Chapter 42 Lucy
FORTY-TWO
Lucy
As I walk through the neighborhood with Alexander, I do my best to appreciate what my dad found for me. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t nice to be taken care of.
It’s been three weeks since I moved out of Miles’ house. And it’s as though my entire world changed but I’ve been watching someone else live my life.
My dad paid off the student loan and paid the first six months’ rent on a cute townhouse for me. He did the same for Willa and says that he’s busy trying to repair their relationship.
I’m not so gullible to think that this will last, but I can enjoy his involvement for now. And the fact that I don’t have the student loan looming over my head.
I should be spending this time being happy that my dad is trying to repair things with us. At least he cares enough to try.
Instead, Alexander and I are depressed.
It’s like that spark of life has been snapped out of us. The same spark that was ever-present when we lived with Miles.
I love the man. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Because I think I’m too scared to say the truth.
The simple truth is that I need him in order to keep breathing. He brought something into my life I didn’t know I could feel—belonging.
I’m going to be a ninety-year-old woman, telling my caregivers all about my lost love that never knew I even cared.
I trudge back to the townhouse and walk inside with Alexander.
He waits on the front rug while I use the towel hanging on the coat hook to dry his big paws.
The misty rain kept the ground soaked outside, and I don’t want the dirt tracked inside.
When I stand up, Alexander trots toward the living room, and I hang my keys on one of the coat hooks.
Alexander’s waiting for me on the couch. Another Saturday of watching I Love Lucy.
First, I throw the loaves of bread in the oven that I made this morning. They rose while we were on our walk, and now I’ll have some delicious bread to drown my sorrows in.
Two episodes later, my phone rings loudly, stirring me out of my reverie.
Miles is calling. His caller ID still says Best Husband Ever.
And isn’t that the truth?
I debate about not answering…but it’s a short-lived debate. I want to hear his voice and at least know how he’s doing.
“Hi!” I try to interject the right amount of cheerfulness in my tone, but it comes across as a high-pitched squeak.
The strong smell of bread is floating through the house now, and I walk into the kitchen to turn the oven off.
“I realized that when we separated, we didn’t talk about my visitation rights.”
His words take me by surprise. Separated is a strong term for simply moving out. And visitation rights?
He continues, “Yes, Alexander. He’s got to be missing me, and I think I need to see him, so he knows I still love him.”
“He has been pretty sad,” I say.
I wait for him to respond. I don’t know where he’s going with this. I would love it if this were an excuse to see me. But knowing Miles, he probably is just missing Alexander.
I peek on the bread and see that it needs a little more time.
“Do you want me to come to you, or are you going to come to me?” he asks, his deep voice rumbling in my ear.
“Well, I guess it depends. I have bread in the oven.”
“Are you stress baking?”
“So what if I am?”
“Then I would wonder why you were stress baking.”
“I would say that it’s probably none of your business,” I say in a singsong voice.
“Well, maybe it is my business. When’s your bread done?”
I glance at the timer. “Five minutes.”
“Well, I have the divorce papers here. Do you want to come over and we can talk about it?”
Why do I have the sudden urge to bawl my eyes out?
“Of course. We’ll be there soon.”
I hang up the phone before he can say anything else because I’m scared I’ll cry.
Alexander and I walk into Miles’s house. The code combination is the same, and I unlocked it out of habit.
Maybe I should have knocked. I don’t know.
Miles is standing in the kitchen, and Alexander jerks the leash out of my hand and trots inside to smother him with love and slobber.
I slide my shoes off and come to stand at the line between the kitchen and living room.
To be honest, I’m not sure what to do or say. Hey, thanks for the marriage while it lasted?
“How are you?” Miles asks as he stands up from hugging Alexander.
I have a hard time reading his mood. His face is blank until he looks down at Alexander and smiles and pats his head.
“I’m good,” I say with a forced smile. I’m not good. I’m lonely, and I miss you. But I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, so I keep that little bit to myself.
“I…” He starts to speak, but then turns around and starts messing with the coffeepot. “I miss you.”
My breath catches as I wait for him to add my dog’s name to that…but he doesn’t.
“We missed you too.”
He punches the start button with such ferocity that I expect it to fall apart.
He spins around as the coffee starts dripping and stares at me. “I mean, you, Lucy. It’s too quiet here.”
The coffeepot splutters in the background, and I do my best to summon up a smile. “Thank you. Honestly, it means a lot to be missed.” I miss you. I love you. But I’m scared I’ve fallen so far for you that I’ll never recover.
