Chapter 25
Twenty-five
Sebastian
Iknow Tucker saw the post I put up because he accepted the tag, but there wasn't a message or call waiting for me when I finished my game. It was late, and we immediately left the arena for the airport to fly back to Atlanta, so I couldn't call him.
I didn't sleep for shit, and this morning I’m already going out of my mind wondering what he could be thinking right now.
I told the world I’m in love with him before I said it to his face, or even over the phone.
Maybe he’s pissed. I brought him further into the public eye by putting him on my social media and causing a stir.
I had to answer questions at the post-game presser about it.
I simply responded that I’m in love with Tucker, and when pressed, that I consider myself queer.
I don't think I need to label it anything other than that. I asked McKenna to help us move on to game questions only after that. While I’m sure the media was itching to ask more personal questions, they remained begrudgingly professional.
McKenna’s been super supportive. I told her about my relationship with Tucker before I even spoke with him, and she knew about the post I was planning if things went well.
She nearly lost her mind with excitement and said this was the best thing ever.
She began rattling off a list of ideas for campaigns, merchandise, and things I couldn't keep up with, but knew she was happy about, which was a relief.
She briefed the staff and Hydras organization about my plan to come out with my relationship, and prepared a statement for the team to put out supporting us and the partnership with Combat Companions that would continue.
It was one less thing to worry about, knowing the team was also behind us when Tucker mentioned his fears.
I may not have a message from Tucker, but there are plenty of others, including from my sister.
Bianca: OMG, Sebastian! Why didn't you tell me? Jesus, a man? A hot man, but whoa, that’s a change. I’m happy for you. I want to meet him, and you need to tell me EVERYTHING. Do Ma and Pop know?
I send her a quick message back as my stomach turns thinking about my parents finding out.
Sebastian: They don't know about Tucker, so don't go telling them before I get a chance to. We’ll see what happens with that. I can just hear Ma lamenting my inability to give her more grandchildren now. I can't wait for you to meet him. We’ll talk later, and I’ll tell you all about him.
I blow out a breath and go on with my morning, getting Enzo up and ready for school like any other day, despite my mind going in a million different directions.
“Daddy, can we go to Mr. Tucker’s and see the dogs again, please? I miss them so much, and Mr. Tucker’s so nice,” Enzo says as he pauses from eating his waffles.
I look up from my eggs and take in his pleading, hopeful face.
“Yeah, buddy, we can. I’ll take you over there after school tonight.
You're right, Mr. Tucker is nice.” I pause, not sure how to go about explaining the logistics of this to my kid, but wanting to do it right.
“You know, I love Tucker almost as much as I love you. He’s my boyfriend now, someone I care about so much, and want to spend a lot of time with. Do you understand that?”
Enzo looks at me with a serious expression that is so reminiscent of Eliana’s. “Do you kiss Mr. Tucker, and does he hug you?”
I swallow hard, intent on being truthful with my kid, while keeping it age-appropriate. “Yes, we do. People who love each other often hug and kiss.”
He goes back to his waffles. “Okay, good. You need more hugs and kisses. I’m too little to wrap my arms around you, but Mr. Tucker is big enough. He can make sure you always get hugs when you’re sad.”
He takes a bite and chews like he didn't just decimate my heart with his little boy observation. I swallow the lump in my throat that he’s noticed my moods enough to make this remark, and thought I was sad.
I hate that my kid took on even the slightest burden, thinking he was responsible for my happiness in any fashion.
“Yeah, buddy, he’s big enough to hold me up with his hugs. But I’m not sad. I have you, and now Tucker, and I’m really happy.”
“You were sad, but not since we met Mr. Tucker and his puppy.” He looks up at me with excitement. “Can we live with Mr. Tucker so we can have a lot of dogs?” he asks eagerly, bouncing in his seat.
“Whoa there, kiddo. Not so fast.” I laugh at his big eyes and smile.
“We can take it one day at a time. We’ll spend plenty of time with Tucker so you can hang out with the dogs.
” His acceptance means everything to me, even if it’s motivated by dogs.
I lean over and tousle his dark hair and place a kiss on his head. “Finish up so I can get you to school.”
When I finish with practice, I know I have another thing to check off my to do list. I drive to my parents' house knowing I have to get this out of the way. One way or another, I’m telling my parents I’m queer. I just hope I can leave with our relationship intact.
“Sebastian? What are you doing here? Is something wrong?” Ma asks when she answers the door.
“Nothing’s wrong, Ma. I just wanted to talk to you and Pop. Is now good?” I ask.
