Chapter Forty-One
Jamie
I want to skip right out of that packhouse. Or run. Get as far away from Axel as possible because I know he’s not going to do anything, but it’s been a long fucking day, and I just want to be alone.
Well, not alone. I want Patch and Em with me. Obviously.
“Come by mine tomorrow,” Kieran says as his and Sam’s taxi pulls up to the kerb. “I mean it. You don’t have to have made up your minds, but there is a bit to talk about.”
“Yeah, okay,” I say.
To my surprise, he pulls me into a hug. His hand comes up to the nape of my neck and something about him makes me truly relax for the first time all day. I sag against him, and he huffs in amusement.
“The afternoon,” he clarifies. “And get some rest. You’ve done a good job today, Jamie.”
“Thanks.”
Sam hugs me too, though it’s less overwhelming, and they both wave goodbye to Patch and Em before they leave. I turn to the pair of them.
“Shall I book the taxi, then?” No way I’m getting on the fucking Tube. I just want to be at home.
“I should get back,” Patch says. “Flynn will wonder…”
“Flynn’s not going to wonder about shit,” I reply. “Who do you think told me that I had the best claim to staying here?”
“Well, no, I know, but…”
“Are you running away again?” My voice doesn’t break, but barely. Em hurriedly pulls his phone out of his pocket.
“I’ll book something.”
“Jamie…”
“We need to talk this through.”
“Tonight?” Patch shakes his head. “Is that a good idea?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t—”
“I want to know exactly what’s going on,” Em says firmly. He has his arms crossed over his chest when I spin toward him. “All of it. Please.”
Patch caves immediately, of course. “Fine. Fine, I’ll come with you.”
“Great,” I say and pull out my phone. I don’t want to kick Nick out, but I don’t think either mine or Em’s bedroom is the best place for this chat, so it might be best if he waits upstairs.
Vince already offered me their sofa. Good luck! We’ll talk tomorrow.
At least Vince knows what’s up. When the taxi arrives, Patch sits up front and I glare at the back of his head; I want to sit in the middle, all squished between them. I need them close right now, and they’re not close enough.
We make it to the house, which is dark and quiet, and Em bustles straight off into the kitchen, waving for us to go into the living room. I sigh and shrug out of my jacket, then loosen my tie and unfasten the top button of my shirt.
Patch moves closer. He’s left his bike at Alpha Deacon’s packhouse, I realise, so he’ll have to go get it in the morning. If he stays the night.
My thoughts stop when he reaches out and tips my chin up. He turns my face, examining my cheek.
It hurt like a bitch when Gideon slapped me, of course. Really, though, I was more surprised than anything else. And then pissed off. Vince’s classes came in handy at least—I kicked him in the shin and legged it out of there.
Honestly, I was impressed by his patience. He’d been asking me stupid fucking questions for hours at that point.
“Does it still hurt?” he asks.
“No?” I press my fingers to the skin and wince. “Okay, a bit.”
“Sam should have healed you.”
“I don’t think that’s really his thing.” Patch opens his mouth and I smile. “It’ll be better tomorrow. You’ll see.”
Silver creeps into the edges of his irises. “It shouldn’t have to,” he says. “You should never have been in danger.”
Em comes into the room with mugs of tea and sighs. “No, you shouldn’t,” he says. He sets down the mugs and sits on the sofa. “Come sit with me?”
Patch strokes his thumb along my jaw and goes to sit in the armchair, but we both stop and glare at him until he gets the hint. Em is in the middle. I don’t mind. We’re all squashed together like this, and I let out a sigh and lean my head on his shoulder.
“Are you all right?” he asks.
“Hmm? Fine.”
“Jamie, I mean it.”
It’ll catch up with me. These things do. I think that’s partly why Kieran wants us to go round tomorrow, so he can check on me. And Vince will be over if not, and Dax, and Nick…
I don’t want to leave, and I don’t want Em or Patch to, either.
“You need to explain it,” I say. “I won’t do it right.”
Patch shifts in his seat. I glance at him. Em is looking at him too, eyes bright behind his glasses.
“Patch. What’s going on?”
“There’s a lot more to it than us just being wolves,” Patch says.
“Yes, I did assume that would be the case.”
“It’s not…” Patch sighs and rubs his hands over his face. “This is the only way to keep us all together, but I don’t want to drag you into something you’re not ready for.”
My stomach churns. I reach for Em’s hand and tangle our fingers together. “Sorry,” I murmur. “I might have spoken for all of us.”
“You did,” Patch says with a snort, “but that’s not your fault. None of this… I should have opened my fucking mouth and said something. Something real. To both of you.”
“To me?” I ask.
