Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
ROWAN
A cheer rips through the crowded bar as someone belts out the chorus to “Livin’ on a Prayer”, most of them too drunk to care about pitch.
The large room is dim and sticky in that charming, well-loved way, neon beer signs buzzing against the walls. The air smells like spilled whiskey, citrus cleaner, and whatever’s been frying in the kitchen.
After dinner, I’d been looking forward to curling up in bed. But when Dylan invited me to join her, Claire, and Joshua at a local bar for karaoke night, I knew I had to take the opportunity.
Despite everything I’ve done this year — sleeping in my van under desert stars, waking up in new states with no plan — I’ve never been to a karaoke bar.
So I said yes.
I also wasn’t ready to go home yet.
Even with my own space, I can feel Hayden whenever I’m there, so I opted for a distraction.
And karaoke has definitely been an amazing distraction.
I haven’t thought about that kiss once since I got here. It’s hard to think about it when listening to a wide range of locals sing. Some people have been quite good. But others… Well, they don’t seem to care how bad they sound. They’re having fun. And that’s all that matters.
“The show’s on the stage. Not on those TVs,” Claire says, nudging Dylan, who quickly tears her gaze away from the various screens hanging over the bar.
“I’m watching the show,” she argues.
“Right,” Joshua draws out with a playful roll of his eyes. “We know you better than that.”
I steal a glance toward the bar, all three screens broadcasting the same hockey game. “Are you a hockey fan?”
“You could say that,” Claire answers for Dylan. “Or a fan of a certain hockey player.” She waggles her brows, bringing her drink to her lips.
“It’s nothing.” Dylan turns her attention to me. “Archer Ward grew up next door to us. He and Finn were close since they both played hockey together. That’s all.” She looks straight ahead, her expression distant.
I get the feeling there’s a lot more to the story than she’s telling me.
And based on her friends’ expressions, there definitely is. But I don’t know Dylan well enough to press. So I return my attention to the stage just as the song ends, the entire bar cheering as if they just witnessed one of the biggest names in music perform instead of a local singing off-key.
“Next up is Joshua!” the MC announces.
We all clap as Joshua stands, mock-bowing.
“You better have chosen something good,” he calls to Claire, wagging a finger.
Apparently, they have a rule whenever they come to karaoke together. You don’t choose your own song. Someone else does. They told me I didn’t have to play their game if I didn’t want to. But who knows when I’ll have the chance to do something like this again?
I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that life is short.
So I not only agreed to sing, but allowed Joshua to pick a song for me.
I just pray I don’t regret it.
I take a small sip of my drink and look to the stage, waiting to see what song Claire chose. If the devious grin on her face is any indication, it’s a good one.
The beat drops, and I can’t help but burst out laughing when he sings the opening lines of “I’m Too Sexy”.
And he’s not embarrassed about it either. He struts. He owns it like it’s an audition for a singing competition. Women whistle and catcall, and by the first chorus, the entire bar is on their feet dancing along with him.
As he circles his hips, Claire leans into me, laughing. “Now he’s just showing off for you.”
I blink, shooting my eyes toward her. “What do you mean?”
She gives me a pointed look. “I’ve known Joshua since we were in diapers. He’s definitely into you.”
“Into...me?”
“Of course.”
“Oh.” I glance back at the stage, her words making me view Joshua in a different light.
He’s grinning and dancing like he doesn’t have a single worry. Like the past doesn’t weigh on him. Like joy is something he allows himself to have without apology.
Unlike Hayden.
“It’s sort of why we invited you.” Dylan nudges me. “Not that we don’t enjoy your company,” she adds quickly. “But we saw the way he was fawning over you the second you walked into my mom’s house.”
Claire smooths a dark curl behind her ear. “No pressure, of course. Just thought it would be a good opportunity for you to get to know each other better.”
“Joshua is definitely…” I trail off, searching for the right word.
Not brooding.
Not guarded.
Not carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“I don’t think I’ve ever met a man willing to sing about being too sexy in front of a bar full of people and completely own it.”
“That’s Joshua,” Claire says fondly. “He doesn’t care what people think. And he’s loyal. One of the best people I know.”
I shift my eyes back to the stage. “I can see that.”
The song ends to thunderous applause. Joshua bows again, then hops off the stage, hugging a few people he knows as he makes his way back to us.
Before I can say anything, the MC squints at his clipboard again.
“All right, Rowan! You’re up!”
My stomach drops. “I don’t know if I want to follow that.”
Joshua squeezes my arm. “You’ll do great.”
The way he looks at me should make butterflies explode in my belly.
Instead, there’s only a small flutter.
Not like when Hayden looks at me.
Or when his mouth found mine and the world went quiet.
But that’s precisely why I’m here. To forget that kiss.
“You better not have picked something cheesy,” I warn as I head toward the stage.
Joshua grins. “You’re about to find out.”
I take the mic, my palms damp, heart racing. This is scarier than I expected. Scarier than sleeping alone in the desert. Scarier than quitting my job and telling my family I was leaving, despite their threats to cut me off financially.
The music starts and the opening notes to Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” fill the bar.
At least it’s something I know. And quite well.
