Chapter 20 Isaac
ISAAC
Iexpected to have more trouble finding Evan on the running trail.
I was unsure about the window of timing, whether he would come, whether he’d have the dog, or how many other people I would have to look through.
But it’s an unpleasantly cold morning, not many people are out, and I spot Evan and Apollo right away.
One day someone is going to ask me why this was the way I decided to go about having the conversation I needed to have with Evan, and I don’t know what the fuck I’ll tell them. A pace back from catching up with him, I call out, “Hey.”
He startles and turns around, not breaking his stride. With his hand on his heart, he says, “Jesus fucking Christ, you scared the shit out of me.”
His dog stops abruptly, causing us both to nearly stumble. We reach for each other’s arms to keep ourselves from falling over the dog while I apologize and Evan curses again.
I’ve seen pictures of Apollo but had no idea how big he’d be in real life. I stiffen when he lurches toward me, sniffing at my shorts.
“He’s not gonna bite,” Evan says. “Unfortunately.”
I frown at my assistant.
He gestures at the dog as I pet his smooth head. “I just mean what if you’d been a murderer? This is exactly how he’d act. Zero sense of self-preservation.”
Unlike his owner. “He’s gorgeous.”
“Thanks. How’d you find me?”
“Mostly luck.” I turn to face him and gesture at the path. “Don’t let me slow you two down. I can keep up.”
He huffs and looks so cute doing it, I want to back him into a bush and maul him.
I want to kiss him everywhere, ruffle his hair, and make him scream with laughter.
The idea of him leaving me has had my deep affection for him spilling over the brim since we hung up from our call.
He could pull out an axe, start speaking in tongues, and I’d probably still want to nuzzle my face into his neck and leave several marks.
I hated that he left town, and I’ve tried not to take it personally, but seeing him now makes me realize I haven’t gone this long without seeing him since I hired him.
Deacon is amazing, and I want him all up in my life. But he can’t replace Evan.
I know what I’m here for. I’m here to put it all on the line and get rejected.
But maybe—if I can get him to understand that I’m only human with fears and insecurities of my own, then it’s possible he’ll give me half a chance.
He’s barely given me a hint how he feels about me, and today I’m going to ask him to tell me everything. I’m so nervous, I’m nauseated.
I manage to keep pace with him as he and Apollo start running again. “I already know you spent the weekend with Deacon,” he says.
“I’m glad you talked.”
“Yeah, we…talked.”
I glance sideways at him, but it’s impossible to tell in the dim light if he’s hiding something or catching his breath, but I definitely noticed the hitch. “How was it?” I press.
“Please tell me you didn’t stalk me in Alamo Square to talk to me about Deacon?”
Jesus, he’s so right. “No. I didn’t. I mean—kind of. I definitely want to address the situation in general.”
“Deacon said you wanted to talk to me. Is that what this is?”
“This is the talk, yeah.”
“I’m ready.”
At least one of us is. “I’m just gonna come out with it. I’m not sure you know this, but until that date with Deacon, you were the only person I’ve been with for months.”
“What?” He scoffs. “No, I’m not. I could make a list of the men you’ve been with in the last eight weeks literally off the top of my head.”
“Wait––you think I sleep with every man I go out with?”
“Uh—yeah.”
“I don’t.”
“Well, I’m willing to bet six of the men I’m thinking of didn’t go home with just a handshake.”
“At least three of them did,” I say, because as much as I’ve been hitting the dating scene, it hasn’t been going very well. Deacon is—well, he blindsided me.
“Oral sex counts as being with someone,” Evan informs me.
“Does a peck on the mouth?”
He makes an annoyed sound.
“Because if that doesn’t count, then I stand by what I said.”
“What’s your point?” he asks.
“I’m telling you, you weren’t just some random office fling.”
“Why? Because you had a few boring dates, and I was a sure thing?”
“No. The dates didn’t work out because I didn’t want to be with anyone else.”
“I’m not saying I don’t believe you, Isaac, but you date a lot. And in the end, you did have sex and hit it off with someone. Just like you wanted to.”
I take him by the arm and pull him to a stop. “It’s not what I wanted.”
Evan stares up at me with wide eyes.
“I wanted you. I’m sorry I accidentally met your roommate and hit it off with him. If I’d known—”
“You what? Would have shoved him away?” He shakes his head, confusion and hurt clouding his features.
“If I knew it would hurt you—yes, goddamnit. I would have.”
“What do my feelings have to do with who you fuck?”
“Is that a real question you want an answer to?” I ask, my fingers twitching at my side.
