Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
HAYDEN
I slam my mouth against hers, and the second she opens for me, I’m done for.
It’s not just the taste of her.
Or the way her body curves into mine.
It’s the sound she makes.
Soft. Wanting. Unfiltered.
And I hate that I imagined Joshua hearing that sound. Hate that I let the thought fester until it drove me down this hallway like a man possessed.
Jealousy isn’t something I’m accustomed to.
Either is desire.
I should stop. I’m more than aware this is wrong on so many levels.
Or is it?
Like Rowan said earlier, who says this is wrong, other than the fact that she’s technically my employee?
Why shouldn’t I do what I want?
Why shouldn’t I do the things that bring me joy?
And being with Rowan brings me joy.
Kissing Rowan brings me joy.
Burying my face in her pussy definitely brings me joy.
When I tear my lips from hers, she gently pushes against me to stand before extending her hand toward me. I take it, allowing her to pull me to my feet.
All I can do is admire how damn beautiful she is, the dim light in the room casting shadows over her.
“Can I?” she murmurs, reaching for the hem of my shirt.
I swallow hard. “Yes.”
She tugs the t-shirt over my head before tossing it onto the floor. As she drinks me in, I can’t help but feel exposed.
I like to stay in shape, but I’m not in my twenties anymore. Not like Joshua.
But as her eyes trace over me, all I see is desire.
Her hands glide over my chest in appreciation. She isn’t pawing at me like this is some frantic thing we have to finish before we come to our senses. She’s exploring. Mapping. Memorizing my body with quiet focus. She doesn’t skip anything. Doesn’t rush past imperfections.
She lingers.
And that’s what makes this dangerous.
Her hands slide lower, tracing the ridges of my abs. Slow. Intentional. She’s watching my face as she does it, like she’s studying my reaction. Cataloguing the subtle shifts — my jaw tightening, my breath growing heavier, the way my stomach contracts under her fingertips.
Her touch isn’t just turning me on.
It’s waking me up.
For years I’ve existed in muted tones. Grief dulls everything. Even pleasure.
But this?
This is color flooding back in.
“Can I?” she asks again, teasing the waistband of my sweatpants.
“Yes.”
She peppers kisses along my collarbone and down my chest as her fingers disappear into my pants, each swipe causing the muscles in my body to tighten. When she brushes against the tip of my erection, I groan.
“Payback’s a bitch, isn’t it?” Rowan croons into the crook of my neck. “This is what you get for teasing me.”
“But I made it worth it for you? Didn’t I?”
“You did.” She brings her lips to mine. “Now I plan on returning the favor.”
I expect for her to finally push my pants down. Or at least grab my cock.
Instead, she steps back, putting space between us.
Frustration builds, making me wild with need. Making me want to throw her onto the bed and fuck her until the entire town knows she’s mine and only mine.
With her eyes trained on me, she reaches for the bottom of her dress and pulls it over her head before unclasping her bra, dropping it to the floor.
My breathing increases as I sweep my appreciative gaze over her body.
She’s beautiful in a way that hits me harder than I expected.
Sure, her curves are incredible, her skin soft.
But what has me desperate to drown in her and never come up for air is her strength.
In the way she stands. In the way she doesn’t flinch under my gaze.
And just like she took her time running her hands along my body, I take my time drinking her in, too. Her dark waves falling gently over her shoulders. Her soft skin inviting me to feel her. Her intricate tattoo blooming over her chest, a stunning design of thorns and roses.
“You’re fucking beautiful,” I exhale, threading my fingers in her hair and covering her mouth with mine.
She moans into me, our tongues tangling as she teases my waistband again. I’m on the verge of pushing my sweatpants down myself, forcing her to her knees, and making her suck me off.
But before I can bring that fantasy to fruition, she finally pushes them down my legs.
I kick them to the side as she hoists herself onto her toes. “Can I touch you?”
“God, yes.”
“Good.”
Her mouth is warm as it touches mine. And when I feel her hand wrap around my length, I can’t help the moan that breaks free, weeks of restraint and hunger rolling off me in waves.
“Tell me something, Hayden.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting against the raw need overwhelming me as she strokes my erection, especially when her thumb brushes over my tip.
“Yes,” I grit out, bringing my gaze to hers.
“When’s the last time a woman touched you like this?”
“Years,” I answer before I can think about what I essentially just admitted.