This has sort of been my anthem over the past year.
Whenever I’ve doubted if I did the right thing by leaving the only home I’ve ever known to finally live my life, I put this song on and immediately feel better.
On the surface, it’s about a breakup, but for me, it’s about rebuilding and choosing myself.
The first verse is a little shaky, but every time my nerves spike, I look at the table. Claire and Dylan dance while Joshua sings along, smiling like he picked this song just for me.
By the chorus, I smile too.
It feels…freeing. Like sunrise yoga. Like driving with the windows down and no destination plugged into my GPS.
When I finish, the bar cheers, and I jump off the stage.
Joshua pulls me into a hug. “That was great.”
“It felt good,” I admit. “Who knew singing in front of strangers could be so cathartic?”
“It’s all about the song choice,” he says, winking.
We stay a little longer, the high from performing keeping me going. But after a while, the adrenaline fades and exhaustion creeps in.
Once Claire finished her performance of “Father Figure”, which Dylan chose for her, I push back from the table and stand.
“I’m going to call it a night. I have a full day of keeping a toddler entertained tomorrow.”
“Would you like a ride home?” Joshua offers, pulling himself to his full height.
Claire drove me here since I took a rideshare to her mom’s house for dinner.
While my van is convenient for traveling across the country, it can be a bit difficult driving it around town, especially squeezing it into tight parking spaces.
Lately, I’ve been using Hayden’s spare car to drive Jemmy to the library or the park, but I didn’t feel right asking to borrow his car today, since it wasn’t technically related to my job.
“You don’t have to.”
“I don’t mind.” Joshua shrugs. “I’m kind of tired, too, and it’s on my way home. No sense taking an Uber when I drive right by your street.”
“Oh. Okay. If you’re sure.”
Joshua gives me a small smile. “I’m sure.”
I say my goodbyes to Dylan and Claire with promises to do this again sometime soon. Then I follow Joshua out of the bar.
Outside, the air is crisp and cold, invigorating in the best way. He steers me toward a pickup truck and opens the passenger-side door, helping me in before running around to get behind the wheel.
“It’s so quiet,” I remark as he drives through the mostly empty streets. If this were Chicago, it would still be bumper-to-bumper traffic.
“Small towns may not be for everyone, but I like it.”
“Have you always lived here?” I ask, studying his silhouette. Strong jaw. Full lips. Thick, dark hair. And from what I was able to see during his performance earlier, he has a fairly built physique. He’d have to, considering he works as the head groundskeeper at the local inn.
“More or less. I went away to college for a year, but then my mom was diagnosed with cancer so I came home and took care of her.”
I nod, not pressing the topic further since I already know how that ended. His mother passed away earlier in the year.
“How about you?” he asks after a beat. “Where is home for you? I don’t think you ever mentioned.”
“My van seems more like home these days than anything else.”
Or, more appropriately, Hayden’s house does.
But it shouldn’t. It’s not my home.
I need to keep reminding myself of that.
“Where did you live before?” he asks.
I open my mouth, but hesitate. I haven’t even mentioned to Hayden I’m originally from Chicago. It’s not like I lied. It just never came up.
Although when he’s brought up Chicago, I purposefully avoided telling him I also lived there, too worried he might put two and two together and realize the truth.
“Chicago, actually,” I finally admit.
“Like Hayden,” he muses. “Small world, isn’t it?”
I glance out my window as the downtown area transitions into quaint residential neighborhoods. “It sure is.”
Although he has no idea exactly how small.
We continue our conversation during the rest of the short drive, Joshua sharing stories about the town.
About his job. About his mom. He even tells me how he’s recently reconnected with the father he never knew he had, since he’s the result of a one-night stand.
But thanks to an ancestry kit, he found him.
“Thanks for the ride,” I tell him after he pulls up to Hayden’s house and helps me down from his truck. “And the introduction to karaoke. I had a lot of fun.”
He gives me a warm smile. “Me, too.”
I start up the driveway, but only make it a few feet when his voice stops me.
“Rowan.”
I turn to face him as he approaches.
“Do you want to go out again next weekend? Just the two of us?” He takes another step toward me, his body a breath from mine. “I’d like to get to know you better.”
I part my lips, not immediately responding. Do I want to go out with him?
I did enjoy spending time with him. He’s fun. Full of life. Makes me laugh. And best of all, he’s not some brooding grump whose personality can change in a heartbeat.
Maybe this is what I need. To spend time with someone else. Someone more appropriate. Someone who can help me forget about that kiss.
“I’d like that,” I finally say.
“Great.” Joshua’s eyes light up in a way I don’t think Hayden’s ever have. “Are you free Saturday evening? Say around seven?”
“It’s a date.”
“Perfect.” He leans in and brushes his lips against my cheek. “See you then,” he murmurs in a husky tone that sends a slight shiver down my spine.
It’s not the same as the shivers that overtake me whenever Hayden is close, but I need to stop comparing everyone to Hayden. He’s my boss. Nothing more.
“See you then,” I echo, turning from him once more and making my way into the house.
But as sleep evades me throughout the night, it’s not Joshua’s kiss I replay in my mind.
It’s Hayden’s.