her face was.
I put one foot over the other, after which I opened the surveillance camera application again.
She was still there, buried in her books and underlining everything she thought was helpful. I loved that Lukyan installed high-quality cameras because I could see Annalise very clearly through them. I had the urge to send her a text message, but I wanted her to focus on what she had to learn and not get distracted by me.
“So you didn’t hate me?” Katya suddenly asked.
“I hated you, and I still do, but you're easier to bear now that we share the same goal,” I replied and turned my phone off.
“Fair enough,” she said and let a giggle out of her mouth. “So what’s the plan exactly?” she then added in a more curious tone of voice.
“The first step would be for you to tell your father that you want to move in with me because we’re really getting along, but you don’t want to do it without Annalise.”
She furrowed her brows and turned to sit on her belly. “Isn’t it going to be strange? I mean, why would I need Annalise to move in with the man I’m going to marry?”
“That’s the whole point. You need Annalise to feel more comfortable with me because you’ll tell him that you’re not really feeling safe just by being with me, and that will trigger him.”
“And do you really think that he’ll accept it?”
“Yes. He accepts everything you demand from him.”
“I’ll try my best,” she quickly replied and buried her face in the pillow.
We kept silent until Katya coughed and caught my attention.
“I wanted to ask you something,” she said, looking at me as fear crept into her eyes.
“Yes?”
“Who did that to your legs?”
I knew what she wanted to know, but I wasn’t going to offer her the answer. All the scars from my legs were alarming, and she might’ve seen the scar I had left from the shot too.
“None of your business.”
I turned around on the other side of the bed and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to have that talk with Katya. We were nothing but accomplices.
She didn’t say anything else. She kept the silence and it was what I truly wanted.
These two days really helped me get the sleep I needed, without any other activities that drained my energy.
Sometimes, I needed some time to recover, but back at home, I couldn’t afford to take this time as much as I needed. Yet there I was, away from everything and facing real relaxation for the first time in the last few months.
I wish I could’ve done it with Annalise because I was sure that I would’ve enjoyed it more.
The darkness embraced my body completely, and the pungent smell of mold hit my senses instantly, making me squint and try to cover my nose so I wouldn’t inhale the oppressive air even for another second.
It was unbearable to walk into as soon as I started stepping down on the stairs, but when I reached the red door, I felt the fear creeping into my heart. I knew it wasn’t a good idea to go there by myself.
I turned around on my heels and tried to walk back, but my feet couldn’t move any other way but down. I couldn’t raise my leg to step up the stairs because it felt like there was a magnetic energy that didn’t let me do it.
I muttered something indecipherable, and then I looked up and noticed the door at the end of the stairs opening wide. From behind it, a pair of piercing red eyes showed up, and the malice I found in them cracked my spine in two, fear settling in every tiny vein of my body.
“Don’t you fucking dare come here!” I yelled, feeling how the fear entwined with anger, creating an amalgam of feelings that I’d never felt before.
“Little Maksen, you know you can’t run forever from me.”
The voice broke the silence of the basement in a terrific echo, and the faster my breathing got and the more blood my heart pumped into my entire body, the more I could hear the sound of the man’s footsteps getting closer and closer.
I looked at him, not even trying to avoid eye contact, but that was all I could see. His eyes.
The moment he reached me, I froze, waiting for him to do something, but instead, he passed by me and opened the red door behind me.
I furrowed, confused at his actions, and as soon as I let my gaze fall on him, I saw the tattoo of a bird caught up in a fire which started from his palm and continued upon his forearm.
A cry for help started to be heard and filled the whole room when I followed the mysterious man. Even though I couldn’t see his face, I had this familiar feeling while gazing at him and being near him.
With each step I took through the overwhelming darkness of the room, I felt my chest being pressured by a huge amount of weight, and the cry that seemed to be a child’s started getting even louder than before.
Why did this cry also seem too familiar to me?
I kept walking into the darkness, not caring about anything that might’ve happened. I just kept moving, fear creeping into my body as I was getting lost in the unknown. But the moment I tried to take another step forward, something pushed me away and the light of a light bulb that was about to burn out stuck to my retina, making me narrow my eyes and carefully analyze the surroundings.
When I saw the little child sitting on the ground under the light of the bulb, with his knees close to his chest and shaking like a stick, I realized it wasn’t something I wanted to see.
I tried to move, but I still couldn’t do it.
“Hey! What are you doing there alone? Come here! Let’s leave this place!” I yelled at him, trying to see as much as I could of his actions.
He raised his gaze and I froze the moment I saw myself as a child.
It was me. The little boy was me when I was five years old.
“Don’t you see we can’t move?”
His broken voice shattered me into millions of pieces, and I didn’t know if it was because I realized I was actually talking with myself from the past.
“We can, Maksen. We can move. We can escape.”
He laughed and the tears started rolling down his cheeks. He instantly shut up when a shadow came behind him, blocking the weak light of the bulb.
“Run!” I yelled at him and tried so hard to move, but I couldn’t.
It felt like I was bound to the ground by such a force that at the same time was draining me up from my own soul.
