25. Leo
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Picking up a seashell along the sand, I chuck it out into the water. There's a small splash followed by another wave rolling in. I watch as it crashes against the shore and white bubbles float across the surface of the ocean. The sun is warm on my skin and I close my eyes as I tilt my head back and relish the feeling of it.
I hear the sound of a car door shutting and I keep my eyes plastered shut. Her car starts and I listen as she quickly pulls out of my driveway and leaves.
This is all so fucked up.
I don't know how we went from last night to now. I didn't expect to hear from her after her date with Griffin. When she asked to come over, I didn't give myself the chance to even think. There wasn't a doubt or question about it. She wanted to see me and I would never turn her away.
Since we've known each other, she has always been a mindfuck for me. She was my best friend's little sister. I couldn't date her when we were younger. And then she dated my rival—which was a whole different issue. After that, she became the enemy. We were in constant competition with each other, until we were forced to compete together.
Aria was always beautiful and I've always had perfect vision. When we started crossing these damn lines together, that's when it got worse. I tried to keep her at arm’s length. I tried to keep her out. I failed—horribly on both accounts—and now I was completely fucked.
Because I want her.
I want every fucking piece of her, and I want her all for myself.
I rake a frustrated hand through my hair as I slowly turn back to face the house. I shouldn't have let her leave. I shouldn't have walked away, but I did. My mind was reeling, while still trying to process what the hell really happened.
There is a part of me that knows I don't deserve her. I never will. My first mistake today was telling her I wouldn't be mad if she left. Instead of being filled with joy because she was still here, I was questioning it. It all came out wrong. I never meant for it to get to this point after I brought it up.
I shouldn't have told her that things like this don't last, because I don't know if I fully believe that shit. That was all my own personal self-doubt and I projected it onto her, which made her question me instead. What started out as her questioning me on what I wanted, turned into her acting like she's the one who doesn't know what the hell she wants.
I know what I want, and it's her. I was an idiot for ever thinking it wouldn't be her. Hating her feels like such a distant memory.
Now that I know what it feels like to love her.
My hand curls into a fist and I press it against my lips as I stare at the back of my house. Butterflies flutter in my stomach as my heart rate quickens. Those thoughts have been drifting around in my mind, but this is the first time I've really paid them any attention.
Goddammit.
I'm in love with Aria Reed.
My footsteps feel heavy as I walk up onto the back deck. Since admitting it to myself, it feels like there's been a weight lifted from my chest, yet I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this information. Do I tell her? Do I give her the space she thinks she needs? I pushed her away when I should have washed away her worries.
As I reach the French doors that lead into the first floor of my house, my phone starts to vibrate in the pocket of my sweatpants. Reaching inside, I pull it out and sigh when I see Austin's name on the screen. I weigh my options carefully. It can't be a coincidence that he's calling me after Aria just ran off. If I ignore his call, he's going to rip me a new asshole. But if I answer his call, he's probably going to do the same.
It's really a lose-lose situation.
"That was fast," I say into the speaker as I answer the phone and hold it against the side of my face. I wander across the deck and drop down onto the outdoor sectional that looks out at the ocean.
Austin is silent for a beat. "What?"
Oh, shit. Maybe he doesn't know.
"Nothing, I thought you were someone else," I lie in an attempt to cover it up. I really need to start thinking before I speak. "What's up?"
"Who did you think I was?" Austin questions me with a touch of curiosity in his voice. "Actually, tell me later. I was calling to tell you I'll be in town for a few days. Did you want to grab drinks or something tonight?"
I shake my head even though he can't see me. "I think I'm just going to stay in tonight."
"Then I'll come by your place. I can grab food from somewhere."
Austin fucking Reed. He never could take a hint or read the room. The last thing I want is for him to come hang out while I'm dealing with this shit with his sister. "By staying in, I mean I don't want any company."
"What's going on?" he questions me without hesitation. Austin has always been very in touch with his feelings and if someone else isn't feeling the best, he wants to talk it out. He's emotionally regulated and mentally healthy. I'm not saying I'm not, but somehow he has a way of always looking at things objectively and from an outsider's perspective. If I need sound advice from anyone, Austin is always my go-to person… except for right now, when it has to do with his little sister.
I don't know what to tell him. "It's nothing."
"Bullshit," he argues, not willing to let it go. "I can tell when something is going on. If you don't want to talk about it, I won't push you to, but you know I'm here if you need a sounding board."
