Chapter 11 #2
He shakes his head, taking the beer I’ve opened for him, and following me out to the deck.
“You know what I mean. Besides, I like it out here. It’s quiet, and so is my head when I’m here.
I can just be, not think fifty steps ahead, or fight with my mom about what I’m doing that she doesn't like.” He rolls his eyes as he takes a long pull from the bottle, and I watch his throat work as he swallows with his head tipped back.
Goddamn, he’s sexy as sin.
I look away and take a drink of my beer before setting it on the picnic table and starting for the deck stairs.
I might as well get the fake work I created out of the way first so he doesn't think I lured him over here just to hang out.
I hear his steps behind me and let him catch up to my side before I speak.
“I’m sorry your mom’s giving you a hard time. I’ve got a little sister who wants to dictate my life, so I know what that’s like.”
“Family, am I right?” He chuckles and takes another swig of the beer he brought along with him.
“Let’s hope those two are never thrown into the same room together. It would be Armageddon, and our lives would be the casualty of that collaboration, I’m sure.” Cami doesn’t need any backup. She’s bad enough.
“We’d never hear the end of it,” he agrees.
He raises his beer to me and swallows the last of it. He sighs as we enter the barn, tossing the bottle into the trash can I point out before we move off to the whelping room where Ivy and her eight puppies are housed.
“What’s your mom’s deal? Does she have one thing she focuses on, or is it everything?” I ask, curious to know more about him.
“Today, she was on me about what I feed Enzo because he used to be a picky eater, and I never forced him to eat stuff he wasn't interested in. Well, now he’s so much better, but she’s still on my ass about it.
She also doesn't like that I’ve hired people to help me out, like a nanny and the chef who makes our meals once a week.
It’s not like I’m being waited on hand and foot.
I just need a little extra help to make sure I can do everything with my insane schedule.
It’s like she has one way of doing things, and if I don't adhere to that way, I’m wrong and she needs to call me out for it. It’s exhausting.”
I swallow hard and wish I could do something that would help remove that stress from him. There’s not much I can offer someone who makes millions every year and can buy whatever he needs, including help.
“I’ll say it again and as many times as I need to until you start to believe it. You’re welcome out here anytime if it brings you peace and you like the escape. I know it’s not convenient and so far out from town, so I don't expect you to take me up on the offer, but it’s there, nonetheless.”
“I appreciate that, Tucker,” he says with what sounds like true gratitude. “I don't have the best schedule, but I’d like to spend more time out here whenever I can. It feels good to be so far from my regular life. I like it.”
I sneak a glance at him when he says that and catch him looking at me. He smiles shyly.
I open the door to the puppy room, and Ivy greets us, tail wagging.
Sebastian pets her head and looks around at the puppies, who are starting to get bigger.
They definitely need a larger space, so my excuse to get him over here holds up.
I survey the space with my hands on my hips before turning to Sebastian.
“We’re going to grab Mama Ivy here and lead her to the new kennels, and hope the puppies follow like little ducklings.
They’re really curious right now and might want to explore, which is where I need your help to herd them along and make sure we don't lose any on the way around the corner. They’re all going into the big kennel at the end, so just follow me,” I explain.
Sebastian nods, taking his job seriously. I give Ivy the command to heel and follow, then start the trek around the corner and into the main kennel hallway. I can hear Sebastian behind me and stop to listen.
“Fuck! No, little guy, we’re not eating the mop today. Oh crap, where did number eight go? You all look alike, but I’m only counting seven. Nope, we’re not going backward, we need to go the other way.”
I laugh quietly and lead Ivy the rest of the way to the kennel and put her inside with one of the puppies that stayed close by, before going to assist Sebastian with the puppy wrangling.
When I turn the corner, I see Sebastian squatting to pull a puppy out from behind the rolling mop bucket, while six other dogs run in different directions and create complete chaos. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I pull my phone out and snap a few photos because it’s adorable.
“Need a hand there, Big Daddy?” I ask once I’ve pocketed my phone.
Sebastian’s head snaps up, and he looks at me as a flush steals over his cheeks and warms his face.
“They didn’t stay in a line like ducklings and immediately scattered. How was I supposed to keep track of eight puppies? They’re worse than Enzo as a toddler.”
I smile at his flustered words and bend to pick up two puppies, tucking them both in one arm.
I reach for another set, and one by one, I put them in Sebastian’s arms until he has four dogs wiggling against his chest. I manage to corral the last few who were being extra naughty and then nod for the hall.
“Sometimes, you just have to take matters into your own hands,” I tell him with a grin.
“Already did that today,” he mutters, catching my attention despite his low tone.
I look over my shoulder at him and wonder if he means what I think he does, and that he’s already jacked off today. If that’s the case, well, fuck me, it’s sexy he’s admitting to getting himself off. If not, I’m going to need a cold shower to kill the lust surging through my body.
“Never a bad idea to do it again,” I say, dipping my toe into flirting territory just slightly. “We could always use something to smile about.”
He bursts into laughter as we deposit the puppies into the kennel next to Ivy.
She’s getting tired of being around the rambunctious puppies.
They’ve been weaned and no longer need to be in the same spot as her, so she deserves some time apart for herself without being climbed on, pawed at, and having eight little bodies demand so much of her, kind of like Sebastian and those who have nonstop expectations of him.
“Trust me, one was enough for today, given where my head went.” His cheeks go bright red, and he looks away as I close up the barn and we exit into the humid summer evening.
I look over at him and wonder what he means. Maybe he was jacking off thinking about someone he shouldn't be, like another teammate’s wife or something? I don't want to know, so I change the subject to something neutral that both of us can agree on. Food.
“I put the potatoes in the oven a while ago. I just need to heat the grill to get the steaks going and char the corn a bit.”
