Chapter 11 Lexi
Lexi
I’m halfway through taking my first set of notes when the classroom door slams open.
Every head turns. Including mine.
Axel stands in the doorway, chest heaving, face flushed red with rage. His eyes lock on me immediately.
“Lex!” he shouts.
I mock him with a saccharine smile. “Look who finally remembered I exist?”
“Get out here now.” His voice cuts through the lecture like a blade. He looks at the professor, doesn’t even apologize. “Family emergency.”
The professor—a middle-aged man with wire-rimmed glasses—frowns but nods. “Go ahead.”
My face burns with embarrassment. Everyone’s staring. Whispering.
I follow Axel into the hallway. The door clicks shut behind us.
He’s already pacing, hands in his hair, muttering under his breath. “What the fuck did you do, Lex?”
I lean against the wall, crossing my arms. “I didn’t do anything.”
“Don’t play fucking dumb with me!” He spins, gets in my face. His breath smells like coffee and cigarettes. “What the fuck are you doing with Koa, huh?”
I roll my head back, stare at the ceiling and act bored. “Oh, that?”
“Yeah, that! This is not a fucking joke! You think this is a joke?”
I grab his arm, yank him closer so he’s forced to look at me. “Stop freaking out right now, Ax. If you weren’t fucking ignoring me, I could’ve talked to you about it. I have a plan.”
He rips his arm away. “No. You need to tell me what you did because Koa isn’t someone to get fucking involved with. Are you getting high now?”
I laugh. It echoes down the empty hallway. “No, I’m not as fucking dumb as you are.”
His face twists. He shakes his head, runs both hands through his hair. He looks like Dad when he used to come home after a bender—wild-eyed, paranoid, barely holding it together.
“Meet me after class and I’ll explain everything,” I say, softening my voice just a little.
“No. You’re explaining right now.”
“It’s the first class of the semester, Ax. I can’t just—”
“Grab your shit, Lexi. I need to fucking talk to you.”
I stare at him for a long moment. Then I sigh, turn, and walk back into the classroom.
Everyone’s still staring. The professor pauses mid-sentence.
“I’m so sorry,” I say, walking to my desk. “It really is a family emergency.”
I grab my bag, my notebook, shove everything inside. Lean close to the professor and whisper, “Sorry. Thank you.”
He nods, waves me off. “Take care of it. You’re not missing much. Check your email later.”
“Thank you.”
I leave. Axel’s already in the distance, and I run to catch up.
We’re crossing the quad when he says, “We can’t talk on campus.”
“Then where are we going?”
“I don’t know, Lex!” His voice rises. A group of students on the grass turn to look. He lowers it, hisses between his teeth. “This is so fucked! We need somewhere we can talk openly without getting in trouble.”
I think for half a second. “How about behind the rink?”
He stops walking. “Jesus Christ.”
I shrug. “What? It’s private. No one goes back there.”
“That’s where—” He doesn’t finish. Doesn’t need to.
“Exactly. Come on. Let’s go.”
He follows. Reluctantly.
The alley smells the same. Rotting garbage, piss, something metallic that might be rust or might be blood. The dumpster is still there, rusted and dented. This is where Koa beat the shit out of him. Where I watched from the shadows, helpless and terrified.
Now we’re standing in the exact same spot.
Axel leans against the brick wall, crosses his arms. “So. Tell me. Tell me fucking everything, Lexi.”
I shrug, softening my expression. “I’m saving your ass!”
“By getting involved with him?”
“I made him a deal.”
“You did what! No! No! No!” His face goes white. Then red. Then something beyond rage. He shoves off the wall, gets in my face. “Do you know what you’ve done?”
“I know exactly what I’ve done—”
“No, you don’t! You have no fucking clue!”
“I’m getting you out! Don’t you see that? You have a problem. You need to get clean, Ax!”
“I’m clean!” he shouts.
“Bullshit. Come on. Don’t fucking lie to me.”
He falters. Looks away. “I’m only using every once in a while.”
“Every once in a while,” I repeat, voice dripping with sarcasm.
He lowers his voice to a whisper, leans in close. “I sell for him, okay? He’s my supplier. I overprice and get to keep some cash. It’s been keeping me afloat.”
I roll my eyes. “Until you couldn’t cough up the cash because you snorted it all!”
He leans in closer, voice venomous. “That’s not your fucking call to make.”
“You didn’t even thank me for giving you Grandma’s money that she gave to me, by the way!”
“THANK YOU!” The sarcasm in his voice could cut glass. “There! Happy?”
“So you’re mad at me for saving your ass?”
“No!” He’s shouting now, full volume, and I don’t care who hears. “I’m fucking mad because you come here and want to solve all my problems, but guess what, Lex!” He jabs a finger at my chest. “You’re not Mom!”
The words hit me like a slap.
I storm off. Get three steps away before I turn around and march right back.
“Fuck you!” My voice cracks. “I do all this for you to get your ass clean and you fucking yell at me! Go get some fucking help, Axel! I got him off your back, so now you have no excuse!”