I brace for her questions about how that could be, unsure if I’m ready for that conversation. How Cora and I may have been married, but the romance fizzled out ages ago. How we had become more like roommates who had kids together.
But she doesn’t press the subject.
“And when’s the last time you felt a woman’s mouth on your cock?”
“Even longer.”
“Well, then…” She slowly lowers herself to her knees. “Allow me to change that.”
Every muscle in my body tightens as she continues to stroke my cock, bringing her mouth toward me.
And when she teases my tip with her tongue, I have to fight against coming right away, my body begging for the release it’s been deprived of for far too long.
She slides her tongue up and down my length, torturing me even more, every second a battle of restraint. When she finally takes me in her mouth, it feels like the floor’s given out beneath me, the room spinning.
For the first time in quite a while, my brain goes quiet. I’m no longer thinking about my failures. My duties. My obligations. All I’m thinking about is Rowan and how fucking amazing her mouth feels on me.
I look down at her, the sight of her on her knees with her mouth full of my cock turning me on even more. I bring my hands up to her head, guiding her, gently thrusting in time with her motions.
“God, Rowan. Your mouth is dangerous.”
She moans around me, the vibration propelling me higher and higher. I notice her squeeze her thighs together, obviously just as turned on as I am.
“Touch yourself,” I demand. “I want to watch you fuck yourself as I fuck this mouth.”
I have no idea what’s come over me.
I’m normally not like this. At least, I wasn’t with Cora. I loved her, but I never felt this unyielding hunger that tapped into my baser desires. Not like I do with Rowan. Maybe it’s because it’s been so long, but I get the feeling it goes deeper than that.
Which is why I should stop. Not take this any further.
But I can’t stop now, especially as I watch Rowan spread her thighs and lower her hand between them, a moan falling from her as she rubs her clit.
“That’s it, baby,” I groan as I move faster, gripping her head harder. “Get yourself off. Fuck that greedy little pussy.”
She moans again, and I nearly lose it when she slides a finger inside, followed by another. Her slickness echoes around me, combining with the sound of me driving in and out of her mouth.
Her breathing increases, and I’m desperate for her to let go, unsure how much longer I can hold off. Finally, she releases a cry and her body trembles through another orgasm. I don’t wait for her to fully come down before hauling her to her feet.
She blinks, obviously disoriented. “What’s wrong?”
I answer by slamming my lips to hers, my chest heaving.
“Nothing. Except if you kept doing that, I was going to come in your mouth. And I need to be inside you.”
I trail my hand along her hip, sliding it between her legs. She whimpers again as I slowly rub her clit.
“Can I do that, Rowan? Can I fuck you?”
She flashes me a playful smile. “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”
“And I wouldn’t want to leave you disappointed.” I touch a soft kiss to her lips, then my expression falls. “Except…”
“What is it?”
“I don’t have any condoms.”
“It’s okay. I have an IUD.”
I push out a long breath. “That’s music to my goddamn ears.”
I crush my mouth against hers and steer her toward the bed, lowering her onto the surface and settling between her legs.
“I haven’t done this in a while,” I say when I pull out of the kiss. “I might be a bit out of practice.”
She runs her fingers through my hair, urging my lips back toward hers. “If the way you fucked my mouth is any indication, you’ll do just fine. Now Hayden…”
“Yes?”
She curves toward me, taking my earlobe between her teeth. “I need you to fuck me.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I straighten to kneel between her legs and bring my erection up to her. She’s so wet. So warm. And the way her breathing increases as I tease her sets me on fire yet again. The pure hunger. The unabashed way she shows her desire. I’ve never experienced anything like it.
“Let me feel you, Hayden,” she begs. “I’m losing my damn mind.”
I know how she feels. Because I’m out of my mind, too.
I ease inside of her, warmth enveloping me with every inch. Nothing’s ever felt so damn perfect.
Once I’m fully seated, I release a shuddering exhale as I cover Rowan’s body with mine, linking my hands with hers.
“You okay?”
She smiles up at me. “Better than okay.”
“You feel fucking incredible, Rowan.”
She wraps her legs around my waist, dragging her nails up my spine. “Then feel more of me.”
She doesn’t have to ask me twice. I move in and out of her, slow at first, needing to savor every tremor, every moan, every tug of my hair.
“Harder,” Rowan begs, attempting to move her hips faster against mine.
