육
NIKKO
“ S hibal .”
Jase smiles at my cursing, his eyes bright with amusement. I know that he likes that I don’t worry about what I say around him anymore. I no longer feel like I have to be so careful with him; I don’t think about every single thing I want to do or over-analyze the words I want to use.
From the moment we walked into that tiny, dark bar last night and no one looked my way, I had a sense of freedom that I couldn’t remember feeling in so long. I know a little bit of it was being able to move through the world without being noticed, but mostly it was just being by his side. I was practically high off of it by the time I kissed him, caught up in the excitement of having time on my own with the man I wanted so badly to be with.
I had not been able to sleep last night—my body still warm every place Jase had touched me. And now, sitting on his lap in this hidden corner of a hotel rooftop, I have never felt hotter. Both in physical temperature and the way he makes me feel desirable. I can see he wants me how I want him, and it makes me believe I am invincible.
Even as I pulled him through the “do not enter” door to this part of the roof earlier, with Seojun right behind us again to protect us from any prying eyes, I could not have cared less about what Seojun thought. My only concern was finding a place to be as close to Jase as possible and kiss him again.
The other members teased me all day about the dazed look on my face and the way I’ve been spacing out, thinking about Jase’s lips on mine, his hands on me. As soon as I could find a place to push him down, I straddled his thighs and was thrilled with the utter shock in his expression.
I like that I could surprise him. I am surprising myself, too. I had never imagined I could be so forward, but I had also not expected to find someone like this. Like him. That makes me feel these things so strongly. Someone who makes me eager to experience everything with them.
I wish we had more privacy and could go somewhere truly alone, just the two of us. The fact that I have gotten to be with him both last night and tonight is incredible. I had wondered all day if he would come back; if he would be willing to spend more time with me tonight, even with the restrictions and rules. I wanted to think that he would. He has never given me a reason not to trust what he says, but I know the price that comes with trying to be with someone like me is high. Not everyone is willing to pay that.
But he was there as soon as we stepped off stage. Leaning against a wall, all long legs and an easy smile. I ignored the whistles coming from behind me when he scooped me up into a hug and held me tight to his chest, my toes barely still on the floor. Being able to run to him and be swept up in his arms was even better than the rush I get being in front of the fans. I love them so much, but I can already feel, somewhere deep down, that I could love this kind of intimacy more.
Perched on his thighs like this, I can tangle my fingers in his hair the way I’ve always dreamed about while watching him sweep the light strands away from his face as we talk. I think this might be the best thing that has ever happened to me. My one practice kiss, if I can call it that, did not prepare me for anything about this . I hope that I’m not bad at it, but it seems natural to me, to press my mouth to his, to breathe the same air. Every kiss feels like a secret—something I am learning about him, something I am learning about me.
Jase’s blue eyes catch and reflect the moonlight in a way that is mesmerizing to me. He is so opposite to me in so many ways, and I find everything about him fascinating. That he seems to feel the same intrigues me as well. I had an idea of this before yesterday, but I don’t believe I really understood it until I was with him. This pull—like we are magnets—draws me to him and makes me want to be as close as I can to him. But I never have to go far, because he is right there. Like he wants to be near me, too.
I had worried a little last night, as we sat and talked, that maybe Jase did not have the same things in mind that I did. That he might not be as interested in moving forward as I was. Every time I thought I was being obvious, trying to flirt and give him any kind of indication that he was welcome to touch me or kiss me or do anything to me, he did not take the hint. Or so I thought. I know now that he was waiting on me, being respectful because this is new for me. For us.
But I’ve made it clear, repeatedly, that I want this. Want him and everything he is willing to give me.
Jase bites his lip as he looks at me, his hands slipping down from my waist to cup my ass. He pulls me toward him, eliminating any space left between us. I’m suddenly very aware of all the places I can feel his body against mine and how affected we are by each other, kissing as our hands roam over each other’s bodies.
I’m surprised by the shameless way I begin to instinctually grind my hips, seeking friction. I keep being astounded that I’m figuring out what to do and how to do it without explicit instructions. I’ve always been so afraid of not knowing the right way to kiss or touch someone, but I’m finding that here, with Jase, it is not a problem. We respond to each other like this is what we were made to do. As I move, I can feel him—we are both at least half-hard already. The heat that flashes along my spine with the knowledge that I can do that to him is as overwhelming as the pleasure that immediately follows it.
He gasps, a sharp intake of breath that he all but steals from my mouth, as close as we are. I can’t help but wrap my arms around him tighter. “ Nik -ko. You… We…”
The fact that he can’t put words together enough to protest makes me giddy. I’m sure I know what he’s trying to say—that we can’t, we shouldn’t do this here. He’s right, of course, but I find that I have zero urge to stop what I’m doing, swiveling in a lazy kind of figure eight pattern that has my heart pounding from such little exertion.
“Nikko. No…” Jase murmurs, voice tinged with regret, his fingertips pressed firmly into my hips to stop me.
His grip has me practically choking on his name. I want to feel him grasping me with intention, his hands on my thighs as he lays me out for him. I let out a soft, embarrassing whine and drop my forehead to his shoulder. “But I want you,” I whisper into the fabric of his shirt.
“I want you, too. Fuck, you have no idea, Nikko. But not here, not like this. I don’t want the first time I see you come to be out on this random rooftop with your security guard fifteen feet away,” he tells me, before pressing a soft kiss to the side of my neck.
I turn to look at him, grateful he’s mindful enough to stop me—that he cares about the experiences we share being free from regrets. I can feel his affection for me in everything he says and does, how he touches me, and the warmth in his gaze every time he looks at me. But that does not make it easier for me to hold still, to try to tamp down the desire to keep moving against him until I’m shuddering, making a mess of us both, especially when he says things like that, like he wants to watch me. I groan in agreement and force myself to sit back up, face to face with him.
Jase raises one hand to skim his knuckles along the line of my jaw and down my throat. It is sensual without being too sexy—a comfort, not a seduction. “We have time for everything. We’ll get there. But not here, not tonight. I just want to be with you now, okay?” He leans in for a soft, sweet kiss. “Be with me, Nikko.“
I nod and kiss him again. I want that, too. Whatever it means, whatever it looks like. I will take it. “I am with you, Jase.”