Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
ROWAN
This is completely reckless.
Not because he’s my boss.
Not because of blurred lines.
But because of the secret I’m keeping.
The letter in his office. The one I never should have read. The one that told me whose heart beats inside my chest.
I should stop this.
Tell him the truth.
Instead, as his tongue swipes against mine, I allow myself to be selfish. To drown in the way my body responds to Hayden’s kiss.
It’s exactly what I wanted to feel earlier. What I searched for with Joshua…and couldn’t find.
Now that I have, I don’t want this to end anytime soon.
Hayden backs me into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. His touch is firm and resolute. Like he’s done fighting himself.
He presses me against the wall, one hand gripping my thigh and hooking it around his waist. When he rocks against me, hard and unmistakable, a broken cry slips from my throat.
Every nerve ending feels awake, as if something long dormant just sparked back to life.
He pulls his mouth from mine and buries his face in my neck, his teeth grazing over sensitive skin. My head falls back against the wall, allowing him better access.
“I kissed him,” I pant.
The confession spills out before I can stop it.
He stills slightly, but doesn’t stop kissing me. “Is there a reason you’re telling me about kissing another man right now?” He nips at my skin, pain mixing with pleasure in an intoxicating combination.
“I just…” I close my eyes, trying to steady myself as his mouth drags lower, over my collarbone, along my scar.
“I kissed him because I wanted to erase you.” I dig my fingers through his hair.
“Wanted to forget what your kiss made me feel. Or maybe I hoped I’d feel the same thing with someone else. ”
He lifts his head, his lips hovering just above mine. “And did you?”
I swallow, searching his eyes. “I could probably kiss a thousand men and never feel what I do when I’m with you.”
Something dark and hungry flashes across his face. Then his fingers tangle in my hair, and he claims my mouth again, deeper this time. Desperate.
“Hold on,” he murmurs roughly against my lips.
“What do you—”
Before I can finish, he lifts me effortlessly, my legs instinctively wrapping around him. I cling to his shoulders as he carries me toward the bed, my heart racing so hard it feels like it might burst through my ribs.
But even when we reach my bed, he doesn’t put me down. Instead, he kisses me. Slow. Sensual. A taste of what’s coming.
“I could do this for hours,” he breathes against my mouth.
“You won’t hear any complaints from me.”
“Duly noted.”
He presses another kiss to my lips before carefully lowering my feet to the floor.
“Sit.” The word comes out soft, yet commanding at the same time.
I obey, lowering myself onto the mattress, my eyes never leaving his.
And his definitely don’t leave mine. Almost like he’s worried I’ll disappear if he looks away.
He drops to his knees in front of me and takes one of my boot-clad feet in his hands, slowly lowering the zipper. The boot lands on the floor with a thump, my sock soon following.
His fingers skim over my ankle, his touch achingly gentle, almost reverent. The pad of his thumb traces the delicate bone, then glides upward in a slow, measured path that makes my breath hitch.
He’s just touching my leg.
But my body reacts like he’s struck a live wire.
Heat blooms wherever his skin meets mine, spreading outward in ripples. My stomach tightens. My toes curl.
Then he leans in.
The first press of his lips against my ankle is soft. Warm. Unhurried.
I inhale sharply.
He lingers for a beat longer than necessary, and I can feel the shape of his mouth against my skin. The subtle movement as he exhales. The faint scrape of stubble that sends a delicious shiver down my spine.
Slow, deliberate kisses mark a path up my calf. My muscles tremble beneath his touch, and I grip the edge of the bed, attempting to ground myself.
He pauses below my knee, pressing a kiss there before letting his lips drag lightly over the sensitive skin at the back of it. I gasp softly, surprised at how intimate something so simple feels.
He doesn’t miss it.
He inches higher, his mouth trailing upward along the inside of my thigh. The air feels cooler where he hasn’t kissed me yet, and the contrast makes every touch burn hotter.
My body tightens in anticipation, thighs instinctively parting a fraction more, welcoming him to continue his exploration.
He presses another kiss. Then another. Each one higher than the last. Each one making my breath grow more uneven.
My core clenches in anticipation, a slow ache building that makes it almost impossible to stay still.
“Hayden…” I whimper.
He hums against my skin, the vibration traveling straight through me. When his mouth hovers inches away from where I need him most, he pauses.
Doesn’t touch.
Just waits.
