Chapter Forty-Two
Emerson
I want to move us all to my room, if only so Jamie can lie down. I worry he might fall asleep, though, and I really want more answers.
Mates? My head is spinning. I’m not certain I believe the fated part, despite the unquestionable fact that magic is real, but we can come back to that later. In the morning. Maybe.
Jamie doesn’t move from his spot on the floor. He settles in there instead, still holding on to my hand, his head on Patch’s knee. Patch drops his hand to Jamie’s hair.
“So the tension between you was just that you didn’t want to be together?” I ask.
“Yes,” Jamie says.
“Why didn’t you tell me that?” I shake my head.
“I knew what Patch saw when he met you,” Jamie says, and there’s no hiding the lingering hurt in his voice. “I didn’t want to get between you. The other night… I really thought it was a mistake.”
“But we’re all meant to be together?”
“Yes,” Patch says. No question.
“Okay. That aside… what about the rest of it? Staying here? Your friends…”
“I need to be part of a pack,” Patch says. “You heard Alpha Axel. He had every intention of sending me away. I’m sure they’d have found some rural pack for me.”
“So why didn’t you…” I shake my head. “You said you knew we were mates. You said it, didn’t you, that night. That’s why you showed yourself to me when you’d transformed?”
“Shifted,” Patch corrects, “and yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me what it meant then?”
A complicated succession of emotions crosses his face.
Jamie tips his chin up to watch him. He seems uninterested in helping out now, which is fair.
He’s been through enough—not just today, but the entire time I’ve known him.
Patch and I, whether knowingly or not, have pulled him back and forth in a way that must have been desperately painful.
“If the bond becomes too strong, it’s difficult to break. For wolves, that means…” Patch shakes his head. “It can mean we never fall in love again.”
“That happens?” Jamie asks. “Mates break their bonds?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes there are more important things.”
“Like your pack,” I say, and Patch nods.
“I wouldn’t… If I’d fought to stay with you, gone with you, and found no pack, I’d have been a terrible mate. I know that. It’s hard to explain, but knowing I’m a pack wolf is as instinctual to me as knowing you’re my mate, Em. Both are true.”
I nod. I believe him. There’s some hardly banked fear in his voice when he talks about lone wolves. He needs the pack.
Does he need us just as much?
Jamie tightens his fingers around mine. “Keep going,” he says. “All of it.”
All of it? Every question floating around in my head? For the first time in my life, it’s difficult to work out which one to focus on, which is most important. Jamie smiles like he knows that and looks at Patch.
“Will you be happy in Kieran’s pack?”
“You’re not planning on leaving it,” Patch replies.
“That’s not what I asked.”
Patch heaves a sigh, but he’s wearing a rueful smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess… I knew I’d end up there. I didn’t like that they all knew it, I think. Dax is there. I’ll get to stay in the city.”
“What about you?” Jamie asks me. “Do you want to stay here?”
“I—” The words stick in my throat. “I do. But I’m not sure I should make that decision right now.”
Patch frowns.
Jamie’s smile never slips. “Oh, it’s a terrible time to make decisions,” he agrees, a laugh under his voice.
I let go of his hand and push his hair back from his face.
“Let’s leave this for tonight,” I say. “They said they’d give us time. I think I need it.”
Jamie nods agreeably, but Patch’s frown doesn’t move. He starts when Jamie prods his thigh.
“If you’re mad about that, keep it to yourself,” he says.
“No, I’m not—” Patch sighs. “I’m sorry. It’s a lot to deal with and usually, we’d have had so much more time…”
“If you want to go, we’re not going to stop you,” Jamie says, though I’m not entirely certain Patch agrees with him. “But you can stay now. That’s a possibility, at least.”
A possibility. I nod. I don’t mind that.
“We should eat,” I say, and when they both go to stand, I shake my head and get to my feet. “I’ll cook. I need—I’ll just be through there.” I need space, but I don’t feel as though I can go too far. I want to know they’re here, too.
“I could go home,” Patch offers. “They’re not—Flynn will be there. It’ll be fine. They’ll be expecting it.”
“Stay.” I don’t know if Jamie or I say it first, but Patch sinks back into the sofa all the same.
“I’ll shout if I need you,” I say and go into the kitchen.
Once in there, I plant my hands on the counter and take a deep breath.
Another. It’s not panic. I’m not panicking, truly, and that’s the scariest part of all.
It’s not as if I’m not prone to the occasional impulsive decision, but this somehow doesn’t feel like that, even if it would look similar from the outside.
I shake my head and rummage through the fridge until I scrounge up enough veggies for a stir-fry. It’s past nine, and I don’t know that Jamie’s had a chance to eat all day, but at least we can do this and go to bed and—
I swallow. I want to keep them close even then, but that might not be fair. Not when I haven’t made a decision. Not that I want to—Not that I don’t want to…
A frustrated sound tears from my throat, and I grab the wok from the cupboard. I could call Cate, but I was already texting her this weekend to let her know I wasn’t sure when I’d leave the city. Kieran advised me not to after Jamie told him that someone had come into her work.
Besides, I want to talk to her far away from anyone who might overhear.
She might know what to do. I dig my phone out of my pocket and send her a quick text saying I want to talk to her tomorrow. I’ll call her.
I’ll be in the city by 11. Text me a place to meet. Talk to you then!
I shake my head, amused despite myself. I know she won’t be dissuaded, so there’s no point in trying now.
The low murmur of voices reaches me from the other room and the knot in my chest finally loosens.
Jamie and Patch are here. They’re safe. They’re within my reach, I’m pretty sure, which is a marvel in and of itself.
I shake my head. New rule—no life decisions past nine. Yeah. That’ll do it.