10. Lydia #3
When we step back from each other, I realize I haven’t gotten to open his gift yet.
I quickly grab it from the bed and sit down on the edge to open it.
He sits down next to me, watching and smiling.
When I open it, I see a limited edition copy of my favorite book and squeal in excitement.
He tells me to open it, and when I do, I see that it’s signed by the author, and down at the bottom, Eli added the date that he asked me out.
“Eli…this is crazy! How did you even—oh my goodness! I love it!”
I grab him and kiss him, pushing him back on the bed. He laughs and pulls me on top of him, kissing me back.
“Okay, okay…I should go get dressed. I told Simone seven o’clock to meet downtown at Vapianos.”
He rolls me off of him and then watches me as I walk to the bathroom.
When I come back out, he sets his phone down, looking up at me. His mood instantly shifts, and I can feel it get cold in the room.
“You’re wearing that out?”
“Yeah? You don’t like it?”
He props himself up, leaning back on his elbows. “Um, it’s just…it’s a little inappropriate, don’t you think?”
I look down at myself. It’s nothing that crazy, nothing I wouldn’t normally wear. “Um, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. Simone picked it out with me.”
“Of course she did. I mean, if you want every guy looking at you and being able to see every part of your body,” he says, shrugging, “fine.”
I hate the way this feels. How I went from feeling really good about myself, liking my outfit, and excited for a birthday dinner with my boyfriend and best friend, to feeling like I’m doing something wrong.
“You’re my girlfriend now,” he continues. “I don’t want everyone having a front-row seat to every crease and curve of your body.”
“I…I can change, I guess. Should I try something else on?”
“I mean, you were already planning on wearing that out. You didn’t see a problem with it, so I guess it doesn’t matter.”
I feel this panic, like I need to fix whatever is going on here. “No, it’s okay. It’s kind of uncomfortable anyway. I have something else I was thinking about wearing.”
I head back into my closet and reluctantly take off the dress. It was so cute, and I was looking forward to taking pictures in it with Eli and Simone.
I find something that isn’t as tight and a little longer, trying to figure out what’s okay and what’s not, hoping what I pick is right.
When I come back out, Eli is now smiling. “Wow, see that looks really good on you, babe.”
I want to feel good about his compliment, but it feels weird now. I push away the feeling and try not to let it affect our night.
“Thank you.”
He stands up, putting his phone in his pocket, and then bends down to tie his shoe. When he stands up and smiles at me, I can’t help but forget anything but the way he’s looking at me. He kisses me, and it feels like everything is okay. It wasn’t as big of a deal as I was making it in my head.
* * *
When we meet in the city at the restaurant, Tyler and Simone both greet us with a smile.
They both tell me happy birthday, and Simone hugs me.
When she looks me over, she asks me why I’m not wearing the dress I picked out at the mall, that it looked so good on me.
I told her that when I got home and tried it on again, it just wasn’t comfortable, and I didn’t feel that great in it.
She doesn’t push it anymore, and we just head inside to eat.
The dinner was full of laughter and good conversation. Tyler and Eli always get along really well, and Simone and I are basically sisters at this point, so there’s never a dull moment when we’re together.
After we eat and walk back outside, Tyler asks if we all want to go catch a movie, or go bowling, or do anything while we still have time left in the night.
I look up at Eli and then back at them. “We…actually have plans for the rest of the night.” I try not to smile too widely and give away what those plans actually are.
They just tell us that’s okay, and we’ll all get back up together soon. Tyler and Eli dap each other up, and Simone and I hug. I tell her I’ll text her in the morning before going in our separate directions.
When Eli pulls up at his house, I see that his parents are out for the night still, and it all suddenly feels really real.
I mean, it feels like this is what I’m supposed to do.
This is the next step in our relationship.
It feels right, like I know he’ll take care of me and make sure I’m okay. But it’s still a little scary.
Once he pulls me into his room, the fear turns into excitement.
Eli reaches over, turning his Bluetooth speaker on and playing some music from his phone.
My nerves start to go haywire in anticipation when he takes my hand and pulls me closer to him.
I melt into his touch, and he slowly starts to kiss a trail down the side of my neck.
His touches are gentle and cautious, like he’s still letting me be in control while also guiding me.
Nothing else seems to matter in this moment. It’s just us.
I love him, and he loves me, and I want this with him…only with him.