He visibly relaxes with the switch in topics, and once we’re back at the house, he helps me bring the food out to the grill. As I check the flame and make sure things are set where I want for steak, he comes back out with two more Coronas.
We clink bottles before settling with our arms resting on the deck railing that looks out over the back grass toward the agility course and the woods beyond that.
You can just see the pond from here in the winter when the leaves have dropped from the trees, but right now the foliage is too dense.
We relax in companionable silence for a bit, savoring our beers and listening to the wind rustling through the trees.
When the grill is heated, I put the steaks and corn on and go inside to grab a couple more beers.
When I hand one to Sebastian, our fingers graze, and he recoils a bit, but otherwise, it’s just peaceful for us to sit out here.
I enjoy his presence and that he allows me to stay quiet without needing to fill the space with idle conversation.
Cami and Callum, and most of my guy friends from Callum’s circle, never stop talking, so I rarely get to do this when I have other people around.
When the steaks are close to done, I go back inside and pull the potatoes out of the oven, remove the foil, and add all the fixings before I bring them outside and put them on the table next to the grilled corn and the medium rare steaks, which was Sebastian’s preference for doneness.
“This looks amazing,” he says, putting steak on his plate with a potato and a corncob. I also brought out steamed green beans, and he takes a serving. My chest expands with pride at his praise, and I have to hide the smile that wants to take over my face.
“Hopefully, it tastes as good as it looks. I don't call myself a gourmet chef by any means, but I know I can grill at the very least. Just don't ask me to bake anything.”
“Trust me, you’re good with all of this, and I’m not big on dessert, anyway.
My mom is always trying to force cookies and desserts on me.
She loves to bake and considers her family recipes to be the ultimate treat.
She’s making pizzelle cookies with Enzo tonight.
I know he’s going to come home wired and cranky as hell tomorrow because she’ll let him eat as many as he wants, which will be the whole batch if she’s not careful.
I could forego dessert and just have something savory or crunchy like chips any day. ”
“Saves me from having to try to make you treats if you had a sweet tooth. Savory, I can do,” I joke.
I take a sip of my beer and think about Cami and how she never leaves me alone.
“What is it about families and trying to impose their will on you? Cami wanted me to move closer to the city and start the business in Atlanta rather than out here. She thought it was too far to get business. She’s half right, it is too far, but we still get business,” I point out.
I mean to keep the next part in my head, but to my horror, the words are audible in the air between us.
“She also thinks she’s going to play matchmaker and set me up every time she sees me interact with someone.
It could be the most casual conversation, and she’s envisioning me married and already planning the wedding.
It’s ridiculous.” My ears heat as I realize I’ve probably said too much, and I’m treading on thin ice if he starts asking about the person she’s trying to set me up with now.
To my relief, Sebastian seems to understand and share my sentiment rather than see the awkwardness of it.
“I know what you mean. My mom is desperate for me to start dating again. She thinks I need to forget what I went through, push down the pain, and just start over. How am I supposed to do that? Eliana was my college sweetheart. We were together for five years when we had Enzo, and we’d planned our lives together.
Losing her suddenly was like tearing up the map of my life and only leaving me one strip—hockey—so I don't know what the rest of it looks like. Does my mom care about that? No, she just wants to get more grandkids out of me and says someone new will help me move on.” He sighs and takes a long swallow of his beer, emptying it.
“So you don't date at all?” I ask, wondering how he gets his needs met.
I mean, I get it, I don’t go out all that often, and I haven’t dated seriously in years, but I know where to look if I need to get laid, and I’m desperate enough for the company.
I’ve been hurt so many times by my stupid whore heart because I want to drop to my knees and suck any pretty man’s cock, be they gay or straight, and that’s just not conducive to keeping your heart whole.
So now, at the very least, I prefer to know a partner intimately and have a deep connection before getting physical to keep myself from getting too attached to a casual fling who will leave me broken on my knees without a thought.
Doesn't stop me from wanting to do it, though.
It’s tough retraining a whore heart, but I’m working on it.
“Date isn't the right word,” he says slowly, looking down at his hands. “Are you familiar with the term puck bunny? Like a woman who’s interested in sleeping with a famous athlete just because of his fame and position on a professional hockey team?”
“It’s pretty self-explanatory,” I reply. The idea is familiar enough, even if the term isn’t.
He nods. “I can always find a willing puck bunny to take back to the hotel after an away game if I’m in the mood.
But it feels cheap, and the connection I crave is missing.
Like, I’m only getting the physical release, but there’s nothing that makes me feel better.
I feel worse most of the time because it’s like I’ve cheated on Eliana’s memory.
So I don’t do it often, even though it’s available if I want it. ”
I nod absently because this just reinforces how wrong it is to have a crush on him. He takes home women who just want sex with someone famous, and he uses them in his own right. He’s not looking for a six-foot country boy to fuck and make a life with, which is what I’m looking for.
“Want to walk down to the pond? It’s nice to settle your dinner, and we can catch the sunset.” I keep my face neutral even though I’m cringing inside. I just invited a grown man out for a stroll to watch the sunset together. How gay am I?
“I could use the walk, and that sounds great,” he agrees, grinning. Okay, so it may not have been as cheesy as I thought.
“I’ll grab some beers,” I say, collecting our plates and empty bottles and bringing them back inside the kitchen.
I return with more Coronas from my stash now that we’ve run through his six-pack, and I hand one to him.
My fingers graze over his as he grabs it, and I let go.
He slightly shifts away. I keep forgetting that the brush of our hands seems to make him uncomfortable and I should avoid it.
He’s like a magnet for my touch, I’m drawn to him in the simplest ways. But I’ll do better.