Chapter 17
It goes against everything in me to allow Briar to be led into one of the rooms under the school. This is where we take our enemies, traitors, or novices who can’t be controlled. While I chose to place her in the upper cell, near the dorm, that was for her safety, but this is not. It’s meant to frighten her and break her down.
“She will be fine if she’s telling the truth,” Syrinx mutters while I watch Briar through a looking glass as Lindell directs her to one of the two chairs in the room—he’s the same male who accompanied the headmistress to my room.
“She will be fine no matter what,” I intone.
“Not all offenses are forgivable, Ziv, not even for you.”
“Says the female who killed her predecessor.”
“Strength justifies actions,” is her quick reply.
I feel her staring at the side of my face, but I don’t take my eyes off Briar, who’s now alone in the room. “I’m glad you understand that, Syrinx.” I don’t feel the need to add more. She and I both know who really has the strength and ability to act.
Eventually, the door to the room Briar is in opens, and Brone walks in. He’s always reminded me of a reaper—tall and thin with alabaster skin, boney features, and dark, sunken eyes. I know his magic is mental, but I’ve never cared to learn more about it than that.
Briar turns her head to look at the intruder and adjusts in her seat. When Brone speaks to her, his voice comes clearly through the glass as if we were in the same room. “Briar, is it?” His tone is soft and dulcet.
“Yes,” she answers without so much as a tremble, yet I can see the strain this is taking on her by the furrow of her brow.
“I hear you have a pretty special ability.”
She shrugs. I’ve come to realize Briar doesn’t think much of herself at all, let alone that anything about her is special. That will change.
“I have a confession,” he mock-whispers as if to keep his words private, when I know it’s just to gain her confidence. “The headmistress wants me to tell her if you’re telling the truth, but I doubt very much my talent for seeing a lie will work on you.”
“I’m sure she would have known that,” Briar retorts, letting him know she’s not stupid, nor is she falling for his false ally bullshit.
“I don’t really think she had any other option.” He lowers himself into the chair that seems far too close to my mate now. I curl my fingers around the arm of the chair I’m seated in to keep myself in place. “How are you liking the institute?”
“I like the food,” Briar responds seamlessly.
“Is that all?”
“I like having a bed too.”
Brone’s face shifts to some semblance of a wry grin. “Just the comforts then. Did you not have those things at home?”
“What is this? A fucking therapy session?” I grit out.
“He’s establishing her baselines,” Syrinx murmurs softly, as if they can hear us in the other room.
“Not as many as there are here,” Briar answers vaguely. “I didn’t kill anyone.”
“Would you if you needed to?”
“That depends.”
“On what?” He leans forward a little, either to feign interest or because he really wants to know the answer.
“On the consequences.”
“You mean if you got caught?” Brone narrows his eyes.
“No. When you’re fighting for your life, you don’t think about being caught and held accountable. You think about surviving. I’ve fought hard to exist. It’s not even intentional at this point. It just is.”
“So you’re saying you would defend yourself.”
“It depends on the consequences. There are things worse than death.”
Brone drops back into his chair, clearly surprised by her answer. It pisses me off that she gave him such a telling response. He doesn’t deserve to have this insight into her. “Get to the fucking point, or this ends now.” I look over at Syrinx so she can see how serious I am.
Brone looks directly into the glass, then back at Briar. “Where were you last night?”
“I slept in my cell.”
“Your cell. That’s interesting. Your answer is also evasive.”
“It’s not meant to be. You asked me where I was last night. I slept in my room. If you want a recount of the full day, I can give you that. I woke up, bathed, and went back to my room. I stayed there until early evening, when I went down to the mess to eat. I got turned around when I left, ran into an instructor who told me I was in an area I shouldn’t be?—”
“Who was that? Where were you?”
“I don’t know, but Kage does. He seemed to know her.”
“You didn’t mention Kage.”
“I didn’t get a chance. He happened by, and the instructor told him to take me back to my room.”
“You called it a cell earlier,” Brone points out.
