Chapter 33
DEACON
“Ilike him for you,” Bailey’s telling me, her words slightly slurred, which makes it hard to take her seriously. Seeing all these people drunk or close to it when I’m not is a real eye-opener. Is this what I was like with my old friends?
She’s got her arm on mine, keeping me from washing the dishes while Malcolm hits the chorus of “Winds of Change.” Ryan is laughing, and I assume it’s some inside joke.
Evan and Isaac have only been gone about five minutes, but I’m ready for them to come back and for everyone else to leave.
The calming effects of the quick fuck Isaac let me take from him in my bathroom has long since worn off, and now I’m left wondering why he told Evan we didn’t have sex, and whether that means anything.
“I like him for me, too.” And I’d have liked for him to spend some time with me tonight—outside the bathroom, but Evan’s been glued to his side like he’ll fly away if he takes his hands off him.
“But are we sure we want to drag a third person into it? Do you and Evan even have any chemistry?”
I scowl. “Weren’t you the one who wanted me to give him a chance?”
“That was before I met Isaac.”
I’m about to tell her that yes—Evan and I have plenty of chemistry—not that anyone could see that tonight, but Millie interrupts.
“Bailey,” Millie says, almost whining. “Sing a song with me. I wanna do a girl duet.” She slings her arm around Bailey’s shoulders and gets so close to her face, I’m afraid Bailey might bite her nose off.
“Ugh.” Bailey shrugs away. “Get off me. You’re so drunk.”
“Let’s sing ‘Florida!’ You’ll be Taylor, I’ll be Florence.”
“I am not being Taylor.”
“What’s your favorite song? I’ll sing it with you. Do you like Whitney?”
“I like the Indigo Girls,” she says.
If she thinks that’s gonna back Millie off, she’s dead wrong. Millie grabs at Bailey’s arm and tries to drag her out of the kitchen. “Oh my god! Harmonies! We’ve sooo got this.”
“Goddammit, woman, let go!”
Millie’s eyes light up, and she leans in and whispers something to Bailey I can’t hear over the music. Whatever it is, it works.
“One song,” Bailey says, “My choice, and if you don’t know it, that’s not my problem.”
Millie squeals, and for whatever reason, Bailey allows her to pull her out of the kitchen. As I’m finishing the dishes, Isaac and Evan come in. Both their gazes seek me out, and some of the tension leaves my shoulders. It’s okay. Everything’s fine. I’m just being paranoid.
Evan crosses the living area with Apollo and goes directly to his room, closing the door behind him. Isaac comes up next to me, takes the dish I’m holding, and puts it into the dishwasher.
“Why’d you tell him we didn’t have sex?” I ask.
“I have no idea. It just came out like I’d gotten caught. I went into immediate denial mode.”
“You’re not sorry we did, are you?”
“Jesus, no.”
“Are you protecting him from something?”
“Deacon—I swear, it just came out. If you want me to tell him what happened, I’ll go tell him right now. Or you can tell him I lied.”
Some of the frustration of the night builds up again.
“I don’t want to do that.” I’ve had three people—Ryan, Malcolm, and Miguel separately ask me if I was seeing someone.
When I said I was, they asked why they weren’t here, and every time I was left speechless, answering with a shrug.
Because they’re both here. Just not wanting anything to do with me.
I know all of that will change once our guests finally clear out, but Evan’s usually the one who forces me out of the kitchen to be social. Tonight—without him doing that—I’ve felt stuck. I even ate in here.
After a few moments of dishwashing with the opening notes of “Closer to Fine” filling the apartment, Isaac asks, “How long do these things usually go?”
“I think it’s wrapping up.” I nod toward Ryan and Malcolm not subtly making out on the couch. “Once they go, everyone else will, too.”
“Bailey said you’re conflicted about Evan. Anything you want to talk to me about?”
Talking is the last thing I want to do. “I just want to be alone with you,” I say. “Both of you. I think we need to be together more if you want to try to make this work.” It’s a subtle dig. Probably too subtle.
“It can’t only be about what I want,” Isaac says.
“Please try not to take me word for word,” I reply. “Trust me when I say I want this. Tonight’s just been…”
He waits for me to find the right word.
“You guys looked good together. Like a couple.”
Isaac frowns. “You think I’m ignoring you.”
“Not ignoring…”
“I don’t know what anyone here knows about us, and I didn’t want to put you in an awkward position.”
“Is that all?” I ask.
“No, you’re right. We should have included you more. I get nervous in crowds, too, but I’ll start making out with you right here, right now if you want. I know I want to.”
I shake my head and look back down at the sink. “I’m sure Evan was glad to have a date to one of these things.”
