Chapter 9
Elena
I bundled up in my burgundy coat and mustard scarf and hurried outside to wait for Alex.
After a few minutes, the Polo pulled up in front of the house.
My friend raised an eyebrow when he found me outside.
He was dressed in faded jeans and one of his eternal hoodies. This one was dark blue, like his car.
“You could have stayed inside. I wasn't going to forget you.”
“What if we went to your place instead?”
I could see the hesitation in his eyes. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that.
“Why? This place is fine, too.”
“I don't feel like staying here today,” I admitted.
My parents had gotten into a fight just a few hours earlier, and I'd rather not be around when my father returned from God knows where.
On the other hand, seeing Alex's wary look, had I made a mistake by asking him to go to his house?
Maybe he didn't want me to meet his family?
That would be absurd. I already knew them.
Maybe he'd prefer our friendship and the rest of his life to stay separated.
But were we real friends then? As always, my thoughts spiralled out of control.
One negative idea came after another. Alex put a hand on my shoulder, snapping me out of it.
“I know what you're thinking. Don't make that face. We'll go if you want.”
I shook my head and took a step back. What had I been thinking? I shouldn't have left my room. “You don't want me in your house. I won’t insist.”
Alex rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Let’s go.”
I didn't know where he found all his patience. Sometimes it was crumbling. Still, Alex held out.
He headed for his car, then turned to make sure I was following him. Seeing that I hadn't moved, he sighed and ran a hand through his already tousled hair, making him look like Stiles Stilinski. “Do you know what you want?”
I frowned. “I know you don't want me to come to your home. Forget it, I won't ask again.”
Alex stopped in front of me and put his face right up to mine. He looked annoyed. Unable to hold his gaze, I lowered my eyes.
“Either you get in the car of your own free will, or I'll put you in it.”
I huffed. He wouldn't do it, would he? I was weak, and he knew it well enough. “You wouldn't dare.”
“Wanna try?”
I hurried into the Polo and avoided looking in his direction.
The landscape flashed before me as he drove, but I couldn't focus on what was in front of me.
Maybe my biggest talent was screwing things up.
Why did I always have to ruin everything?
It was at times like these that I wondered if Alex regretted coming to visit me in the hospital.
If he'd known I was like this, would he have insisted we become friends?
“Stop brooding like that.”
His perceptiveness was terrifying.
“How do you know what I'm thinking?”
“You look sad. I didn't mean to make you feel unwelcome. I'm just not used to having people over.”
He parked in front of his house and got out. I followed Alex into the house like a lost puppy. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd been here. We entered the kitchen and came face to face with Lexi, his mom. Her big green eyes widened as she realized I was here, right in front of her.
“Oh Lena, it’s good to see you again!”
Lexi hugged me as she had done so many times before.
For a few seconds, I hesitated to hug her back but finally gave in and returned the embrace.
There was a time when I thought of her as an aunt, back when she came to us almost weekly.
Things had changed since then. Her eyes were sad when she looked at me now.
Since my brother had died, my mother had drowned herself in her work, and Lexi had stopped coming over.
Was it because my mother had turned her back on her, or vice versa?
I could read the pity she felt for me, as if I were a broken little thing she hadn't been able to put back together.
She was right. In a way, I was disappointed with her for not coming to see me these last three years.
But when I look back at how badly things turned out for my mother and me, maybe it was for the best.
“How beautiful you've become! A real woman.”
She rubbed her wet eyes and smiled. I smiled back.
Her presence made me strangely uncomfortable.
It had been too long. I couldn't remember how I'd been with this woman before my life turned upside down.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alex watching us, eyebrows furrowed.
It was strange to think that once, Lexi had been so close to us while Alex and I barely spoke, and now it was the other way around.
“Mom, have you seen my dance leggings?”
A teenager with dark brown hair like Alex's entered the room but stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed me. They both had trouble getting used to me being here. I silently watched the girl. I'd seen her before, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
“I can't believe you're here!” the girl yelled, jumping towards me. “I've been dreaming of meeting you for ages.”
Wait, what?
