CHAPTER SIXTEEN
JASE
“ W hy isn’t this working?” I mutter to myself, trying for the fourth time to connect my phone to the small speaker on the nightstand. I’m pretty sure that I have all the settings right. But I am also more than a little antsy and distracted, so it’s entirely possible I missed a step. Finally, with one more frustrated push of the button, an electronic tinkling sound indicates the devices are synced.
I spent an unreasonable amount of time earlier trying to craft the perfect playlist—a mix of music that feels romantic without trying too hard and playful without ruining the general vibe. I have no idea if I’ve accomplished this, but I had to stop messing with it in order to get everything else ready.
Nikko’s day was pretty packed with group activities—interviews for radio and tv, a soundcheck party at the venue, rehearsal, and then the show—which left us with essentially no time to spend together. Which is fine, because I came up with a plan, and him being busy gave me time to pull everything together.
We have a hotel room to ourselves, and while there are plenty of activities we could use that privacy for, I don’t want this visit to be just about all the ways we can get naked. Not that I haven’t thought about them all in detail , but I know there’s more I can offer to make our time together memorable.
I’d gotten several texts from him throughout the afternoon, expressing his displeasure at me being alone and having to wait on him again. I assured him that I was very well-occupied and did not answer a single question he asked about what I was up to.
Looking at the clock, I see it’s probably about time for him to get back to the hotel. I check my reflection one more time and go to switch off the main lights in the room. The LED candles I went out to buy earlier seem to dance somewhat realistically and make the little table I have set up look pretty damn magical if I do say so myself.
A bouquet of white, pink, and cream-colored roses sit in the middle, on top of the simple tablecloth, with plastic flutes for the champagne and two takeout orders of cheesecake and tiramisu. It isn’t anything fancy, but I feel like it’s fairly impressive for having been pulled together in a couple hours and sourced within a few blocks of the hotel.
I’m trying to find a way to look casual and sexy in the desk chair when the door opens.
“Jase? Are you here?” Nikko calls, clicking the lock into place.
I stand up, unable to keep from smiling, hopeful he’ll love this surprise. “Yep… keep walking.”
“Why is it so dark?” he questions, but freezes mid-step when he can see what I’ve got set up. HIs hands fly to his mouth, muffling the gasp of surprise. “ Jinja ?”
“Yes. Really.” I move closer to him, and he immediately wraps himself around me and holds on tight. “I thought we could have a date night.”
When he lets go enough to look up at me, his eyes are watery, but he still stretches up, kissing me soft and sweet. “Thank you.” He takes my hand, walking us both over to the table to take it all in. “This is the perfect first date.”
“Then let me be the perfect gentleman.” I pull a chair out for him, warm from the inside out at his radiant smile as he sits. I manage to pop the cork on the champagne without causing any damage to either of us and pour it into the flutes before taking the other seat. “I know you said you like cheesecake, so I got that. But I love tiramisu, and I thought we could have that, too?”
Nikko grabs one of the sporks the cafe gave me and laughs at it. “Yes, please. I would like to try both with this… thing.”
I ask him about the show as we stab bites of dessert, and he tells me about yet another water fight Tang and Ryo got into, the fan sign that made Chita blush, and the sweet grandmother and granddaughter who attended the sound check party together. Listening to him like this feels like the most normal thing in the world—so routine, so lived in, like we could do this all the time. Coming home to each other, sharing stories of our day over cake and champagne.
After he takes the last bite, he gets up and drops himself onto my lap, brushing his lips against mine. It’s gentle, but only for a moment, and then something switches into a creamy-coffee-and-cheesecake tinged clash of teeth and tongues. I want to consume him—want him to devour me.
Nikko slides off of me and uses the collar of my shirt to coax me into following him the few steps to the bed. He lets go only to reach for the hem of his shirt and pull it up over his head, tossing it at me as he falls back onto the mattress. I watch as his track pants come next, shucked off and haphazardly pitched toward the couch. He stretches out, his lean frame long, muscles taut, and I swear my brain just kind of glitches.