I'm silent for a moment. I trust Austin more than any of my other friends or family. He's my best friend and I don't want to fuck that up. I don't want to lose him while I'm already in the process of losing his sister. "It's not something I can talk to you about."
There's a pregnant pause. He doesn't speak a word for the longest time and I find myself glancing at my phone screen to make sure our call is still connected. "It's about Ari, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"Fuck," he mumbles into the speaker. I hear some commotion in the background but don't bother asking where he is. "My flight lands a little after four. I have to get my car and then I can pick up food and stop by."
Staring out at the ocean, I close my eyes, my nostrils flaring as I inhale deeply, feeling my lungs expanding as I take in a massive breath. There's no sense arguing with him, especially since he knows something happened with Aria. "I'll see you then."
"Yep," he says in a clipped tone before abruptly ending the call. I sigh as I lock my phone screen and resist the urge to throw it over the side of the deck. He didn't speak a single word about it on the phone, so I have no way of knowing how this is going to go. It can go one of two ways: really well or poorly. He's either going to be understanding or put his fist through my face.
I probably deserve the latter at this point.
***
It's later in the evening and I just spent the entire day doing nothing productive. It was our one day off from skating, so there wasn't anywhere I needed to be. There were at least a dozen times throughout the day that I picked up my phone, opened my messages, and stared at the thread between Aria and I. I wanted to text her so badly, but I couldn't do it. Not after the way she left. What was I supposed to do? Beg her to come back? Go find her?
I wasted the day being stuck in my head instead.
My doorbell rings and I slowly get up from where I've been vegging out on the couch. I flip on the light in the foyer and pause inside the door that leads into the kitchen. I see Austin standing on the other side, holding a bag of takeout as he peers through the glass window. His gaze catches mine and I motion for him to open the door and come in. He usually doesn't wait for me to answer the door if it's unlocked.
This feels like a bad sign.
Austin begins to let himself in, so I walk into the kitchen to wait. I reach into a cabinet and pull out two glasses and set them down on the massive island that occupies the space in the center of the room. Austin walks in just as I'm grabbing a bottle of whiskey and I set it down next to the cups.
He raises an eyebrow at me as he lifts his arm and puts the bag on the counter. "Well, the whiskey tells me everything I need to know," he says with a frown as he reaches into the bag and pulls out two Styrofoam containers. He pops them open, revealing rice and empanadas. Austin walks past me, grabs two forks from the drawer, and moves around to the other side of the island. I watch him, tilting my head to the side as he sits down on one of the stools and slides a container of food in front of himself.
"What is that?"
He pushes his fork into the rice and lifts his head to look at me. His eyes are a mirror of Aria's, except he's missing the freckles. "That it isn't good."
I let out a sigh and grab one of the stools, carrying it over to the side I'm standing at before I sit down. Austin pushes the other container across the island for me and hands me a fork. We sit across from each other the awkward silence wrapping itself around us as one of us waits for the other to speak. I don't know where the hell to begin, but I'm going to have to start somewhere. I just need to rip off the Band-Aid and get it over with.
After swallowing a mouthful of food, I grab the two glasses and pour the whiskey into them before handing one to Austin. I take a slow sip and set my glass back down. "I fucked things up with your sister."
Austin pauses mid-chew before beginning again. "Professionally or personally?"
"Personally," I admit as I push some of my rice around in the Styrofoam container. "Things are going really well with skating, so there's no concern there."
"Okay," he nods as he lifts his own glass to his lips and swallows some of the burning liquid. "What happened then?"
Rolling my lips between my teeth, I pause. Now is when I need to think before I speak. I don't know how much to tell him because I don't want to piss him off or anything like that.
Austin interrupts my thoughts and it's as if he can read my mind. "Pretend she's not my sister."
"That's easier said than done," I tell him with a nervous laugh as I adjust in my seat. "I don't know where to start."
"At the beginning, maybe?" he offers, although it comes out more like a question.
I want to be honest with him. I want to tell him everything because I've been sitting on all of these feelings by myself for so fucking long.
"Promise you won't punch me in the face if I do that?"
Austin chuckles and shakes his head. "No dice."
I shrug. It was worth a try. Tilting my head back, I take a deep breath before I straighten my spine and look back at my best friend. "I had a crush on her in high school, but after she started dating Griffin, it transformed into hate."
Austin raises his eyebrows at me but then his face goes back to a neutral expression as he waits for me to continue. He doesn't know about that night we skated together. He knew I didn't like her back then, mainly because of Griffin, but he never knew there was more to it. He doesn't need to know the specifics.