My heart slams against my ribs.
My breath stalls in my lungs.
Then at the last second, he retreats.
“Tease,” I groan.
His brow lifts. “Me?”
“You know you are.”
“How so?”
“Because you were so close.”
“Close to what?” His wicked smile nearly undoes me.
God, I love this version of him.
Playful. Confident.
I wonder if this is who he was before everything shattered.
But I push the thought away. This isn’t about his past. Or mine.
It’s about right now.
This moment.
“Tell me,” he murmurs as he removes my other boot with the same maddening slowness, his mouth traveling upward again. My body feels hypersensitive, every brush of his lips magnified.
“Tell you what?” My voice is unsteady.
“What I was close to.” His fingers slide higher, pushing my thighs apart. “Tell me where you want me to touch you.”
I swallow hard as heat floods my face.
I’ve never been good at this part. Never been encouraged to give voice to my wants and desires.
But this is what my year of yes is all about. Doing things the old Rowan never would have. Saying yes to new experiences, even if they scare me.
Granted, when I decided to embark on a year of yes, I didn’t exactly foresee it requiring me to tell my boss in explicit detail what parts of my body I want to feel his mouth on. But I’ve learned the universe works in mysterious ways.
“Your mouth,” I say in a shaky voice. “On me.”
“My mouth is on you,” he teases.
“I’m not talking about my leg.”
“Then tell me where.”
“My pussy,” I whisper. “I really need your mouth on my pussy.”
“And I’m dying to taste you, Rowan.” His expression darkens with hunger. “Now lie back.”
I do as he commands, my back sinking into my mattress.
Several seconds pass as I wait to feel him, the anticipation unraveling me. Finally, he brushes several kisses up the inside of my thigh, inching closer and closer to my center.
But instead of feeling his mouth on me, he moves to my other thigh, teasing and torturing me with more kisses.
“Hayden,” I groan in frustration.
“Yes?”
“Please.”
“Please what? What do you need?”
“I need you to make me come. I’m so turned on, it fucking hurts.”
He dips his gaze toward my panties. “I see that.”
Biting his lower lip, he smooths his hands up my thighs. When he rubs his thumb over my panties, I nearly come off the bed.
“I feel that,” he adds, continuing to torture me through the thin material.
“Then feel more of me. Feel all of me. Taste all of me.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He grips my panties and slides them down my legs before pushing my thighs even wider.
But he doesn’t move. Doesn’t dive in for a taste.
Instead, he just admires me.
I should feel exposed. Vulnerable.
But there’s something about the hunger and greediness in his expression as he stares at me that turns me on even more.
“You’re so wet,” he murmurs.
“It’s all for you. Now taste me.”
He takes his time inching toward me. And when he finally drags his tongue up my center, the sound that leaves me is raw.
Relief. Pleasure. Release.
“Fucking delicious.”
I can’t respond, too lost in sensation as he glides his tongue over me. He moves with confidence, with focus, like he’s learning me. Like my reactions matter.
When he sucks my clit into his mouth, I have to grip the sheets below me to remain grounded when it feels like I’m flying.
“You like that?”
“God, yes,” I exhale.
“Well, let’s see how you respond to this.”
He returns his lips to me, sucking my clit again. But this time, he slides a finger inside, stretching and massaging me.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to make sense of the way my body responds, but I’m already looming perilously close to the edge of oblivion.
“That’s it, baby,” Hayden grunts as I pulse against him, a slave to sensation. “Fuck my face. Rub your cunt all over me.”
I wasn’t sure how Hayden would be in the bedroom. But I didn’t imagine this. No one I’ve been with has ever been this vocal. This open. This unashamed. And it turns me on in a way I never expected, no longer able to contain my reaction.
I cry out his name, tugging and pulling at his hair as I convulse through one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had.
It’s not just physical.
It feels like something breaks open inside me.
When the tremors finally subside, he moves up my frame, kissing a slow path back to my mouth.
“Want a taste?” he asks.
“Yes.”
He covers my mouth with his. But unlike all the previous times he’s kissed me, this one is unhurried. Intimate. Sharing.
The taste of me on his lips sends another wave of heat through me.
“My turn,” I say when he pulls back.
“For what?”
I lean forward, brushing my lips along his jaw before catching his earlobe gently between my teeth.
“To taste you. Can I do that, Hayden?”
His grip on my face tightens. “Fuck, yes.”