Chapter 14
Alex
“That was amazing.”
Melissa let herself fall back, sighing with satisfaction.
Her breaths were still rapid. Alex lay back and watched the ceiling in silence, coming to his senses.
He hoped to get some sleep. He was tired, but felt restless for some reason.
As long as she didn’t start talking. Or worse.
Being clingy. The rules were simple: just sex, nothing else.
And yet, some of them started unpacking their whole lives after their orgasm.
Others needed affection. As he had predicted, Melissa began to chat.
Fortunately, her chatter was unimportant, so he pretended to listen.
The moment she placed her hand on his bare chest to caress him, Alex tensed. Damn it. He jerked away.
“Can I use your shower?”
Her eyes widened before she nodded. Without giving her time to say something, Alex grabbed his clothes and disappeared into the bathroom.
His heart was pounding and his hands were trembling.
Why did they always have to touch him? Feeling his self-loathing turn to nausea, Alex reached the toilet just in time before vomiting his guts out.
The blonde had caught his eye on a drunken night out, and Alex had lusted after her for weeks.
Now that he was here, he had to leave. Spending time with Melissa had only made him feel worse, unlike what he had hoped for.
A quick shower later, he found himself in his car.
He’d tried to smoke a cigarette before setting off.
No success there either. His hands were still trembling, and he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling.
Every time a girl touched him affectionately after sex, he felt ashamed.
Dirty. Each time, he thought it would be the last time, and yet he returned to his bad habits without ever being able to stop.
A therapist had once said that Alex had self-destructive tendencies. If only she knew how right she'd been.
Alex reached for his phone, and Elena's name appeared on the screen.
He opened the picture of her and Neighomi watching The Lord of the Rings.
It was as if she was smiling at him and not at the camera.
The message under the picture said: We're getting ready for the marathon! Alex smiled before replying.
Alex: You're watching Lord of the Rings without me? You wound me
By the time he went to put his phone back, she had already answered.
Elena: You can still join me to see the rest \(★ω★)/
Alex: Pause it. I’m on my way
Without wasting any time, he started the car. Alex didn't know why he wanted to see Elena when the presence of the others was putting him on edge. Yet he felt the need to see her. Arriving at Elena's, she observed him as he removed his jacket.
“You look terrible.”
“I'm tired, is all.”
Needless to say, he hadn't slept in two nights, and instead of finding sleep at Melissa's, he'd found anxiety and remorse. Elena wouldn't understand. She smiled at him, and he felt some of his unease lift. It was strange how her mere presence managed to soothe him.
“Are you sure you can survive a marathon?”
“Is that a challenge?”
“Maybe.”
Alex dropped onto the bed with a sigh. Elena placed a cool hand on his forehead, concern appearing on her delicate face. Unlike with Melissa, her touch didn't freeze him.
“You look feverish. Are you sure you're alright?”
With you by my side? Absolutely. Alex bit his tongue to keep from saying that out loud.
He didn't know when she'd become his safe haven, but now that he did, his anxiety subdued.
Panic always seemed to have less of a hold on him when Elena stood beside him.
Seeing that she was waiting for a reaction, he nodded.
Elena left the room in a hurry. When she was there, he didn't feel the need to destroy himself to forget.
His mind was at peace. Alex wondered when she'd begun to play such an important role in his life.
Maybe he'd simply forgotten that she'd been there for years, ever since the day she'd reached out to help him get up when they were children.
Elena returned, a steaming mug and a bottle of Coke in hand.
“I'd make you a bowl of soup, but you know my culinary skills. You'll have to survive on tea.” She grabbed a large pink blanket and wrapped Alex in it as if he were a child.
He couldn't keep from laughing, but let her do her thing. He wasn't used to someone taking care of him. And strangely enough, it was pleasant. Because it was her.
“Better?”
“I appreciate your efforts, but I'm not sick.”
Suddenly, Elena's gaze turned sad. “That's what my brother always said. Until they told him he was dying.”
That explained why she was always so worried whenever Alex did anything more than sneeze.
“I promise I'm fine. If I'm not better by tomorrow, I'll go see a doctor. Okay?”
Elena nodded then smiled, her worry dissipating. She lay down next to him and wrapped herself in the same blanket. She gave him a conspiratorial grin. “Ready?”