But I have enough sense to crawl onto the mattress, caging him in with my knees on either side of him, hands planted next to his shoulders so I can lean down to kiss him, deep and lush until I’m breathless and the only thing I know is Nikko .
His pulse is absolutely racing as I trail kisses along the column of his throat, feeling the frantic beat of his heart beneath my lips. He whimpers, back arching, hips raising, seeking any kind of contract.
My lips skim over his clavicle, trailing down over his chest, sweeping over one nipple then the other. He moans, twisting his body toward me, silently begging me to do it again. I’m more than happy to oblige him, and the flickering licks and gentle tugs make him cry out and it’s fucking music to my ears.
“ More ,” he sighs, fingers digging into my biceps as he clings to me. “Want your mouth on me.”
I freeze, momentarily overwhelmed by his request. I’ve been waiting for him to ask, and it sounded even better than I imagined it would. I sit back to put some space between us so I can see his face, wanting to be sure we’re thinking the same thing. “Where?”
“Everywhere.” His hands go to the waistband of his briefs, and it’s all I can do to keep breathing as he pulls them down, the dark material twisting over his thighs in his haste and kicks them away.
Everything about Nikko is beautiful in a way I have no words to describe, and seeing him naked in front of me is like trying to adequately appreciate the greatest work of art I’ve ever laid eyes on. The expanse of bare skin, the soft lines and hard angles of his body, and the heavy, hooded gaze he’s giving me make me feel desperate to taste him. My eyes linger over his cock, flushed pink and curving toward his stomach, as perfect as the rest of him.
I ponder taking my own clothes off for about half a second but realize I can’t wait anymore with Nikko watching me expectantly, biting his lip. Sinking to my knees at the edge of the bed, I grab his waist and pull him toward me, making him gasp in surprise. “Are you okay?” I check before I let my hands slip any lower.
He nods so rapidly it’s almost comical. “Yes. Yes. ”
His legs fall further open, making more room for me. My heart pounds wildly at the easy way he offers himself up, trusting me to take care of him.
As I wrap my fingers lightly around his length and give him a few loose strokes, he groans. I’m not sure whether it’s solely from the contact or the dry slide, but I’m not going to tease him much. I’m guessing this first time will not last all that long, and I want to make it as good as I can for him.
Bowing my head, I suck the tip of his cock into my mouth, using my hand to grip the base a little more firmly. Nikko whines, a tremble running through his body as he shudders. Taking him in deeper, I let my tongue slide over him, tracing each vein and ridge, mapping his reactions as I go, savoring each hiss and quiver.
I glance up at him and see his white-knuckle grip on the sheets, eyes squeezed shut, like it’s all too much, too good, and I’ve barely gotten started. I bob my head once, twice, and his hips jerk, his hand flying to my head, fingers tangling in my hair.
“ Jase ,” he pants. “Please. Please more.”
He sounds wrecked already, but I want to draw this out as long as I can, for both of us. I back off, letting him slip out of my mouth, and begin to work my hand over him, slowly, pausing to swipe my thumb over the head, gathering the droplets there and spreading the wetness around.
I nip at the juncture of his hips, drop lower to bite at his inner thighs, thrilled by each broken moan and the wail that escapes as I trace my tongue across his balls, drawing them each into my mouth in turn.
Nikko inhales sharply as I swallow him down again and begin to hum, his whole body tensing, and I know he’s right there. It only takes a twist of my wrist and the hollowing of my cheeks as I pull back, and he’s coming, chanting my name while he spills down my throat.
I see him watching as I lick my lips, and he reaches for me, grabbing at my shoulders to get me closer to him. “Kiss me,” he pleads, voice shaky as his ragged breathing.
The surprise must be evident on my face because he immediately lets go. “Is that not… I am sorry…”
I’m up and leaning over to kiss him to cut off his words, his worries, but I keep it chaste. He doesn’t though, licking into my mouth like he’s curious about the taste of himself that he finds there. When he breaks the kiss, looking at me in a daze, I explain, “Some guys don’t like to kiss after their partner swallows. I didn’t want you to think it was gross.”