“Yes, I did, but she didn’t. She told him to take me back to my room, which he did. That’s where I spent the rest of the night. I didn’t kill anyone.”
After a very short pause, Brone shakes his head briefly before looking at the glass.
“It’s the truth,” Briar defends, but not with much conviction.
“I actually believe you,” he admits. “Though I have to say it’s very…refreshing not to be bombarded with truths and lies.”
“Tell him to leave. Now.” I stand up, ready to walk right through the glass to get Briar away from him if need be.
“She’s perfectly safe,” Syrinx argues as Briar balls her hands into tiny little fists and scoots back in her seat to create nonexistent distance between her and the other male.
“She will always be safe, but he is not,” I warn. A second later, Brone stands up without another word. Briar watches him with open suspicion until he passes by her chair and exits the room.
“You don’t think it’s too much of a coincidence that a void shows up here, and only days later, a dead body is found, drained of their essence, in the same manner we know voids kill?”
“She didn’t show up here, you forced her to come to Ivy, but if you’re so concerned, we can leave now,” I offer.
“I’m not concerned she’s a killer, Ziv. I just need to know I can use her. Sociopaths need direction, an outlet. I can’t have her wandering around, draining my best novices.”
“She didn’t do it.”
Syrinx gives me a superficial smile. “Be careful, Ziv. Mate or not, your kind of power would be hard to resist.”
I don’t miss the way she said “mate,” as if she doesn’t believe Briar is mine, but the rest of her counsel is easy to ignore. I trust Briar.
I go to leave the room and collect my mate, but before I can, Syrinx says, “I want her with the other instructors tomorrow, just like the rest of the novices.”
I’m tempted to argue on principle, since I don’t like her thinking she can dictate anything I do, but I don’t. I know these games are one of the few things the gods take seriously, and I have more enemies among them than allies. There are a few who would sooner sever the bond between Briar and me than see me happy. What I don’t know is if Syrinx knows they wield that kind of power, or if she would be willing to call for it.
I settle on conceding. “She’ll be there.” And so will we. Kage will be her shadow.
When the door opens again, Ziv shoulders in as if he thought the door was going to offer some resistance. I rise, feeling more relief than I have any right to at seeing his face. “Is that all?” I sound too hopeful and worried at the same time.
“Yes.” He motions for me to come closer to him. I resist the urge to face-plant into his chest, but it’s a challenge. When we reach the stairs that will bring us out of the underground, I let out a sigh. Coming down wasn’t so bad, but that isn’t going to be the case on the trip up.
A soft nudge against my lower back gets me moving. By the third flight, I’m winded and panting like a dog. My steps have slowed considerably, but I’m still moving…that is until Ziv wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me. I let out a little yelp when he sets me on his shoulder with his arm bound over my thighs to keep me in place.
“No stamina,” he mumbles dejectedly. I can’t argue with him, so I keep my mouth shut while he eats up at least two steps at a time until we reach the top of the winding stone steps in what feels like seconds.
A female who happens to be walking by does a double take when she sees me perched on his shoulder. I wiggle to get down, but he doesn’t release my legs, so I end up rubbing my ass on his chest. “I can walk,” I rasp out, keeping my voice low so I don’t draw more attention than we already are.
Ziv makes that grumbling sound in his chest and lets me slip down his body, grabbing me again right before my feet hit the floor. His lips are dangerously close to my ear when he says, “I know you can walk, little flower, but holding onto you is the only thing stopping me from bringing the walls down.”
I try to look over my shoulder to see his face, but he stops me mid-movement with a heavy exhale that warms much more than my neck. Such sinister words shouldn’t be so sweet, but they are to me. The one thing I have craved my entire life, other than freedom from my father, is power, and Ziv exudes it with every breath. It must be part of the reason I can’t stop thinking about him. He could keep me safe from everyone, but am I safe with him?