"It started after we started skating together," I tell him, leaving out the part where we almost had sex a few months prior to that. "I struggled for a long time with my attraction to her while also trying to convince myself and everyone around me that I didn't like her. It was easier to hate her because those feelings are easier for me to deal with. All of this confusion is much worse."
He stares at me for a moment, his expression revealing nothing. He has an excellent poker face and I'm slightly envious of it. His fork is resting in his container of food and he takes another sip of his drink. "I don't think anyone likes feelings when they are uncomfortable."
I shake my head, agreeing with him. "I'm sure you can imagine that we've gotten closer given the nature of our working relationship. It's hard to not have the tension and emotion bleed into regular life. The first time we skated together, we were both so caught up in the moment that I almost kissed her. After that, I tried to keep her at arm’s length and failed miserably."
"Did you sleep with her?"
Fuck. There is the question I was hoping he wasn't going to ask.
"Yes."
The muscle in his jaw twitches and he nods. "So, what happened that has you all fucked up right now?"
"She came over last night, and then this morning it all went to shit. I went to the bathroom and thought she had left, but I found her out on my deck. I went out to her and stupidly told her I wouldn't blame her if she left because I don't know what I'm doing right now." I pause and shake my head, feeling the defeat in my muscles. "I told her that things like this don't last."
Austin's face is still blank and he tilts his head to the side as he assesses me. "Do you actually believe that?"
"I did," I say quietly as I mull over his question, letting it sink into my bones. "I don't know now. I want to believe that good things do last."
"They do," he assures me before he drains the rest of the liquor from his glass. He reaches across the counter and grabs the bottle of whiskey and refills it. "If it's the right person and the right time, I truly believe they do."
"Well, she fucking bolted after I said all that to her." I let out a frustrated, contradicting laugh. "She told me she wanted more, assumed I didn't want the same, and then told me she needs space. I told her I know what I want and that it's her, and then she shut down."
Austin purses his lips. "So, you both spent all morning sending each other mixed signals and pushing one another a way." A smile lifts the corners of his mouth as he rolls his eyes. "You two really are made for each other."
"Fuck you, Reed." I chuckle as I give him the middle finger and throw a grain of rice at him. Our laughter trails off and the silence returns again. I hate it. "I don't know what to do, man."
"You stop being a fucking idiot and you go get her."
My eyes widen and I pull my shoulders back as I stare at him. "She wants space from me."
"Fuck her space," he says as he picks up his fork again. "I know my sister. She doesn't want space, it's just what she does when her anxiety causes her to second-guess things. She withdraws and retreats when she really needs someone to be there. When you told her about good things not lasting, you solidified the doubts that were already circulating in her mind."
"I told her that I do want her," I explain to him, feeling a small spark of hope inside my chest as I play his words over in my head. There's a small twinge of guilt for me because I didn’t try harder to get her to understand what I was saying.
"You have to understand that Aria moves in survival mode when she gets stressed out. She specializes in self-preservation. If she has feelings for you, you are now a threat because you have the ability to hurt her." He runs a hand through his hair. "Are you in love with her?"
My throat clenches and I swallow roughly over the lump lodged there. "Yes."
"Did you tell her that?"
"No," I admit as I prop my elbows on the island and drop my head into my hands.
"Good," Austin says and I can hear the smile in his voice.
I lift my head at the sound and cock an eyebrow. "How is that good? Shouldn't I have told her how I feel about her?"
He laughs softly and shrugs. "I mean, yeah, probably, but this gives you something to work with when you go see her. It's something you didn't already tell her, so you're not trying to convince her that you meant those words. She hasn't heard them yet. If there's anything that can get someone's attention, it's admitting your feelings for them to them."
A part of me feels like this is a joke. "Are you being serious about this?"
"Yes," he assures me with a warm smile. "If there's anyone who I trust enough to be with my sister, it's you." He takes a breath and narrows his eyes on me. "If you break her heart, I will rip yours from your chest and feed it to you."
"That's extremely graphic," I tell him as I try not to imagine what that experience might be like.
He shrugs with indifference, as if the threat was completely normal. "You should know what you're getting yourself into."
"You have nothing to worry about. I have no intention of ever breaking her heart."
Austin Reed smiles at me, revealing his bright white teeth. "Then I think it's time to start planning."
"Planning what?"
"How you're going to get her back."
"She was never actually mine," I remind him with a sigh.
Austin laughs and shakes his head. "Trust me… she was. And I think she still is."