“Yeah.”
“Because I’m ready to answer it.” Or am I? Why am I stalling like this?
“Go for it,” he says.
I take a deep breath as he stares at me with his parted lips and pink cheeks. His chest moves up and down with heavy breaths. I watch puff after puff of air escape his mouth, and with Apollo standing guard, facing the bay, I think to myself—fuck it.
My aching hands take hold of Evan’s cold cheeks, and I press my mouth to his.
He makes a squeaky noise and stiffens, lips unmoving.
I kiss them again. And again. “Evan,” I whisper.
“Please.” Another unmet kiss. With my heart on the verge of breaking, I beg him one more time.
“Please, please. I love you. Let me in.”
He gasps and puts his hand on my chest like he means to stop me, but when my lips meet his once more, his hand fists in my sweatshirt, and his lips part. My tongue finds his, and I wrap one hand around his head to keep him from pulling away too soon.
Changing my angle slightly with a slant of my head, I lick deeper inside.
He makes a low noise like a hum and finally starts kissing me back.
My familiarity with his body has me taking his hand and moving it where I want it, out from between us and onto my waist so I can press in closer.
His habit of submitting to me and turning me on like a goddamn power plant gets us to the groping stage in no time.
We’ve always been like this. Short-fused.
Quick to combust. I’m rock hard, and so is he because the chemistry between us is off the fucking charts.
I have enough experience with men to know how rare this is, but maybe, despite his forwardness, he thinks this comes along every day.
It doesn’t. We’re good together. So good, I’ve fallen for him.
So good, I can’t imagine losing any part of this.
If he truly doesn’t see it—doesn’t want it—then I guess I could accept that, but I refuse to go down without a fight.
“What?” he breathes trying to break away. When he’s clear of my mouth, he finishes the question. “What is this? What’s going on with you?”
I’ve got my hands on his ass now, needing to feel every twitch of his erection against mine. His hands rest on my forearms as he leans his chest away to see me better. “I want you,” I tell him, my voice raw.
“That’s not what you said.”
“I want you. I love you. That’s what I came to say.”
He frowns like I’m speaking another language. And maybe I am. Maybe I sound nothing like what he’s used to from me, but this is the most basic truth I know. I love him and I want all of him.
“Then why Deacon?”
“Deacon just happened.” I lick my lips, the taste of him hitting my tongue and causing my dick to give its own thump in my shorts. “Somewhere between you wanting to keep all these compartments in play and not wanting to go out with me––I finally had a good date.”
“But why all the dates?” he asks. “If you wanted me, why didn’t you say so?”
“When? In the two seconds between coming and you leaving my office?”
“You could have tried literally any of the times we weren’t having sex.”
“You’ve always acted like you didn’t want anything serious.”
He drops his gaze. “So did you.”
“That was a lie,” I say. “I want more.”
“And Deacon’s giving you more?”
“He might. I don’t know. It hasn’t even been two weeks.”
“I’ve wanted that with him, too,” Evan says.
Fuck, that hurts. I’m not sure how I’m still standing after that hit. “But not me?”
“That’s not what I meant…” He hesitates, glancing between my eyes. “You’re my boss, Isaac.”
“When has that ever stopped you? If I actually thought for one second you wanted more, I would have given it to you in a fucking heartbeat.”
“How was I supposed to know that?”
How could he not know that?
“Did I fuck up? Assuming it was casual for you? Just tell me. Is that all you want with me?”
“I thought…it doesn’t matter.” He cuts himself off and his eyes close.
No way. Fuck that. “It matters to me.”
His exhalation forms a huge cloud between us. “These men you usually date. I mean, maybe in ten years, I could compete, but––”
“Jesus, Evan. I’m not trying to sleep with someone’s stock portfolio.”
“If I’d thought it was possible. Maybe.”
“But?”
“But you’re with Deacon now…”
“Right now, I’m with you. I need to know where I stand with you.”
“Are you telling me I’ve got dibs? Like if I say I want to date you, you’ll stop dating Deacon? Because that kind of sucks, Isaac.”
He has a point, and I’m not prepared to answer that question, but that kiss was fucking incredible, so I know there’s something here. “We’re all grown men, are we not?”
He narrows his eyes.
“I just mean we’re all capable of making decisions on how involved we want to be. Do I want to stop seeing Deacon? No. Do I want a chance with you? Yes. Fuck. Yes. Do I think you should explore your feelings for Deacon? If he’s open to it—go for it.”
“Have you lost your mind? Did you not have your coffee this morning?”