He looks at me, perplexed. “I do not understand. You did that for me, why would I not want to kiss you?”
“I don’t mind it, either,” I say, shrugging. I wonder suddenly if it will bother him that I’ve indirectly mentioned being with other guys, but he seems very unconcerned with that detail. Instead, he appears to try to be figuring out the logistics of something involving me and the mattress. “What… what’s going on here?”
“I want…” He stops talking, moving to straddle my thighs. Putting his hands on my belt buckle, he continues, “I want to touch you.”
“Fuck,” I breathe, aching for relief now that he’s in my lap. It had been easy to ignore how hard I was with the weight of him on my tongue, but now it’s impossible. “I want you to. Anything you want, naekkeo .”
I almost don’t realize what’s happened until I see Nikko’s expression—his eyes wide, mouth opened in this sweet little “o” shape. The word is so close to his name, it was an easy slip, but it’s not untrue, if not entirely grammatically correct. He is mine , as much as he can be. He’s clearly more than happy about it, grabbing my face in his hands and kissing me deeply.
“Yes, yours,” he whispers against my neck once he’s back to trying to get my pants off. “Say it again.”
“Naekkeo,” I repeat, running my fingers through his silky hair. Leaning back and lifting my hips, I let him tug my jeans and boxers off. He doesn’t hesitate, just pulls them down, barely giving me a chance to kick them off before he’s hovering over me again, staring at my cock. It’s obvious I’m bigger than him, but not in any kind of way that should seem intimidating. I tilt his chin up to look at me. “You can do whatever you want, but you don’t have to do anything.”
“I know. But I want to,” Nikko tells me, tentatively skimming his fingers back and forth between my hip bones. He meets my eyes, and holds contact for a moment before giving me a shy smile that makes my heart skip a beat. “Teach me.”
I grin back at him, his choice of words. “What do you want to know?”
“What you like,” he murmurs against my lips as he dips closer to kiss me again. ”How to make you feel good.”
Despite the fact that he came not even ten minutes ago, his own cock is starting to rally, and the idea of taking us both in hand appeals to me very much, but I want to give him the time and opportunity to do anything he likes. “Do you have any lube?”
He shakes his head. “Should I?”
“Not necessarily. What about lotion?” I don’t understand enough about the extensive list of products they all use to know what they are, but I would think there should be some sort of basic slippery liquid in the repertoire. When he says yes, I ask him to get it, and he scrambles off the bed, giving me the chance to watch him as he hurries into the bathroom. He is truly a vision naked—his body is strong, his ass perky, and I very much enjoy the view as he disappears, then comes back.
Squirting a generous amount of something from a sleek green bottle out into his palm, he tentatively takes my cock in his hand, adjusting his hold a few times until he seems comfortable. “It is strange. This angle, I mean,” he giggles.
“It is at first, I know,” I agree. I wrap my hand over his, letting him know he doesn’t have to be so timid and help him establish some kind of a rhythm. “Just like that.”
He has an adorably fierce look of concentration on his face, like this is such serious business for him and he wants to get it just right. Between that, the way he keeps biting his lip, and knowing that it’s his hand moving on my cock, I’m already halfway to falling apart. I let go of him and sink back into the pillows, watching his fist slide over me.
“Is this good?” he asks, sounding nervous as he changes the pace a little.
“Anything you do is great, because it’s you—” I start to tell him, my words swallowed by a moan as he experimentally tightens around me, squeezing in gentle pulses. “Yeah, yep, yes. That’s good .”
He giggles again, pleased with my reaction. His other hand that has been resting on my thigh reaches over, and he slowly swipes a finger over the head of my cock, collecting the pearly beads and bringing them to his mouth. His tongue darts out like a cat, lapping at his fingertip, and I almost whimper, watching the satisfied smirk on his lips. “I like the way you taste.”
