TWENTY-SIX
Before the Streamify contract
Finn
Cassidy stares at the ceiling as she lies in bed next to me. “This isn’t working, is it.”
It’s a statement, even though it could be a question. The six inches of space between us on the king all but confirms it. I reach out and squeeze her hand once, quickly. I try to sound reassuring, even though all I’ve felt in my gut the past few days is dread. “It’s not. But I really am glad we tried.”
Cassidy and I have spent the past two months going to all of the most romantic places in Europe. We spent time in Rome, Marseille, Santorini, Budapest, Seville, and we’re currently in Paris in a hotel room that overlooks the Eiffel Tower. We’ve ridden Vespas, eaten everything from seven-course meals to questionable street food, gone to spas, on yachts, to palaces and high teas. We’ve been living in a mashup of every European romance novel and movie, and the paparazzi have been stalking us shamelessly, but we’ve just ignored them and let the cameras click. Seeing them makes my stomach twist every time they accost us as we enter a restaurant or leave the hotel, but it genuinely doesn’t bother Cassidy.
But despite living out what should be the most epic romance … our chemistry isn’t here. We had more chemistry when we were just friends catching up than we do now that we’re dating. It almost feels like another role that we’re trying to act out and force to work. The way the press is reporting our every move makes me feel like it should work. I want to give everyone the romance they’re rooting for! From tabloids, to People , to Vogue , news outlets are thriving on the coverage of our supposed European romance, and fans write in every day, saying we’ve made them believe in love and all kinds of stuff like that.
But I can’t stop thinking about Maeve.
I miss her snarky texts, the way she tucks her auburn hair behind her ear, her laugh that turns into a snort when she tries to hold it in, the way she always takes a bite of frozen pizza too soon when it’s out of the oven even though she knows it’ll burn her tongue. I miss who I am with her. Maeve always pushes me to be the best version of myself. I don’t think she even realizes she’s doing it, but I just always want to strive to be better around her because she works so hard and is so damn smart. I want to be the man she deserves.
I turn on my side to face Cassidy. “I’m sorry. This wasn’t fair to you.”
Cassidy turns on her side to face me too, her hair falling perfectly around her face as she props her head on her fist. “We’re all grown-ups here, Finn. I really mean that. I’m glad we tried. Now we don’t have to always wonder. It would absolutely haunt me if we’d never tried. I mean, we had an amazing vacation.”
“That we did.” I stare at the ceiling, trying to keep my eyes from smarting. I feel like I’ve messed up everything with two of the most important people in my life. Like I’ll never be able to come back from this cliff I’ve dived off of. “Do you think I’ve ruined things with Maeve?” I say finally. It’s not fair to ask Cassidy. But it’s all I can think about. Cassidy hesitates to respond, and I rush to fill the silence. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. It’s rude. I should be asking how to make sure our friendship isn’t awkward now that we’ve done this.”
“No, no, it’s okay, really. We’re not babies anymore, but it’ll be fine.” Cassidy lays her head on the pillow and purses her lips. “But with Maeve … maybe. But I don’t know. I’ve always thought you seemed good together. With her you’re just … you’re like you used to be. Back when we were nine and acting and having fun without worrying. You seem more you with her, if that makes any sense. The you I love most is the you that you are with her. That’s why I don’t want to keep forcing this. I want that you back.”
I nod. I know exactly what she means. She watches as I grab my phone from the bedside table and hit Maeve’s contact. There has to be a way that I can make this right. My call goes straight to voicemail, meaning I’m blocked, and I suddenly think I might throw up.
Fuck.