24. Aria
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Lying on my side, I stare at Leo as he peacefully snores. His face is relaxed and there is a youthful innocence in his features. Lifting my hand, I reach for him, running my fingertips across his forehead, over his eyebrows, and down his straight nose. He wrinkles the tip of it as I tickle him and he stirs awake.
I don't know what time it is, but I imagine it's in the early hours of the morning, as the sun hasn't begun to crest the horizon. Leo made sure I was thoroughly satiated before I drifted into an ecstasy-induced coma. Spending the night wasn't part of my plan, but I found myself wrapped up in him, reveling in his warmth as we danced through my dreams.
There's no way any of this is real.
We're going to wake up in the morning and this is all going to go away. He's like sand running through my fingers. He's tangible, but I know he's not something I can ever hold on to.
A smile curves Leo's lips, but he doesn't open his eyes. "Why aren't you sleeping?"
I shrug, even though he can't see it. "I don't know." I chew on the inside of my lip for a second as Leo's eyes open and they slowly search mine. Letting my guard down, I show him a vulnerable card. "I was afraid if I went back to sleep, I'd wake up and this would all be a dream."
Something unreadable passes through his expression and his eyes soften as he reaches for me. He pulls me across the mattress, until I'm flush against his naked body. His legs slip between mine and I wrap my arm around his waist as I hold him tightly.
"Sleep, Ari. I promise when you wake up, all of this will still be real."
Nestling against him, I breathe in his scent and allow my eyes to close as I feel him holding me. With him, I'll always be safe. I don't know if that insurance policy includes my heart, but I'm willing to roll the dice just to find out.
I drift back asleep with thoughts of Leo dancing through my mind. Whether I'm awake or asleep, I can never escape him. Leo Wells is everywhere I go and he's the only thing I see.
And I know he’ll never feel the same way.
***
Leo's in the bathroom when I wake up again. This time, the sun is shining brightly through the windows as it hangs in the clear blue sky. I slowly climb out of bed, wrapping the sheet around my body as I pad across the room and stand along the wall of glass. The door is in the center and I press the handle down before pulling it open. I step out onto the deck, feeling the wood beneath my feet. The door shuts softly behind me.
Wrapping the sheet tighter around my naked body, I walk over to the edge and lean against the railing as I stare out at the ocean. The waves break and roll against the shore in a rhythmic melody. It's calm and peaceful. Closing my eyes, I tilt my head back and soak in the warmth of the sun against my skin. Leo has his own slice of heaven here, undisturbed by the rest of the world.
If I were him, I don't think I'd ever leave here.
I'm lost in my thoughts, watching the ocean as she dances across the sand, when I hear the sound of the door opening behind me. Leo walks across the deck, stepping up behind me as he cages me in with his arms. His chest and stomach press against my back as he gently leans against me, planting his hands on the railing beside my elbows.
“There you are,” he murmurs against my ear before pressing his lips against my neck. “I was wondering where you disappeared to.”
I laugh softly as I rest the back of my head against his shoulder. “Where did you think I would have gone?”
“I don’t know,” he says quietly, with a hint of reservation in his tone. "Anywhere but here."
The way he says the words, his tone laced with sadness, has me feeling a little unsettled. My mind begins to run wild and anxiety begins to build in my veins as I question everything that has happened between us in the past twelve hours.
"Should I have left?"
Leo drags his nose against the shell of my ear. "I wouldn't be mad if you did."
What?
My body is on high alert and dread floods me as I push away from the railing, moving him with me. Straightening my spine, I stand up straight, clutching the sheet in my hands as I spin around to face him. "What do you mean?"
Leo stares at me for a moment, tucking his hands into the front pockets of his jogger pants. My eyes betray me, traveling over the dips and curves of his chiseled torso and toned arms before reaching his eyes again. Damn him for looking the way he does. I can't decide if I'd rather kiss him or go slash his tires.
"I mean, I would get it if you left. I don't know what I'm doing here, Ari." He shrugs with simplicity, although there's a hint of pain woven in the golden flecks of his irises. "Things like this—they don't last."
I'm floored by his response—and not in a good way. Every syllable is like a dagger to my already bleeding heart.
"I see," I say softly, attempting to conceal the torment that threatens to wreak havoc. "This is the last time any of this happens between us, Leo. I'm done riding this roller coaster with you until you know exactly what it is that you want."
"What?" He tilts his head to the side, the color draining from his face as he sets his lips in a firm line. "I never said I don't want you." He lets out a frustrated breath as confusion mixes in his expression. "We're not on a roller coaster."