“And what if I don’t? Hmm?” He tilts his head, mocking. “What if I don’t want to get clean?”
“You don’t want to find out what Koa had planned for you!” I’m in his face now, standing on my toes to get closer. “You’re lucky I swooped in to save you, but if this is how you treat me, I’ll let him off the hook. And you’ll find out the wrath I was keeping you from.”
He laughs. Actually laughs. “You think I’m scared?”
I scoff. “You still can’t even thank me, Ax? What the fuck.”
We stand in silence. The only sound is the distant hum of traffic, the rustle of wind through the alley.
Finally, I speak. My voice is quieter now. Colder. “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. I’ll give you some time to think about what I’ve done to help you, and if you don’t fucking get off drugs and thank me for saving your ass, then I’m done with Koa. I’ll just drop him.”
Axel snorts. “Good. Do it.”
“And I’m so fucking serious when I say he’s going to go hard on you.”
He steps closer, getting in my space. “Don’t fucking threaten me. I can handle Koa.”
I laugh. It’s sharp, bitter. “Really? Because the other night it didn’t fucking look like it.”
His jaw clenches. “Fuck this, Lexi! I’m fucking leaving.” He starts walking away. “And stay the fuck away from Koa!”
“You’re not going to get clean?”
He turns around, throws his arms up in the air, shaking his head. “Nope! Because I LOVE DRUGS!”
Fucking asshole.
I follow close behind him as we walk back to campus. My fists are clenched so tight my nails dig into my palms. I want to scream. Want to grab him and shake him until he understands what I’m trying to do.
But he won’t listen. He never listens.
Because I’m not Mom.
And Mom’s dead.
I run to my dorm, fumbling with my key, and burst inside. Scarlett looks up from her desk, startled, but I ignore her. I grab my phone and text Thea.
Lexi: Emergency. Come over now.
She responds immediately.
Thea: OMW
Five minutes later, she’s at my door, out of breath. “What happened?”
I pull her inside, lock the door. Scarlett’s gone—probably scared off by my manic energy.
“Axel,” I say, pacing the small space. “He fucking knows––”
“About Koa?”
“Yeah. And he—” My voice breaks. I press my hands to my face, take a breath. “He said I’m not Mom.”
Thea’s face softens. “Lex...”
“He doesn’t want my help. He said he loves drugs. Loves them, Thea!”
She sits on my bed, pats the space beside her. I sit. She wraps an arm around my shoulders.
“He’s addicted,” she says quietly. “Like, really addicted.”
“Yeah. It’s bad.”
“And just because you got Koa off his back doesn’t mean Axel won’t find it elsewhere. You know that, right?”
I nod. My throat is tight.
“You can’t keep saving him when he doesn’t give a shit. Maybe you should stop whatever’s going on with Koa,” Thea says carefully. “Like, just... walk away and let Axel deal with it.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? You have to. This guy’s bad news.”
I don’t answer. Don’t know how to explain that I made a deal, that Koa owns me now in ways I don’t fully understand. If he says jump, apparently, I have to jump.
I pull off my hoodie, too hot, too suffocated.
Thea gasps. “What the hell is that on your tit?”
I look down. There’s a bruise on my cleavage, right above my bra. Dark purple, almost black. The shape of teeth.
“Did he bite you?” Her voice rises.
I yank the hoodie back on, hide the mark. “It’s nothing.”
“Lexi!”
“Axel’s being an asshole. He might be coming down, but I can’t throw him to the wolves.”
“Fuck that, Lex! In trade for your body? Your soul?”
I shake my head. “I have a plan.”
“Plan to what?”
“Stop freaking out. I’m fine.”
“Lex, this isn’t good—”
“My life hasn’t been good.” My voice is flat now. Empty. “This is nothing. I have no soul. My body barely matters because up here.” I tap my head. “Has gone mad. I’m not like Axel, I don’t need to snort my life away, I just detach. I can turn my emotions off, Thea. I’m tougher than I look.”
She stares at me for a long moment. Then she grabs my hand, squeezes tight.
“Are you a psychopath?” she whispers.
I sigh, a smile forcing it’s way on my face. I cover my face when laughter leaves my throat. “You know what I mean.”
She nods. “I’ve never lost my mom, but she chose to not see me, so I get it.”
I grab her hand. “I was blessed with both loss by death and loss by choice. It’s hard, and sometimes, it’s easier to just…
” I turn the invisible key off at my temple and put it in my pocket.
“And that’s why I can handle Koa. My brother, on the other hand, cannot simply do what I just said hence the drugs. ”
“The drugs,” she says with me.
I nod and just stare at the wall and wonder how the fuck I’m going to survive my brother choosing drugs over me. Just like Mom. Just like Dad.
He doesn’t want to be saved.
I think about Mom. About the pills. About the night she died and how I couldn’t save her either.
You’re not Mom.
Axel’s words echo in my head.
He’s right.
I’m not.
But I’m all he has left.
And I’ll be damned if I let him destroy himself the same way she did.