“I know. But I’m saying it for selfish reasons.”
“You miss big breakfasts?”
That finally shakes a smirk out of him. “I miss having you in my life.”
“We’ll still see each other…” I try to reason with both of us. I don’t know if it’s working though because my eyes are starting to mist.
“That’s not good enough. Lucy, I want more.” He points to a stack of papers on the kitchen island. “That’s the paperwork for our divorce.”
“And you wanted me to come sign it?”
“No. I want to burn it.”
My eyebrows practically kiss my hairline they shoot up so fast.
“I don’t want a divorce. I want you,” he says.
“What about your freedom?”
“I don’t want freedom without you.”
The lump in my throat is growing, and I’m scared I’m about to turn on the waterworks.
Miles turns his back to me when the coffeepot beeps at him. He pulls the Stud Muffin mug out of the cupboard and fills it with coffee and creamer, and then he does something shocking.
He hands it to me.
He hands me the mug.
“Lucy, I know we didn’t set out to get married or to mean anything to each other besides being good roommates.
” He pauses and glances at Alexander, who keeps nudging his hand.
“But you have successfully overtaken every corner of my life, and I don’t want you out of it.
I didn’t argue with you leaving because I thought, with time, maybe I would realize that we were better apart. I was wrong.”
He takes a step toward me. “I was so wrong that I had to sit in your spot on the couch. And put my keys on the wrong key ring. I’ve kept trying to make everything feel right since you left.
But it’s not. Without you, it’s all wrong.
Because you brighten every room you’re in.
You bring joy and happiness wherever you go.
And I know it’s not fair of me to ask it, but I will anyway.
I’m asking you to share that with me for the rest of our lives.
I know I’m not what you deserve. You deserve someone way more mature and thoughtful.
Someone who would fold your laundry instead of burying you in it.
I can’t even make the promise to change.
But I do know one thing: I love you, Lucy Bishop. ”
My jaw is somewhere on the floor—I’m sure of it, because I don’t know how to close my mouth.
“Uhhhmm.” I clear my throat. “Miles.”
He shifts his weight back and forth as he waits for my answer. “I need you to tell me true. Tell me if you can be happy with me. Because I want to love you and make you the happiest you can be.”
“Miles, you surprised me. You made me want things I shouldn’t have wanted.
The way you welcomed me into your home, treated me like a friend, and took care of me, even when I was a wreck.
You’ve never made me feel as though you expected something in return.
I fell hard for you, but I knew I didn’t have the right to ask you to give up your freedom.
I didn’t want you to resent me because I caught feelings during a business deal.
But I can tell you this: there is no one else in this world I would be willing to be married to—fake or real.
I knew I was falling hard for you the second I walked up those court steps.
But I’ve been too scared to say anything. ”
Miles stares at me, his expression softening.
I wait for him to say something, and when he doesn’t, I fill the uncomfortable silence. “I was a coward. I loved you, and I knew it, and I still didn’t say anything.”
His eyes are glistening—or maybe it’s just a trick of the light. I’m not sure.
“Are you going to say anything?” I whisper.
Miles nods. “Drink your coffee.”
I freeze. Those were not the three words I’d expected. You’re a coward. I love you. You can leave. Any of those seemed more likely options than drink your coffee.
I glance down at the mug. The one he willingly handed over to me.
That’s when I see it.
In front of Stud Muffin, he’s written Mrs. with a white permanent marker.
I glance up at Miles with blurry eyes, but he’s not standing there anymore. He’s down on one knee, beside my giant of a dog.
“Lucy Bishop, will you do me the honor of staying married to me?”
As quickly as I can, I set the mug down on the counter and leap toward him like a flying monkey.
Somehow, he manages to catch me, and I straddle his one leg while I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.
The smooth skin on his face means he shaved recently, and I know he was anticipating this moment. The possibility of us locked in an embrace, promising not to sign divorce papers.
Gosh, I hope I get a real wedding with him someday.
That’s my last thought before I part my lips and let him kiss me deeper.
Alexander barks in our ears, but we don’t care. I have exactly what I’ve dreamed of. Someone to belong to.
Miles stands up when Alexander tries to break up our kiss. He scoops me up with him and carries me down the hall.
“I’d like to have a long talk with you, wife,” he says against my lips as he continues toward his room.
“Hmm, and what will we be talking about?”
He grins up at me. “Not much.”