“In time,” I promise with a kiss. “Let me enjoy this. Enjoy you.”
I straighten, continuing my languid rhythm. Then I wet my thumb before bringing it to her clit and rubbing circles in time with my motions.
“Oh, god.” Her eyes flutter closed.
“Give me what I want and I’ll give you what you want.”
“And what do you want?”
I curve toward her. “To feel your pussy clench around my dick. Give me one more orgasm and I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll feel me for days.”
She meets my gaze. “I don’t know if I can. Don’t know if I have any more orgasms left.”
“I know you do.” I capture her mouth in a brief kiss before straightening once more. “Now give it to me.”
I increase my motions, thrusting into her with more intensity. She moans and closes her eyes, gripping the sheet below us.
“Eyes on me, Rowan. I want you to look at me while I fuck you.”
“Yes, sir,” she responds with a smirk, snapping her eyes to meet mine.
I harden even more, raw need taking over as I move inside her with more fervor.
And she doesn’t look away. She stays with me with each desperate thrust. Each ragged breath. Each strangled moan.
I see it the moment she’s on the verge of falling over the edge, her eyes going wide, her lips parting.
So I thrust faster, rub her clit harder.
“Come on, baby. Don’t fight it. Let me feel you. Give me your pleasure.”
Her back arches off the bed as she screams my name, the sound seeming to echo throughout the house.
Normal, sensible Hayden would stop this for fear she may have woken up the kids.
Instead, I cover her mouth with mine, swallowing her moans.
“Are you trying to wake up the entire neighborhood?” I tease as I continue moving, the feel of her clenching around me driving me wild.
“Stop fucking me so good and I won’t scream like that.”
“Never, Rowan. I’ll never stop giving you what you need. What we both need.” I lift her legs over my shoulders and angle toward her once more. “What we both deserve,” I finish before pistoning into her, pinning her wrists to either side of her head.
The sight of her, hair splayed on the pillow, wrists pinned to the bed, eyes locked on mine pushes me over the edge.
I try to bite back my own cry of pleasure, but it’s impossible, her name leaving my mouth on a groan as I come undone. It’s not just explosive.
It’s overwhelming.
Like something locked tight in my chest has finally been allowed to run free.
When I have nothing left, I collapse onto the bed and pull her against me, both of us struggling to catch our breath.
“That was…” I shake my head, not even having the words.
“Amazing.”
“It definitely was.”
I hold her for another minute, savoring in the feel of her body against mine. How perfect she fits. Then I carefully extricate myself from her, pressing a kiss to her head.
“One second.”
I slip into the bathroom and grab a washcloth. When I return to her, she reaches for it, but I shake my head.
“Let me.” I push her legs apart and clean her up, albeit begrudgingly.
There’s something about seeing my cum dripping from her that ignites something primitive and possessive inside me.
Makes me want to claim her again.
After I finish, I toss the cloth onto the floor, my gaze snagging on my clothes.
“It’s okay,” Rowan assures me.
I whip my eyes back to hers. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t mind if you want to go sleep in your bed. All things considered, you probably should.”
“You won’t be upset?”
She stands, moving toward me.
“I didn’t fuck you with any hopes of a relationship, Hayden. I know what this is and what it isn’t. I slept with you because it made me feel good.” She lifts her lips into a smile. “No need to make it more complicated or awkward than it has to be.
“Too many people focus on the future. Making plans instead of just focusing on the now. So let’s not do that. Let’s just enjoy ourselves if and when the mood strikes. No promises or expectations for more.”
“I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t obsessed with the future,” I reply around a chuckle. “Or the past.”
She erases the remaining space between us. “Then let me show you how good it can be to only live in the now.” Her voice turns sensual and throaty as she traces circles along my neck. “To be present.”
She nibbles slightly on that spot right beneath my earlobe, and my erection returns to life. Something I didn’t think possible so soon.
“You’re making it really hard for me not to think about the future.” I thread my fingers through her hair, bringing her lips back within an inch of mine. “To not fantasize about the next time I’m inside you.”
She mischievously waggles her brows as she steals a glance at my dick. “Why does it have to be in the future?”
I hesitate, torn between doing what I should and what I want.
As seems to be the theme tonight, I silence the voice telling me to be responsible.
Instead, I do what I want, steering her back toward the bed and sinking deep inside her once more.