12. Lydia #3
I jerk away, panicked. “No—I can’t. I can’t do this! You just hurt me, Eli. That’s not okay!”
My heart races painfully fast, each beat stabbing at the ache in my temple. My thoughts are jumbled, panicked, and overwhelming. This isn’t Eli—not my Eli. How the fuck did we get here?
“I’m sorry, Lydia, please listen,” he begs. “I didn’t mean to get that mad.”
I shake my head, confused and angry. “I didn’t do anything wrong! You hurt me, Eli. You hurt me.”
His jaw tightens. “I know—I’m sorry, okay? But you know how I feel about you being around other guys. I can’t handle the thought of you with anyone else. Why do you do things to make me feel like that?”
A fresh wave of disbelief hits me. “I didn’t do anything! You’re always around girls, and I don’t ever—”
“That’s different, Lydia!” His voice spikes before softening again into desperation. “I’m sorry, okay? Please, baby. I fucked up, but don’t walk away from me.”
“I just wanna go home,” I say quietly, pulling again at the handle as my voice trembles. “I need to go home, Eli.”
“No.” His tone hardens abruptly. He reaches across me and locks the doors. “You’re drunk. You’re coming to my place. I’m not gonna let you just run off and ignore me again.”
“Eli—”
“It’s not a choice, Lydia,” he snaps, starting the car again. “I’m sorry, but you’re staying with me tonight.”
The protest dies on my lips, replaced by a numb resignation. Exhaustion hits me as I shrink into the passenger seat, still clutching my head.
When we reach his driveway, he gets out immediately, but I don’t move, frozen in place, my body still shaking.
Eli comes around to my side, opening the door sharply.
Without speaking, he reaches inside, pulling me out by the arm.
I stumble slightly, trying to twist away from him, but his grip is firm.
“Please, Eli,” I whisper. “Just let me go home.”
He doesn’t respond as he roughly walks inside the darkened house and upstairs. His room no longer feels like my safe space anymore; it feels like somewhere I’m terrified to be.
“I’ll get you something to change into,” he mutters, disappearing into his closet.
I walk to his bathroom, my breath hitching when I catch sight of my reflection.
My heart shatters all over again as I stare at the girl looking back at me in the mirror.
There’s a deep purple bruise already showing on the side of my face where it had hit the window; another bruise darkened my upper arm.
My vision blurs again, tears spilling down my cheeks. My body is shaking uncontrollably from the sobs. I barely recognize myself.
The bathroom door opens, and Eli walks in holding one of his t-shirts to give me. He freezes immediately when his eyes lock onto my broken and bruised reflection. Horror washes over his face, and the shirt drops from his hand.
“Fuck,” he breathes out, almost in shock at what he’s seeing. He crosses the small space quickly, pulling me into his chest. “Lydia, I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t—I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I stand there limp, numb, unable to respond as he holds me, whispering apologies over and over again into my hair. “I’m sorry—I’m so sorry, Lydia. I love you. I just—I got too angry. I can’t handle thinking about you with someone else. It won’t ever happen again. I swear.”
He steps back, eyes frantic, searching for a way he can fix this. “Let me—let me get you ice. Just—just, stay here.”
As he leaves the room, I change robotically into the shirt he’d dropped. It smells like him, a scent I’d always found comforting and safe. Now it makes me feel hollow and confused. When Eli returns, he presses the cold ice pack gently against my bruised cheek, concern written all over his face.
“I love you,” he murmurs desperately. “You have no idea how much I love you, Lydia.”
I don’t respond. My body is too numb, and my mind is spiraling. He takes my hand gently, leading me to his bed. I follow silently and let him pull me in beside him. I just lay there stiffly as he wraps his arms carefully around me.
“I’m never going to hurt you again,” he whispers. “I promise, Lydia. You’re everything to me. I just—I lost control. Please forgive me. Please.”
I lie silently against his chest, listening to the rapid beat of his heart. My thoughts feel overwhelming, and I just want it all to stop.
Despite everything, his touch is the only comfort I want, the only thing capable of soothing the terrified part of me…
that he caused. Part of me wishes so badly that he could take it all back, erase the bruises, erase the memories, fix what he’s broken.
And even though that seems impossible right now, it’s still the only hope I hold onto.
My eyelids grow heavy as the tiredness starts to drag me under, and I’m so desperate to escape my own mind that I let the exhaustion win.
“I love you so much,” Eli whispers one final time, his voice still trembling.
“I know,” I finally murmur back weakly, slipping into darkness, hoping desperately that when I wake back up, everything will feel normal again.