“Do I know you?” I asked, uncomfortable.
“This is Audrey, my sister,” Alex told me, twirling his car key on his finger.
I could usually remember the faces of people I met, but I couldn't remember hers. She'd grown so much.
“I was going to join your dance class, but since you've temporarily stopped...”
Audrey didn't finish her sentence, probably not wanting to make me feel any more uncomfortable.
Her words gave me a twinge of sadness. Every day, I tried to occupy my mind as much as possible so as not to have to face the truth.
I took a deep breath and forced myself to grin. Audrey quickly changed the subject.
“Are you as flexible as they say?”
I couldn't help laughing and nodding. Her carefree vibe was refreshing. “Want to see?”
The girl nodded back enthusiastically. Keeping my feet on the ground, I let my upper body move backward until I could touch the floor with my hands.
“She has no spine,” Audrey exclaimed.
“I can't decide whether I'm disgusted or impressed,” Alex added.
***
“Can you teach me a choreography?”
Before I had the time to reply, Alex was already reprimanding his sister. His gaze was stern. Being a big brother suited him like a glove. It made him endearing and even more attractive.
“Audrey, leave her alone. You know she's still recovering from her surgery.”
“I don't mind,” I reassured him, shrugging. It gave me a good excuse to dance, and it allowed me to make a fourteen-year-old happy.
The look on his face told me that he wanted to contradict me. Instead, Alex sighed but nodded. “Don't force it. Okay?”
“Okay!” Audrey gushed. “Teach me something badass!”
If only I could be as carefree as she was. My life had taken a wrong turn when I was her age. Everything that had happened before seemed like fragments of another life. Another me.
“What do you think of The Feels from Twice? It's not that complicated, but it's fun.”
She nodded with so much enthusiasm that I feared she might lose her head.
God, it felt so good to be dancing again.
My movements were not as precise as they used to be, but for the first time in months, I was dancing.
Even if I could only do part of the steps, it was already more than I'd hoped for.
Audrey and I spent over an hour going over the steps of the first verse and chorus.
Just as I was about to go on, Alex put his hand on my shoulder. “That’s enough.”
“But we aren’t done yet!”
“You have all the time in the world to teach her the rest. You've done enough for today.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, standing as straight as I could. I know I said the big brother image was great on him, but not when it was directed at me. “It's not for you to decide.”
Alex and I stared at each other for a few seconds. His gaze was too strong, too intense. I lowered my eyes after a few interminable seconds. I really needed to learn to hold his gaze.
“True, but you know I'm right.”
I wanted to fight back, just because I could, but Alex was right. Now that I was standing still, my knee was a little sore. Still, it was nothing to worry about. I nodded.
At suppertime, Lexi invited me to eat with them.
I tried to back out, but when Alex and Audrey started to insist, I couldn't refuse.
It was nice to eat with someone other than your reflection in the kitchen window.
Lexi placed a large dish of pasta carbonara on the table, and it smelled divine. She grabbed my plate.
“Tell me when.”
She began to fill the plate. Several times, she looked up at me until I signalled it was enough. Alex’s brows went up.
“Are you going to eat all that?”
“You didn't really think I survived forty hours of dance a week by eating salad, did you?”
Alex laughed, and Audrey helped herself to more pasta.
When the meal was over, I followed Alex upstairs.
Once we were in his bedroom, Alex closed the door.
I took the opportunity to look around, but noticed how sober it was.
Even Mick's room seemed livelier, while no one had gone in there in years.
The double bed was made without any crinkles like the ones made in the army.
The room was perfectly tidy and had almost nothing that made it personal.
The walls were a bland taupe colour, and a TV hung against the wall.
Alex's room looked more like a guest room than the bedroom of a lively young man.
The only thing that showed there was anyone living here was the PS4 plugged into the TV and an iPhone charger on one of the bedside tables.
I sat on the edge of the bed, afraid to undo it.
“I didn't know what to expect, but it wasn’t this,” I confessed.
I'd expected a room like my big brother's: an unmade bed, dirty socks lying on the floor, and maybe a box of tissues on the nightstand. There was none of that here.