Chapter 21
Elena
Nina returned with our drinks, and I sipped my iced tea, exhausted.
I’d forgotten that shopping could be so tiring.
Because of my dance training, I'd never had time to do much else, and when I had any free time outside dance and classes, I preferred to sleep.
Not being able to dance daily and at the level I'd reached was something that always stuck in my craw.
And yet, shopping like normal girls was a nice change.
Nina rested her head in her hand, giving me a mischievous smile.
“So, what's the most exciting thing you've done with Alex?”
“If you're talking about sex, I'm afraid I'm going to have to disappoint you. We're not there yet.”
At least, I hoped we were at the “not yet” stage, and not the “not at all” one. Nina pouted. Would it be a good idea to ask her what Alex liked, or would that be too weird? Sophie snapped me out of my head.
“Are you waiting for a special occasion?” she asked, taking a sip of her too-sweet-looking Frappuccino.
“Everyone thinks that.”
I guess I had a sign on my head that said innocence. I might as well have it tattooed on my forehead. I wasn't complaining, but this wasn't me either. Did Alex see me this way, too? I'd never thought about it before, but now I wanted to know. If he thought I was a virgin, would that scare him?
“You aren’t?”
I shrugged. I wasn't particularly proud or pleased with the way I'd lost my virginity.
When I looked back, the only thing I could say was: my first time had been on New Year's Eve while I was completely wasted.
With a guy who'd come out of the closet a few weeks later, no less.
Ever since then, I hadn't dared to go much further while being sober.
“I didn't wait for Alex, so I won't wait for anything special.”
“Does Alex know?” Nina asked, now serious.
“I never told him, no. Do you think I should?”
After all, he'd had his fill of sex with others. Did I really have to tell him about this misadventure? It was embarrassing. Besides, why was I even thinking about it? Alex didn't even know how I felt about him. My mind was skipping steps.
“I think it would be good for you both to know where you stand,” Sophie said, ever the voice of wisdom. “Maybe Alex won't be afraid to go there with you if he knows it's not your first time.”
Her words confirmed what I was thinking. “I suppose you're right. But seriously, why does everyone think I'm a virgin?”
And why did it matter in other people's opinions? I let my forehead rest against the table with a sigh as Sophie placed her hand on my head.
“You look like an angel.”
“Damn.”
Nina's face changed in the blink of an eye.
From the girl bubblier than a Golden Retriever, she now sported a serious, menacing air.
But her attention wasn't on us. Her stern attitude made me uneasy.
The Nina in front of me looked dangerous.
She reminded me of Alex. No wonder they were friends.
I was about to turn back to what she'd seen when Sophie shook her head.
Piqued by curiosity, I turned around despite Sophie's warning.
Kelsey stood at the other end of the coffee shop.
My throat tightened. We'd managed not to bump into each other.
Seeing her again gave me a strange feeling.
This girl had been my best friend, and yet we'd parted like strangers.
It was as if the last fifteen years had never happened.
Nina crossed her arms. Kelsey grabbed her order and left the shop without giving us a last glance, her head held high.
If I'd been in her shoes, I'd have run away from Dark Nina, too.
She was someone I didn't want to be around.
Once my former best friend had left, Nina smiled again, her bad mood long gone.
Sensing my confusion, Sophie smiled. “Nina protects her family.”
The girl tapped her heart twice with her fist. “I'm a guard dog.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon at Nina's. Her house wasn't the biggest, but it was so welcoming. Her house was the complete opposite of mine. Nina gave us both fluffy pyjamas and warm socks. I glanced at Sophie.
“It's more comfortable. You don't have to change.”
Once the three of us had changed, we dropped onto the bed with bottles of Coke and chips. For a homebody like me, this was my favourite part of the day. Being able to chat about anything and everything with my friends while lounging was something I particularly relished.
Nina turned back to me. I knew she was going to ask me a personal question, so I took a chip to give me courage. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why were you afraid to become friends with us? It’s okay if you don't want to answer.”
I took another chip, giving myself time to clear my head.
Nina didn't beat around the bush. It was a quality I greatly appreciated.
She was also good at stressing me out. So I let go.
“Let's just say that some people made me believe for a long time that I was worthless and unworthy of love. I ended up believing it, I guess.
“Who would do such a thing?” Sophie asked, frowning. “No one close to you, I hope?”
“My father.”
There it was. The secret I'd tried to keep from the world for so long was now out in the open. I thought sharing this part of me would be wrong, but against all odds, I felt calm.
“What a dick,” Nina spat.
I hesitated to elaborate. I was the biggest coward when it came to opening up to others. Their kind looks encouraged me without making me feel like I had to talk. Breathe in. Breathe out.
“When my brother died, my father never recovered. All his joy of life and love for others disappeared. Now he's a bitter drunk.”
A heavy silence settled over the room. They were both hesitating how to react to the chaos that was my life. Nina was the first to react.
“Your brother’s gone?” she repeated, her voice soft and calm.
“Yes, he passed away three years ago.”
It was strange to talk about my brother like that, in past tense.
It made the fact that he was never coming back a little more real, but I no longer felt the guilt that crushed my chest whenever I thought of him.
I missed Mick. I'd always miss him. That didn't stop me from needing to get better. Without him.
“I'm sorry,” Sophie murmured. “Now I understand why you're afraid to get attached to others.”
She brought me closer like a mother would. Nina threw herself on top of us to hug us. Tears welled up in my eyes. Without hesitation, I hugged them back.