He bends at the waist, placing my boots on the ground. His hand slides up my thigh, crossing over my mons, until he settles his palm, his fingers stretched wide, over my lower stomach. I try to ignore the feel of him behind me as he tucks me close to his much larger body, but it’s impossible. Every moment I spend with him, he pulls me deeper into his web.
“I need to feed you.” He flexes his fingers as if he’s struggling to remove his hand just as much as I’m warring with my mind and body.
“Okay,” I agree, but I stay rooted to the spot. We must look strange to the few people who have wandered past, but other than the first woman who did the double take, no one acknowledges us, like they are pretending not to see us, which is fine with me.
“I’m going to need you to move away from me,” he admits a second later.
The moment his words register, I almost jump forward. “Sorry,” I mutter, blushing.
“Don’t be sorry for not doing what I didn’t have the strength to do myself.”
I dart my eyes over to him, seeing the hard set of his jaw as he keeps pace beside me. “You easily have to be the strongest person here. You have the power to do anything.”
“Not when it comes to you.”
“I don’t know what that means,” I confess. There is no way he could think I’m stronger than him.
Ziv turns his head to look down at me, not breaking his stride. “There are many things I am capable of—some great, others horrific—but there is nothing in this world or the next that could give me the strength to walk away from you, and every second I’m near you, the desire to prove that and eliminate anyone who would challenge that only grows.”
I stop dead in my tracks, and Ziv mimics my movement as if he anticipated it. “I think I like you too,” I say like a damn fool.
“You think, little flower?” He tilts his head ever so slightly, and I would swear there’s a tiny curl to his lips.
I nod. “I more than think, but you’re…”
“Yours.” He nods his head once, as if to reaffirm his words.
“Bu—”
“There are no buts. It just is.”
I look around, making sure there’s no one to overhear us, then whisper, “That can’t be right. I’m not worthy of a mate. My father explained it all to me.”
Ziv’s head snaps up, and it’s only then I realize he was bent closer to hear me. When he bares his teeth and makes a snarling sound, I should be concerned, but I’m not. Long gone is the girl who worried he would hurt her intentionally. Ziv has shown me more kindness in the past few days than the accumulation of everyone else in the span of my lifetime.
With a move so fast, I can barely track it, he reaches forward to cup his hand around the back of my neck, then he steps into my space. “He lied to you, little flower, and I will make him eat his own tongue for it, but he lied. You are worthy.”
“That shouldn’t surprise me,” I murmur, but for some reason, it does. It’s like someone just plucked at a healing wound and ripped off the scab so it hurts more now than it ever did. I thought I stopped caring about what he did to me as long as he didn’t touch me, but this proves I was wrong. “If you ever do that tongue thing, I think I’d like to watch,” I tease to try to lighten the mood.
“I’ll do it a hundred times if you’d like.”
“You’re kind of sweet…in a bizarre way.”
“I doubt there is another soul on this planet who would agree with you.” Ziv still hasn’t released my neck, but I can’t say I really want him to either.
“I might be strange too, but I think I would very much enjoy you only ever being sweet to me.”
“Keep that in mind when I’m struggling not to kill the demon.” He brushes his lips over mine so briefly, I can’t even really call it a kiss, but it still feels like an intimate exchange as he releases my neck and steps back.
“The demon? Kage?” I’ll admit I’m a little discombobulated, so I’m slow on the uptake. I don’t think the fact that I may really be a fallen god’s mate has sunk in, because it doesn’t feel real. There has to be a catch. It seems too good to be true.
“Yes, but we can discuss him later,” he says dismissively as we begin walking again…or more like he walks, and I make an effort to keep up.
“Okay,” I agree easily, even though I really want to ask why Ziv wants to kill him and if I should be worried about the handsome blue demon. I drop my gaze to my feet. I shouldn’t be thinking another male is handsome, especially when I’m walking next to perfection personified who is promising he is my match.