“He can’t run. He’s afraid of the dark. He’ll stay only where the light is,” the man said and I felt shivers running down my spine.
“He can run! He can run! Don’t hurt him!” I thundered again.
“He likes to be hurt.”
The next thing I saw was the man taking little me in his arms and starting to laugh in the most devilish way. I tried screaming at him, but nothing came out of my mouth.
Little Maksen was lost.
And so was I.
I was lost in the darkness I feared most.
I woke up sweating, with my heart racing like it was running a marathon. That tattoo was carved into my soul again, as it has always been after every nightmare I had with that man.
I’ve been having nightmares of him ever since I was in primary school, and with each year that has passed by, they became more terrifying and horrific for me.
I rose from the bed, trying to wipe off the sweat that was covering my face. I started taking deep breaths just to calm down and realize I was awake.
I turned my head to Katya and she was sleeping like a baby, which made me think that I didn’t scream in my sleep or do anything that could’ve woke her up.
I didn’t want to put her in the position to wake me up because I was screaming or God knows what I might’ve done.
I stood up from the bed and stretched my back as I led my feet to the outside of the house. The temperature dropped considerably compared to how hot it was in the morning, so I just sighed and relaxed, letting the sun hug my entire body.
I stepped on the warm sand and breathed in the humid ocean air as soon as I reached the place where the waves were breaking violently on the shore.
Lost as I was, gazing towards the horizon line, I felt how a little teardrop rolled down my cheek without even giving it permission. It just did.
I hated to cry or to show that I was vulnerable in any way, but sometimes, the things that were happening inside of me made me become like this. I hated being like this. I fucking hated it so much.
My chest was rising and falling again in a menacingly fast rhythm, and the stinging around my eyes told that I was about to cry even harder.
After every nightmare that clouded my reality and my perspective of life, I felt that my world was being destroyed and that the earth was completely escaping from under my feet.
I didn’t know where those nightmares came from, or why I had them in the first place, but the only thing I knew was that they were eating me up alive.
Every cell in my body, every breath I took, everything was being shattered and burnt by the flames of the past. And I couldn’t do anything about it.
I put my hands on my head, starting to massage my temples as I closed my eyes and stepped towards the cold water of the ocean.
The moment I felt it hugging my legs and hitting my ankles, I felt a moment of liberation. A moment of pure freedom in which I would’ve loved to drown and never come back. I advanced in the water until I took a big breath of air and sank completely under its surface, leaving my body to float at the merciless will of the foaming waves.
I didn’t care if I drowned.
I didn’t care if I died at this moment.
All I cared about was to be numb; to not feel a single thing of all that was devouring me whole.
But then, a note of warning crept into my mind and the image of my dearest Annalise came to my mind.
I had a reason to live for – a reason not to ever think about wanting to die. Annalise needed a savior, not a slave who longed for his own death.
She needed a man who would fight against everyone like the sun fought against the moon every day at sunset and sunrise. And I had to be that man. I had to be the man she could count on whenever she needed someone.
And I was going to be that man.
I ran my palms over my face and came out to the surface, wringing my hair from the salty water. I stepped out of the ocean and stood a few moments to let the sun’s rays dry me out.
Enough with being vulnerable. Enough with letting my nightmares have control over me. Enough with being a man forced by his own thoughts to act differently than he should. Enough with being little Maksen.
It was the time for the real Maksen Brown to tower over the whole world.
As soon as I entered the house and saw Katya still sleeping, I walked slowly to the bathroom, trying not to make any noise that would have woken her up.
I closed the door behind me and I took off the shorts, putting them in the washer and turning on the water in the shower.
Before stepping into it, I gazed at myself in the mirror and analyzed each detail of me. I was strong enough to fight a dozen people, tall enough to watch everyone from above, and smart enough to cross the organization and save the children.
I showered and spent several minutes just letting the water fall on my body, then I turned it off and stepped out of it, putting a soft towel around my hips.
I took the hairdryer out of the cabinet and started arranging my hair with the brush. I had a dinner to attend with Katya, so I had to at least look presentable enough to attend the fancy restaurant she might’ve chosen.
I unplugged the hairdryer after I finished using it and put it back into the cabinet. But the moment I pressed the door handle and saw that it didn’t open, panic gripped me and made my pulse increase considerably in just a few seconds.
“Open the door!” I yelled, feeling how close I was to losing my mind.
The memories were starting to rush over me and cloud my thinking. The bird in flames came into my mind and that evil laugh was being replayed over and over close to my eardrums.
I was getting scared. Angry. I had no control.
“Open the fucking door!” I yelled again and hit the door with my fists.
“Wait a minute! I’m changing my clothes and I didn’t know you would be so fast with your shower!”
“Katya, open the fucking door now!” I shouted again and my fists started hitting the door again.
I felt the urge to break something. The urge to hit my head on the wall and just not think about the situation that I was locked in the bathroom.
Alone. With no way out.
The sound of the door being unlocked pulled me back from my craziness, and the moment I saw Katya’s face, I stormed out of the bathroom and tried to bring my breath to normal.
“I’m fucking done with this vacation. Call the driver and tell him to take us to the airport. I. Am. Fucking. Done.”
And I really was.