20. Aria
CHAPTER TWENTY
My feet leave the ice and my face is set in determination as I begin to spin through the air. Time is momentarily suspended and my arms are drawn across my chest and my ankles are crossed as my body whips around three times. Releasing my arms as gravity begins to pull me down, I get into position for my landing. At the last moment, my foot shifts and I miss by a fraction of a second. My skates abruptly slide out from underneath me and I land on the side of my thigh before sliding a foot or two across the frigid surface.
What the fuck.
I've been landing this jump for years without any issues. Every once in a while, there's always a random fall, but that's to be expected. It is ice, after all, and we are moving around on the thinnest blades of steel. This is the first time I have fallen three times in a row in years. Probably since I was first learning this jump.
Leo skates over to me, sliding to a stop as he points the toes of his skates toward one another. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I assure him in a clipped tone. Avoiding his gaze, I plant my hands against the ice and push up onto my skates before brushing the snow off my pants. Saying I’m embarrassed is an understatement. It’s one thing to have this happen when I’m alone, but not when I’m in the middle of working through a routine with my partner.
Leo closes the space between us just as I go to move in the opposite direction. He catches me off guard as he grabs my wrist and turns me back to him. “I don’t mean about your fall,” he says softly as his eyes search mine with a tenderness I’m not used to seeing in him. “What’s going on?”
I pull my wrist free from his grip. I stare at him, ignoring the magnetic pull he has on me. “I’m just having a bad day, okay? It's nothing."
It has nothing to do with you fucking with my head.
"Hey," he says quietly as he tilts his head to the side. "Why don't we call it a day and we can just start fresh tomorrow?"
I raise my eyebrows at him as confusion washes over me. I can't help but feel like this is some kind of a joke or something. "Who are you and what have you done with Leo Wells?"
A chuckle rumbles in his chest as the sound encapsulates me. "Don't worry, I'm still me." His lips slowly curl upward into a smile that causes my heart to skip a beat. "You're having a bad day. I might be an asshole sometimes, but I don't want to make your day any worse than it already is."
"Does this mean you're going to be less of an asshole now?"
"Probably not," he tells me as he winks. "Might as well enjoy it while it lasts."
I can't stop the smile that dances across my own lips. "I like you like this," I tell him with honesty as the words fall from my lips before I get the chance to swallow them back.
"Like what?"
Under his gaze, a blush creeps up my neck and spreads across my face. He's looking at me like there's no one else around us. "You just seem lighter…"
"Lighter," he muses out loud with a thoughtful look on his face as he nods his head. "I've just realized I haven’t treated you the best and if we're going to be a pair, I want you to feel respected. I want you to feel like you matter because you do. You are a vital part of this team and if we can't have some kind of cohesiveness, it's never going to work."
I'm floored by his response. There was a time where I didn't think I would see the day that Leo didn't hate me. I never imagined he would want things to work. This has always felt like a temporary solution. Almost as if I were replaceable. The moment he found a new partner, he wouldn't want to skate with me anymore.
"I've been thinking about what you said about changing the routine," he says, breaking through my thoughts. We're still on the ice, standing in front of one another. "I think we should do it."
What the hell is going on today? I feel like I've stepped into the twilight zone.
"Really?" I ask him, trying to keep the surprise and excitement from my voice. There isn't a part of me that is jealous of Leo and Delaney, but I want our performance to be ours. I don't want it to be theirs.
Leo nods. "We can go over it tomorrow and work through it, if that's okay with you?"
"I would really like that," I admit, feeling the warmth of happiness seeping through my veins. Today didn't start out the best, but Leo's kindness has really turned it around. "They were just some minor things I thought we could change or add."
He stares at me for a moment, his expression becoming unreadable. "We can change the whole damn thing if that's what you want."
My eyebrows pull together as the sincerity of his words settles inside my bones. I'm confused. I don't know where this is coming from or why he suddenly cares. It's a stark contrast to the coldness he usually shows me. I'm used to the whiplash and the hot and cold behavior from him. Perhaps this is just another degree to the varying temperatures of Leo Wells. My lips part and a breath leaves me, but I don't speak a single word.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Ari," he says with another smile and a nod before he exits the rink.
I'm left speechless with my skates cemented to the ice as I stare after him. Leo disappears into the locker room and I break free from my stupor. Another skater moves past me, dodging to the side so she doesn't hit me. I give her an apologetic look, even though she doesn't see it. Glancing around once more, I head off the ice and into the locker room to take the rest of the day off like Leo suggested.
He's different today and it has me questioning everything, but I like it.
Today, I like him… We'll see about tomorrow.
***
Brynn gives me a look as she sets her martini glass down on the bar in front of us.
“Girl, what did I tell you about sleeping with him?”
A soft laugh spills from my lips and I shake my head at her, holding my hands up in defense. “We were in a different country sharing a bedroom. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing?”
Her face remains set in stone before she cracks. A smile erupts across her lips and she laughs with me. “Okay, you’re right. I suppose what happens in Germany stays in Germany, right?”
"My thoughts exactly," I tell her, nodding in agreement. I take a sip of my own mixed drink before setting it down. "Since we've been home I've been keeping my distance and things are back to normal… for the most part."
Her brow furrows. "What do you mean for the most part?"
"He was weirdly nice today. Don't get me wrong, Leo can be nice, but this was different. He was kind of sweet."
Brynn's eyes widen and she presses her palm against her chest, showing off her manicured nails. "Not Leo Wells."
"Yes Leo Wells," I tell her, half laughing. "I know, it sounds like I'm crazy or something."
