Chapter 43
DEACON
The door opens into a dark space, and I can barely make out his silhouette, but it’s unmistakable. I must have it memorized.
“Deacon?”
“Can I come in?”
Evan steps forward, and from the lone light in the hallway of his apartment building, I see the blinking blue of his eyes. “What are you doing here? How did you get up here? How did you find me?”
“I followed someone else in, you’re not that hard to find, and I read the letter you sent Isaac.”
“So, you just stopped by in the middle of the night? What time even is it?”
“Three? I don’t know. I have the day off tomorrow. So should you.” It’s a four day weekend.
“I do,” he says, “but I’m going to see my mom.”
I shove my hands in my pockets so he won’t see my fingers start to move through the minuet. “When?”
“Saturday and Sunday.”
“But not tomorrow?”
He shakes his head, still staring at me in confusion like I could be part of his dream.
“Do you still need help with your software?” I ask.
“Uh…what?”
“Since I have the day off tomorrow, I thought maybe I could help with it. If you still need it.”
“That’s why you drove down here in the middle of the night?”
“One of the reasons. I promised I’d help with it. Did you figure it out?”
“What if I say I did?” he asks. “Wasted trip?”
That question stalls me. I circle back. “Do you still need help?”
“Yeah,” he says quietly.
“So, can I come in?”
“I guess.” Evan finally steps out of the way, and I take my hands out of my pockets when I walk into his apartment.
He flips on a light, and it illuminates the small entry hall we’re in. Beyond that, I get a sense of how big the apartment is. How modern. “Is Apollo here?” I ask.
“He’s sleeping.”
I almost laugh. “Some guard dog, huh?”
“Yeah, well… Do you want some coffee or something?”
“No. I had a lot on the drive.”
“Then I guess I need some.”
Evan shuffles into the kitchen, and I follow. More lights come on, and I take a look around. Mid-century modern? I think that’s what it’s called. I spot Apollo’s familiar bowls near the kitchen island. My gaze drifts to the terrace doors, and I think about Isaac.
He hadn’t wanted me to leave tonight, but he and I both forgot it was Easter weekend.
I didn’t remember that until I got back to my apartment.
When I realized it, the impulse to come down here hit hard.
I tried to shake it off by doing a light workout and taking a shower, but when it was time for me to lie down in bed, I found myself shoving clothes into a duffel bag and packing up my laptop.
So here I am to deal with our shit face to face like we should have in the first place.
I turn to look at Evan whose back is to me as he watches his pod of coffee brew. He’s shirtless, his hands braced on the counter with his head hanging between his shoulders. He’s got one knee bent, and his ass is slightly popped to the right. I lift my gaze to his shoulders instead.
I’m in a relationship now, and it wouldn’t be right to check out another man—even if that man is someone my partner still wants.
I didn’t want to wake Isaac with a call or a text to tell him what I was doing. It’ll keep until morning, or tomorrow afternoon. I might even be home by then. “This place is nice.”
“Thanks.”
“Wasn’t easy to find parking, though.”
“At this hour? I imagine it wasn’t.”
“Do you have a car now that you’re here?”
“No,” he says. “I can walk to work.”
“What if it rains?” I ask.
“It’s always sunny in Los Angeles.”
I frown. That can’t be right.
He turns, and I guess he sees the look on my face. “I use an umbrella when it rains. That was just a saying.”
“Yeah, it didn’t sound right. But I guess it is the desert, huh?”
Evan picks up his mug of coffee and turns while looking down at himself. “Let me go put some clothes on. I’m assuming you want to get started right now.”
“Do you mind?”
He huffs a laugh. “It’s fine.”
He crosses the large living room, passes the terrace doors and disappears into another room. I take my bag to the large, brown leather couch and set it on the floor. I sit, unzipping the duffel to pull out my laptop. Setting that and my phone on the sleek, wooden coffee table, I log in.
Evan returns in a hoodie, gray sweats and white socks. He’s got his laptop, too. Instead of sitting next to me, he sits in a chair, propping his feet up on the coffee table and leaning back. He sips his coffee and uses his other hand to get his computer up and running.
“Do you know how to share your screen with me?” I ask.
“I just need your IP.”
I shoot him an email with it. His laptop dings, and in under thirty seconds, our computers are synced up. The code for his software program scrolls before my eyes, and I click the mouse to pause it, returning to the top.
“So where are you at with it?”
“Trying to kill the bugs in the UI, but every time I do, something else breaks.”
I scan the code rapidly before starting up the program. “There’s a lot of leftover junk in there.”
He sighs. “Some of it’s just junk.”
I highlight a section on my screen, careful to stop and start where I want to. “I’m gonna take this out and see what it does.”
“Go for it.” He sips his coffee and stares at his screen.
After an hour of not much more than this, I’ve isolated four redundant sections of code that are stalling out his user interface. “When was the last time you took a step back from this?”
Evan startles slightly. It’s the first time either of us has spoken in a while. “I don’t,” he says. “Can’t.”
“Is the entire future of Four Points Freight hanging on you getting this right?” I ask, just so I understand the stakes.
“No. Nothing like that. But Hunter wanted me on this, and everything else is finally running smoother, so…this is pretty much all I do all day.”
I glance at him. “Does this go with the saying can’t see the forest for the trees?”
He’s looking at me, and his mouth curls into half a smile. “Yeah.”
“You could have called me.”
He doesn’t respond to that.
“You think I didn’t want to hear from you?”
“Something like that,” he mumbles.
I talk as I clean up the contradicting logic in the section I’m working on. “I thought you said no hard feelings.”
“I said I didn’t have any hard feelings. I didn’t assume you didn’t.”
“Yeah well you were right not to assume that.”
“So why are you here?”
