Chapter 17
Chapter seventeen
Present Day
Ipressed my nose against my daughter’s head and breathed in her scent as she flicked through her fairy book, animatedly chatting to me about all the pictures.
This would be the first time I’d leave the country without her.
Sometimes I wondered why I did this to myself, why I’d given myself a little person who needed me more than the world, when my line of work was so dangerous.
Every day I lived with a target on my back.
She was the daughter of the consigliere of Southern Italy, which made her a target for our enemies too.
The guilt of knowing that was almost unbearable, but the love I felt for her outweighed it.
She was my world, and I couldn’t imagine life without her.
It would be empty, so I’d do everything I could to make her little world as safe as possible.
“Neri,” I whispered, interrupting her rant about fairy powers. “Papi has to go away for a few days for work. Okay?”
“On a plane?” she asked, twisting around in my lap with a twinkle in her eyes.
“Si, on a plane.”
“Can I come?”
“Not this time, Stellina. You need to stay here and keep the twins out of trouble.”
She pouted and folded her arms dramatically. “Not fair. I want to go on the plane.”
“How about this? When I’m back, you and I will take a trip together to somewhere special. Where would you like to go?”
Her eyes lit up. “The beach!”
I smiled, kissing the tip of her nose. “Then we will go to the best beach there is.”
“Can Enzo come too?”
My body went rigid as I stared into her hopeful eyes.
When I’d left Alessio’s office, I’d found Enzo playing with her in the living room.
He was on all fours, neighing like an idiot as she rode his back, wearing a sparkly cape and wielding a spoon as her wand.
Apparently, he’d been coerced into becoming Rainbow Dash.
“I’m not sure about that,” I said, not wanting to make promises I couldn’t keep, but my chest fluttered at the thought of spending the day on the beach with Neri and Enzo. It shocked me how much the idea appealed to me.
“Why? He’s your friend. And mine.”
A flicker of a smile touched my lips as I stroked my hand through her curls, loving how they bounced back into place. “It’s difficult, sweetie.”
“Why?”
Oh, damn, I fell into the endless why torture.
“Sometimes, grown-ups have complicated relationships. Enzo and I are… friends now, but we had a falling-out.”
“Why?”
“Because we wanted different things and we couldn’t agree.”
“Did he want to marry you?”
I had to suppress the grunt that almost escaped as I stared at her.
I hadn’t discussed my sexuality with my daughter, thinking she was too young to understand, but she’d always been so curious.
So when she was watching one of her Disney films and asked what it meant to marry someone, I’d explained that people marry the person they love and want to spend the rest of their lives with.
She’d told me she was going to marry me, and I’d laughed, explaining it was a different kind of love and that you can’t marry your family.
She’d asked who you can marry, and we’d talked through all the possibilities.
I hadn’t thought it was really landing, but apparently it did.
“No, Neri. That wasn’t the reason at all.”
“But he loves you. He told me.”
I swallowed, trying to control my pounding heart and the complex emotions simmering beneath my skin. Why the fuck would he tell a four-year-old that? Did he seriously think using my daughter to get me back would work?
“What do you mean?” I asked, keeping my voice calm.
“I saw a picture of you in his wallet. I asked him why he had a picture of you, and he said it was because he cares about you. I asked him if he loves you and wants to marry you, and he said yes.”
I stayed quiet, unable to take in what she was saying. She kept talking, though I could only hear her over the roar of my heartbeat in my ears. I fell into a daze, staring at nothing.
“I’d like it if you married Enzo, Papi. He’d be a good Papi, too, and we could play Rainbow Dash every day.”
Movement at the entrance of the door caused my head to snap around to find Enzo, impeccably dressed in a suit, with a suitcase at his feet. He’d been with Alessio for the last hour, and if I weren’t spiralling so hard, I would’ve been relieved to see he was still in one piece.
“Enzo!” Neri yelled, hopping off my lap and running towards him. He bent down, a genuine delighted smile on his face, as she bulldozed into his arms and hugged him.
“Princess.”
“Are you going on the plane with Papi?”
I pulled myself to my feet on shaky legs, watching their closeness and interaction, still feeling slightly out of it.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. Nerina and Enzo were never meant to meet, let alone form this instant bond.
