Chapter 32 #2
I don’t know what that means, and he doesn’t seem keen to elaborate.
I blow out a frustrated breath and return to the living room.
Isaac comes with me, and soon, he’s got my hand in his again, being all reassuring and sweet.
I try to stop actively picturing what he and Deacon were just doing without me.
If they had sex, fine. Whatever—but why lie?
While this party isn’t as wild of a time as New Year’s, the sangria is strong, and Millie is in a dancing mood, which prompts Rachel and Priya and Miguel to join.
There’s not much floor space in the living room, which means there’s more grinding going on than dancing, but they seem to be enjoying themselves.
Karaoke comes out after we eat Deacon’s amazing stew, and this crowd loves themselves some karaoke.
I’ve lightened up if only because Isaac is working overtime to make me smile, and it eventually works. It’s not until a very buzzed Bailey corners the two of us that I’m reminded this is different from all the parties we’ve thrown in the past.
“So,” she says to Isaac. “Two guys, huh?”
Without missing a beat, Isaac gives her that charming as fuck smirk. “I’m a lot to handle.”
Bailey halfway giggles, because as charming as he is, he’s also a little intimidating and guarded. I suspect Bailey just smacked unwittingly into his shields.
But she’s not easily deterred, either, especially after a few drinks. “And the fact that they’re both employed by you? How does that fit in?”
“It’s a big company.”
“I’m getting a promotion soon—”
Bailey shifts her focus to me. “I bet you are.”
I startle. “Not like that. I just mean I won’t be directly reporting to Isaac anymore. Soon.”
Her gaze narrows on me. “I hope whatever job you get isn’t one someone else has been waiting on.”
Isaac rests a hand on my thigh. “Evan’s position with me was always temporary.”
“Like an internship?” Bailey asks, and I finally sense she’s giving me a break.
“I call it a mentorship, but sure. He has a promising future in software development, and while he’s been a perfect assistant, he’s capable of bigger and better things.”
The job with Hunter comes to mind, and I squirm.
I get the whole “it’s a white man’s world” and all that, but I’m a queer white man with a sketchy internet history, and while it’s not the same as being a woman or a different kind of marginalized group, I would never step over someone to get ahead.
I’d rather quit Polytech than have people looking at me like I slept my way to the top, or I didn’t deserve my job.
“But you had no idea who Deacon was until your date?” Bailey asks.
“I didn’t, and it’s no wonder. I never see him at work even now.”
“He probably keeps close to his office, knowing him.”
“If you’re concerned about my intentions, I assure you, they’re all coming from a good place.”
“You seem like a decent guy.”
He nods. “Thank you.”
“Deacon really likes you.”
I feel like I should excuse myself. I clear my throat and shift slightly away.
“Oh, he likes you, too, Evan,” she says, and I catch the slightly patronizing tone. “He’s just more confused about you.”
I’m going to forgive this because she’s been drinking, but because I’ve been drinking, I might, in fact, start crying if this conversation takes a turn.
“Wait—” she says. “Confused wasn’t the word. Conflicted? I think it was conflicted. Or his therapist said that. I honestly can’t remember. We’ve talked so much over the last week.”
Oh, have they? Is this who he saves all his words for? I open my mouth to speak or scream or something, but for the first time ever, Millie saves the day by plopping down next to Bailey and cheerily asking, “What are we talking about?”
“Ew,” Bailey scoots closer to Isaac. “None of your business.”
“You okay, Evan?” Millie’s glittery eyes narrow with concern.
I am so sick of that question.
Isaac runs his hand down my thigh. “I need some air. Do you want to come with me?”
“I need to walk the dog,” I mutter, standing.
“Perfect.”
The last thing I notice as I’m going to my room to get Apollo is Millie crowding Bailey to show her something on her phone and Bailey cringing away.
“What time is it?” I ask Isaac as we’re leaving the apartment.
“Midnight.”
“Wow.” I pet Apollo’s head. “Sorry, buddy.”
“You good?” he asks, as I start walking down the stairs.
The only reason I don’t lose my mind on him for asking me that is because I’m pretty sure he’s wondering whether I’m drunk or not. “Yeah. I tried not to mainline the sangria tonight. I think I passed out the last time she made it.”
“When I realized how strong it was, I decided to pace myself, too.”
A cold blast of air hits us as we open the building door. Apollo hesitates, and I have to nudge him on the hindquarters to get him moving. Neither Isaac nor I were clever enough to grab jackets either, so we’re all in this together. “Make it quick, bud,” I tell the dog.
Isaac puts an arm around me, but instead of walking the dog, I wind up turning into him. “Deacon really likes you,” I say, Bailey’s words stuck in my head.
“He’s not conflicted about you, baby.”
“You need to stop calling me that.”
“Tell me what you’re worried about.”
“Disappointing you?” I don’t know. Everything, I want to tell him.
I’m worried about everything. Being too much, not being enough, getting in the way, not getting my way.
Bailey talking to Deacon so much this week, and him barely talking to me at all.
I’m worried about all of it. I don’t want to lose either of them, but I have no clue how to keep them, either.
Isaac’s hands come up to hold my face, tilting it up to his. He’s so fucking beautiful. How does he even like me? I’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass cockblocker this whole time, and he’s still looking at me like I hung the fucking moon.
“What the fuck do you see in me Isaac?”
He kisses me softly. “My future.”