“I told you. I read the letter you sent Isaac.”
“He showed it to you?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“Why?” Evan asks.
“Because he’s my boyfriend, and he wanted to talk about it.”
Evan sucks in a breath, and I hear his fingers moving over his keyboard. The appearance of the app changes as I work. He’s manipulating the appearance of the icons and buttons, making it look trendier.
It’s not affecting what I’m doing, so I don’t comment.
“He still wants you,” I say.
With that, Evan snaps his laptop shut. “I didn’t let you in here so you could guilt me. He wrote me first. I was responding. I’m not sending your boyfriend love letters. I hope he told you that, too.”
“I’m not—no. I mean, yes. He did. This isn’t about guilt, or it’s nothing bad. I’m just saying he misses you. Like he feels like you’re missing.”
“But you’re the one here.”
“You left because of me.”
“I had a job opportunity. Hunter’s paying me an insane amount of money to do basically the same thing I would have been doing for Polytech if Isaac ever got around to—”
“And that’s the only reason?”
Evan scowls. “What do you mean?”
“You’re not like—with him?”
“No.”
I drove all this way, so I face the situation between us head on. “Did you ever consider us friends?”
“You know I did.”
I nod. “Why did you leave without telling me? And don’t say you left me a letter because you and I both know that doesn’t count.”
Evan’s eyes widen. “I actually thought a letter would be better for you.”
I scowl. “Why?”
“Because face to face, we sometimes don’t communicate all that well. Or at all.”
“Are you saying I misunderstood something?”
“Maybe. I’m almost positive I did.”
“No,” I say plainly. “I don’t think you did. I meant what I said, I just shouldn’t have said it.”
I can tell how hard Evan is listening because the vein in his forehead is standing out. “You shouldn’t have been honest?”
“Not while I was upset. I was in my head. It made it hard to see or hear you. But, if you would have stuck around and waited until I calmed down, I was gonna try again.”
“I’ll be honest, too, then. ” He drops his gaze. “The damage was already done. I still can’t unhear what you said.”
“I’m not expecting you to unhear it. I just want to know what’s next.”
The truth is I never meant for this to happen. Gray never said anything like this was possible. If he had, I would have definitely kept my fucking mouth shut and not basically accused Evan of trying to take Isaac from me. Those were my feelings, and if I kept them private, they might have changed.
Instead, they pushed him away. And not just away—he’s living in fucking LA.
“You and Isaac live happily ever after?”
“What about what’s next for you and me?”
“Did you still want to be friends?” he asks.
“I do.”
After a deep breath, Evan gives me a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Sounds good. And I appreciate your help,” he says quietly. “Anything else you need to get off your chest?”
“I’m sort of wondering how you’re doing.” If it was worth it.
“I mean, I’d love to say I’m living my best life, but this code is legit trying to kill me.”
“You’re going to see your mom this weekend?”
“Yeah.”
“Is that something you look forward to or no?”
“My dad is making me come visit him next weekend to make up for missing Easter with him and his wife.”
“That doesn’t really answer my question.”
“It won’t be all bad. The food will be good.”
“What have you been eating?”
He gives me a sidelong glance. “Mostly takeout. My ass might be a little bigger, but my clothes still fit, so…”
I didn’t need the mention of his ass. I’ve gotten lucky that he’s been sitting in another chair and we haven’t made a whole lot of eye contact, but now I’m thinking about his ass—a vivid memory of putting my fingers in his hole while Isaac’s cock was inside it warms my thighs and makes me shift my laptop to cover anything that might come up.
Dawn is making its appearance, a lavender hue lightening up the sky outside Evan’s patio doors. “I can make breakfast.”
“That’s not necessary.”
I close my laptop. “Well, I could use a break from this, but I feel like we’re close. Are you hungry?”
Evan sighs and gives me a look I can’t read. The overall vibe is sad, I think. “I could eat. But there’s a place down the block that makes good food and likes dogs. We can take Apollo.”
“Okay.”
He hasn’t changed clothes when he leads Apollo out of his bedroom.
He’s put on a pair of Adidas slides with his socks.
Apollo perks up when he sees me stand up from the couch, wagging his whole butt as he hurries over to sniff me and shove his nose and big jowls repeatedly into my leg. He nearly knocks me off balance.
I pet him wordlessly, something constricting in my chest so tight I have to knock my fist against my sternum. The dog looks up at me, tongue out, panting, and while I want to smile at him, my chin is trembling, and I can barely breathe.
He walks away from me the moment he hears his food hit his bowl, and I stand straight, rubbing my chest wondering what the fuck that was.
Evan fills up a water bottle and shoves his keys, wallet, and phone into his pockets while Apollo wolfs down all four cups of food.
Last time I asked, he weighed something like a hundred and seventy pounds, but I swear he’s bigger.
“He looks good,” I manage to say.
“We go on a lot of walks,” Evan says. “He comes to work with me sometimes, too. Huge hit.”
“I bet it’s nice not to have to commute, huh?”
“I never minded the commute, but yeah.”
A massive sense of unease forces the next words from my mouth. “Do you want me to go?”
“Fuck, Deacon.” Evan drops his head, his hair falling to hide his face. His hands are shoved into his hoodie pocket, and his shoulders are tense and tight. “Does Isaac know you’re here?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I decided to come after I left his place. It was late. I didn’t want to wake him.”
“And you’re sure you want to be here?” he asks.
I nod.
“Can you give me a reason you’re here then that doesn’t involve Isaac or the software?”
My entire life now revolves around Isaac, and so the question is hard for me to answer. Eventually I give Evan the same answer I gave my boyfriend. “I miss my friend.”
He exhales loudly. “I miss you, too. Fuck. Okay. Come on, let’s go eat.”