“Of course, I’m just surprised.” She opens the door wider so I can enter. “You barely call and only come by when you're dropping Enzo off, so I never expect a visit like this.”
Always with the guilt trips. Never just happy to see me. The concern or love is always buried under layers of what I’m doing wrong.
I sigh, shaking off my guilt as I follow her into the living room, where my father folds the newspaper he was reading.
I sit down on the couch next to Ma and look between her and Pop, my hands shaking and my stomach clenching.
I don't know how they’ll respond to this, so I have to prepare for the worst, and I hate it.
I flatten my hands on my knees and brace myself to keep from showing my nerves.
“You got something to say?” Pop asks, his New York accent thick and brash despite not being angry. That’s just the way he talks.
“I do.” I tighten my grip on my knees. “Ma, Pop, I’m seeing someone.”
Ma’s face lights up, her smile thrilled and radiant as she lifts her hands and looks skyward.
“Oh, thank God! That’s the best news. Finally!
I can’t wait to meet her. Your father and I have been talking about how you need a woman in your life for so long,” she says before I can even continue with my explanation.
“When are you going to introduce her? Are you keeping her from us because you're afraid we’ll scare her off or somethin’?” Pop asks, showing a little more interest now.
I swallow past the desert in my mouth and know that loving Tucker is worth any reaction that may come from telling them. “I’m seeing a man, and he’s incredible.”
Ma’s brows furrow as she looks at me. “A man?”
I nod. “His name is Tucker. He’s kind and caring, and he’s been so good to me and Enzo.”
“Tucker…you mean that dog trainer weirdo with the dangerous facility Enzo always talks about? That’s who you’re seeing?” she asks as her jubilation skitters away.
“Ma, for fuck’s sake, Tucker isn't some weirdo. I’m in love with him,” I huff in exasperation.
I rub my hands along my thighs to keep myself from bolting upright and pacing.
I’m trying to keep my shit together so we can have a civil conversation.
I don't need them to lose their minds and fight with me over this on top of everything.
“What do ya mean you like men? You were married to a woman, for Christ’s sake!” Pop snarls, slamming his newspaper on the arm of the recliner.
Here we go with the macho bullshit.
But before I can respond, Ma beats me to it.
“Shut up, Vinnie!” she snaps, smacking the back of her hand into Pop’s chest and stopping his tirade in its tracks.
“The boy can love whoever he wants to. I don't care if it’s a woman or a man, I just want to make sure he’s taken care of.
” She turns to me with concern. “Does he know how to cook? Can he make a good pasta? If not, I need to teach that boy something. You and my grandson can't be without a good pasta every week. He’ll have to earn the tiramisu, though. That’s a recipe I’ll guard with my life. ”
I’m so surprised, I bark out a laugh. “Yes, Ma, he can cook. He’s made me dinner a bunch of times, and it’s always good.
Enzo eats really well with him, too. I’m sure he can make pasta, and you’re welcome to give him some pointers if he asks for them.
But don't get all up in his kitchen without his request.”
“I want to see him. Do you have a picture?” she asks, scooting next to me, her excitement palpable in her thickening New York accent.
I look at her with a new level of love expanding my heart. “Yeah, I do,” I say quietly. I pull out my phone and show her our sunset photo.
“Oh, Sebastian. He’s handsome.” She turns to me with a smile that’s proud and teasing at the same time.
“And the way he looks at you. Good for you, honey,” she says softly, bumping her shoulder into mine while holding my phone up closer to her face and studying the photo.
“It’s about time you let yourself love again. ”
I swallow past the sting of tears pricking in the backs of my eyes from her acceptance.
“Thanks, Ma. He’s a great man. I know Eliana would have wanted this. You’ll love him. We’ll get together sometime soon so you can meet.”
Abruptly, Ma turns and shoves the phone in Pop’s face. “Vinnie, see the way he looks at our son? You remember when you used to look at me like that? That’s adoration right there. Tell me you don't approve of that, go on! It’s what we’ve always said we wanted for Sebastian, right?”
Pop gives her an exasperated look and pushes on her arm so the phone isn't right against his face. He adjusts his glasses and looks at the screen with a pinched-lip expression. His face softens minutely, and finally, he nods stiffly.
“Yeah, yeah, I see it, Cecilia. You don't have to throw it in my face.” Pop crosses his arms and leans back in his recliner, signaling the end of his contribution to the conversation.
“I’ll work on him,” Ma says to me. “We both support and love you, always, even if your father is a stubborn ass who wants to be a curmudgeon.”
Pop grumbles at her insults, but she puts her hand on his thigh and squeezes until he stops.
“Thank you,” I say, voice thick with emotion.
Now, I have to go get my man.