"Or maybe you're finally breaking through that cold exterior," she says with a slow smile and she raises an eyebrow. "Perhaps he has a sweet spot for you, Ari."
"Okay, now that is a little far-fetched," I argue as I glance around the bar. I wasn't planning on going out tonight but when Brynn asked me to get dinner and drinks after work, I couldn't turn her down. My day did a complete one-eighty after skating practice. I've been trying to ignore the gnawing feeling inside me that is focused solely on that damn jump. What if I can't do it again? What if something happened inside my body and my mind that I cannot physically do it anymore?
"Aria," Brynn says louder as she snaps her fingers in front of my face. "Are you in there?"
Snapping my head, I blink twice and focus on her face. "Sorry, I was just thinking about this bullshit from practice today."
"Did something happen?"
I chew on the thoughts before pushing them all from my mind. "No, I was just having trouble with this jump, but it will be fine."
"Tomorrow is another day. I'm sure you'll get it sorted out when you're back on the ice."
I force a smile on my lips, although I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince. "You're right." The bartender sets two shots in front of the two of us. I give him a quizzical look.
He smiles and shrugs. “Some guy ordered them, but I don’t see him now.”
Brynn and I look at each other and after a moment of hesitation, we both lift the small glasses up and tap them against each other’s. “To random men buying beautiful women drinks.”
“Well, if it isn’t two of my favorite people.”
A real smile lifts my lips as I hear my brother’s voice and turn around to look at him as he steps up behind Brynn and I. I’m surprised to see he isn’t wearing dress clothes for once. He has a simple black t-shirt on, revealing the artwork on his arm and a pair of dark-washed jeans. Brynn mumbles something under her breath before she downs her shot. “Hey, Austin,” she says slowly as she turns around.
“Hello, Brynn,” he responds with a soft smile before looking between the two of us.
“What are you doing here?” I ask my brother, a bit confused by seeing him.
“I had to fly in for a few days to check out some things with the cooling system at the rink.” He pauses and points to our glasses. “I see you got the shots I ordered for you.”
“Ah, shit,” Brynn sighs and looks momentarily disappointed. “We thought it was going to be some random rich man who would want to make us sister wives.”
“Sorry to disappoint,” he retorts as he steps beside her and sits down. “I guess you won’t let me buy you another drink then?”
I roll my eyes. Thank God Brynn has known him long enough that she’s immune to his charms. If anything, she plays along with it and gives him shit back, almost as if it’s a running joke between the two of them. The banter and the stolen glances… I’m not an idiot, even if they both claim to just be friends.
“If you’re buying, we will always be drinking,” Brynn tells him as she pulls her hair back into a ponytail. “Whip out that black card, baby. We’re drinking top-shelf tonight.”
“As if you’d really drink anything else.” Austin gives both of us a knowing look. “Neither of you like cheap liquor.”
“I still have flashbacks from drinking in college.” Brynn laughs and makes a look of disgust as she shakes her head. She looks directly at me. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“Oh god, our twenty-first birthday,” I groan at the memory. That was one hell of a night. “You were glued to the toilet all night long.”
Austin props his elbow on the bar and rests his chin on his hand as he watches us take a trip down memory lane. He wasn’t there that night because he was out of the country on business. The next day, he took the first flight he could get home and insisted he take me out to celebrate, even though I had the hangover from hell.
“I’m so glad I was a night late for all that,” Austin chimes in with a chuckle.
“Thank God for that,” Brynn agrees as she laughs with him. “Talk about embarrassing.”
Her words bring my mind back to earlier today and a frown pulls on my lips as I stare down at my drink for a moment. My movements are slow as I reach for it, wrapping my fingers around the cool, damp glass.
“I’m going to run to the restroom quickly,” Brynn tells me before she disappears from the bar. I nod as I take a sip of my drink and set it down.
“What’s wrong, Ari?” Austin asks me as he slides over into Brynn’s seat. He stares at me head-on and I can’t do anything other than sigh. I know my brother and he knows me. He knows something is wrong and he isn’t going to let it go until I tell him.
“Leo and I were practicing today and every fucking time I tried to do an Axel, I fell.” I close my eyes and rest my hand against my forehead. “I couldn’t land it. It’s a jump I’ve done thousands of times with no issues.” I pause and turn my head to look at my brother. “What if I can’t do it again?”
A sympathetic look washes over his face and he tilts his head to the side. “Why wouldn’t you be able to do it again? Are you hurt?”
I shake my head as feelings of frustration mix with the anxiety inside. “What if this is just the end of my career? Maybe my body and mind forgot how to land it and this is just the end for me.” I drop my hands to my lap in defeat.
“Ari, no,” he says as he grabs my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “This is not the end and everything will be fine. It was just a bad day.”
“I can’t afford bad skating days, Austin,” I tell him with no humor in my tone. The anxiety is a beast inside me, running rampant.
“I get that. You’ve been stressed out and working your ass off,” he reminds me. “You’re letting self-doubt turn into self-sabotage right now. Just try and relax. Try not to think about it or focus on it too much.”
“And do what?” I demand in a defeated tone. Not thinking about it and not focusing on it is easier said than done.
Austin gives me a smile that’s filled with warmth, and there’s a tenderness in his eyes as he beams at me. “Just trust yourself, Ari.”
My brother’s right. There’s a reason why I’ve always looked up to him and valued his advice. This reminder is exactly what I needed and coming from him, it means so much more to me. I’ve never had an issue trusting myself before, but today I definitely let myself get in my head about it.
I need to trust myself on the ice…
Just like I trust Leo.
He would never let me fall.