Em squeezes my hand.
Patch turns—the little he can, the way we’re all packed together on this sofa—to face us both.
“I said I didn’t want to sleep with you because I thought you weren’t my mate. Knew you weren’t my mate.”
“But Jamie said he was,” Em says, frowning.
“Because I am,” I say. It’s the only thing that makes sense. It’s the only thing that’s made sense for days. And the others can sense it too because Deacon wouldn’t have let me get away with any of that shit back in his office if I was making it up. “We both are.”
Patch holds my gaze for a few seconds. The smile that grows on his face is wondrous and beautiful. “Yeah, you are.”
“Sorry,” Em murmurs when we don’t elaborate, “but what does that mean?”
“It’s… All of us wolves can have a fated mate. Someone we’re destined to be with. Supposed to be with. And when we meet them, we know. So long as we’re in tune with our wolf, we know they’re meant for us and, over time, a bond will form.”
“A bond?”
“Magic,” I whisper. “Literal magic.”
“But I don’t…” Em shakes his head. “I’m not a wolf.”
“You don’t need to be,” Patch replies. “It all comes from me. And I thought—I thought I felt it for Jamie, from time to time, but it never stuck, it never was quite right, so then I figured I was just searching for something I couldn’t have, and I realised I wanted it, so I didn’t think it was fair… ”
My heart squeezes. Fool fucking way to go about it, but I think I’m destined to find all his annoying qualities kind of adorable for the foreseeable future.
Or maybe just until tomorrow, when the adrenaline’s worn off.
“You were protecting me from an inevitable breakup?” I ask.
He nods. “I know I made it sound like you wanted something serious when you said you didn’t, but I knew what I would want. With you.”
Em’s faintly smiling when I glance at him. He doesn’t seem annoyed or hurt or anything like that. Just… curious.
“What about when you saw Em?” I ask.
“You felt it too, didn’t you?” Patch replies. He looks at Em. “I knew it was you. I’m not sure—the two of you walked in together. Maybe it would have been the same as I’d been feeling with Jamie if you’d walked in alone, but maybe I’d have worked it out faster. I don’t know…”
He drops his head into his hands. Em reaches out and squeezes his knee. “Hey. Tell me the rest?”
“I… was resistant to the idea of having two mates as well,” Patch says to the floor. “I didn’t know what that would mean, and then when we… I’m a wolf. I’m supposed to be the protector. The provider.”
I snort. Patch looks up at me, hurt flashing across his face, and I sigh.
“I don’t mean it like that. I mean…” I can’t find the words, except I never asked that of him, did I? Did we?
“And what are we supposed to be?” Em asks. He doesn’t move his hand from Patch’s knee. “If you’re protecting us and providing for us, then we, what, exactly?”
His voice isn’t sharp, but there is a cool edge to it that wasn’t there a moment ago. Patch winces.
“My mates,” he says, and for a moment, his eyes flood with silver. “Mine.”
Em doesn’t seem to know what to do with that. I squeeze his hand again and then let go. When I get to my feet, they both watch me warily, and Patch starts when I kneel between his legs.
“Jamie…”
“I don’t need you to protect me,” I say, and Patch flinches, but I grab his chin and make him look at me. “If you want to, that’s fine. But it’s not a requirement. I’ve got a pack practically raring to go if someone looks at me sideways, you know. You don’t have to carry that alone.”
“I—”
“Providing, though…” I manage a smile. “Pretty sure I’m unemployed, so if you happen to have a stack of cash lying around, that’d be handy.”
Patch laughs. His eyes are wet. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “If I could do it all again… I was scared I’d fall in love with you. And then, what if I found my mate? I thought that was it, that I didn’t want to hurt you, but—”
I nod. “You didn’t want to get hurt either. I get it.”
He shakes his head. Em’s eyes are shining and when I let go of Patch and reach a hand out, he catches it between his own. “I am sorry,” Patch says again. “I didn’t—I know I can’t ever—”
“We all fucked up,” I say because yeah, it still hurts a little, but I think he knows that. I think he’s starting to feel it, and that’s exciting even as it makes the hurt a little worse. “We’ll all fuck up again. We need to just not fuck up in the same ways every time, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” Em says.
I lean up onto my knees and kiss Patch softly, heart skipping a beat when he lets out a shaky sigh and kisses me back. I taste salt and when I pull back and press our foreheads together, I wipe a stray tear from his cheek.
Em leans against Patch’s shoulder, gaze moving between the two of us. He squeezes my hand.
“I want to understand,” he says. “I was ready to leave. Make me understand.”
I look up at Patch and nod. It’s unspoken, but there.
Make me stay.