It was too much. My past and present were colliding, and I was losing control of it all.
“Si. We have some work to do, but we won’t be too long.”
“Will you come to the beach with us when you get back? Please?”
His blue eyes flicked up to mine, seeking my help or guidance, but I stood there like a statue, battling my inner panic.
“I would love to, little princess, but it’s up to your daddy.”
Neri spun back to face me. “Papi, please?”
I swallowed. “We’ll talk about it when I’m back. I’ve got to go now. Come and give me another kiss.”
She ran into my arms, and I held her tightly, trying to capture her like this. This small, this innocent, this perfect. “I love you, Stellina. Be good for Zia Elle and Zio Alessio, okay?”
“I will.”
Releasing her, I nodded to her bodyguard, who took her hand and led her from the room. As she passed Enzo, she hugged his legs, and he ruffled her hair before she disappeared, leaving us alone.
“Sorry, I wasn’t sure how to respond when she—”
“Let’s go. We’re running late,” I snapped, unable to look at him as I marched past, grabbing my suitcase and wheeling it to the car.
We drove in silence to the airport, where a private jet was waiting for us and the tension was mounting with every passing second.
I could feel Enzo’s worried gaze on the side of my face.
I stared out the window or down at my phone, pretending he didn’t exist for the whole journey.
I was too caught up in my feelings, in the chaos he had caused by re-entering my life, and I needed to detach and focus.
Going into this meeting distracted was suicidal, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about spending a day on the beach with him and my daughter.
Building sandcastles, chasing the waves, eating gelato.
It was on repeat like a cheesy Hallmark movie, a made-up delusion of the perfect day that had never happened and never would.
Or would it? It might if I allowed it. No.
But… I wanted it. And that was terrifying.
Once we had taken off, I placed my laptop on my thighs, opened it, and started talking business to fill the silence, rehashing the negotiations we would offer the Americans.
My voice sounded distant and alien. I didn’t even know or care what I was saying.
My hands were shaking. My voice was so tight that I kept clearing my throat, and I was starting to sweat, my whole body warm under his constant attention.
Fuck. If I went into the mission this unhinged and unfocused, I’d get us both killed. I slammed my laptop shut mid-sentence and pressed the heels of my hands into my eye sockets.
“Finn,” Enzo’s voice was full of concern. “Are you okay? What’s going on with you?”
I scoffed, throwing my head back against the plush leather headrest and started laughing. Yeah, definitely unhinged. He frowned, watching me uneasily from the opposite chair.
“What’s going on with me?” I replied, shaking my head and finally looking at him properly for the first time since that morning. “You, Enzo. You’re what’s going on with me. You’re fucking everything up. You’re fucking me up. I’m meant to be stronger than this.”
He stared, his expression unreadable, which only fuelled my anger.
“How fucking dare you?” I snarled, keeping my voice low so I didn’t alert the mix of Aiani and Barbieri soldiers sitting a few rows back, near the plane’s exit.
“I was doing well before you forced your way back into my life. I was happy. And now I can’t fucking sleep, eat, think straight, or focus on anything except—”
“Except?” he asked, his voice low but eager. The dazzle in his ocean eyes made my heart race as I remembered that’s how he looked when he had hope. When he wanted something just out of reach and was willing to do anything to get it. I was that thing.
I shook my head, shifting my gaze to the plane window as I rubbed my jaw.
This wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.
I walked away from him to save myself, because I deserved more than to be loved only in the shadows of his shame.
I picked up the broken pieces he’d left of me and spent years, years, putting them back together into someone who resembled a whole man.
The only love I needed was my daughter’s.
I was okay with that. Until he had to come back and remind me how addictive being loved by him was.
“Finn,” he prompted, trying to make me look at him.
I didn’t. “Please. Can we talk about this? There are so many things I’ve wanted to say for so long.
I know you think you’ve got closure, but I haven’t.
I could never have closure because of the way we ended.
It was all my fault. Can you just hear me out, listen to what I have to say, and then, if you still don’t want me in your life after that, if you truly think you’re happier without me and I’m fucking you up, then I’ll leave you alone.
But please just give me a chance to change your mind. ”
I met his gaze, my heart hammering. There was no other way out of this. I had to face it head-on before we set foot on American soil.