Ziv yanks open the door to the mess and ushers me ahead of him with an expectant look at me. As we enter the room, heads turn in our direction. On instinct, I take a step to the left, easily concealing myself behind Ziv. It’s probably considered a sign of weakness, but anyone would be considered weak compared to him, so I don’t really care. He ruins my plan, though, when he turns around and hauls me over to stand directly in front of him. It doesn’t end there—he also lowers his head, placing his mouth by my ear, and says, “It’s time everyone here knows whom you belong to, little flower.”
I swallow the lump lodged in my throat and peek over my shoulder at Ziv. His hard scowl is trained straight ahead, as if he’s daring someone to say or do anything. “Are you sure you want all these people to know you may be tied to me?”
“I think it’s only fair they should know who would come for them if they chose to fuck with what’s mine, Briar, and make no mistake, there is no maybe about it. Now eat.”
The final command is delivered with a little bite in his words. It’s clear either my question or the people around us are irritating Ziv. I’m not sure which, but I snap into action, grabbing a tray and filling it with more food than I used to eat in three days. I find no matter how much I eat, however, the ache of hunger always returns too quickly.
“Aren’t you eating?” I realize when I’m halfway through the line that Ziv is still empty-handed.
“No.”
“Why not?” I start to worry I’m taking more than my fair share and slide the small bowl of stew back.
Ziv snatches it from my hand and adds it to my platter himself. “This food offers me little to no sustenance.”
“What do you eat then?” I make it to the end of the line, and he slips his arm around me to take my tray. His chest brushes against my back and arm, and I have to stop myself from leaning closer to him.
“I don’t need to eat anything, little flower, but there are things I crave.”
“Like?” What could be so tasty, a god would crave it?
“You. Now stop asking me questions you are not ready to hear the answers to.” His response shuts me up, but it makes me even more curious about his reply. What part of me does he crave?
He leads us through the sea of tables to one in the far back, where he places the food down and directs me to sit with a look. It’s strange how much he can say without even opening his mouth.
“Why are you smiling?”
“I am?” I question, then school my features.
“I didn’t tell you to stop. I asked you why.” He manages to make his scowl heard through his words as he takes the seat across from me. I wonder if he feels like the chair was made for a child since he dwarfs it.
“I was just thinking.”
“About?” His eyes narrow in a clear sign of suspicion.
“How much you say without words.” I start to pick at my food. “You have all these looks that tell me what you’re thinking, or at least I think they do. You wanted me to sit in this chair, right?”
“Yes, but why is that funny?”
“I don’t think it’s funny.”
“It made you smile,” he reminds me, still expecting an answer.
“I guess I like the idea of knowing what you want without you having to say it.” I lift a shoulder. “I didn’t even realize I was smiling.”
“So long as it was me who made you smile.” He leans back in his chair. I would say he was smug by his tone, but his face doesn’t give that away. If anything, he looks impatient.
“So no smiling for anyone else. Got it,” I tease.
“It seems you can read me, little flower.” His chin drops an inch or two, and the swirling in his eyes becomes almost mesmerizing as he levels me with an intense stare. When he speaks again, his deep voice is pitched low and intimate, despite our surroundings. “What am I thinking now?”
Heat immediately flushes my cheeks, and I’m forced to break eye contact. His chuckle rumbles through me like a physical caress, and I’m not the only one who notices. Several chairs squeak as people turn in our direction. He acts as if he doesn’t notice, but Ziv notices everything, so I know that’s not the case.
“Eat so I can take you away from here.” His voice is still low, but the edge of heat is dampened, making it so I can at least look at him again. I do as I’m told, eating nearly everything on my tray, but I’m not as greedy as I was the first few times I came to the mess. I don’t feel the need to gorge myself because I’m worried I might not get to eat again for days.
I still feel eyes on us as we make our way out of the dining hall, but the moment the doors slip shut behind us, the overwhelming feeling of being watched fades. It’s a relief, and I must make some sort of outward sign of acknowledgment, because Ziv says, “You’ll get used to it.”