“Fuck yeah.”
***
Something poked his cheek, waking Alex from a deep sleep. He had to blink a few times and found Elena just two centimetres from him. She was in his personal space, and still, he felt calm. She flashed him a wide grin.
“See? You didn't make it to the end of the marathon.”
Alex stretched, yawning. He'd really tried to stay awake, but he had been too exhausted. Normally, Alex had to test his limits to clear his head and get some sleep. Next to her, sleep had found him fast.
“I made it halfway through the second film. For someone who hasn't slept in two days, that wasn’t too bad.”
Elena rested her head on her pillow, all smiles. Unlike what he was used to from her, she looked Alex in the eye. She was radiant; her gaze open. No wonder he felt so at home with her. Her kindness and the way she cared for him were able to relax him in a way no one else had managed before.
“Did you manage to get some rest?”
“Yeah. I could definitely get used to falling asleep when you're with me.”
“Are you implying that I'm drowsy and that I am like a sleeping pill?”
She pretended to pout, and Alex smiled back.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I don't know how you do it, but I feel serene when you're around.”
“Then close your eyes and take a nap.”
She stroked his hair, and Alex sighed with pleasure. Elena seemed to be the only one who could touch him without an anxiety attack shaking him. Her presence really did make him feel more at ease. He didn't know how she did it, but for once, he stopped worrying and enjoyed the moment.
“Sorry. I ruined your marathon.”
“Don't worry. I like taking care of you.”
***
Alex was a bit nervous. His coach had insisted he take part in the kickboxing tournament, but Alex wasn't feeling it.
Overly competitive by nature, Alex only participated when he knew victory was assured.
In other words, there was enough rage inside him to punch whoever was standing in the ring.
Today was no such day. A few years earlier, he had picked up kickboxing because he had so much bottled-up anger.
That violence had never left him, but now that he needed it, he felt empty.
And as luck would have it, today he had to fight Robbe, a guy who had even more self-control problems than Alex. Just great.
“Are you ready?”
Matthew, his coach, put a hand on his shoulder. Alex shrugged. This time, he was going to have to rely on his skills and technique rather than his determination to crush someone.
“I guess,” he said, jumping from one foot to the other.
“You look nervous. That’s unusual.”
“I usually know in advance that I'm going to win.”
His phone buzzed. The coach gave him a disapproving look. No phones before a tournament. He quickly glanced down.
Elena: Good luck with your tournament! If you win, I'll treat you to ice cream and a massage ?(???)?
Alex: I'm looking forward to it.
Matthew clicked his tongue.
“Alex, put that phone away and focus!”
Knowing that his coach wasn't going to do him any favours, he put his phone in his bag.
“Why are you grinning like an idiot?”
“I just got the motivation I needed.”
The coach hesitated to answer and finally ignored him. They headed for the ring, and Alex took a deep breath. On the other side of the room, he spotted his opponent already watching him. Robbe had come to win. This wasn't going to be fun.
***
“A new round of drinks!”
The club members raised their glasses, shouting at the top of their lungs.
The coach returned to Alex and patted him on the back with a smile.
He'd won. For most of the fight, Robbe had had the upper hand. Alex had started to tire towards the end, but not enough for his opponent. Robbe’s punches became more violent and uncontrolled, eventually disqualifying him and making Alex the winner.
If Robbe hadn't lost it at the last moment, Alex would have been knocked out.
It wasn't a victory to be proud of, but he didn’t care when it was finally over.
He left the bar for a cigarette. Alex closed his eyes and enjoyed the quiet. All the club members stayed inside and continued to celebrate. The only thing Alex wanted to do now was to get what he'd been promised and to see Elena.
“If that isn’t the star of the show.”
Alex stood face to face with the person he no longer wished to see. He tried to put on a polite smile. It was best not to look for trouble. The fight had exhausted him.
“Hi, Robbe. You did well.”
“Save your stupid ass comments. It was my win. The referee clearly showed favouritism.”
Alex raised his palms. He really didn't want to get involved in another fight.
“Dude, calm down, it was just a friendly tournament. It doesn't mean a thing.”
“You have no idea how much money we've lost because of you.”