Chapter 45
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
My hope is the dormant seed in the soil
Shohari
THE MATE bond settled into my skin like a lovers caress, then took root, a deep blossoming from the softest, innermost parts of me, radiating through all the vessels of my body.
When it reached my bones, I sucked in a gasp, scrunching my eyes closed against the heat, the fullness, the solidity.
It was as though my body had finally completed forming, a newly emerged insect drying its body and wings in the sun, carapace hardening into the protection it needed to face the world.
Mother was oblivious to the transformation, staring at me with her pinched face as I stared at the image of me with my mate.
My mate. It was so momentous, surely everyone in the enclave could hear, could feel what had just taken place, but there was only the chirruping of insects and the harsh echo of Mother’s voice.
My terror remained—that after all the distance, all the hurt, it might all be for nothing and I would still lose—but what I hadn’t counted on was the strength. The bond I’d considered a weakness was something I could use.
I stared at the image taken on Aurora Five. That happy evening seemed so far away.
My headspines twitched in their loosened up-do. “I’m sorry you had to see that, Mother.”
“What is that?”
“What is what?”
“That manner of creature.”
My chest vibrated with a growl I couldn’t suppress. “Does it matter?”
“What matters is the reputation of this family. And I find you have been cavorting with all manner of perverse aliens. It cannot be countenanced, Shohari.”
I froze in place, every inch the small girl desperately trying to gain her mother’s approval.
I’m not in control.
Sweat trickled down my back, sticking the repugnant dress to my skin.
Control. Get control.
“Do you know how many credits I had to pay Madame mai Lyndri to keep this quiet?” Mother’s eyes burned with fury, and I licked my lips, clinging to that tiny satisfaction, reminding my frantic brain she wasn’t invincible.
Breathe. “So I say again. You will be mated to Rokharu fei Sinla on the morrow.”
My hope is the dormant seed in the soil.
“No.” My voice didn’t waver, and I took strength from it. “I am done with your schemes, Mother.”
“You will, or I will send your worthless brother to a colony after all.”
My heart clenched. I couldn’t let her.
I glanced at the image still hovering above the half-eaten fruits on the table. Just for a night, we’d been happy.
We’re going to win, sweetheart.
My fists clenched, the rage inside me beating against my ribcage, eager for violence. “Maybe a colony is better than the pretty prison you keep him in.” I glanced past Mother to the two retainers by the door. I could gouge her eyes out before they got across the room. They weren’t even armed.
“Now, now, Shohari. There is no need for unpleasantries.”
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
My revenge is the inevitable slow creep of winter. “Fine. I’ll stay.”
“Good girl. You always do come round.” She rolled a piece of fruit between gnarled fingers. “Your weakness isn’t a trait I value, but I can use it nevertheless.”
Shifting to one side, I felt the reassuring weight of the tiny blaster in its ankle holster and the knife strapped under my glove. I will skykking kill you.
I flashed my arm out, relishing the way she jerked away from me, even though I only reached for my drink.
“You always do, Mother,” I said, hoping I sounded unmoved.
Once I killed her, I’d have fifty-fifty odds against the retainers.
“Once again, you’ve proved how much better you are than me.
I never was well suited to artifice or deceit.
” I leaned back, eating more of the fruit despite my stomach’s protests, while she stepped away.
Mother looked out over the garden, and I stared all my hatred at her back, vowing to hurt her in any possible way I could. Her arms moved, elbows out, as though she was accessing her wrist-comm.
A few seconds too late, I sent my awareness to the rest of the room, catching a soft scuff of boots across the floor.
Garrison would be proud, I thought, as I turned, grabbing one male’s sleeve and pulling him over my back in the move he’d used on me that first time. I went down on one knee, snatched my knife, and stabbed the nearest thing I could, the meat of his leg.
He roared in pain, and I almost had my blaster out when my arm jerked, a spike of pain ricocheting into my shoulder.
I twisted and pulled, but the other retainer pinned my arm in a hold I couldn’t break. My head jerked backwards. A hand seized my headspines, jewels scattering across the floor as they pulled free of the knot.
Mother’s cloying breath grazed my face as she yanked my head back, pressing her cupped hand against the vulnerable softness at my throat.
Disbelief and shame burned in my gut. All the times I’d told my friends we needed to act with integrity, and my mother had me by the spines.
Two more staff rushed into the room, these armed with hand blasters.
“Take my daughter to the morning room.” Mother spoke with the same intonation as if she’d requested another carafe of tea.
At first I let them lead me, too stunned to realise the enormity of my failure. I fought all the way down the corridor until the hard press of a blaster in my lower back forced me to still, and they shoved me through a door.
“On the chair. Sit down.”
I stalked across the room, my movements stiff.
But I sat.