“I don’t want to get used to it, but I can handle it as long as it doesn’t keep happening when I’m alone. I swear I keep thinking there’s someone in my room.” I glance at Ziv. “Unless you have some godly way of spying on me.”
“There’s nothing godly about it.” He doesn’t even flinch at the accusation.
“So it has been you. I was thinking I was going insane,” I snap back.
“No, it wasn’t me.”
I stop walking, causing Ziv to stop with me. “I’m so confused. Have you been watching me or not?”
“No, I haven’t been in your room without your knowledge.” I start to feel a bit of reluctant relief, but then I realize maybe I am a little crazy, because I’m certain there’s been someone in my room, but Ziv isn’t done speaking. “But yes, I made sure someone was watching over you when I couldn’t.”
“What? Who?” It’s definitely creepier knowing someone was there and it wasn’t him.
“The demon.”
“I knew he was following me,” I snarl through my teeth. “I thought you wanted to kill him.” Now I’m affronted. He put a male he hates in charge of spying on me while I’m in my room.
“Wanting him dead and using him aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“It will when I explain everything.”
“Feel free to do that anytime,” I encourage. He stands there, looking at me with a blank expression. “I suppose now is not that time?” My tone is utterly flat.
“Correct.”
I spin around, sending my hair flying out behind me in an arc, and stomp toward the direction I think my room is in. Gentle hands grip my shoulders and steer me the other way.
“You could have just told me you didn’t trust me. You didn’t have to sic someone on me.”
“I will never ask for permission to protect you. I would build a wall of bodies in front of you if I thought it would keep you from harm.”
I snarl under my breath, aggravated that his words make it seem like he’s caring for me when he’s probably just trying to control me like everyone else.
“How was he watching me? With a looking glass like downstairs?” I’m not foolish enough to think that was a regular mirror on the wall, not after I found the one my father used to watch me when I thought I was alone.
“No, he never would have gotten to you fast enough if that were the case.” Ziv guides me by my shoulders again when I make another wrong turn.
“So what, he was stationed outside my door?” I whisper after we pass someone in the hall who seems far too old to be a novice.
“No!” There’s an air of finality spoken into the single syllable word I pick up on, even in my anger. He doesn’t want to discuss this now, but I can’t let it go. I feel betrayed.
“All you had to do was tell me. I wouldn’t have put up a stink about it. It’s not like I’m under an illusion about who is in power here, but you could have at least had the courtesy to warn me I wasn’t alone when I thought I was.”
Ziv grabs my arm and spins me around to face him. It’s only then I realize I’ve allowed my hurt to make me rash. It’s not wise to piss off people much stronger than you are. “Sorry,” I murmur before he even opens his thinly pinched mouth.
His nostrils flare once as he exhales heavily, and I flinch away when he lifts his hand. When no hit lands on my face or anywhere else, I peel my eyes open to see him staring down at me with his palm hovering over my cheek. Ever so tenderly, he cups the side of my face. “I wouldn’t—” He seems to struggle for his next words. “Never to hurt you, little flower,” he promises.
“Only to train me?” I question, knowing how far he’s willing to push when we’re in the arena training.
Ziv shuts his eyes on a slow blink but nods. “Anything to make sure you are strong enough to come back to me.”
“You could have told me.”
“I will next time.”
“Are you leaving again?” A different kind of panic wells up in my chest, and I think he can sense it because he steps up, bringing us closer together.
“No, but there are other things I’ve been keeping from you,” he admits.
I take an abrupt step backwards. His warm cherry scent clouds my head when he’s too close, and I need all my wits about me now. “What things?”
“I’ll tell you,” he hedges, not giving any details on what or when he might tell me.
“Not now?” Why do I feel like maybe I don’t want to know what those things are?
“Not now, we need to be alone for that,” he confirms.
I peer around his body, which is blocking my path, then over my shoulder. “Aren’t we alone right now?”
“Never assume.”
I roll my lips in, keeping any additional words and questions to myself for the time being. Without prompting, I resume walking, completely at a loss for where I am or where we’re going. Story of my life.