"Yes, we are," I argue, feeling the tears prick the corners of my eyes. "You give me whiplash, Leo. One moment, you're keeping me at arm’s length and you hate me. The next, you're pulling me into your orbit." I pause, shaking my head as I can feel my facade cracking. "I won't do it. I won't just be a toy for you to break."
"I don't want to break you."
I level my gaze on his, feeling the defeat in my shoulders. "I don't think you know what you want."
"I know what I want," he retorts, the muscle in his jaw tightening. "You're no saint, Aria Reed. You've been playing the same fucking games, giving me the same mixed signals."
"I know," I let out a shaky breath. "I've tried to hate you, but I can't anymore. When I'm around you, nothing else matters. When I'm not around you, you're the only person I want to be around. I fucking hate it." My lungs deflate. "I want more than this with you, Leo."
His eyes widen and shock settles in them. "Wait, what?"
I've already said too much. I've shown my cards and I have nothing left to play. All there is are my truths hanging heavily in the salty air between us. Turning on my heel, I walk back to the door and push it open before I look back at him one last time.
"Aria," he says softly, my name a plea as his eyes search mine. Pain is etched in his features, and I know this is what I have to do. If I respect myself in the slightest bit, I have to let him go. I can't keep falling into bed with him and act like it can be something casual.
I'm not a casual person.
I need more than a hookup.
"I need to go," I tell him, instantly feeling regret, but I can't let that fuel my decision. "I'll see you at the rink."
"Please, don't go," he says with panic in his tone. I hate the way his face looks right now. Like he’s begging me to stay while his chest is cracking wide open. "Not like this."
I shake my head at him. I can’t keep giving in to him. "I need space."
"You mean space from me," he says with hurt lacing through his words. His face momentarily falters and I don’t miss the coldness as it settles in his expression.
I nod, blinking back my tears. "I can't think straight when I'm around you."
A harsh scoff escapes him. "You say it like you're the only one who's fucked up right now."
"How are you fucked up?"
A dark shadow dances across his face and Leo stalks across the deck to me. He doesn't stop until he's less than a foot away. He reaches and grabs the threshold, holding on to the doorframe as his eyes probe mine. "You drive me fucking insane, Aria. You consume my thoughts, you command my feelings. Every goddamn thought I have always circles back to you." He lets out a pained laugh. "I've tried to get rid of you and yet you're so deep under my skin, I can't get you out."
"You want more?" He pauses, his face softening. "I'll give you everything. You want the stars? I'll find a spaceship and a way to bring them down to you on Earth."
His words are everything I want to hear. The way my heart instantly swells, only to have my anxiety poke it with a pin. It deflates just as quickly as it inflated. The anxious voice in my head begins to question every word he says. He doesn't mean it. It's all a ploy. He'll only hurt me in the end.
"All we do is argue," I remind him, my voice coming out like a whisper. What the hell am I saying? My anxiety slides into the driver’s seat and I’m merely a passenger as I begin to self-destruct. "How could there really be more when we fight more than we actually get along?"
He drops his hand from the doorway and takes a step back as if I slapped him. Rejection flashes in his eyes. "And you say I'm the one who doesn't know what they want?" He throws his hands up in defeat. "You know, I never thought I deserved you… But I don’t deserve this either," he says with a shake of his head as he spins on his heel.
Leo leaves me standing in the doorway as he exits the deck, taking the steps down to the first floor. A war wages inside me. I should go after him and tell him the truth. He does deserve me. If there’s anyone who does, it’s him. I just royally fucked up and my anxiety has me running in the opposite direction of him. I rush into the house and quickly put my clothing on before I leave.
He’s nowhere to be seen.
The tears don’t fall until I’m in my car driving away.
Until his house is disappearing in my rearview mirror.
Until I’m far enough away from him so he won’t see me fracturing into a million pieces.
I never thought I would be crying over the one person I hated. Life’s funny like that, and I guess I'm the one who is really the fool for ever thinking I hated Leo Wells. We may have never gotten along in the past, but I don't truly believe I ever felt that way about him. He showed me softer sides that he never showed to anyone else, but I always felt hurt when he would flip the script and play the part of my enemy. Around other people, I never existed to him. He was always cold and indifferent. Until recently.
Leo never felt like he was deserving of me, for whatever reason, but something inside him must have changed. This entire time, I thought he was just being nicer because he felt compelled to, when in reality there was a myriad of things going on beneath the surface with him.
While he was breaking through my walls, he was letting his own guard down. He was showing me the vulnerable sides of himself, slowly letting me in. I didn't realize it until I saw the hurt written across his face.
And here I am, running away from him like a goddamn coward.