“I’m happy to serve wherever I’m needed.”
He gets a look for that, and I get his sly smile in return.
He missed my point, but before I can explain that I wasn’t trying to be sexy or cute, Rachel and Priya lean across the island. “We’re gonna head out,” Rachel says. “We need to find some guys who want what we’ve got on offer.”
“Dinner was great,” Priya says. “And tell Evan we’ll take one of the puppies. We already told Millie.”
“I don’t think Millie’s right about the dog,” I say.
Rachel gives me a look that I think might be sympathetic. “Maybe you should ask her to show you the most recent pics. That poor dog looks like she’s gonna explode.”
“Golden Retrievers are big dogs, too.”
“It’s possible they both could have knocked her up,” Rachel says. “But Apollo had the time and the opportunity.”
“Then she shouldn’t have brought her over here if she knew she was in heat.”
“Millie’s sweet, but she didn’t understand the fertility period. She does now.”
“Thanks so much, Rachel.”
Rachel holds up her hands like she didn’t mean to start anything. “Okay, we’re leaving. Good night. Good to see you again, Isaac. Can I tell Calyx you said hi?”
“Sure,” Isaac says. “But I’d rather you didn’t elaborate.”
“Oh, no…I think he’ll be impressed, and validated honestly. I have to take care of my sour gummy bear.”
Isaac laughs softly.
Priya says, “He’s not very sour anymore. He’s been in Sam’s pocket too long. Now he’s all soft and squishy.”
“Hopefully he can make it to the next dinner,” I say, wanting to shoo them along.
“Oh, if this is still going on,” she gestures at Isaac, “we’ll make sure he does.”
“Good night again, Rachel,” I say.
She runs around the island to give me a hug. “You love me.” And then to Isaac, who she also hugs, she says, “You sure you’re not a little bit bi?”
“If it turns out I am, I’ll let you know.”
That pulls a short laugh from me.
Rachel and Priya laugh too, say goodbye again, and finally leave. Isaac turns to me and says, “You still think everyone thinks I’m just Evan’s date?”
Okay, so maybe he did understand what I was trying to say a minute ago.
Ryan and Malcolm are next to say goodbye.
Evan comes back out in time to say good night to them, Miguel, and Nathan, and finally Millie. Bailey is the last to leave, gathering her sangria jar and a decent amount of leftovers. She talks the whole time, complaints about Millie interspersed with, “I’m hurrying, I’m hurrying.”
I walk her downstairs to make sure she gets into her ride share, and she snuggles up for a one-armed hug from me. Her hands are full, so she can’t hug me back. “I think it can work,” she tells me.
“I hope so.”
“But…” And here, she pulls away to look up at me. “You might have a hard time convincing Evan it will.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I don’t know. He doesn’t strike me as someone who’s into polyamory.”
“Did he say something?”
“It wasn’t anything he said. You remember how I said it was obvious how much he liked you before?”
“Yeah.”
“It wasn’t as obvious tonight. More like Isaac’s got him wrapped around his finger.”
“You got all that from what? Body language?”
“Be honest with me. If you had to pick between the two of them right now, who would it be?”
“I can’t answer that.” I think of the blow job Evan gave me before anyone showed up. It felt obvious he liked me. But, to Bailey’s point, once Isaac got here, I might as well have disappeared.
“I bet he could answer.”
My stomach drops, leaving me feeling dizzy and sick. “You think he’d pick Isaac?”
She nods.
“I thought you said you like Isaac for me.”
“I just want to make sure if you’re gonna do this that everyone knows where everyone’s at. Like for it to work, you all have to want it. You can’t be jealous. You can’t be competing. You have to be able to trust each other.”
That sounds impossible, and I am so fucking confused.
This is what I get for trying to take advice from someone who’s had her fair share of sangria.
Still, is she saying anything I haven’t thought about a hundred times tonight?
Because I have been jealous. Evan has expressed mistrust. Isaac fucking lied to him.
She opens her mouth to say more, but I hold up my hand. “Okay, good night, Bailey. That’s all I can handle.”
“I was only gonna say get back up there and make your intentions clear.”
“Yeah, all right.”
She nods and lets go of me to get into the car. I take a breath of cold, fresh air as they pull away from the curb. Make my intentions clear. I can do that. They better not be asleep when I get back up there.
The vibe in my apartment is completely different than the sangria-fueled karaoke party of twenty minutes ago.
When I come through the door, the dick thumping bass line of a dreamy trance song is playing through the speakers, and Evan is straddling Isaac’s lap on the couch.
Isaac’s arms are inside the back of Evan’s sweater, and the two men are all over each other.