“Nikko…” I groan. He’s going to kill me. This will be where I expire, but honestly, I’m fine with that. I’ll die happy. So damn happy.
Looking downright devious, he bows his head to press a kiss to the tip of my cock, and that’s when I lose it. I don’t even have time to warn him before there’s come splattering my stomach, his hand, his chin, and his cheek. I start to apologize, embarrassed, when he throws his head back, laughing delightedly. He’s absolutely beaming, like he’s really proud of himself and this turn of events.
All I can think is that I am completely, hopelessly crazy about him. Everything he does just makes me like him more, fall for him that much harder. Maybe it’s a weird time for a wave of affection, but he is the hottest—also the cutest—and sweetest human I have ever encountered, and I want to keep him as long as I can. Is it too soon to feel like forever would be approximately the right amount of time?
Nikko reaches for one of our abandoned items of clothing—I think it’s my shirt—and uses it to clean his face. He looks at me, sincerity suddenly all over his expression. “I am glad it is you I am here with,” he says, quietly, a hint of shyness creeping back into his tone. “I would not want to have these experiences, do these things with anyone else.”
Maybe it’s selfish, but I wouldn’t want him to do these things with someone who wasn’t me either. I shift a little, opening my arms, and Nikko immediately curls up in my lap, taking my hands to wrap himself up just so. With his head on my shoulder, I press a light kiss to his forehead. “Me, too. Just you. Just us.”
The statement is entirely too simple, but it’s honest. I can’t imagine anything better than what I have right here, right now with him.
He sighs contentedly, snuggling against me. “Yes. Me and you.”
???
Nikko is staring out the window as I zip my suitcase, like he doesn’t want to see what I’m doing. As though that might change the fact I’m about to leave again.
Everything feels so different in the light of morning—last night’s romance seems kind of sad looking at the fake candles and discarded take-out boxes. The roses are still beautiful, but I have no idea what he’ll do with them when he has to exit the hotel later. I guess I didn’t think that part through, too caught up in wanting to make things special in the moment.
It’s so easy to not remember this part is coming—the leaving, the separating, the distance—when we’re together, excited to be able to see and touch one another in real time. I don’t even know what to say right now, because nothing is going to make it any less terrible. I wish he’d turn around.
I clear my throat, setting my bag down on the carpet. When he still doesn’t make a move, I cross the room to stand behind him, cautiously reaching out to slip my arms around his waist. I can tell now that he’s crying, can see the tear tracks down his cheek in my peripheral vision, and it makes my chest ache. “Nikko…”
“I am sorry,” he whispers, raising a hand to wipe at his eyes, but leans back against me. “I did not think it could be worse than when you left the first time, but it is.”
“I know. I hate this,” I say. In this moment, I swear I’d quit my whole life for him, just so he wouldn’t look so sad.
He twists to look at me, his expression unreadable. “’Why are we doing it then?”
“What?” I’m so caught off-guard by his question. I thought it was clear why we were trying to make this work. “I… I thought we wanted to be together?”
“I do. I do want that. But you say you hate this. And I hate how it feels.” His voice is so flat, so lacking in any kind of the warm timbre he usually has with me. “I do not know how to make this work in a way that does not cause us both pain.”
My mouth is open, but no sound is coming out. I legitimately have no idea how to respond. I dropped everything to come here because he asked me to, and now it sounds like he regrets it all. “I don’t want to hurt you. I thought… I thought this is what you wanted.”
“I do, Jase. I want you very much. I want to be with you.” Nikko exhales, defeated. There are tears gathering in his eyes again. “But I think being with you like this is harder than not being with you at all.”
I can hear the alarm going off on my phone, telling me that I have to leave to catch the ride that’s been arranged for me to go to the airport. I don’t want to go now, not in the middle of a moment that could break us, but I can’t think of a single thing to say.
Gesturing toward the sound, he gives me the saddest smile I’ve ever seen. “You must go. Thank you. For coming to see me. For everything.”
I blink a few times, trying to clear my own watery eyes. “You’re welcome.”
And I leave.